Cesarean support circle III (moved from Finding Your Tribe) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 110 Old 09-14-2003, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Let's pull up a chair here, shall we?

Whether you are recovering from a recent cesarean delivery, are planning one or are processing a past experience, this is a safe place for sharing support and information. I would ask that everyone here respect each other's unique path and keep this as a place for empowerment and healing. This is also a supportive place to celebrate your cesarean delivery if you've felt there's no other place to do so.
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#2 of 110 Old 09-14-2003, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Treelove-how are you doing? Getting all of those last minute things done? 5 MORE DAYS!!!!

And how is everyone else doing that's planning a cesarean delivery?

Update for me-5 more days, feel calm and happy to finally meet Alena, enjoying the time I have left w/just dd, and closely watching Hurricane Isabel-hopefully my mother will be able to get here for our birth...
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#3 of 110 Old 09-14-2003, 05:55 PM
 
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I am just writing here so I can be notified on the list. Good luck ladies with your babies coming soon.
Gossamer

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. That is the miracle of life. ~Maureen Hawkins~
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#4 of 110 Old 09-14-2003, 08:03 PM
 
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Me too!
I had my c/s 3 years ago and am still dealing w/the emotions of it.
I'd love to be part of this thread
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#5 of 110 Old 09-15-2003, 10:17 AM
 
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Ok, so I know all the reasons they say to VBAC is better. I don't want another c/s. My issue is, I'm trying to proces whether or not I'm wanting a vbac because it is "better" or to prove that I can do it.

It's been 16 months and I feel like I was cheated. I've pretty much gotten over it. But I hate the look you get when you say, Oh, I had a c/s. Ppl give you this pitiful look like, " Hmmm, well, some ppl just cant handle it"

It aggrivates me to no end. its like we try to do what we can as natural as we can and I couldn't do the most simplest of things!

Of course the circumstances were not the greatest and they weren't optimal. And they made me feel forced into something I wasn't forced into. Kwim?

I'm trying to see this as just a time of self doubt and that it will pass but it doesn't seem to be.... I think i started into baby blues and ppd before ds was born and I wonder if it is starting to happen again? I hope not...I didn't even realize I was experiencing ppd until over a year after ds was born...until I snapped out of it....

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#6 of 110 Old 09-15-2003, 11:52 AM
 
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sorry, having to remove all posts with personal info due to an online stalker.
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#7 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 10:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you gossamer, good to see you here . And hi Missgrl!

it's_our_family--I hope you keep talking and sorting things out for yourself.

lilirose--welcome, and thanks for sharing your story-I'm sorry you had to go through that .
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#8 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 11:39 AM
 
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I go for my u/s today!! I'm excited about it but with Isabel looming over us I'm a little anxious at to where she will hit since as of now we are in direct line...we are on the coast in VA...

I'm wodnering if I have a fybroid. I have been having contractions too. Yyesterday I fianlly realized they were not bh. These were really low and wrapped around. They also grew in intensity. I'm hoping that everything is still nice and closed. I also have a head cold...YUCK!

So, I get to see my little one and I'm very excited!!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#9 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 09:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by its_our_family
Ok, so I know all the reasons they say to VBAC is better. I don't want another c/s. My issue is, I'm trying to proces whether or not I'm wanting a vbac because it is "better" or to prove that I can do it.

I so totally agree with this!
For those who don't know me, hi, I'm Hikaru, and my baby is due
mid-October. My 3 year old DS was born by cesarian and this one
may be too. The only thing that has gotten me through this pregnancy, not knowing how it's
going to turn out but having to accept that a repeat cesarian is a very real possibility....is reminding myself that this is NOT about my ego. It's about giving my baby the best and safest possible start in life. I don't at all say that the mother's feelings are unimportant. It's just that ultimately this is about the baby,
and the best interests of the baby have to come first.
Ladylee, this was a good place to move the thread. Lots of
new people will find us here.

Also I have a question...I was just wondering how many of us who have ended up with cesarians are petite? I'm 4 foot 10 and on the old thread someone mentioned her doctor said that a woman under 5 feet has only a 50% chance of giving birth vaginally. Personally I think that's silly. I live in Japan, Japanese women tend to be petite, and the cesarian rate is lower here than in the States. MY own MIL is smaller than me and she gave birth to DH who was over 9 pounds (4 kilos). And I know a couple of very big women (both American) who have had cesarians for tiny babies.
Anyway my theory is that size has little to do with how a birth will go.

