sex after birth - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 03-04-2008, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hey...I was wondering if anyone out there could offer the experience of going through something similar...
My very large ( 9lb 14oz) son was born very quickly due to the fact that I had a placental abruption as he was crowning. I was at home in a water tub and the midwives pulled me out of the water and urged me to push as hard as I could even though my contractions had stopped. The result was a happy, healthy baby boy born on the dining room floor and a lot of tearing to my body :....Then we had to drive to the hospital for me to get lots of lovely stitches...It was a long, painful healing process..now, 3 months later, the stitches have healed but I have a lot of anxiety over my scar, it seems to still be sensitive to the touch, and sex has been painful ( the few times I've managed to try...) Anyone had this experience of a bad tear and know a little of what the future holds?

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#2 of 21 Old 03-04-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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Sorry, no advice. Just wanted to send ((HUGS)) and best wishes for full healing sooner rather than later!

Amy loving DH 5/04, raising DD 2/05 and DS 11/09; missing my mom& my babies 6/07, 12/07; and on the side
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#3 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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No advice to offer. I know I did tear with my first (though it was not huge and healed ok), and it was tender for a while. So I am sure it is nothing compared to what you are feeling, but it has, over time, vanished, the pain that is.

So, I guess time is the best thing. I am sure others will have better suited advice.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#4 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 01:32 AM
 
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The perineum does heal remarkably . . . though it takes time. Are you nursing your babe? The changes in the vaginal lubrication during nursing can be quite . . . dramatic. I would try a lubricant and go very, very slowly for a bit.

You could always ask your MW to check you out and make sure that your healing has progressed as anticipated, which should lessen your own anxiety (which could only help, right?!).
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#5 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 01:45 AM
 
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My birth experience and tears weren't nearly as bad as yours sound but it has taken a long time to get back into sex. My tears and the resulting stitches healed within 6 weeks but even at 9 weeks, sex was painful and I wish I would have waited a lot longer. It's only recently that I feel like I'm fully back to normal. Part of it is probably physical but I know for me, part of it was likely psychological too. I found the birth experience to be a tad traumatic (not anyone's fault--the sensation of pushing him out just kind of caught me off guard) and so that whole part of my body just seemed a bit more sensitive. I finally explained it to DH by saying that he should imagine the worst pain he'd ever been in and then imagine if every time he wanted to have sex, that's the first thing that popped into his mind--not cool.

So no specific advice except that I wouldn't rush it. It's not worth it. Sex should be enjoyable and if it's not, don't do it! At some point things will return to normal

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#6 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 03:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, guys....and I am nursing so that may be part of the problem as well. My experience is probably also just as much mental as physical...also healing never really happens fast enough for anyone, huh? Thanks for the experiences and support!
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#7 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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I tore pretty terribly, had lots of stitches, and didn't feel completely healed until about 5 mos. post-partum. Also, the way that I was stitched up is very different than the way I was before. It was a full 6 mos. before we attempted sex again. I have to admit, it was pretty painful, but has gotten better over time. The psychological aspect has been just as bad, if not worse. Comfortable postitioning, lubricant, and a sense of humor is key! Stick with it--I just had the best sex I've had in years this week
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#8 of 21 Old 03-05-2008, 09:05 PM
 
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Apparentlyy it is normal to feel discomfort for up to a year PP, apparently, if after a yeear you are still uncomfortable then it can be a good idea to make sure everything is ok........ Thats what I read anyway when trying to find out why it took so long for the pain to go away with me (and I only had like 2nd degree tears, never fully reecovered but there is nothing visibly wrong apparently so, it must be in my head)......
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#9 of 21 Old 03-06-2008, 12:07 AM
 
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I would rub vitamin E oil on that scar for a while. I had a 2nd degree tear + episiotomy with my first child, and it took many, many months, I'd say almost a year, before I didn't notice the scar during intercourse. Keeping it supple with the oil really helps. It WILL heal up though, but if you feel really uncomfortable and the skin feels like its pulling, I'd wait a while before having sex and give yourself time to heal up.
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#10 of 21 Old 03-06-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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I had a pretty bad tear with my first--he was having decels and my MW urged me to push push push fast to get him out. Tore me bigtime. He was also big--9 lbs, 8 oz. To top it off, my stitches didn't heal evenly, they were still a mess at 8 weeks postpartum, so I had to have them repaired with silver nitrate. That hurt more than the birth. I don't recall how long it was before we attempted sex, but I do remember it being about a year until sex didn't hurt anymore. Fortunately my DH is very patient and gentle. Hang in there--it WILL get better someday!
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#11 of 21 Old 03-06-2008, 03:14 AM
 
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I also tore badly and it took at least 6-8 months for sex to not feel painful or uncomfortable for me. You have to really be in the mood and have lots of foreplay, which puts you in the mood emotionally as well as physically. You have to use lots of lube. We did K-y, etc. for awhile, but have found that raw organic coconut oil is much, much better! Take it slow and you be the guide. After several months I realized that it was no longer physically painful, but that I was expecting it to be in my head. Once I accepted that I'd truly healed, I could let go a bit and enjoy it again.

