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#1 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 05:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I decided to start this tribe as I am quite sure I am not the only woman on MDC who's had all her children by c-section, and would like to share with others who can understand how they are feeling.

This thread was created for those who are done having children and had all c-sections and those who will only ever have c-sections (like myself).
This thread is for us to talk about what it is like to not know a natural birth and to mourn what we haven't had and will never have.

It's been 4 months since my third c-section. I experienced a uterine rupture. I will never experience a natural birth and I am really starting to mourn that. I can't seem to come to grips with the fact I am a mother of three beautiful daughters but I didn't see them born, in fact I've never seen a baby born at all. It feels so strange to be a mother but feel this odd sense that you are just playing one because they were sliced out of your body instead of born into your hands. :

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Now I am a WOHM, college student, single mama. praying.gif to be belly.gifbfinfant.gifcd.giffamilybed1.gif, buddamomimg1.png, to a littlebabyf.gifagain someday. stillheart.gif 

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#2 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 08:28 AM
 
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I've had all 3 of mine via c-section.

First one was attempted labor, 'failure to progress'.
Second one was an unsuccessful VBAC.
Third one was scheduled.

I was fully awake for the first two, so I never felt 'less of a mama' or that I had missed out on the birthing experience. BUT, with my last, the spinal wouldn't take and I was knocked out all the way and I totally know what you're coming from there. There were no labor pains, I wasn't awake for his first moments of life (or that whole day actually) and it is a loss.
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#3 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 09:49 AM
 
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Hi! Thanks for starting this tribe. My DD born by c-section in Nov 2003, after 21 hours of intervention-free labour. My chart lists the official reason as "failure to progress". The real story is longer, and I'm not up to writing it all down today!

I was planning a VBAC for DS, who was born in December 2005. Alas, after 10 hours of labour, I experienced true uterine rupture -- two thirds of the old incision was in a window, and the remaining third was opening. Emergency c-section.

Because of that, I've been told I'd have to have a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks with any future babies. I'm sad that I'll never experience birth any other way...but I think we're done having children anyway. I'd like to have another, and my c-sections weren't really all that awful for me...but I don't like the idea of not being allowed to go into labour on my own.
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#4 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 12:48 PM
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I am subscribing for now. Had all of my dc by c-section-3.
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#5 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 02:02 PM
 
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Hi, all.

I had both of my children by csec. My ds was an emergency after 46 hours of active labor and over 6 hours of pushing, while not stuck on my back. With dd we opted for a planned csec after labor started. It took me a long time to process ds's birth. With dd, I was able to plan for it in advance. What's hardest is knowing that I will never experience giving birth the way I had hoped and planned.
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#6 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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All three of my births were c-sections. 1st was FTP after 39 hrs of labor, 2nd was a scheduled elective and 3rd was a failed vba2c attempt after over 36 hrs of labor again.

I really wish I could experience a vaginal birth. Not sure why the urge is so strong because overall my children's births were still wonderful IMO and of course I am happy they were born healthy. I guess I just feel like my body can do this, maybe it just takes a little longer.

to all the mama's that experienced uterine rupture. That was definitely a fear of mine. I'm glad your babies were okay.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
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#7 of 1132 Old 07-21-2006, 03:20 PM
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Both of my boys were c section. With the first, my water broke and labor didnt start, they gave me pitocin, my ds' heartbeat slowed during contractions, and after 24 hours I had only dilated 2 or 3 cms. After the C section, the surgeon said my son would never have made it out, due to my shape and his size. With my second I had a planned CS, but again the Dr (a new one this 2nd time around) told me he would never have made it out, due to my shape and his size. (I had never told her what the first Dr said re the first son not fitting through).

My first birth experience was so disappointing, I still feel like a failure somehow because I "gave in" and ok'd a c section. After my second section, in this past June, my body never started to get rid off all that water they pump you full of, and I was back in the ER the day after I was discharged, with Congestive Heart Failure. It was scary. Again, I am left feeling like perhaps my body was not meant to be pregnant since with both boys I had such complicated births and hard recoveries.

