It hopefully will get better, give yourself time to work through it. And don't be afraid to feel what you feel.
I think what you are feeling is competly normal. I have given birth 7 times and you know what? I feel terrified to get pg, when I am pg I am terrified of giving birth. I think I drive dh nuts constantly asking him if I can do it. I say over and over and over, I can do this, I can do this. I have had 2 very painful births, where I forgot I was giving birth the pain was so bad. There is no one word to describe how painful it was. I wished for death. I have talked to other women who say the same thing. Its nothing you did wrong. No amount of preparing can help you deal with some pain. I will give you some encouragment and say not every birth is going to be that painful. I have had virtually pain free births before. But its those painful ones that make me crazy. I decided that I couldnt let fear make my decisions for me so I did go on to have more kids but it doesn't mean I am all confident. No, even when I realize I am in labor I get scared. This last time I nearly had a panic attack when my water broke. I calmed myself down, and then got down to the business at hand but omg the fear is almost as bad as the pain! It paralizes you, you can't think straight. You are not broken, you are a normal momma. And you are definetly not alone.
I think at this point I'm resigned to the idea of another painful birth. I'm hoping it isn't like that, but I recognize that it could be as painful or more painful than when I gave birth to dd. Sometimes I still have moments of panic. I'm 21 weeks right now. Planning a homebirth and hoping for a better experience, but I also understand completely why someone would have an epidural. Last time, when we went to the hospital, I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I told dh if I had a long ways to go I was getting an epidural. I had already been in excruciating pain for about 7 hours at that point and couldn't manage another 6 or 7 hours. (All I had to do was push, so no epi.)
You're only two months from the experience now. It will get better. It won't fade into nothing, the way a lot of women say it does - because I think when you have an exceptionally painful birth it's seared in your memory. It's not going to go away. You'll always remember that it was very painful.
But I think there's also no guarantee for future births. They may be the same . . . they may be better. For me, despite the pain, I still feel NCB is worth it, and more dc are worth it. I'm perfectly willing to say that I hate NCB. I do it for the other benefits - less risk of injury, less risk of epidural-related or other complications, etc. I do not do it because I find anything appealing about the experience itself.
Give yourself time to work through this. It's not an easy thing, especially when you're well-prepared and expect pain or acknowledge the possibility of pain but not unmanageable or unbearable pain. I felt like my body had betrayed me in many ways, and that many of the NCB books I'd read had also lied to me/betrayed me. That level of pain was simply not manageable. And it wasn't short-lived, either - the extremely painful part of my birth was 8 hours long.
Health and healing to you. Time and reflection will help.
is pain relief in the next labor out of the question for you? i had an epidural with DD because the pain was so intense, and it was a wonderful experience. i know there's a lot of debate about the safety of an epidural, but i have researched it thoroughly, and i fully believe that all of the risks are to the mom, not the baby. and, risks to the mom are very small. i'm absolutely not afraid of labor pain with #2, because i know if it's really bad again, i have the option of pain relief.
My second labor was completely pain-free until I got to transition-- way different than the first time. The whole thing was relatively short and easy. I would DEFINITELY use HypnoBabies again.
♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥
I've felt so disconnected from my body, and traumatized. I wasn't afraid going into it and was very confident, but yes, it was 'ing painful!
Yesterday I took out an old self-hypnosis CD "Get more joy out of Sex-female" and it helped immediately in me feeling warm and more connected to my body and vagina again.
I've had issues with sex since giving birth because of the trauma.. I just hadn't felt the same on many levels, but its getting better the more I try and work through it.
Anyways, I'm committed to doing this CD again for a week or month,however long, but it really helped. I just plugged this guy yesterday on this forum, he's awesome! There might be other CD's of his that are more appropriate for you, but I'm broke (even though they're only $20) and this one has already gotten me to feel good again. I think he might have some for PTSD.
DH and I only want to have one child, he's getting a vasectomy next month, so I'm actually relieved that I won't go through it again. Its the most amazing expereince, but once is good for me
Luckily I was home, or you bet I would've had an epi! I will never judge a woman who gets an epi after my birth.
I had an epidural for my 5th and make no apologies. I knew the chances of a brutal birth happening again probably weren't high, but I needed it psychologically, to calm down. I had a beautiful birth.
Not sure what I'll do this time around, but I will respect my emotional needs as well as my physical.
While it looks like those in a hospital had a much higher rate of horribly painful births, if you take each section (homebirth, birth center, hospital) in isolation the rates of horrible pain are 32% 33% and 40% respectively. So there is not tremendous discrepancy, and the average is 35%.
I think this is probably what the chances of being hit with a horribly painful birth are (35%). Some births are just more painful than others... otherwise there's no explanation for why the same woman could handle some of her births but not others. Same woman, same pain threshold.
♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥
i never did go to the hospital although i was a really huge baby when i was in labor. i just kept reminding myself a million times over that the amount of time i would be in labor to birth my baby was such a small amount of time compared to the amount of time i would live that i could get through it. and i did
i just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your fear.
Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids.
I think that's where I failed - I wasn't prepared to want to die, so when I did I was traumatised. I had an epidural then, and I did need it, but I'm still hoping that next time I can out-think the pain and not get drugs.
