"Cmon! Push push push push annnnd breathe! You can do it!!!" - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-01-2007, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've never given birth (I'm a stepmom) but I watched one of those birth shows the other day and I wonder how on earth anyone can do anything, let alone something as big as giving birth, with 527 people in the room all yelling at her to push or to breathe or whatever. I'm picturing myself in that situation screaming at everyone to GTFO.

So, to those of you with experience...did you have coaching of any sort? MW? Partner? A full OB team? Was it useful to you?

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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Old 12-01-2007, 11:38 PM
 
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Given birth twice with no counting-type coaching. I don't know how they do it either. With my first, after I pushed, my midwife would say "good, you're doing great" or something along those lines, but not telling me when to push... the second, he came out so fast they were encouraging me to NOT push (just breathe him down) so I didn't tear. I think if someone started coaching me like that, I'd probably kick them or tell them to shut up.

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Old 12-02-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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DS was a hospital birth and the entire 15 minutes I pushed until he came out, I was basically yelled at that I was doing it wrong. : It wasn't very encouraging, I know that. As far as motivating me, I don't think it did much either.
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Old 12-02-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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I had midwives and my body was starting to labour dd down....I was pushing on my side which felt strangely great...body just pushing her down by itself...when baby'sr heartrate went too low and care was transferred to an OB. When the OB took over it was the coached pushing. Gosh I wanted to kick him in the face to shut him up! It exhausted me and I hated it. The only positive thing that came of it was that the OB focussed me and I was actually pushing more productively when he was there in my face, because at least I was getting feedback. I also knew if he wasn't pleased with my pushing he was going to use foreceps or vaccum or c-sec, none of which I wanted! I pushed doing the count to 10, hold your breath, repeat 3-4x per contraction for 2 hrs while lying on my back with my knees up, and burst all the blood vessels in my face and eyes. I had red eyes and a purple beard for days. Gawd I hated it.

I am hoping this next one is different.... :

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Old 12-02-2007, 01:37 AM
 
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With DD1 I had a hospital birth and there was that terrible pushing direction/coaching....I hated it and it did not work well for me.
With dd2 and dd3 my two homebirths, no directed pushing and they were both born just fine, ironically no tearing with either of them, so i guess my body figured it out without being told what to do!

Nancy, Mom to Kyra (2005), Zoe (2006), Callie (2007) (2008), and Xavier (2009)
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Old 12-02-2007, 02:12 AM
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I forbid coaching. No coaching, no counting.

When I had my first dd in 2001, I informed the hospital nurses of this and they said "oh, of course." They offered a lot of encouragement ("you're doing great" "you're almost there" "that was a huge push" "I can see more and more of the head, do you want a mirror?") and IMO they did a great job not coaching.

When I had my second dd this summer (different city, different hospital), I also told the hospital nurses not to coach. It was a much faster labor, and correspondingly more intense, and I yelled a lot - I told people not to touch me, not to tell me the baby's sex, not to touch me, not to bring the monitors near me, and not to touch me. I pushed dd out in 20 minutes of active pushing on my side while the hospital staff stood there quietly. I vaguely recall that one or two of them looked shocked. I don't feel like they did as good a job not coaching, not because they tried counting or telling me when to breathe, but because they didn't say or do anything that was useful to me. They might have tried, but I was preoccupied at the time and I didn't notice.

I liked the first experience better, but in all honesty, it was a slower, less intense labor.
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Old 12-02-2007, 02:37 AM
 
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I tuned out everything with DD#1's birth. I seriously have no idea if the were coaching me or not. If they were, it didn't register. I also don't remember who was in the room besides my sister and DH. I pushed 30 minutes with her.

DD#2 took 2 pushes. No one had time to say anything
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:23 AM
 
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First birth was with an epidural and coaching...I needed the coaching because I couldn't feel a thing...

Second birth was natural and with a different kind of coaching. My dh and doula were with me, as was the nurse. They were great. "you're doing it, you're doing great," etc. I didn't need anyone to tell me to push...there was no way I could have not pushed!

