*Update and birth story* post 45 co-worker scheduled for cs (for a 9# baby) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 51 Old 03-09-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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IMO, people who are offended by information, or even by the calmly-expressed opinions of others that differ from their own, are insecure and afraid.
And that's the point right there. No need to go off the deep end over someone's concern.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#32 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 02:13 AM
 
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Is anyone else thinking that if this woman is "theoretically" offended by an email about the risks of c-sections, then hopefully as a responsible ADULT, she would confront the person and let them know why, rather than run and tattle to HR?

Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#33 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 03:19 AM
 
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If someone had sent me an email critiquing my birth plan, TRUST ME, going to HR would be the most professional and adult thing I could do.

I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
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#34 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 03:32 AM
 
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I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
I guess I'm just used to it. I mean, from the minute DS was born, all I heard was, "Breastfeeding is so disgusting, I can't believe you're doing that, are you some kind of pervert?" "Cosleeping is going to spoil your child rotten and he'll be sleeping with you until he gets married," "You're not vacinating? Your baby will die of polio!" "What's wrong with letting your 8-month-old drink Kool-Aid and eat french fries?" "You use cloth diapers? GROSS!" "Your kid is going to turn out to be a socially crippled weirdo if you homeschool." "Doesn't your back hurt carrying your baby in that weird African thing? Isn't it more convenient to carry him in his carseat?" And now that I'm planning a homebirth it's all the "OMG HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ABOUT MY SISTER'S FRIEND'S COUSIN WHO BLED TO DEATH AND HER BABY DIED BECAUSE SHE HAD A HOMEBIRTH, WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A DANGEROUS IRRESPONSIBLE THING!!!!" Emails, blog comments, message board posts, face-to-face remarks, you name it.

So, it really doesn't even faze me anymore, like tragic stuff on the news. I just go, "Oh that's nice, thanks for letting me know," and go on my way. If I took the time to get all riled up over every criticism that came my way, I'd never have time to do anything else. For me, it's much healthier to not take so many things personally.
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#35 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 05:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
I never take the offer of information personally. If a coworker had sent me an article saying, "I read this about UC and thought you might be interested," I would read it with thanks. If it didn't change my mind (I'm not uninformed, so it would be unlikely that it would), I would tell her that it was interesting and I appreciated her concern, but...(fill in the blank with why I was comfortable with my decision despite the new information).

IMO, people who are offended by information, or even by the calmly-expressed opinions of others that differ from their own, are insecure and afraid.
I agree. Knowledge is king and I'm always open to learning and gathering more information. If I was this woman and a doctor was thinking of unnecessarily slicing me open -- thereby putting both me and my baby at risk -- I would want other options from people who were educated in the matter. Running to HR would be quite a silly thing to do. I'm a great fan of using logic rather than emotions and wouldn't feel the need to waste HR's time by tattling on a co-worker just to make myself feel better. If employees have issues with one another then they need to work them out themselves. This is how adults should behave.
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#36 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 06:23 AM
 
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i guess my opinion is that if you're going to talk to people about your choices, you should expect criticism... ive learned to just keep my business to myself, and then i dont have to hear as many unwanted opinions!

I think your email was very nice Good for you for trying to help!

Artie, mom to Riley 3/22/08 and a surprise due Oct 2011!
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#37 of 51 Old 03-10-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
If someone had sent me an email critiquing my birth plan, TRUST ME, going to HR would be the most professional and adult thing I could do.

I guess I'm not as big and forgiving as others here. I honestly don't believe that so many of you would take an email criticizing you as just water off a ducks back. I just don't.
You don't even have to forgive the person. Why not just email the person back and say that you are offended, you think it was inappropriate and advise them not to contact you regarding the matter again. Certainly, if they were to continue to press the issue then going to HR would seem reasonable but why go their first? I just don't get it. You have to control yourself when you address HR so just use that control toward the person in question.
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#38 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 09:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wanted to update that the baby was born via c-section yesterday. 6# 11 ounces. I think mama and baby are both doing fine. She text me a picture last night and asked me to come visit them tomorrow - so obviously she isnt mad about the e-mail thing.

I'm sad for her that after all this that the baby was actually SMALL. Oh well, i need to try and not get so emotional about things i cant control.
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#39 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 10:19 AM
 
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I have been following this story but haven't felt able to post (I was coerced into a c-section for a baby suspected to be 9lb10oz, she was 9lb8.5oz) as I am not sure what to do (I was so afraid for my baby and under so much pressure from my relatives that even a thread here on MDC with lots of good advice was not able to stop it from happening to me).

I am glad mother and baby seem to be doing fine. Thank you for posting the update.

As for what happened to her......:
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#40 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been following this story but haven't felt able to post (I was coerced into a c-section for a baby suspected to be 9lb10oz, she was 9lb8.5oz) as I am not sure what to do (I was so afraid for my baby and under so much pressure from my relatives that even a thread here on MDC with lots of good advice was not able to stop it from happening to me).
Thank you for sharing this. Ya know I think this partially is the case for her as well - her bf isn’t super supportive and runs his own business so I can imagine from his standpoint that a scheduled thing would be easier. Her best friend also works for the OB, and took the day off to be at the hospital with her - a lot of people worked their life around the baby being born and I can imagine that she felt pretty pressured.
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#41 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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Now maybe she'll understand MDs DON'T know everything. I hope in time she is opening to talking about it. And hopefully she will be thinking that you were right and be more open. My over 10 lb baby (at LEAST that big!) was 7 lbs 15 oz. Hard lesson. Glad to hear she and the babe are well!