I'm 2+ years out, and going to have to go through it again in a month or two, and I dread the thought, but am trying to stick very hard to the "it won't kill me" philosophy. I can't really remember exactly how bad it was, except that gas pains and muscle cramps make me laugh now, which helps.:
|I had studied a lot about the effects of deep relaxation, emotional calm-- the kind that takes months of practice, you can't just think "oh I need ot be calm" which is how I went into my first birth-- and possibly most importantly, positioning of the baby. I worked on positioning of the baby a LOT the second time.|
But I will say that my first period cramps postpartum had me on the floor FREAKING out. It felt sooo much like early labour and I didn't realize that I was kinda post-tramatic about it. I still take drugs the second I feel cramps coming on to avoid thinking about it.
Mother to a wonderful 4 year old boy born March 2007 who was once and still
Starting once more from the beginning and expecting a surprise someone in September
Heck, I would have taken a hit of crack if someone had offered it to me during transition!
And by "transition", I mean all SEVEN HOURS of it......:
My next birth was acutely painful due to complications but the hypnosis allowed me to stay calm and breathe for my baby and I think I was probably still more comfortable than I would have been if I didn't have my hypnosis background. I'm very grateful that I was able to stay present enough to tune into my instincts and figure out what the safest thing would be. The mind-numbing pain could have completely consumed me if I had let it and I believe that would have negatively impacted the outcome of the birth. My baby and I were fine even though probably most people would have insisted on an immediate c-section. I knew I could birth her quickly and safely by tuning in to my body, which the hypnosis allowed me to do. And that's exactly what I did.
My last birth wasn't totally pain-free but 22.5 out of 24 hours is still great and I was so thankful to be able to take a nap at 8 cm, completely comfortable.
I don't think it's at all "broken" to think pain sucks. I certainly think it does!
Homeschooling Mom of 5 dds
Planning my fifth natural birth using Hypnobabies for baby boy coming in June 2012!
I know what you mean. I also thought that birth was overwhelming. I had taken Bradley Method classes to prepare for my son's birth, and they helped me get through the labor. It was still very painful, though. After a year and a half, we decided to have another baby. I got pregnant again, and I miscarried. By the time I conceived my daughter, I was ready to go to hell and back to have a second child - so I was ready for the pain mentally, but not emotionally. Then we decided to look towards the Bradley method teaching again. I retook the classes and training. There are exercises that they teach (which I did not do faithfully with my first pregnancy) and relaxation techniques that are important in reducing the cycle of pain. Sometimes it isn't enough just to read and have a meditation/ pain handling plan. It is better to work to be physically fit and ready for the birth, and to teach your body to consciencly relax and work with the contractions rather than around them. I'm not trying to sell you on any classes. I would just encourage you to look at the book "Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth" by Susan McCutcheon and consider doing some physical training before your next birth. My daughter's birth was still intense, but it went much quicker (a benefit of a consecutive pregnancies) and I had more physical endurance than with the first birth because I was faithful at actually training months in advance with tailor sitting, squatting, pelvic rocking, kegels, etc. I hope that helps. I really know what you are going through Congratulations on making it through your first birth and on your new baby!
I remember reading your birth story and thiking wow that sounds hard, but I don't think you had had the time to process it yet. Your first time was rather a whirlwind too, wasn't it? I had so been hoping for this time to be the peaceful and amazing experience that we all deserve/want/hope for, because I think I know how much you have invested in it... I know how much I invested in preparing for #2 so I can imagine(-; And from what I remember, you had a lot stacked against you to be in the ideal environment/situation-- plus you know almost too much about things but birth is somewhat about the unknown and letting go of control/what you know.
Just know you are an amazing woman to have birthed two beautiful babies and that your experience is YOURS in all that was wonderful and all that was challenging and all that is to be. Maybe your birth story just hasn't ended yet?
(who's been meaning to see how you were doing anyways)
Dh, Joshua Rebeccaand . for Laura
I was in transition for 14 hours, it sucked. We transfered for an epidural. I will say the ability to labor as long as I did at home kept me from a cesarean. The ability to labor with an epidural at the hospital kept me from a cesarean too. At that point I realized why there are epidurals. Sometimes you need one.
When my 10 min. of transition hit the second birth I said "ahhhhhhh, this feels like labor #1 did for all of those hours - I WASN'T a wuss!!!". It was healing. As was the book Birthing From Within. I had to give myself permission to feel all the feelings I had before I had that second baby. And even to this day I say, "I can do 38 hours or less for sure" b/c I did it. I don't want another impossibly hard labor... but at least I know I can do it.
Give yourself time, it will get better.
Mama to 4 amazing little people, another little expected 3/6/12!
Avid Unassisted Birth supporter/Mama
I don' think it's just a random thing-- I don't know if that's what meowee was saying, though. There's a reason my second birth was so much shorter and easier. I had studied a lot about the effects of deep relaxation, emotional calm-- the kind that takes months of practice, you can't just think "oh I need ot be calm" which is how I went into my first birth-- and possibly most importantly, positioning of the baby. I worked on positioning of the baby a LOT the second time. The baby's head needs to be evenly lined up over mama's cervix to ensure a quick, less painful or painless, and efficient labor. And yet, most women don't know much about fetal positioning-- I was clueless about it the first time around. If you don't know much about fetal positioning, then labor could be a crap shoot.
My most brutal birth was my most studied for and well prepared-for birth. Home waterbirth, herbs, most of labor alone, a midwife everyone swooned for.
There is indeed an element of chance. I resent it when people say, "Oh, if you have just done ___ or ___ like I did." There is no guarantee.