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Old 12-02-2007, 12:57 PM
 
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Never been there but I imagine I'd go postal. Just watching that on TV irritates the heck out of me.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 12-02-2007, 01:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
So, to those of you with experience...did you have coaching of any sort? MW? Partner? A full OB team? Was it useful to you?
I chose a homebirth with a hands- off midwife and one reason was to avoid absurdity like that.

No cheerleading is needed to birth a baby.

-Angela
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Old 12-02-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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no direct experience, but at my best friend's birth recently, at a fsbc, no one told her to push. there was some "coaching" in the way of us saying in hushed tones 'you're doing great' 'follow your body' 'it's almost over' 'this is the hardest part' while she was feeling pushy on the toilet, and when she moved to the birth stool it was very quiet, no one barking orders or anything like that. mw was very hands off, and really just held out her hands and caught the baby (I LOVE that!) because dad didn't want to. I don't think the mw ever said more than a couple of things, she was quietly supportive and let my friend labor in her own way.

I don't think I'd be able to work effectively with a bunch of people screaming at me.
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Old 12-02-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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No coaching. The midwives helped me get an idea HOW to push (curl around your belly, don't tense your shoulders or your face, try to push with the contraction) and told me when I was doing well and how the baby was decending, but no "Hold your breath, count to ten" BS. Which is good, because I probably would have drowned them in the birth pool if they'd tried.

Spending all of my money and time on this wild, wild life.
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Old 12-02-2007, 03:50 PM
 
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I had 2 hospital births.

With the first, dh did coach me thru pushing. I pushed for 3.5 hours, and at the end I was relying on his energy (You can do it! Push!) to get me through. It really helped.

With the second, the baby came out FAST once he turned...so there was no coaching of pushing. But he was posterior, so I needed to shift positions before pushing to turn him. I was in great pain from his position, and I had no idea what to do (my body wasn't giving me any clues, lol), so the nurses had to show me exactly how to position myself for him to turn. It worked...he turned....and then he came flying out! lol!

For both births, dh, ob, and at least one nurse were present--but there was never a chorus of coaching. The ob tended to stand and watch and maybe comment between ctx, the nurse would quietly comment on the progress or a possible change in position, and dh would be focused on me (coaching if that was helpful).
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:07 PM
 
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My ob and nurse at my hospital vbac were great about saying what a great job I was doing and they all took cues from dp about reminding me to breathe and not hyperventilate. They really seemed genuinely proud of me and in awe of what they were seeing! My dp would have jumped all over them if they would have tried to coach me in pushing!

My birthcenter vbac midwife got very firm with me when I whined that I cant do this and she said very firmly that I could and I was and just take a moment to breathe. I was shocked out of my pitty party and took her advice She also encouraged me to touch the head coming out so I could gauge my own pushing and feel the progress I was making and that helped tremendously as well!

I remember not being able to sweetly say anything and that talking was so hard that everything came out in one or two word sentences and if anyone would have tried to coach I know I would have shouted to shut up!
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:17 PM
 
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I had two homebirths so I didn't have to contend with intrusive and non-evidence-based practices like coaching. My doula was a pain at my first birth and seemed to feel the need to direct me (now get in the tub, now drink, now eat, now moan less high-pitched, "good job", etc.) so I ditched the doula at my second and ended up having a UC, which was great. And no, I didn't yell at anyone--IME, it's hard to yell at people while you're in labor, especially if they're acting as if they'rebeing helpful. I think the key is a supportive birth team. Oh, and dh did do the "good job" thing with my first birth but we discussed it at length afterwards and he didn't do it during my second (I think some people like the "good job" thing but I found it immensely annoying).
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:18 PM
 
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None either time. I'd have been really annoyed!

Laura, CBE and mom to Maddiewaterbirth.jpg ( 06/03/04) & Graceuc.jpg (  09/10/06)
 
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:27 PM
 
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Very interesting question! I had a natural birth and only spent the last hour at the hospital -- I showed up ready to push, had to wait for the OB for 30 minutes, then pushed for 30 minutes. Those were the WORST 30 minutes of an otherwise magnificent labor.

