planned homebirth end up @ the hospital? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 02:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
SpiralWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle of the mid-south
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi all~
I was just wondering if anybody wants to discuss their feelings about their homebirth that wasn't. I was very excited for my homebirth, but we ended up in the hospital & although I avoided drugs, I am still dissatisfied about some of the events. I wished for a gentle birth & that is not what I got. I also still question in my mind the reason my midwife suggested we transfer. I'm tired of 2nd guessing myself & would like to come to an understanding & acceptance of what happened, good & bad.
Hoping this new forum will be a good place for this~
blessings, Maria
SpiralWoman is offline  
#2 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 02:33 AM
 
StarMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: California
Posts: 4,505
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I would I would! NAK though...

I'm really bummed I ended up in the hospital. I know its not my "fault", but I still feel like I've failed. I feel like I failed even further because I ended up w/ an epidural.

I'll come back to speak more when I can.

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
StarMama is offline  
#3 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 03:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
SpiralWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle of the mid-south
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
PAK (playing on my lap)
Hi Lisa Lynn, sometimes I feel I have so much to say about this that if I start typing, I will never be able to stop! There are so many issues & overlapping concerns in my head, it is very overwhelming.
Quote:
I wished for a gentle birth & that is not what I got.
I should have said, that a gentle birth is not what my DS got, & ABOUT THAT I FEEL WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Being he is my 1st, I just never could have understood how all this was *his* experience, too- not just mine. KWIM? My biggest complaint or regret about our experience is how we had no privacy @ the moment of his birth. Just a few *little* things took what should have been a precious event away from us. I don't know, privacy isn't even what I mean. They (the medical staff) didn't put him on my belly & I didn't see him or touch him right when he 1st came out. I had him about 5 (? maybe less) minutes later & he never left the room, no shots or anything done to him, but he was all wrapped up & it just seems that I missed something so precious & important. Don't know how to get over that. Put it behind me? Re-imagine it? Anyway, sometimes it seems like such a minor thing & that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, ya know? Other times I have seriuos grief about it that I cannot deny & I wonder if it has impacted us & our bonding, breastfeeding, etc.

Anyway, enough from me, I know there are others out there who have been/are going thru dissappointment of some kind about their birthing experience & I really hope that talking about it helps.
blessings, maria
SpiralWoman is offline  
#4 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 03:39 PM
 
mrzmeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: outside over there
Posts: 3,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm there with y'all.
I planned a homebirth, but decided to transfer to the hospital about 15 hours into active labor (I had been having prodromal labor for weeks, but that's another post). I was tired---I had only slept 6 hours in the previous two days---and was disheartened because I wasn't progressing. My MW was supportive, so I decided to go to the hospital. I went there, got an IV (turns out I was pretty dehydrated) and some nubain. Tristan was in my arms within four hours.
The actual birth was unmedicated (nubain wears off quickly), but I feel like I let myself and ds down. It's been almost a year and I'm still processing my feelings. I think one reason I'm anxious to have another baby is to have a chance to do birth "right".
mrzmeg is offline  
#5 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
SpiralWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle of the mid-south
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
I think one reason I'm anxious to have another baby is to have a chance to do birth "right".
Ditto, except we are about 90% sure we aren't going to try for another one, money, infertility issues, age, etc. I still keep thinking "next time" whenever I process this, whenever I think "what did I learn?" But it doesn't look like I'll get to use it.