Happily parenting our snuggly wild child since 2007 and her little brother since 2011!

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#12 of 21 Old 03-06-2008, 04:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This makes me feel so much better!! It hasn't been near as long as a lot of you guys needed, so maybe I can put it out of my head a little....There's hope for sex again afterall!
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#13 of 21 Old 03-06-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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Ohhh mama I can relate. My girls were 9.2 and 9.8 and with the first I had a fourth degree epis. (cut ALL the way through!) and I had the stitches. It was rough the first two times, but I healed perfect and with the second girl, I tore just a little. Just go SLLLOOOWWWW and lots of KY maybe.
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#14 of 21 Old 03-07-2008, 07:38 PM
 
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Just thought I'd add my experience....I had a very fast induced labor and 8 1/2 lb baby and 2nd-3rd degree tear. For me it was the worst part of the experience. I think it was probably 6 months at least before I was able to have sex at least somewhat enjoyably. We tried a little bit earlier and it just ended up hurting or freaking me out. I had lots of scar tissue when the tear healed and had to go in and have it burnt off with silver nitrate. And nothing really looked "right" down there for a long time. Nursing and PPD didn't help. I am able to have enjoyable encounters with my husband, but they are kind of few and far between, the poor guy. I am on depression meds now so I often think that has alot to do with it.

don't rush yourself. You don't want to make it something traumatic for yourself. And yes, lots of lube is key. Our favorite is astroglide.
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#15 of 21 Old 03-17-2008, 07:57 PM
 
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I still have painful intercourse 9 years after the birth of my first. Course, tearing with every child afterwards hasn't helped. Unfortunately I don't ever seem to heal right down there.

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#16 of 21 Old 03-17-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonSnail View Post
Thanks, guys....and I am nursing so that may be part of the problem as well. My experience is probably also just as much mental as physical...also healing never really happens fast enough for anyone, huh? Thanks for the experiences and support!
It was mental for me for a while too--I still remember my first time post partem, I kept thinking "whoa, the last thing in THERE was a BABY!" Not very romantic. I totally second the lube and going slow with lots of foreplay....I hope you heal quickly!

Mama to Nell (11/15/06) and Maggie (10/9/10) . AFTER 2.5 YEARS, I AM AN AUNTIE!!! joy.gifHOORAY TEAR78 and welcome Anika and Brand New Baby Boy!!!!  Circumcision: the more you know, the worse it is; please leave the decision up to your son!

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#17 of 21 Old 03-17-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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I had only two little tears with my DD's birth (didn't even need stitches) and it took a good 6 months before the pain went away.

I second the idea of using a lubricant and going slowly.

The good news is I did heal and you will too!
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#18 of 21 Old 03-18-2008, 10:25 AM
 
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I had to have peri surgery a few years ago to remove a pre-cancerous growth. It took me 9 months to recover. What I did (and was recommended by the doc) was slowly work with the skin. I had to get a *TMI ALERT* "progressive personal satisfaction device" that started small at the tip and got bigger as it went up. Then as often as I could I had to just work it around in there to help stretch the skin. That is a very sensitive area and you can't expect to bounce right back after what it went through. Take it easy and slow. Lots of lube and COMMUNICATE to your partner what you are going through. My DH was very supportive, but we are both worried about the recovery time after birth.

Good Luck.

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#19 of 21 Old 03-18-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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With my first, I had an episitomy that tore past to a 3rd-borderline-4th degree. I had a long, complicated healing process (retained placental fragments that sent me to the hospital with infection...thanks to the Dr. PULLING my placenta out!...prolonged bleeding, etc.). Sex was not painful, but uncomfortable, till about 6 months PP. This time, I had lesser tearing (1st degree with some skid marks), we had sex at 4 weeks pp "accidentally", and it was great! I was thinking that the whole "accidental" sex thing might work for you...sounds funny, I know. But the whole premise of it was that we had NO intention of having sex, just a whole lot of foreplay. Well, it escalated! Hehehe! Then, we had regular sex two weeks later, and it was uncomfortable!!! I think the key to it is TONS of foreplay, not just for the natural lube factor, but getting the blood rushed down there, etc... After having a baby, it's just different...

Jess ~ RN & student CNM, Blogger (see profile), wifey to T-Rav & momma to sons Buggy ~7/04 & Newt ~1/08 & Tad 6/19/09 & Con-man 1/11!  <3
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#20 of 21 Old 03-18-2008, 07:13 PM
 
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With my first I had a really bad tear too and the OB kept commenting on how many layers of stitches I needed. Anyway it was all extremely painful for me. It took me 6 months to attempt sex and then it was touchy for a month or so after that.


Mommy of 3 super charged kiddos
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#21 of 21 Old 03-19-2008, 11:08 AM
 
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Just wanted to reassure you... assuming you're breastfeeding, sex may be quite dry (to say the least!) for many more months. I had a scheduled c/s, so no trauma at ALL to my vagina - and sex was STILL uncomfortable for around 9 months. Take it easy, listen to your body, use lots of lube, and be creative - you don't necessarily have to have intercourse to enjoy sex with your husband.

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