Not to whine, I know there are worse things in the world to experience. But I do feel sad that I wont have a natural birth, ever.
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#8 of 1132 Old 07-23-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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May I join you ladies. I will admit, one of my children was born vaginally, but my last ones were C sections and when/if we have another it will be a section too.
DD#1- Planned UC birth, 12 hrs labor at home, then I suddenly knew something was wrong, had DH call 911, got an epidural half a hour after arriving at hospital, it never quite took the edge off, the "allowed" me to continue to labor with no progress until my BP started bottoming out. Then we finally got some meds into the epidural that worked and off for the emergency section. They almost lost me twice during the section as my bp got down below 60/40. Turns out DD was wedged in my pelvis facing my hip and there was a fibroid near the cervix the size of a softball. The nurse had to push up on her head while the doc pulled her out of the incision. There was no way that kid was coming out past that sucker. Long story short, I was told that any future births would need to be c section with the fibroid there, or I could have surgery to remove it and still have to have all future children by c section. I chose to leave the fibroid since I have never had any other problems from it.
DS#2- Planned C section, moved up 3 days after signs of worsening Pre- e (had severe case with DS #1). I had the worst epidural EVER. Halfway through, I began to feel EVERYTHING! I breathed through the pain (way worse than labor) until I got to see and kiss him, then they put me out while they stitched me up. I threw up constantly for 24hrs after waking up. Had a great nurse though who held DS and helped me nurse when I could barely hold my head up or stop vomiting. She was wonderful!!!
DD#2- Severe HG whole pregnancy, PTL, mild pre-e. Scheduled section again, moved up a week due to worsening pre-e. The surgery went great, but DD had RDS and ended up on a vent at 2 hrs old for three days, and stayed in the hospital for 13 days. Again, great nurses who helped me pump while vomiting from the epidural and meds. I shocked the NICU nurses with how much I was able to pump for DD. There wasn't an official milk donor program, but I was able to leave the excess milk there for babies who needed it most in the NICU. (Even with that, I was able to produce WAY more than DD needed).
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#9 of 1132 Old 07-28-2006, 01:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Now I am a WOHM, college student, single mama. praying.gif to be belly.gifbfinfant.gifcd.giffamilybed1.gif, buddamomimg1.png, to a littlebabyf.gifagain someday. stillheart.gif 

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#10 of 1132 Old 07-28-2006, 11:02 AM
 
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hello all! I had both of my children by c-section. I tried so hard to have my second vag. but it didn't happen. It made me very sad. If I ever got pregnant again I would want a midwife (I had bad hospital experinces) but afraid cause I think I would have to have another Csection. Guess I'll worry about that if and when I get there.

I know that this sounds silly but I kinda felt like a bad mom (a failure right away) cause I couldn't have my kids vag. Had anyone else felt that way? It's just that there are so many c sections these days I wonder if mine, like so many others, could have been avoided. I don't know... I start to get mad when I think about my stay in the hospital. I'm just glad that my two children and I all recovered and are doing great! (I have a 4 and 6 year old)
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#11 of 1132 Old 07-28-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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I'll subscribe to the tribe-I prefer being here than in Birth and Beyond. Both of my children were born via cesarean, and I'm in a space where the means of birth has become less and less significant. Having two back to back miscarriages a year ago has made me so grateful for my daughters-I could now care less what orifice they were pulled/pushed out of! But I'm not minimizing anyone else's experience-it is important to feel all of one's feelings about their experience in order to heal, and it's so hard when it could have been avoided (I know.) When thinking of a third, which I know would be another cesarean delivery, it does however trigger some anger and a sense of powerlessness, which I surrender to and know is out of my hands. I'm here to offer support, positive thoughts and to listen.
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#12 of 1132 Old 07-28-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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Good idea

I've had both my boys by c/s. First I was scared into an uneccessary induction, FTP after 36 hours of labor and only 3cm, scared into a c/s. Second was a planned homebirth VBAC, however after 24hours of hard labor, 2 hours of pushing and baby wasn't moving down, mw said go to hospital, went and pushed for over an hour with no decent, so another c/s. I feel very let down by my mw who, looking back, stopped supporting me at 30wks pg....

i'll have to write more later - nursing babe!

~S~ Mom to W ('04) & D ('05) & in April
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#13 of 1132 Old 07-28-2006, 05:59 PM
 
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Both of mine were csections. The first was an emergency after 12 hours of labor (large, stuck baby in a face presentation), the second was planned, but not scheduled -I labored at home, and then went in for the csection.

