MIL wants to hold the baby within minutes of birth - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
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#91 of 99 Old 01-21-2007, 03:32 PM
 
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I agree with everybody. It's a 100% unreasonsable request, and hopefully she wasn't serious.
Since she's babysititng, you can't forget to tell her about labor- but you sure can delay the call to announce the baby was born! and you know, you'll honestly be so distracted by the baby and cleaning up, the first hours after birth aren't well suited to phone calls and visotoors anyway. Like, say you delvier in the morning, you could call her after lunch and tell her you're about to nap but it would be good if she came with DD about dinnertime. (edit acording to the delay YOU desire at that time. you can't know now what that will be)

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#92 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 05:13 PM
 
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Love this thread.

I'm due in a week or so, and am glad my dh and I tackled this same issue head-on weeks ago. When baby-crazy, sweetly-selfish MIL mentioned the expected call during labor so she could get to the hospital, we told her--and my family as well--that we're going to be too busy to make phone calls during labor. And after baby arrives we're going to be busy bedding-in for a week to bond, recoup and get accustomed to breastfeeding. After that week, we'll welcome visitors. And we'll welcome gifts of food.

MIL didn't like our plan so much, but that's how it is. They get a call a few days after birth, and then we'll arrange a day they can come visit. Period. (The hospital offers a line of defense as well--an approved visitor list. Nobody's name is on ours, so even if she figured it out, she's not coming in.)

BTW, this is the same woman who would call and say "How's *my* baby doing? I can't wait to see *my* baby!" Her choice of pronouns would make my blood absolutely boil. When she said these things to my dh, he would say "I'm fine mom...Oh, you meant *our* baby? He's fine, too." I love that man. MIL has stopped with the "my."
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#93 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 07:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by peacetoyou77 View Post
BTW, this is the same woman who would call and say "How's *my* baby doing? I can't wait to see *my* baby!" Her choice of pronouns would make my blood absolutely boil. When she said these things to my dh, he would say "I'm fine mom...
Your dh is a gem!
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#94 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 07:45 PM
 
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Well, I may be weird, but I had my MIL and my FIL as well as several of my close friends present at my youngest's hospital birth. The more the merrier.

I liked having multiple people (my friends and husband) there to advocate for me and interpret/explain me to the hospital staff. The nurses were great at getting my ILs out of there when they got pushy, but my husband and friends were ready to handle them too.

My labor was long, I wanted to hold my baby but I was half dead. I let everyone have a turn with me getting every other turn and trying to get him started nursing. It was great. One of my friends went out and got me food too, at 1am because the hospital had nothing but toast and popsicles at that hour and I was STARVED after a 14 hour labor.

Its funny, I am very private about my body, only not in regards to birth and BFing. My sis told me, having had her first before I did; "Seriously, let the inlaws come. Believe me, in the middle of all that, I wouldn't have cared if the Oakland raiders had come in!" She is really funny, and turned out to be right about it.

All that aside, you need to do what's right for you and yours. Just know that things rarely go as planned and you might end up being glad she is there to hold the little one for a bit... stranger things have happened. Best of luck to you!!!
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#95 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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Absolutly not! You are being perfectly reasonable in wanting to wait on passing you newborn around. Those first few minutes, even hours are sacred and they are for mommy and daddy only! If your MIL persists, try passing the burden off on your provider..."Sorry, my midwife/doc really wants to limit outside contact for the first few hours." Good luck!
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#96 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 08:25 PM
 
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OK, this may not work for you but here's what we did with my parents/IL's for my first child's birth:

We said anyone who wanted to could be in the hospital waiting room. Shortly after birth dh brought out digital photos of dd. We had an hour or so by ourselves and then invited my mom and MIL in. (my dad was at work and FIL was not in good health so didn't want to hang out at the hospital)

The photos kept them happy until we were ready to have visitors. Of course these are people we have a good realationship with and who respect boundaries, your milage may vary.

We told everyone in advance that this is how it would be so there were no surprises.

Mom to (5) (9)
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#97 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 11:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by cchrissyy View Post
I agree with everybody. It's a 100% unreasonsable request, and hopefully she wasn't serious.
Since she's babysititng, you can't forget to tell her about labor- but you sure can delay the call to announce the baby was born! and you know, you'll honestly be so distracted by the baby and cleaning up, the first hours after birth aren't well suited to phone calls and visotoors anyway. Like, say you delvier in the morning, you could call her after lunch and tell her you're about to nap but it would be good if she came with DD about dinnertime. (edit acording to the delay YOU desire at that time. you can't know now what that will be)
That's what we ended up doing we just didn't call her, it didn't even cross my mind we were so busy enjoying the moment. He was born at 9 am and i think she called around 11 to ask if the baby had been born yet. She came to visit that afternoon so we had several, uninterupted, blissful hours of bonding
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#98 of 99 Old 01-22-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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YEAH!!!!!!! Congrats and good for you!
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#99 of 99 Old 01-23-2007, 03:12 AM
 
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Wonderful! so glad it worked out!

Lisa~Was Aspiring Midwife~Now-AAMI Midwifery Student #2020~Mama to Zackery 3/29/96, Drake 9/22/01, and Selina 10/26/03...and here was the link to my new blog
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