Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: out talking to the crocuses
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I *soooooooooo* appreciate this discussion. And I'm so glad I found it, and yeah, I'd like it to be where it can be found.
My $ .02, even though I'm repeating some of what's already been said....
I took really great care of myself during my pregnancy with ds, and I *really* prepared myself for a drug-free vaginal birth. I had a very experienced midwife with a very low rate of c births. I also prepared myself for the possibility that things (any things) might not go the way I planned during my birth. I went 2 1/2 weeks late, and during that time, I did everything under the sun to try to get my labor going. Ds went into 2nd degree distress, and I finally had an emergency cesarean which I believe was medically necessary (and my midwife told me that ds wouldn't have made through labor, *if* we could have even gotten it going). Ds was fine, and I was relieved.
We are still nursing, 28 months later (and I am 10 wks pg). I do cloth diapers, co-sleep, we're vegetarians, we love the earth, yada yada yada.
What I really don't like is when there's a "crunchiness" contest (for lack of a better description) when someone tries to tell me that my cesarean wasn't necessary or that I somehow failed. I hate it! It's so rude! (And yes, it has happened to me on these boards--not this thread, though.) These people don't know the whole story, they haven't reviewed my medical records, and they certainly aren't thinking about my feelings. Yeah, there are a lot of cesareans--too many. Many *are* unnecessary. But who's qualified to decide that? And does it make women feel better to have this aimed against them? Does it do any good? It certainly doesn't preven't cesareans to rub women's noses in their "failures."
I want a safe place to talk about what happened and what my options are in this and future pregnancies. I don't want dogma shoved down my throat (as it has been on some VBAC threads), and I don't want to feel judged because I don't feel awful about my c birth and because I'm saying "I'll *try* for a VBAC this time" (because I am going to *try* and try hard, but realistically, it could happen again). I *do* understand that many women feel traumatized by their c births, and I want to be supportive of them.
I do feel like the baby is what really matters in the end; I'm glad that it was my *birth* that was disappointing, not my ds.
I'd like the word "cesarean" to be mentioned somewhere. I suggest something like "talking about cesareans", which is pretty neutral. Unfortunately, it would apply to a lot of women. And I think if Mothering does want to get women on the VBAC track, getting them to the point where there's a safe place to talk about their cesareans, what happened, what they wanted to have happen, what they'd like for the future, etc. would be a good start. At the *very* least, the VBAC threads could be more closely moderated.
For many women, a cesarean *is* a loss. There is a well-marked place for the discussion of miscarriage and still-birth. Can we have a safe place, too?