Why can't people just wait for their baby to make the decision to be born?! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 04:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so frustrated. My SIL's due date is today (healthy pregnancy). SHe is going to the doctor tomorrow to see what they can do about inducing. I have told her all along that first time mothers deliver on average 8 days passed their due date.

Why can't people just wait for their baby to make the decision to be born?!
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#2 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 04:54 PM
 
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Because people today are impatient, don't want to live with discomfort any longer than they "have" to, etc. :

My best friend was begging to be induced BEFORE her due date, and no matter what I said about the dangers of induction, it didn't matter. She was uncomfortable and wanted the baby OUT. And honestly, I really couldn't say much since I've not been there... my baby came at 29 weeks, so I never got to experience the discomforts of late pregnancy. Anyway, after membrane stripping just gave her MORE prodromal labor (which she'd been experiencing since 36 weeks), she got induced at 40w2d. Thankfully, it only took a very low dose of pit, she was able to go pain-drug-free (the doctor actually thought she had an epidural when he came in to deliver the baby, because she wasn't acting like she was in a horrible amount of pain or anything), and her 8.5 lb baby came out healthy as can be. Phew! Another friend had delivered a week or two before that, getting induced 5 days post-EDD, ending up with a failed epidural (when she'd wantd to go natural) - she got the "window" effect, and finally ending in a C-section under GA. They tried a spinal, but it caused her to not be able to breathe, so they had to go to GA. Why was she induced? Because she was 5 days post dates! : : :

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#3 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 05:51 PM
 
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Sometimes it's fear. You get stories at you from all sides about the post-date babies who stopped thriving or were stillborn. There always seems to be someone ready to tell you that at their check up at 40 weeks the baby was fine and 3 days later it had died. ACK!

There's lots of fearmongering all around us as we gestate. It takes a lot of internal strength, and an external support system to not buckle under some times.

Just an alternate thought...

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#4 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mary3mama
Sometimes it's fear. You get stories at you from all sides about the post-date babies who stopped thriving or were stillborn. There always seems to be someone ready to tell you that at their check up at 40 weeks the baby was fine and 3 days later it had died. ACK!

There's lots of fearmongering all around us as we gestate. It takes a lot of internal strength, and an external support system to not buckle under some times.

Just an alternate thought...
I agree. However, in this case my DS was born a year before her DD is going to be born. From the very time I became pregnant and look my Bradley class I have been sharing with her all of the information. She was very interested and asked a lot of questions. Then boom, she got pregnant and choose the drastically different side. Her doctor has already told her she gained too much weight (35 lbs), talked her into all of the after birth procedures, etc.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is the one thing I have been telling her since the beginning is that you are going to go passed your due date so put it into your head that you are not going to give birth until September. A birth that happens naturally is much better than an induced one. So what does she do? Schedule an induction appointment a DAY after her due date!!

I do not understand why people can carry a child 40 weeks, but cannot wait 1 more.

(I understand being "uncomfortable," my DS was 40 weeks and 5 days weighing 9pounds 10 ounces, and I normally weigh 105, so believe me I was uncomfortable)
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#5 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just re-read my post and I sound kind-of crazy, but this really bothers me.

ANother friend of mine just had her baby induced last week and he weighed 5pounds. The doctors said that they messed up the due date by a month. Now the baby is have severe problems bfing.

:
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#6 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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Yeah, I understand. The impatience permeates our culture as deeply as the fear does.

I just met a mama yesterday who had her baby girl on her hip. When she found out I was due in December, we talked about that, since her daughter was born last December. Then she said, "I made them induce me because I was so damn uncomfortable...I figured babies are born all the time before their due date and I was tired of being pregnant." Now, granted, I didn't get the rest of the story, and there may have been much more, but I was floored at that statement.

I continually tell my in-laws that I'm due at the END of December just to keep them at bay. My due date is actually mid-December, and since this is my 4th pg, it's anyone's guess when my daughter will decide to be born.