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#10 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't take the credit-we owe thanks to Cynthia and other powers-that-be for creating the Birth forum as a place to house birth issues like cesarean deliveries. A portion of us don't quite fit in at the VBAC forum, and Finding Your Tribe isn't always easy to find .

Yes, I also didn't feel the need to prove anything through birth. And that's not to say that everyone who chooses to have a vbac is making that an ego-based decision--everyone has their own journey.

it's_our_family-when I read through your thoughts about others judging your experience it made me remember how much of my healing process was about letting go of (my perception) of what others thought about me. And to sort out how much of that was actually my own projection. I make myself participate in my month's pregnancy thread-even though the talk is of everyone going into labor and having natural births, etc. etc. It's good for me to affirm myself and my individual situation in the presence of that activity, and not feel "less-than." Do you think people are really judging you? I really believe that when we feel judged by others it's actually us judging ourselves-maybe there's some truth to that for you?
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#11 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hikaru, I got the same spiel from my doctor the first time around about being "small." DD was breech, and he was unwilling to try turning her because of my size and the fact that I hadn't birthed before.

I agree with you, though.
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#12 of 110 Old 09-16-2003, 09:39 PM
 
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LadyLee...you're brave. I'm in the same birth month thread as you and I've really downplayed the fact that I had a cesarian and may have another. I just don't think I can handle one more person telling me to "think positive" or that "OF COURSE I can have a VBAC".
I too have felt judged, or at least that my experience was discounted, even by Peggy O'mara! In response to an editorial
last year about how most cesarians are unnecessary I wrote to Mothering and said well, some are necessary in spite of our best efforts, and please don't
leave us out of the discussion. Her response was basically, "Oh but I wasn't talking about cases like yours". Very dismissive, although I doubt that's how she meant to sound.

Also, my prenatal yoga teacher(who by the way has no kids of her own) never spoke to me again after I called her and told her I'd ended up with a cesarian. I think she just didn't know how to deal with it...like somehow she had failed because one of her students hadn't been able to give birth naturally.
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#13 of 110 Old 09-17-2003, 03:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad you wrote that letter, regardless of the response, Hikaru. I think the natural parenting community as a whole could use quite a bit of sensitivity training on this subject-certainly your yoga teacher didn't know how to handle it.

So, how are you feeling-physically, emotionally? I remember you were trying to make arrangements for your son while you deliver--did everything work out? Are you happy with your doctor at this stage?
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#14 of 110 Old 09-17-2003, 04:46 AM
 
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Physically...can't sleep, can't breathe, gotta pee every 5 minutes. Same old same old.but getting by.

I thought we had it all worked out as DH is going to work from home while I'm in the hospital, and DS will go to his daycare every day during the month of October instead of just twice a week. I really think it's for the best as he'll have other kids to play with and it's a familiar place. Much more fun than sitting at home while I nurse the baby all day and yell at him for being too noisy....

Major stress...starting next week they'll be doing major painting
and repairs on our building, which will go on till the end of November. I am sooooo pissed, as I'll have to spend my last weeks of pregnancy breathing in paint fumes and listening to construction workers bang around all day. Then my baby will have to spend the first few weeks of his/her life in that environment, ugh. And during that time we won't be able to use the washing machine for two weeks which (temporarily)shoots to Hades any thoughts I had of using cloth diapers....grrrrrrr!
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#15 of 110 Old 09-22-2003, 07:42 PM
 
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Goody! I've had two sections and not really looking forward to another, but, hey, if I have to, I have to.

Hey, has anyone heard of a study that shows the psychological differences between c-section children and vaginal birth children????
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#16 of 110 Old 09-23-2003, 01:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Our daughter Alena was born September 19th at 7:54 am--7 lbs 13 oz, 19.5 inches!!! We were in the hospital for two days and came home yesterday--we were able to nurse half an hour after delivery and overall, it was a very positive, beautiful, and joyous birth. She's doing wonderfully and I'm feeling good, as well.

