1. The pregnancy has been awful since day 1. (uncomfortable, sick, etc)
2. I never wanted twins and still am not sure how I'll handle two babies in addition to my two kids. I thought by now (37 weeks) I'd have come to terms with it- I haven't.
3. I didn't really think I would get pg when we tried. We had tried for so long and for so hard that I had finally moved on and liked my life with two children. I finally had some time for me. But my dp wasn't ready, so we gave it one last go and hit the jackpot!: I cried when we got the bfp.
Now I am scared that labor and delivery will go poorly because I'm not really looking forward to caring for two infants. I'm worried about nursing twins in public (which was not something I gave a second thought to with my other kids.) I'm not excited about meeting these babies and am also worried about ppd, since I've already been depressed for 8 months. I looked forward to labor with my other kids, not unlike one looks forward to a competition or race- a challenge with a reward at the end.
So- what do you think the connection is between difficult labors and a mom who is not attached or already loving the child(ren) to be born? I sometimes wonder if this pg has been so uncomfortable for entirely psychological reasons, kwim? Medically it has been just fine. Any advice? The last thing I need to add to this whole thing is an emergency c-section.
Thanks for listening to me cry.
Me. With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.
I was scared because we found out I was pregnant as we were moving to Germany, and had just found out DH was deploying to a war zone for a year. DS was NOT planned, and I wasn't sure I wanted him at all. It does make it harder, but be easy on yourself.
Find someone to talk to. When the babies come, get yourself some help and a little sleep.
Beating yourself up will only make everything harder. You will do just fine. We find the strenght when we need it, as long as we don't convince ourselves otherwise!!
BTW, I know it sounds pretty bad, but I think DS1 might be my favorite now!!
And you know what? My labor/birth with DS2 was far better/easier than my labor/birth with DS1. And he's an easier child to parent, and a total mama's boy.
So I'd say, don't sweat it.
my mom convinced me it was time to grow up and my life is a million times better because she did. but i was NOT attached to the idea of being a mama at all! i was scared of giving up my autonomy and didn't even have any real plans for after he was born.
when they put him in front of me after the birth i was like, "what do i do now?"
my birth went awesomely though and i think once they're here you'll be oh so glad they are.
but, be very aware of ppd!!! talk to your midwife about what to do to combat that and be proactive just in case.
Fast forward ahead: we researched doing UC, and for the last few months, EVERYTHING has been about the UC event. I can't think of anything else. The pool, the water, the food, the kids, the pain, the emergency plan, the checklist, etc.
Plus, it's been difficult.
- I haven't felt well and I have had to take it easy.
- I have gotten FATTER than ever before.
- I am honestly worried about post-partum depression.
- I have no family to speak of, my mother passed a year and 1/2 ago.
- I will not be able to go back to school for a while now, and I was so close!!
- I really thought I was THROUGH breastfeeding! I was making plans to get them reconstructed! : And more diapers! Oh no!
BUT, I think none of that is going to matter when I meet her for the first time.
I am sure this is the way it will be for you too.
There are many other reasons I won't list, our ages being one of them (I'm in my 30's, he's in his 50's) but there are many many reasons why it's a glorious thing too.
Her birth was long, painful and difficult.
So, no, I do not think that attachment to unborn babies will mean a rough birth. I think your feelings about giving birth, the process itself, could have more of an impact. If you think it will be awful you might set your self up to experience it that way, KWIM?
Take good care of yourself Momma. I know exactly what you mean about getting pregnant after trying for so long and mentally moving on. That is what happened to e. I feel much less attached to this baby. I am counting on the oxytocin boost at birth to make me fall madly in love and all will be well.
One happy momma to a very spirited little girl , her tough little brother , and a happy little suprise late April 2012 . Wife to an overworked and under paid husband .
I had severe pregnancy and postpartum depression with DS1, he was an "accident" all pregnancy I struggled with guilt over not actually wanting him and somehow could not feel any warmth for him while I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant too, everything about it. However I had a really fast and easy birth and afterward no bonding issues even though I had ppd for about 15 mos.