I truly hope I can be patient and not-too-grumpy as I wait...

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#7 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think so much of it is positive thinking.

Instead of thinking,

"I wish he would just come out!"

I would think,

"I cannot wait to meet my little boy."

And when people would ask me, "I bet you are ready to pop him out!" I would say, ""Not really, I just am excited to meet my little boy."
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#8 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:14 PM
 
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Because they don't realize how bad an induction really is and don't see any reason to suffer any more. Why bother, you know?
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#9 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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:

...even though I have tried to enlighten them
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#10 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 07:32 PM
 
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I personally do not understand why women would want to subject themselves to induced labour if there was no medical reason. Of course, there are women who have elective c-sections, and I can't see why someone would choose major abdominal surgery over childbirth, but that's just me.

It makes me so sad to hear about babies coming to harm from unnecessary induction.

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#11 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 08:34 PM
 
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: to everything said already. Ugh, I can't believe how selfish some people can be. You'd think they would want the best for their babies by waiting & hopefully avoiding unnecessary interventions & complications from those. WHY can't women educate themselves instead of worrying about brand-name clothes & which diet they can go on ASAP after the birth??

Due dates should be obsolete. It should be a "due month" instead of "due date". I tell everyone who asks what my EDD is, and I say around Christmas time.

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#12 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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When people asked when my baby was due, I always said "End of February or March sometime." They usually didn't push for an exact due date, since they were probably just trying to figure out how pregnant I was, and it kept me from reciting my EDD like some sort of established fact. Just a little psychological game I played with myself to keep me from getting too impatient.
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#13 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 08:48 PM
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Induced labor is really painful and I can't understand why anyone would choose it without a medical reason.

I'm hoping this baby will come between 37 and 40 weeks because I'm already HUGE at 18 weeks, but I won't be forcing it out early.
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#14 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just called her and suggested Evening Primrose Oil the soften her cervix. I told her the babies brain and organs are still developing and she said, "No their not, she's finished."

UGGGGHHHHH
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#15 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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I am so sorry. Who told her that?
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#16 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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I would also say- plan for your baby to be overdue- if not- those extra weeks are sooooo dreadful!
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#17 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just do not understand any of it.

SHouldn't doctors put into consideration of first time mothers going passes their due dates by 8 days?!

It seems like it would be psychologically beneficial.
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#18 of 73 Old 08-24-2006, 11:01 PM
 
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they think the placenta ages- is my understanding.

think og it this way tho- it is probally more a scheduling thing.
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#19 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 09:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie
I would also say- plan for your baby to be overdue- if not- those extra weeks are sooooo dreadful!
Great point!!!
Sometimes mamas recite their due date in their heads when they are miserable, I think, and when that one specific date comes and goes...they are lost.

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#20 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 10:07 AM
 
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But due dates are a guarantee that you'll have your baby by then, if it hasn't then something is severely wrong with your body *roll eyes*

I just do not understand why people *expect* their babies to come BEFORE their arbitrary "due date".

My c/s was because of a failed induction at 39wks due to a highly overexaggerated case of mild "PIH". Learned my lesson the hard way as so many others do...they most take it as "my body can't birth" and schedule their repeat sections.

I HATE DUE DATES!!!! I wish they didn't exist. They aren't even scientificly based.
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#21 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 12:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel
Induced labor is really painful and I can't understand why anyone would choose it without a medical reason.
.
Because women in our culture don't know any other way. Intervention-filled hospital births and "life saving" c-sections (you know, the ones that are necessary because of the interventions) are the norm. Doctors are trusted blindly, no one questions them. So how can these women even dream of anything different when this is all they know?
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#22 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 01:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Sweeties1Angel
Induced labor is really painful and I can't understand why anyone would choose it without a medical reason.
anecdotal evidence..."a friend's of my neighbour had an induction and the baby was there 2 hours later and it felt just like normal labour, no biggie....*yadayadayada*"
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#23 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 01:59 PM
 
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You know, I am a rational person. Usually. I know all the pros and cons of inductions (like, if a baby isn't doing well on the inside due to a medical reason, then an induction is a good thing to get the baby out.... but usually, an induction isn't such a great idea)

I chose my midwives based on their slow, laid back ways. They don't induce until sometime between 42-43 weeks, if then.