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#42 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 02:45 PM
 
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Just wanted to update that the baby was born via c-section yesterday. 6# 11 ounces. I think mama and baby are both doing fine. She text me a picture last night and asked me to come visit them tomorrow - so obviously she isnt mad about the e-mail thing.

I'm sad for her that after all this that the baby was actually SMALL. Oh well, i need to try and not get so emotional about things i cant control.
When I made my first post on this thread, I almost typed that I was willing to bet $5 that this baby would come out 6 pounds and change. But that seemed horribly rude of me at the time, so I deleted it before posting.

I'm glad they're doing well, and glad she doesn't hold ill will towards you - not that I think she would. Maybe she will start to think this over herself sometime soon, esp. since her baby was sooooo much smaller than the doc told her he would be.
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#43 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 03:06 PM
 
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Could you approach her more along the lines of "Wow, so how do you feel about that?" and then if she expresses disappointment, validate her, and then if she seems open to going further, give her the info?
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#44 of 51 Old 03-11-2008, 08:16 PM
 
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Wow, I can only imagine the pressure on her. The thing is, the information that you sent her may lead her to eventually question this c-section. And perhaps lead her to VBAC her next baby. I mean she has to wonder about the 3 lb differential.

ETA: I hit submit too early -- I think you did a great job in your email and as a friend. FWIW, I routinely send personal stuff to friends/colleagues at work and we are lawyers. LOL. We have worked together 7+ years. Recently, a co-worker asked me, "Isn't c-section safer." To which my head spinned and I sent him a bunch of links (his wife is newly pregnant). I think it depnds on your relationship with the person -- and we are all in a better position to judge the relationship than people online who do not know it.
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#45 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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One more update -

I saw the baby and all is well..and i found out that SHE NEVER EVEN GOT THE E-MAIL! I am so sad, i should have called her. I sent it on a friday and her c-section was monday and she just didnt check her e-mail.

Well her OB checked her dialation at 38 weeks and she wasnt dialated. Her OB said that her pelvis was too small and the baby was too big and that she would probubly just end up needed a c-section and that labor and a c-section would be too tramatic for the baby.

Anyway, her epidural didnt work and she was put out under general Her partner couldnt even be in there, so neither of them saw the baby be born.

Of course she kept saying that she was so greatful that the baby is healthy and that she is ok.

Baby is breastfeeding great, and i spent a lot of time helping her learn to nurse.

She didnt express any dissapointment over the delivery, but i'm not sure if that will last. I'm sad for her, for what she lost and for what she doesnt even realize she lost.

-Erin
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#46 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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One more update -

I saw the baby and all is well..and i found out that SHE NEVER EVEN GOT THE E-MAIL! I am so sad, i should have called her. I sent it on a friday and her c-section was monday and she just didnt check her e-mail.

Well her OB checked her dialation at 38 weeks and she wasnt dialated. Her OB said that her pelvis was too small and the baby was too big and that she would probubly just end up needed a c-section and that labor and a c-section would be too tramatic for the baby.

Anyway, her epidural didnt work and she was put out under general Her partner couldnt even be in there, so neither of them saw the baby be born.

Of course she kept saying that she was so greatful that the baby is healthy and that she is ok.

Baby is breastfeeding great, and i spent a lot of time helping her learn to nurse.

She didnt express any dissapointment over the delivery, but i'm not sure if that will last. I'm sad for her, for what she lost and for what she doesnt even realize she lost.

-Erin

SugarMama to Chatterbox Zoe (almost 4) and Locomotive Miles (2)
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#47 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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She didnt express any dissapointment over the delivery, but i'm not sure if that will last. I'm sad for her, for what she lost and for what she doesnt even realize she lost.

-Erin
When My DD was first born I was just so happy to meet her the c-section didn't bother me as much, after months past I started to have PTSD symptoms related to the c-section. Your coworker may be upset, or she may not. If she does express regret at some point, you could direct her to ICAN, I have found it very useful in my recovery.
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#48 of 51 Old 03-13-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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I'm wondering what do doctors say to a mom after they have performed major abdominal surgery to deliver her from this GIANT baby and the little darling turns out to be actually below average birth weight???

Ooops:
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#49 of 51 Old 03-14-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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I'm wondering what do doctors say to a mom after they have performed major abdominal surgery to deliver her from this GIANT baby and the little darling turns out to be actually below average birth weight???

Ooops:
IME, they often tell the mom that thank goodness she went with the c-section because the cord was around the neck and the baby would have strangled had she tried for a vaginal birth. Or insert some other problem that is probably not actually a problem.
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#50 of 51 Old 03-14-2008, 03:46 AM
 
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I'm wondering what do doctors say to a mom after they have performed major abdominal surgery to deliver her from this GIANT baby and the little darling turns out to be actually below average birth weight???

Ooops:

That's a good question and I would LOOOOVE to know the answer to that one. Seriously you think they make stuff up afterwards? Maybe the OP can ask her friend what the OB said afterwards.

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#51 of 51 Old 03-14-2008, 08:56 AM
 
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With regards to things the OB's say, the PP is right, they will say "Oh, the cord was wrapped around the neck" or "Oh the cord was really short" or something along those lines. I know other women that this has happened to. My baby turned out to be "big" (they were only off by 1.5 oz on their U/S estimate) so of course they didn't need to say anything to me. I did talk to the U/S tech later (she became our friend, long story) and she said that the doctor had said something to her about how accurate they were on the U/S.
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