Afterward, my doula said the OB had been like a drill sergeant -- she made me lie on my back, directed me to start pushing before I felt the contraction, told me to push hard, had me hold my breath and push three times per contraction, had bystanders hold my legs, etc.

I never quite got the hang of it -- it felt TOTALLY unnatural and violent, as opposed to the rest of my labor, which had been instinctive and peaceful. Every contraction I had to ask, "What do I do again?"

I wish I had been in the frame of mind where I could have told the OB to back off! But it never even occurred to me to tell the OB what I had planned -- to deliver my son slowly, in any position I wanted, pushing only as I felt the urge. However, I was totally in Laborland, strangely compliant and obedient -- I seriously would have done anything they told me to do.

So was the coaching "useful"? Well, I only pushed for 30 minutes for a first baby, so the directed pushing certainly got him out FAST. But I had a second-degree tear, and two years later still have a prolapsed uterus, so maybe it was too fast.
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Old 12-02-2007, 05:33 PM
 
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If the a laboring mother needs encouragement, that's one thing. Coaching and yelling "push push push push push..breath..and PUSH PUSH PUSH"....that's quite another in my book. If someone had tried to tell me when and how to push when I was giving birth to either of my girls, they would have been liable to be screamed at the very least. : Excuse me, but WHO is giving birth here? WHO is listening to WHOSE body? That's right, ME. Now back off and let me do it.

Now, I know that for some women who have had an epidural cannot feel when to push, coaching is necessary..or so I've been told...keep in mind I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has had two unmedicated births.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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Old 12-02-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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I had coached pushing with my first. The midwife checked me and found me at full dilation, and instructed me to start pushing. She told me what position to get into, how to arrange my feet and legs, when to push, how hard to push, what sounds to make, how to breathe, how to position my head. It was two hours of sheer hell, and I was injured and very disconnected from my body and the baby by the end.

This was ten years ago, and I still feel angry thinking about it.

With my other births, I waited to push until my body was actually ready for it, i.e. making it happen, rather than some outside source deeming my body ready according to some measurement. The latter is not normal physiological birth, nor is it natural, and it's harder on the mother and create dysfunction that is dangerous to the baby.

Second stage is normally quick and comparatively easy on the mother and baby when it is allowed to happen autonomically, spontaneously, instinctively. Those who do not think it can or should be that way in a normal labor are deluded, ignorant, and putting themselves and their babies at unnecessary risk.
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Old 12-02-2007, 06:24 PM
 
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No coaching at home with my midwife. She did occasionally to remind me to take a deep breath "for the baby" when I was pushing for a long time.

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Old 12-02-2007, 07:22 PM
 
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Ok I'll be the odd woman out. For my ds's birth in the hospital I had directed pushing from the OB and nurse. I had an epidural but it never worked so I could def feel everything. Anyways I liked it and would ask them to keep counting if they had stopped. I think it kept me more concentrated.

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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Old 12-02-2007, 10:11 PM
 
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Shelsi - I can relate to having some sort of FOCUS as helpful while pushing. I guess that's why some people have a focal point, a picture, or whatever.

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Old 12-02-2007, 10:27 PM
 
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I *hated* the whole coached-pushing thing. With my fiirst three babies, I think I was always instructed to pull my knees back by my ears and push and hold my breath to the count of ten. I never have a lot of air in the best of circumstances, and holding for ten counts in that situation was *terrible*. I remember telling them to count faster or knock it off! By baby #4, at least no one counted.

Baby #5 was a homebirth, and what a relief it was *not* to have my knees by my ears (I pushed on hands and knees) and to just push as long as and when I felt like it.

Baby #6 is due almost any time now--anyone who counts at me is going to get thrown out of the house!
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Old 12-03-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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I remember with my first, my mom kept telling me to, "PUSH! PUSH!" (She assisted with my home birth.) And all I could think was, "SHUT UP! I AM PUSHING!" (Not to mention the very real urges to get up off the bed and slap her really hard.) I told her that a time or two as well, but she just kept on, as if I would forget if she did not say it! By the time the second one came around, I had warned her that I would push when I WANTED to, and NOT when I was told. No one has said anything since.