But, today is my due date. I'm sure of my dates, as I charted for 2+ years to get pregnant.... And, if someone offered me induction today, I would be VERY hard pressed not to jump at the chance.

At this point, I'm tired of not knowing. Is today the day? Tomorrow? Next week? When is this baby coming? I'm tired to getting excited over a run of contractions, only to see them taper off. I'm tired of seeing mucus, and thinking, oh boy, soon...then realizing I've seen mucus for a week.

So, anyway, I can totally see why women cave. Luckily, I had the forethought, back when I was rational, to pick midwives that I trust and that aren't going to offer. That keeps me going. And keeps me pregnant!

But, the temptation is certainly there. Especially when "everyone" you know had an induction and everything was fine.
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#24 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 02:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I have the hardest time understanding why she doesn't drink coke or coffee, eats all organics, etc, etc, but then will allow pitocin to be fed to her developing baby all because it is more comfortable for her.

Today I found out she is waiting to induce until next Thursday, but will do it then early in the morning because she "doesn't want a September baby."
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#25 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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Today I found out she is waiting to induce until next Thursday, but will do it then early in the morning because she "doesn't want a September baby."
wtf? wow...
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#26 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 02:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyofmany
Due dates should be obsolete. It should be a "due month" instead of "due date". I tell everyone who asks what my EDD is, and I say around Christmas time.
: I'd like to see it go so far as a "due season".

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#27 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yup, and I encouraged her to get a doula and she said she wants the deliver to be just between her and her husband, um what about the other 10 nurses that come in and doctors and epidural guy...

HEre is a quote from the last email,

"* and I talked about it and really just want the delivery to be just us. Please know that we thank you so much for all your help during the past few months and all your knowledge as well, I hope you know how helpful it has been!!!"

I do not understand how my knowledge has been helpful if she hasn't listened to A SINGLE THING.

(sorry getting my anger out)
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#28 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 03:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Orion'smommy
yup, and I encouraged her to get a doula and she said she wants the deliver to be just between her and her husband, um what about the other 10 nurses that come in and doctors and epidural guy...

HEre is a quote from the last email,

"* and I talked about it and really just want the delivery to be just us. Please know that we thank you so much for all your help during the past few months and all your knowledge as well, I hope you know how helpful it has been!!!"

I do not understand how my knowledge has been helpful if she hasn't listened to A SINGLE THING.

(sorry getting my anger out)
I just had to comment that it sounds like she is probably being tolerant of your "crazy" ideas. She must really value her friendship with you. Imagine her saying what you are saying now "I can't understand her"

To be honest, I think people trust their care providers so they believe what they say. I trusted my midwife so had she said "Oh let's induce, baby will be fine" I probably would have been tempted. Of course, she wouldn't have- that's why she's my midwife
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#29 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 03:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand. I honestly have never pushed anything on her though. I have been really good about being understanding. I am posting my feelings here, because I feel so frustrated that people and doctors make these decisions and believe that they are making the correct decisions.

This is the only place I can vent without people thinking I am "crazy."

She is a good friend and sister, and I know she values us.
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#30 of 73 Old 08-25-2006, 03:21 PM
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Oh no, I didn't mean to imply you pushed anything on her I have been the "crazy" one who is tolerated by others. She has probably learned a lot from you that she never would have even thought of.

I actually remember my Bradley teacher saying she thought I should have a doula. I always brushed it off because I wanted to have "just me and my husband" and ten nurses and the janitor and the cook and.... I sure wish I would have taken her advice!
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