We went to the hopsital bcz of meconium stained amniotic fluid. My water broke 1st & my labor was progressing along really well, but my MW said it was the darkest staining she'd ever seen. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. BUt now I wish wish wish I would have been stronger/more confident to stay home. I really 2nd guess my MW too. Why wasn't she more committed to a homebirth with me? Why didn't I pick a DE MW instead of a CPM? etc, etc. I almost think she wanted me inthe hospital to get the IV for GBS that she was going to give me at home, but she was having trouble getting the IV started. But that is way paranoid, would she really do that to me? I get sick & tired of that kind of ruminating & trying to find someone other than myself to blame. I'm so tired of the "whatif" game!
gotta run!
SpiralWoman is offline  
#6 of 51 Old 09-23-2003, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
SpiralWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle of the mid-south
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh Lisa Lynn! I didn't see till now that little Orion is only a week old! Congrats congrats congrats!!! I want you to be very very proud of yourself & Orion & never feel like you failed! But I know how it feels to 2nd guess & blame yourself. I just wish Natural birth wasn't such a minefield for us mommas! Glad there are people here who are willing to talk about it. I remeber back when griffin was 1 week old, what a blessing! Your guy is adorable!
SpiralWoman is offline  
#7 of 51 Old 09-24-2003, 04:53 PM
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I am still very depressed about my failed VBAC homebirth. my son was an emergency c-section, no labour at all. I had eclampsia and almost died so there was no question I needed that intervention. With my daughter I laboured at home for 25 hours. I was only at 5 and was in excruciating pain (my contractions only had 2 minutes between them and lasted 8-10 minutes in length!) so i went to the hospital for an epidural. Well within 10 minutes of the epidural my baby went into fetal distress and we ended up with an emergency c-section. I am still having a very hard time coping with this. MY weakness almost led to my child's death. I spend hours thinking about how if I just hadn't gotten that damn epidural. I want to try a homebirth again with my 3rd (want to ttc in 2005) but the midwives say no way. The only thing I've come up with now is TELL them I'm going to go to the hospital but that I'll labour at home as long as possible. Then if things are going fine I'll just tell them I'm not going. What can they do to me?

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
#8 of 51 Old 09-25-2003, 04:04 AM
 
EarthWind's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: California
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello everyone! I don't post that often but this thread caught my attention.
I'm right there with you women! My son is now 3yo, and I finally now feel like I am getting somewhere on the healing path - but it has been a long haul. I had some serious depression only recently and realized it was time to go back to my therapist. It was very helpful and I can't recommend it enough. I also spent a whole lot of time processing the birth experience. I started studying midwifery to gain a better understanding of my son's birth and my birth as a mother, did shamanic work to understand and heal from the "why me" of it all, and many other paths. I would say that all of the work I have done has really helped me in my healing journey. My most recent foray was in a childbirth educator training I did a couple of weeks ago. It was with Birthworks (which I cannot recommend highly enough) and in the training we learned a lot about how to facilitate women to find their own way through their birth. Also one of the childbirth classes for parents is about grief and loss. I was a 'guinnea pig' for a grief and healing visualization and it was truly amazing. There are definitely people who are out there doing the work around healing from difficult birth experiences so I would highly encourage anyone who is still suffering and grieving from their birth experience to seek out help. My son is three and I can hardly believe that I'm still on this healing path. But it has certainly been an initiation, that's for sure. And it's absolutely been transformational. Hang in there women! Stay on the healing path - experience the grief and loss and see if therein lies a gem. It's really hard to find the beauty in such a traumatic, unwished for experience, but it's there, somewhere. Sometimes the beauty finds us. But in my experience, it is a cyclical process. I don't know if I will ever truly not have the scar in my psyche from my son's birth, but I know that scars are actually quite strong.

Be very kind to yourselves, you lovely women. Love is the key. (I know, sounds trite, but I like to think of love (the love I learn to have for myself) as the salve for my wounds.)

I don't know if this is at all relevant, but all of your voices spoke to me - because I've been there and visit those difficult emotional places often.

