Hypothetical X-Post: Would You Rather Have - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Would you rather have
An incredible, perfect birth experience, but a failed bf relationship (one of the few genuine ones) 15 11.63%
Unsatisfying birth ending in "emergency c", but a wonderful, successful, bf relationship 114 88.37%
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#1 of 58 Old 03-03-2008, 11:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wondering
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#2 of 58 Old 03-03-2008, 11:58 PM
 
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It's a horrible choice but I feel like BF has a longer lasting impact on the well being of my LO so that would be the priority. While I truly believe that the birth itself does affect the baby, mom bares the larger burden there and suffers more greatly. I would happily take on the pain of that experience over the much longer lasting effects a failed BF relationship would have on my child.

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#3 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 12:07 AM
 
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I feel like a c section would affect me personally, and the baby, less so in the long run than would a failed breastfeeding relationship. I breastfeed my children for 2 or more years and that's a long time to be reminded of a failure, as opposed to a bad birth experience, which I've already had except the c section part, it can take a while to get on with life but you do move on. 8 years later I still beat myself up for not trying harder to breastfeed my oldest son past 4 months of age.
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#4 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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Well, I had a completely unsatifisying birth resulting in a c/s and have been breastfeeding for 23 months. I've asked myself this same question (in part to make myself feel better about the c/s) and breastfeeding has always won out. I would have loved to have been able to give DS the benefits of a natural, vaginal delivery, but I feel like two years of breast milk far outweighs the effects of the c/s

Wife to J, SAHM to W (03/06) ribboncesarean.gif at 32w4d, C (10/08) ribboncesarean.gif, and H (02/11) ribboncesarean.gif

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#5 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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I'll take the breastfeeding over the homebirth any day. A lifetime of good health and all the other wonderful benefits breastmilk provides for my baby is worth much more than avoiding any effects a bad birth would have on me.
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#6 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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I can't think about this choice long enough to have a rational answer without crying.
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#7 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 12:50 AM
 
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This poll has been posted before so do a search.
I still don't understand why it has to be one or the other.

 Keri wife and Mama to  Cory 17,  Brendan 15,  Kerianne 8,  Avery 7,  Lilia 3
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#8 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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I too find this a very upsetting, strange question.

I also think that it reduces the nursing relationship to something solely about food. I would like to think that even if my breasts were not producing any milk, and even if I could not get a single drop of donor milk, that I would still feed my children formula at my breast.

I think that both birth and breastfeeding/nursing have a huge impact on a child's future development. It's a horrible choice, not to mention a hugely illogical one, since a c-section is statistically more likely to lead to breastfeeding difficulties, and a gentle birth more likely to lead to breastfeeding success.

Kash, homeschooling mommy to Gillian (8/5/00) and Jacob (3/23/05)
and Brigid Eleanor (11/20/08)
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#9 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kerikadi View Post
This poll has been posted before so do a search.
I still don't understand why it has to be one or the other.

Maybe there's new insight? I'm sorry you don't understand it has to be one or the other, but it's still a hypothetical question.

I appreciate the answers so far...we rented The Business of Being Born this weekend and it gave us a lot to think about.
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#10 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Patchfire View Post
It's a horrible choice, not to mention a hugely illogical one, since a c-section is statistically more likely to lead to breastfeeding difficulties, and a gentle birth more likely to lead to breastfeeding success.
My thoughts exactly..
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#11 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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As much as I loved both of my births...I think I would have rather had a unsatisfying birth and a successful breastfeeding relationship. Breastmilk is priceless as are the health benefits for the baby.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#12 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I also think that it reduces the nursing relationship to something solely about food.
If it comes across that way, I have to apologize, it was far from my intention. When I first posted it I was thinking selfishly and thinking of the relationship/oxytocin and not the food. It wasn't until people started answering that I remember that yeah, of course, good food is pretty important!

It may be presented as "hypothetical" but it's wrapped around my own experience. The documentary had me feeling a little blue over what I've missed, but I'm high on the mountain over my bf success and I was wondering what life was like on the flip side.
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#13 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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well, I got neither. Although I voted I'd rather have the bf relationship, I think I've changed my mind after thinking about it for a while. I cried so much more over my lost birth than my bf relationship. Even though my LO is 100% tube fed, I have been pumping milk for her for the past 10 months so she still gets my milk. And even if I couldn't produce milk for her, I could get donated milk from a milk bank. I think both are terribly important and devastating to lose, but losing my birth really cut me deep.
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#14 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:05 AM
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In all honesty, it's too hard to answer. My first birth was the c-section and the failed bf relationship. I mourn both. I think before that birth I would have opted to breastfeed.

Kara, single mom of 4 girls (5, 8, 16 and 19) crochetsmilie.gif
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#15 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 04:03 AM
 
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I had the perfect birth. I then went on to supplement for over 10 months due to suspected hypoplastic breasts.

Since that sucked, I chose the opposite.

Mama to Raina (9/06) and Peter (8/09)!
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#16 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 09:47 AM
 
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I had a c-section, but we nursed fabulously for 18 months.

I had a good friend that had a wonderful unmedicated natural childbirth, then weaned (to formula) at 6 months. I didn't and still don't understand that choice. Breastfeeding was always, always the priority to me.
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#17 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 10:25 AM
 
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Yeah, odd inquiry...but I'd MUCH rather have a section & a great BFing relationship. I feel BF is EXTREMELY more important than mode of entery. Just my opinion.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#18 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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I think it is really hard to answer that because it sounds as though it assumed that baby and mama turned out perfectly fine from the birth experience. If that is the case then yes, I'd rather BF. But, it kind of negates the whole connection with the birth experience to the outcome. A medically indicated c-section with a healthy mom and baby would not really be an "unsatisfactory" birth experience for me. If added risks from an unsatisfactory birth experience led to a poor outcome then I might rather not BF and have that reversed. I mean worse case scenario mom or baby doesn't make it. Or baby ends up in the NICU for weeks and mom has a hysterectomy. Or mom ends up with future misscarriages and stillbirths as a result of c-section. I think the birth experience can have some really long lasting effects too especially if you are going to have more children which we would definitely like to.