I must say I'm annoyed by how this forum is set up without any mention of cesarean deliveries other than VBAC--it's very difficult for anyone who is unable to have a VBAC BUT IS STILL A NATURAL PARENT to find support. I suppose I can understand Mothering not wanting to mention the C word without a VBA before it--but I no longer feel particularly interested in supporting Mothering if that's the case. It has been repeatedly asked that there be a *clearly* identified place where we can find support, and I feel this issue has been swept under the rug over and over again.
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#17 of 110 Old 09-23-2003, 08:17 PM
 
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Congratulations ladylee! Great news!!
And I totally agree with everything you said about cesarians being discounted by this forum. VBACS are great for those who can have them but it isn't possible for all of us and it's unfair that our experiences are discounted. Gee maybe we should start a yahoo group...just kidding, no time!
Anyway, hugs to you and Alena. Very glad to hear breastfeeding is going well.

Hikaru, still gestating away.....
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#18 of 110 Old 09-23-2003, 09:53 PM
 
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Congrats Ladylee!!!

Welcome Alena (love her name!!)

Jen

p.s. Right on!!
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#19 of 110 Old 09-23-2003, 11:59 PM
 
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Congrats Ladylee! Glad to hear about your birth!
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#20 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 03:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the congrats!! Alena is a sweet, sweet baby-we've all fallen in love.

Gee maybe we should start a yahoo group...just kidding, no time!-Hikaru

I know! I had the same thought, and arrived at the same conclusion of having no time! All the best to you & wishing you a wonderful birth Hikaru-it won't be much longer now!

PS-Welcome GoodWillHunter (my husband and I saw it on our first date )-that is an interesting comparison & I've often wondered about it myself.
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#21 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 03:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and when the anesthesia wore off I would have KILLED for one of those backscratcher thingies--I was lying there ITCHING all over for two days! Bless the nurses for scratching my back several times a day :LOL.
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#22 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ladylee
Our daughter Alena was born September 19th at 7:54 am--7 lbs 13 oz, 19.5 inches!!! We were in the hospital for two days and came home yesterday--we were able to nurse half an hour after delivery and overall, it was a very positive, beautiful, and joyous birth. She's doing wonderfully and I'm feeling good, as well.

I must say I'm annoyed by how this forum is set up without any mention of cesarean deliveries other than VBAC--it's very difficult for anyone who is unable to have a VBAC BUT IS STILL A NATURAL PARENT to find support. I suppose I can understand Mothering not wanting to mention the C word without a VBA before it--but I no longer feel particularly interested in supporting Mothering if that's the case. It has been repeatedly asked that there be a *clearly* identified place where we can find support, and I feel this issue has been swept under the rug over and over again.
First let me say congratulations ladylee. I'm so happy for you that all went well and your stay in hospital was a short one.

As for the issue of cesarean deliveries as a forum or subforum I apologize if I have responded in a manner that seemed to be a mere sweeping it under the rug. I will be straightforward. Mothering has never claimed to be everything for everyone and has no intention of trying to be. We cannot offer support for every single interest in the way of separate forums or subforums. We can and do encourage those who fall between the forums by way of title to start support threads for their needs.

To open a forum or subforum for cesarean section would, out of fairness, mean we should also open a forum for other interests such as formula feeding, disposable diapering, and religious circumcision (yes, we have received requests for these boards). That is simply not a direction that Mothering is intending to take. While Mothering has a defined main purpose and adheres to that, we try to make room for support and help in the things AP parents find themselves dealing with as a part of their own personal life choices and necessities for their families that don't really fall under the natural family living topics of Mothering's advocacy. That doesn't mean we can set up separate forums for whatever folks feel they need and we should. But it does mean that within the defined topics that make up Mothering we will try to make room for respectful discussions for things that aren't Mothering advocacy focused but are a reality of life for some Mothering parents.

Now that I've pulled that out from under the rug let me explain the new setup. When the question-request arose in Questions and Suggestions to place a cesarean board I discussed the subject with the moderators and the resounding response was that there really isn't a general board to place any sort of birth discussion other than VBAC and Homebirth. I'm Pregnant gives the board a "pregnancy discussion" feel so birthing discussions, whether c-section or vaginal birth, seemed to have fallen betweeen the category cracks and were being placed here and there. That's why we decided to open Birth and Beyond. That forum is intended to host birth discussions of all sorts, including cesarean section. VBAC, Homebirth, and Birth Stories are intended to be subforums within the Birth and Beyond board. But because I'm having a setup problem with the board system in getting it to show subforums I had to place the VBAC, Homebirth, and Birth Stories titles as part of the Birth and Beyond title so they wouldn't disappear. So that's something I am working on correcting. The board is Birth and Beyond and will accomodate c-section discussion for those who need the info and support there. If I can get descriptions working again that will be reflected in the description.