Peace and love to all of you,

Michelle
EarthWind is offline  
#9 of 51 Old 09-25-2003, 02:31 PM
 
Kerlowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Forest of North Quabbin, MA
Posts: 2,181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, I edited a very, very long story to this: Began labor on a Tuesday morning at home, went to the hospital Friday morning to get Pit to stay in labor. At 4:00 PM all of the residents on the maternity floor went home for the weekend with no one checking to see if there was some one who would be delivering! So, the Head Nurse in OB came and shut off my pit! And my labor stopped!!!
So, they called the on call OB to come in (he came 3 hours later), he was a nasty old man who examined me, grabbed the baby's head and completed his head rotation without telling me (the pain!) then threatened me with a CS if I did not have the baby in half an hour! I screamed at him, got very scared, told them to crank up the pit and had my baby in half an hour, 9:30PM Friday night. Thank the gods the OB was not there, it was just the MWs, my mom and DS's father. Later, the OB had the nerve to tell the MWs "see, I knew I could get that baby out in half an hour" and I heard him say it!
So, about my feelings, because that is what you asked...at first I was both so, so angry at the hospital and at that awful OB, and at the same time overwhelmed with the love for my new baby. I did not feel like I had failed, in fact I felt very empowered about having labored 4 days with out pain meds. I think the thing that hurt the most is that I used anger and spitefulness to birth my baby (I'll show that OB) instead of love and peacefulness. KWIM? But the MWs, at the time of the actual pushing/birthing surrounded me with peace and love, and when DS actually arrived it was a blessed time and for that moment it was all worth it.
After, it did take months and months to get over the feelings of anger, guilt and sadness, but when I felt bad, DS would make me see how worth it it all was.
My next baby was born in a hospital. I realized for me, it was WHO I gave birth with rather than where. I love the midwifery practice I go to (they were the back ups for the lay MWs I used for my HB). Ironically, my next baby was born 45 minutes after getting to the hospital, 4 hours total labor. I still did not get my peaceful birth (I screamed like a wild animal!ild) but I did get the birth I wanted...no meds or any interventions.

Give yourself time to feel, and enjoy yur child. More than anything, time and my DS helped the most.

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
Kerlowyn is offline  
#10 of 51 Old 09-25-2003, 07:45 PM
 
Greaseball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 8,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Well, I never even got to try it at home. I was discharged from my midwife's care at 36 weeks due to GBS. I went into labor at 38 weeks and delivered in the hospital with the abx, which was the single most horrible part of the whole experience. I managed to avoid drugs, and dd and I were never separated, but it was less than ideal. I let them break my water, thinking it was a harmless intervention, and everything went downhill from there. I ended up with forceps after pushing for 4 hours when I never felt an urge to push. DD was born will all kinds of bruises from them. For nearly a year afterward, I was convinced that the hospital was the way to go and I would just go there in the future and not try the homebirth again. But I started to get suspicious, and asked around, and found out the midwife I was seeing actually does do home treatments for GBS. Other midwives, when hearing this and not knowing it was her, have referred me to her. They all say it is very strange and was no reason to go to the hospital.

I don't know what it could have been; maybe she just didn't like me. But this time I am going to do it at home and make it clear that if I am discharged from care, I want to be referred to another midwife. I'm too scared to even go to the OB office, or my regular doctor, for anything because I'm afraid I will get talked into the hospital again. There are only 4 midwives in my area; 3 are actually out of town and travel. I really hope one of them works out and I don't end up having to call the first one and convince her to take me on again.

I have a lot of doubts, and dh doesn't understand. He thought I was fine with the hospital and I explained that I was at the time, but now I know better. Also, I was so out of my mind with pain and exhaustion that I really don't remember much about being there. He says he thought the doctor did a good job, and that a healthy baby is the most important. Yeah, but the mother's experience matters too. I'm sure the doctor was skilled at forceps use - how else could I have ended up with an intact perineum in spite of everything that was done? - but I don't think it really had to be done in the first place. We had a doula, which did help some, but she was a nurse so had never seen a natural birth. She never told me to change positions or anything to avoid all the interventions.