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#14 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 01:06 AM
 
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Great idea for a tribe!

Both of my DC were born via c/s.

I "opted" (more like caved under the pressure) for a c/s with DD/2yr after 28 hours of horrible, awful pit induced labor. I was stuck at 7cm (had been there for a few hours) and her heartrate was decelerating quite low during contractions. I **** am not sure if I did the right thing by going with the seciton. My memories surrounding her birth are a sea of "what if"s.

DS/3mo was a planned HBAC. At 42.5 weeks, I took blue & black cohosh to finally jump start labor. I labored naturally at home until I was about 9cm, but I had lots (LOTS!) of mec in my water and his heartrate was dropping quite low, as well. We transfered to the hospital and at that point, although I could have pushed if I wanted to, his hr was dropping to 50 during contractions and I didn't even feel the urge to push, which made me wonder how much longer it would be before he was born. At that point, I opted (truly opted - it was a no/low pressure situation) for a c/s. I am absolutely sure I did the right thing in this scenario. I don't think trying to push him out would have been the best option for his health.

It's difficult to mourn the loss of my birth dreams. They are really some of the only important dreams I've ever had. My DS's birth was somewhat healing for me, in that I was able to experience at least one natural labor (MAN, do I feel empowered after handling those contractions!) and I did not feel railroaded by the medical staff like I did with DD's birth (I actually felt totally listened to, honored and in control the whoile time), but there will always be a piece missing, the piece where I feel the body of my child emerging from my body. And I can never get that back.
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#15 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 01:16 AM
 
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All 4 of my kids were born via section. I'm terrified of birth & frankly sick of hearing that's a poor excuse. Whatever. The only thing bugging me is it limits my ability to have the huge brood I want as I have alot of adhesions and scar tissue. My sections were easy, I had NO pain meds after & with my last went home in less than 24 hrs.!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#16 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 01:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliah79
Good idea

I've had both my boys by c/s. First I was scared into an uneccessary induction, FTP after 36 hours of labor and only 3cm, scared into a c/s. Second was a planned homebirth VBAC, however after 24hours of hard labor, 2 hours of pushing and baby wasn't moving down, mw said go to hospital, went and pushed for over an hour with no decent, so another c/s. I feel very let down by my mw who, looking back, stopped supporting me at 30wks pg....

i'll have to write more later - nursing babe!
Hey! s Aren't you on ICAN? Your name looks familiar.

treehugger.gif Alisaynovax.gif,intactlact.gifUsed to be a fly-by-nursing1.gifcd.giffamilybed2.gif, SAHM to three slinggirl.gif, all by ribboncesarean.gif, then they grew up. mecry.gif

Now I am a WOHM, college student, single mama. praying.gif to be belly.gifbfinfant.gifcd.giffamilybed1.gif, buddamomimg1.png, to a littlebabyf.gifagain someday. stillheart.gif 

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#17 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by rmzbm
All 4 of my kids were born via section. I'm terrified of birth & frankly sick of hearing that's a poor excuse. Whatever. The only thing bugging me is it limits my ability to have the huge brood I want as I have alot of adhesions and scar tissue. My sections were easy, I had NO pain meds after & with my last went home in less than 24 hrs.!
Now come on. Mrs. Kennedy had 13! :

treehugger.gif Alisaynovax.gif,intactlact.gifUsed to be a fly-by-nursing1.gifcd.giffamilybed2.gif, SAHM to three slinggirl.gif, all by ribboncesarean.gif, then they grew up. mecry.gif

Now I am a WOHM, college student, single mama. praying.gif to be belly.gifbfinfant.gifcd.giffamilybed1.gif, buddamomimg1.png, to a littlebabyf.gifagain someday. stillheart.gif 

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#18 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 02:02 AM
 
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Subscribing.

All four of my children were surgically removed from me. I wanted a VBAC ever since my first section....but, it never happened. I'll post more of my story later....

My last one was almost 10 months ago. I was trying for a HBA3C, but the MW I so carefully chose ended up wanting to intervene with my slowly dilating cervix. It was extremely painful...I said no more....let me labor in peace....she didn't agree, so off I went to the hospital. I feel like I was stabbed in the back. I'm still dealing with depression from it.

More later...I need to go to bed!

Hugs to all.....I hate the fact that I haven't birthed my children. I hate it!!!