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they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 12-03-2007, 01:45 AM
 
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I don't know how they can stand it either. With my 7 year old, my OB Dr. was there, 4 nurses and hubby came in right as her head came out. I only pushed 3 times, so I didn't need much coaching. What was worse about the whole thing was, while I was having contractions on top of another and feeling the intense urge to push, a nurse was asking me a million questions (I had just been there for 20 mins), took everything I had not to scream at her to shut the f up.
With my 3 year old son, he came VERY fast (15 mins of labor) and I was being yelled at NOT to push until the Dr. came and his head was already out. The intensity was horrible. There was 2 nurses, hubby, my mom and the Dr. came running in at the last second, just 2 pushes with him.
With my 10 month old daughter, I needed no coaching at all. I was only in labor 10 mins and she was out in 1/2 a push. Hubby, my OB Dr, and 2 nurses were there. With my last 2 kids the nurses and my OB doctor was awesome. My 7 year old was born at a different hospital in the city where we used to live. Just my first labor was bad and thats only b/c of the nurse, she even called me a liar when I told her I had to push
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Old 12-03-2007, 02:02 AM
 
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I had low-key coached pushing at my first birth, at home. My midwife told me or suggested to me when I should start pushing, but I didn't really feel like it yet. She also told me I should try to push more during each contraction. "Now push again. Try to push twice with each contraction." etc. I wasn't upset at the time, I was just like, "Why? Can't you see I'm resting? Okay, whatever, if that means my baby will come out sooner, I guess it's good." She didn't count or yell "PUSH!" or anything. Her assistant said encouraging things. I think the directed pushing caused me to get a hemorrhoid. I didn't have any before, but after birth I had one. It won't go away. :
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Old 12-03-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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My first was born in a hospital, after a medical induction, I pushed for 2 hours with him! We'd just had a shift change, and I really liked the new nurse. She said I could start pushing when I was complete, and it felt nice to push, even though I didn't feel the NEED to push yet.

Anyway, she counted for the first two contractions worth of pushing, and then I asked her not to, saying that I'd rather save my breath and energy and push as long as I could. So she stopped counting, and after each push would offer words of support. "That was a good push. Have some water mom, your doing well"

After about an hour and a half of that, more people started coming in, and then once the CNM and 3 other nurses were watching me push, two of them started counting. My nurse said "She doesn't want us to count, and she's doing well with out it"

I think the only other time I didn't hear anything encouraging was when they were using the vaccum and I was "push push push" though they were gentle about the way they said it so it wasn't too obnoxious.


My second, I had at home. She was born unassisted, though, I was telling myself "pushpushpushpushpush" because my husband (who was on the phone with our midwife) said "The head is out.....(push) I got some cord (push) more cord (PUUUUUUUSSSHHH) baby"

It seems to me, like almost anything else just saying "That isn't very helpful, I would just like to follow my body and push the way I feel necessary" seems to work great.

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Old 12-03-2007, 11:49 AM
 
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I'm planing a hospital birth and my DP, my m/ws, and I have discussed this at length. They don't *do* directed pushing and will wait for my body to give me my cues before they determine how they can best assist me.

Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
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Old 12-03-2007, 02:29 PM
 
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No coaching...just some reminders from the midwife to do what was natural and not to hold my breath

Aimee
x2 11-07 and 12-09
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Old 12-03-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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I have 2 babies (and one on the way!). With my first, it was very much the coached pushing. Push, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. BREATH! PUSH, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

It was very ineffective, as they started me pushing well before my body was ready. Like a previous poster, I was polka-dotty afterwards (eyes, face, neck).

With my second, the staff was directed not to coach. I got "oh that was a great push" but that's all. My son came out in 2 very easy pushes, no broken blood vessels.

This time I'm planning a homebirth.
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