If not having a separate board devoted to cesarean section will cause us to lose support of some of our members I'm very sorry to hear that. But I must say again that we can't be everything to everyone. We do try to make room for respectable discussion of cesarean section for those who need it and if anything inappropriate is being posted in such discussions it should be reported.

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#23 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 07:44 AM
 
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Congratulations Ladylee! It seems as if everything is going smoothly. Let us know how things are going with you and your new addition and the rest of family.


To all of you mamas who don't feel supported here: don't leave MDC. You have my support and you are a resource of information for me. I also think that it is important for other natural parenting mamas to read your feelings, ideas, opinions...about c-sections.

I'd go on, but I need to get dressed. I don't think I can go out walking in just my underwear and the shirt I slept in. I should throw on some shoes at least.
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#24 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 10:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Cynthia, thanks for the congratulations.

The board is Birth and Beyond and will accomodate c-section discussion for those who need the info and support there. If I can get the descriptions working again that will be reflected in the title.

The exclusion of cesarean deliveries in the title was exactly what I was objecting to--thanks for clarifying that it will be part of the Birth and Beyond description. One more thing, and sorry to be a nudge, can we get rid of the word "section" and use "delivery" instead? Language is so powerful, I know I don't like to feel like I'm an orange being sectioned.
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#25 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 10:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks MamaOui-for both the good wishes and the support .

I have pictures! From my three year old daughter's perspective:


http://www.picturetrail.com/alenarane
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#26 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 10:53 AM
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Adaline Mae arrived on Sept 13th at 8:05 am. She was a little earlier than planned but it was a great c-birth. I'll tell you more later.

She weighed 7.8 and was 19.5 " long. She is a wonderfully sweet baby.
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#27 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 10:58 AM
 
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Hi Treelove So nice to hear from you
So a girl huh? So what's it like to have a little girl? I'm so happy
for you! Looking forward to hearing the birth story.
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#28 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 11:20 AM
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Sorry. I guess I'm out of check with what the appropriate terminology is. Will make a note to avoid use of the term "section".

Let me correct myself to say that it won't be placed as a part of the title but a apart of the description. The other boards will be removed from the title and each made a subforum within Birth and Beyond.

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#29 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 07:30 PM
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Congratulations Ladylee!

I must say Cynthia, that one difference between a c-section forum and circ and bottle feeding would be the fact that issues such as circ and bottle feeding tend to most often be a matter of choice (exept perhaps in cases where someone cannot breast feed), whereas a c-section is often something that happens to us dispite our wishes. In my case, I *tried* my best to avoid surgical delivery, despite cervical scarring and a spinal/pelvic deformity, I really, truely tried, and it is so hurtful when my births are not considered as worthy of mention as a v-back would be.

It just hurts that VBAC can be a part of the title, but Cesarean can't. Like my births aren't worthy of a mention, but those who have "succeded" at VBAC are.

Sorry if this may not seem quite clear. MDC can do what it wishes, I have no right to demand otherwise, but this does really hurt.

In any case, its not like someone would spend two days in pain trying not to circ, like I spent in labor trying to not be cut open.



DeAnna
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#30 of 110 Old 09-24-2003, 07:54 PM
 
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Cynthia, I understand what you're saying and I have no intention
of leaving thse boards (I get too much out of it and I LIKE to be a fly in the ointment )
I totally agree with dlb, and this is the exact problem I had with
Peggy's response when I wrote to the magazine a year ago
(posted that story above in this thread).
I highly doubt that most of us here on this forum would have had an elective, scheduled cesarian for convenience. I for one went
through 34 hours of contractions, was still not dilated and my son wouldn't descend at all. I burst into tears when
I finally agreed to let the doctor do the cesarean. I felt like a failure and that feeling comes back when it is implied all cesarians are unnecessary.
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