 

  

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#19 of 1132 Old 07-29-2006, 02:38 AM
 
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I haven't been on MDC for a while now and just thought I would lurk around. I am glad to see this thread. After reading this I can see that other Mom's have felt the same way I have. My first ds was born at 39 wks via c section because the big pillows he was surrounded by (fibroids 1 - five pounds and two smaller ones) were blocking the way out. He was stuck in transverse positon for the last two weeks and could not be moved. It was very upsetting to put my natural birth plan aside and have a cs. I was the last person to hold him as my husband had to take him out of the operating room while they removed the fibroids. My milk didn't come in for three days and the nurses at the hospital didn't have the info to know this would happen and made me feel that if I were to just relax my milk would come in.

G/B twins were born three years later, where my water broke at 37 wks. Due to all the uterine scarring and tearing appearing a vag. was not a possibility. I wasn't allowed any labour time. Ds was born and watched his sister be born. DD had breathing trouble right from the beginning and was away from me for 24 hours in the NICU. I didn't get to even touch her until the next day. My milk took three days to come in.

There are so many more upsetting details I can say about the whole thing but I have started to put these hurts to rest. I was crazy about it for many years. DH and I have decided to stop at three for the sake of my "leftovers". No more pregnancies wrought with uterine danger. Between you and me, I have missed it. Though I was robbed of good vaginal deliveries, I also realize (now, finally) that CS is the only way I could have had my "three" and survived to enjoy them. When I was preg with DS1 I was worrying about the possible section when an older mother told me "that baby is going to come out, one way or the other and once it's born you won't have time to worry about the details!" DS1 is going to be 9 in a few weeks and DT's have just turned 5. The years have gone by so quickly and even though my birthing/breastfeeding days are over I still cherish the memories of those terrific times. sigh.... that is the one thing about CS, they can do a number on your equipment!

thanks for listening and thanks for helping me realize that I feel better about my c sections.
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#20 of 1132 Old 07-30-2006, 09:11 AM
 
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Mommy!Mommy!Mommy! ~"DH and I have decided to stop at three for the sake of my "leftovers". No more pregnancies wrought with uterine danger".~ Yes, we are done as well. My honey and I decieded that if we ever want another child that we could adopt. There are many kids out there that need a loveing family.

How about scars, anyone? I was cut below my hair line so I can barely even see it now (4 years later). I was surprised how small it was to.. about 4or5 inches wide. My mom had a c section with her 5th child and it was about 2or3 times that size. My scar doesn't bother me any... it's my streched out tummy skin I don't like.
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#21 of 1132 Old 07-30-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread. I was starting to think I was the only one on MDC who had c-sections. Had my first after 21 hours of labor when (after my inexperienced nurse traumatized my cervix) my cervix started swelling shut. So baby was not going to come out that way. Long story really. Anyway, I had no support at all for a VBAC, so with my second, I had scheduled c-sec which went very well. Now pg with my third, and I'll have another scheduled c-section. I don't know, I've never felt the pressure to have vag births since my first was born. I sometimes think about how wonderful it would be to deliver my baby right into my arms, but I don't mourn it. My heart breaks for Mamas who feel a loss or incompleteness without a vag birth. I am truly sorry for your loss. I think what has helped me the most through all of it is breastfeeding. Honestly. In my little brain, I feel that through breastfeeding, I am doing more important things for my child than birthing them vaginally. I hope I am not shunned in this group for not feeling guilty about c-sections. Thanks for having me.
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#22 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 12:03 AM
 
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My two were both c/s and the third (TTC soon) will be a planned c/s.

I was induced at 42.5 for fever and never progressed, ending in c/s. Second, I wanted a vbac, but never went into labor, didn't feel comfortable inducing or waiting longer so it was a scheduled c/s at 42 weeks.

I just don't think after two I feel the risk is worth it, next one will probably just be a c/s.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#23 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 07:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Gildson
How about scars, anyone?
My scar is hidden below my hanging belly, so I don't see it. I did have alot of scar tissue after my second one, so when I had my third the doc said they had to remove alot of it inside and 2 inches outside, so I ended up with a tiny tummy tuck.