This also assumes that the birth experience doesn't effect the BFing relationship even though it often does.
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#19 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 11:36 AM
 
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I had a c-section (not an emergency one but it was rushed) and went on to a very successful bf'ing relationship for about 2 years. It was medically necessary (complete placenta previa) and we were both healthy, so for me it was not an unsatisfactory birth experience at all. I know I'm not the norm, but not everyone who has a c-section is unhappy with it.

Mommy of 3 super charged kiddos
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#20 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 11:49 AM
 
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I already had a bad birth and a perfect one too, and the perfect birth thing was overrated for me. I had horrible PPD after my "perfect birth". Breastfeeding is so much more important, and while I strive to bring my children into this world as gently as possible, if they have to cut me open, so be it as long as I have a healthy, nursing baby in the end.
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#21 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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It is a kind of weird question, because it sets up a false dichotomy... there's almost no situation I can think of where you'd literally have to choose between the two. But I get the concept of hypothetically prioritizing the two issues.

We had a less-than-stellar birth experience, and yeah, I think it affected my DS's health for the long-term (we're still dealing with food reactions after 12 IV doses of abx and a surgical birth). But I seriously get chills thinking what on EARTH I would have done if I hadn't been able to nurse him. He's still nursing now, too!
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#22 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:03 PM
 
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I had an emergency cesarean, and then breastfed. And I've had a "dream birth" and breastfed.

I have to say... I'd choose the dream birth and no breastfeeding. I had serious post-partum depression for nearly a year following the cesarean, and trouble bonding (even with breastfeeding). I just didn't feel like the baby was mine for weeks. It felt like I was babysitting.

I know that I could find some kind souls to donate milk, as I live in a strong pro-breastfeeding community. So my baby could get the immunities that way. And, he/she wouldn't have a depressed, distant, post-op mother.

Danell - Craft Savvy mama to Evan (3/31/06) and Andre (8/29/07)
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#23 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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I feel like I can't answer. I had wonderful births (not dream but close) and then struggle seriously with brestfeeding. I have serious low supply issues. My DS lost weight for 4 weeks, DD#1 still did not regain her birth weight in 4 weeks. I had great support and idd everyting suggested by a great supportive ped and LCs except SNS (because I couldn't get my hands on one when suggested...) So I didn't try with DD#2.

With DD#3 with an SNS, I was able to breastfeed for 6 months with supplement going from over 12 ounces a day in the first few weeks to 8-10 ounces when she was bigger.

I had a friend that nursed her 2 year old. I wanted to cry every time she nursed in front of me. I felt like a failure. She felt that way about having 3 c-sections.

I feel like breastfeeding is more important but I guess because of the struggles I have had, I can't imagine being able to chose between the 2.

Wow what food for thought today...
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#24 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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i find this question to be hurtful to mums who had no choice whether to have a c-section or to formula feed.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#25 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:22 PM
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i don't think it has to be one or the other, but if the bargain needed to be and could be struck, i would opt for the breastfeeding over the birth.

but, i also know that for women who are healthy, normal, and unhindered, they're more likely to get both a great birth and a great bfing relationship. and for women who are not healthy or normal, they may only get one or the other--but they don't get to choose usually.
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#26 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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I had a c-section and am still nursing a 2 year old. For me recovering from a c-section was a piece of cake, and it wouldn't bother me at all to have to do it again. Breastfeeding to me is waaay more important then a unmedicated vaginal birth.

Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker. - Linus
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#27 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ironica View Post
It is a kind of weird question, because it sets up a false dichotomy...
Oh mah gawd! "False dichotomy, false dichotomy..." Alfie Kohn's voice is echoing in my head! Carry on...

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#28 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:29 PM
 
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I actually had an easy-peasy perfect home waterbirth with my first and a hellish first 6 months of breastfeeding. It all worked out eventually, and I am only now weaning DS at 31 months. But I've often thought how easily I would trade my perfect birth for a better breastfeeding experience. Its a false dichotomy, sure, but something I've thought about a lot, for some strange reason.
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#29 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i find this question to be hurtful to mums who had no choice whether to have a c-section or to formula feed.

I had a feeling someone might say this, but heck, we're on MDC, it should be open season to discuss anything good about BF and Natural Birth.

Also, it's not meant to be a "choice," more of a lesser-of-two-evils type dealio. I guess I was wrong when I thought that would be obvious.

Danotoyou, thanks for your perspective and unique viewpoint!
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#30 of 58 Old 03-04-2008, 02:36 PM
 
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Also, it's not meant to be a "choice," more of a lesser-of-two-evils type dealio. I guess I was wrong when I thought that would be obvious.

I understand but I guess because I have been there done that for one I can't process the concept well. In my heart I know that not having a NCB is the lesser of 2 evils. However I was the one that had severe PPD over not being able to nurse. I feel horrible about not wanting to hold my 3rd child. I still have mommy guilt about that. I know women that felt that way about having a c-section. So I just think that in theory not being able to nurse would be worse.

I know that healthy baby is the most important thing but that doesn't mean that our feelings as women don't count. I feel like a major failure because of my struggles to nurse. I mean when I hear about MEN that manage to produce milk, or adoptive moms, I think WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!? My friend that had 3 c-sections feels that she is broken because she has no clue what a vaginal birth is like.

So I just think it is hard for a woman that has BTDT to process. If I knew I could honestly choose, I would proably choose c-section.
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