No complaints about it, except that I have NO feeling below my belly button (I also had a tubalectomy the last time around, and have heard this can be contributed to that also).
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#24 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 10:12 AM
 
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I just don't think after two I feel the risk is worth it, next one will probably just be a c/s.
Actually, the risk after two is almost the same as one. The risk after four is almost the same. Sure, the risk goes up slightly, but not enough for me to hop up on that operating table willingly.

Any one else see that study out by Kaiser about VBAmC? Pretty impressive. Although I think they were a bit optimistic about the ACOG reversing their guidelines about VBAmC. VBAmC study


 

  

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#25 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 10:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Alkenny
My scar is hidden below my hanging belly, so I don't see it. I did have alot of scar tissue after my second one, so when I had my third the doc said they had to remove alot of it inside and 2 inches outside, so I ended up with a tiny tummy tuck.

No complaints about it, except that I have NO feeling below my belly button (I also had a tubalectomy the last time around, and have heard this can be contributed to that also).
I'm lucky in that my skin heals so well that when they did the second c/s the doctor couldn't tell where the first had been. However, its all hidden under the belly so it doesn't do me much good!

I also have no feeling from about halfway between my belly button and my scar down to the scar. However, I haven't had a tubal. That really drives me nuts and the doctor who did the first left me with the impression I might get the feeling back, but it never happened.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#26 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 11:48 AM
 
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I had two planned or scheduled c-sections and I am grateful for them and for my children. A hundred years ago I would have died in childbirth due to the shape of my anatomy. I did want to experience labor pains though and my Dd gave me that experience by putting me into labor 36 hours before her scheduled c-section. My water broke at 11pm one night and I got to be in labor (early labor) for a couple of hours until they did my c-section. It was a nice experience!

I am not sad about my sections at all. Maybe that is because I knew there was no other option for me to have children. I have known that for a long time. It pains me that so many women experience saddness about the births of their children. I guess I would too if that had not been the only method for me.

I am glad someone started this thread. The thread/poll about how long you were in labor depressed me because I could not answer.

I do wish I could have a vaginal birth just because the recovery is so much easier. Both my recovery times were difficult, although the second was much quicker.

I am finished (God willing) having children now. I am grateful that I was able to have the two I have, whatever the method of birth.
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#27 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 12:38 PM
 
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I had two planned or scheduled c-sections and I am grateful for them and for my children. A hundred years ago I would have died in childbirth due to the shape of my anatomy.
Could you elaborate? What do you mean by your "anatomy"?

If it is what I'm thinking, this is the most common excuse sOB's give. It's BS.

Gotta go. Blood pressure rising.

 

  

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#28 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 12:53 PM
 
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yeah, thanks for starting this thread!

My twins sons were born 4 years ago by c-section at 38 weeks. 30 hours of pit induced icky labor with failure to progress. I think I made it to a whopping 4 dialation. My doctor gave me the choice then, and it was difficult but I knew in my heart that they weren't coming out through my vagina! They were both trying to come out at the same time, and were sooooo wedged in there it took some doing just to get the first boy out. In the end it was the right decision and I'm just so darned happy/lucky to have them!

I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my daughter, she will be born by c-section as well on Oct. 10th. I have fertility issues, so again, I'm just feeling lucky and happy to add another member to our family.

All in all, I do get a little wistful at times, knowing that I wont experience natural childbirth. But I also know it's just a small, tiny part of the parenting experience. So I just keep that mantra in mind, it helps!
-Di
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#29 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 02:39 PM
 
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I'm just subscribing for now. I have three kids, all by c-section. I want one more, and if dh agrees (he's not sure if he wants a fourth child or not), I'll be attempting HBA3C. As far as I'm concerned, none of my sections were necessary, especially my last, and I'm incapable of trusting a doctor with respect to birth at this point.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#30 of 1132 Old 07-31-2006, 02:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mightymoo
I also have no feeling from about halfway between my belly button and my scar down to the scar. However, I haven't had a tubal. That really drives me nuts and the doctor who did the first left me with the impression I might get the feeling back, but it never happened.
I had the numbness all three times. With my first two, it was gone within three months (don't remember exactly how long), except for the actual scar itself, which is so skinny that the numbness didn't really register most of the time.

However, this last time...ds1 turned one last Wednesday. My belly's still numb, and I can't feel my bladder. I'm trying to resign myself to never again knowing when I have to pee, but I don't like it much.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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