So I really feel a need to get it right...
Greaseball is offline  
#11 of 51 Old 09-26-2003, 01:10 AM
 
pamamidwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Oregon
Posts: 7,639
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
oh, my maude - Greaseball, I just saw your tagline! Congrats! I know that things will be different for you this time - you deserve to have a healthy, safe, empowering and beautiful birth.
pamamidwife is offline  
#12 of 51 Old 09-26-2003, 02:44 AM
 
nutmeggmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 127
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by Heavenly
Well within 10 minutes of the epidural my baby went into fetal distress and we ended up with an emergency c-section. I am still having a very hard time coping with this. MY weakness almost led to my child's death. I spend hours thinking about how if I just hadn't gotten that damn epidural.
(((Shawna))) No that I am endorsing epidurals as a rule, but my first thought when I started reading that was "how amazing that she knew her body/baby well enough to go to the hospital, get the epi in time for the emergency C-section. I never ever would have read that *your* weakness would have anything to do without seeing it later in the paragraph. If it was the epi causing the distress, they could have turned it off. Instead you were able to avoid the general aneth. Healing hugs sweet sister...I hope that you can continue to be honest with yourself and continue to grieve and heal. You may have done the healthiest thing for your baby by acknowledging that it may be the time to go in to the hosp. I know that hearing that "a healthy baby is the most important outcome" totally ignores *your* feelings about the whole thing. Thank you for sharing your honesty.
(((Shawna)))
nutmeggmama is offline  
#13 of 51 Old 09-27-2003, 03:43 PM
 
hobbitsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: CT
Posts: 43
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow. this thread definitely caught my attention. we planned a homebirth and ended up in the hospital too.
i can really relate to a lot of what i have read from all you other wonderful mamas. it has been very hard to heal .. and when i look at what some of you have come through .. i feel guilty for feeling disappointed with our birth experience. i was very lucky in comparison .. but still i am working on healing and it is taking a long time. my daughter is almost 17 months now. i keep thinking "next time" but i know i need to be focused on the present to be here for her. besides there is no guarantee that things will be perfect next time either .. or even that there will BE a next time.
i am starting to question the way our midwife handled the situation ... was it really necessary to go to the hospital? i have been reading "ina may's guide to childbirth" (great book!) and i keep thinking .. "if my midwife had done this or that then maybe i could have had my baby at home." but then i think .. i should not blame her. then i take too much blame on myself. my midwife implies that i was too afraid and that if i had needed to move around more to get the baby out then i would have done so. i think i needed and expected more guidance from her. and i was very uncomfortable with her backup midwife who was at our birth and told me to start pushing way too early. i ended up pushing for 8.5 hours before we drove 45 minutes to our backup dr., got pitocin and pushed my daughter out in 45 minutes ... dealt with bureaucratic b.s., finally got discharged at 1 a.m. and went home. i know i am lucky in comparison .. but it is hard to let go of what you planned and dreamed of ... the peace of home .. and my dh also says "our daughter is healthy" so i am mouring alone. besides it isn't his body that "failed." the worst part has been dealing with my family and friends who thought we were endangering our baby with a homebirth saying "we knew the best place for you was the hospital. " ugh. they think we have "learned our lesson."
ok, sorry about this super huge message. i needed to get a lot off my chest .. thank you for listening. i look forward to hearing from more moms about their experiences and thoughts.
hobbitsmama is offline  
#14 of 51 Old 09-27-2003, 10:37 PM
 
Greaseball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 8,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Almost everyone I knew was glad I went to the hospital as well. The only people who were concerned were my parents, of course, since they had me at home. But everyone said they were so relieved when they found out, even people who had seemed supportive from the beginning.

After they got to see dd for the first time they all asked "What are you going to do next time?" And I said I would go to the hospital, which is what they wanted to hear, and which is what I believed at the time. So now I can expect even less support from them if they find out I'm doing it at home. I keep hoping they won't ask but I'm sure it will come up.

Maybe I could get some of them to come along to a MW appointment; I'm sure they will be impressed when they see how different it is from an OB appt! More personal and thorough.
Greaseball is offline  
#15 of 51 Old 09-27-2003, 11:41 PM
 
crayon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Where snow drifts, drift....
Posts: 3,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
My story could go on and on… I hear you girl! I couldn’t afford MW so we decided to go UC- it was no big deal because I had been trained as a doula and we were pretty educated on birth and the what not. I had been to tons of doctors under the sun about a bone condition I have and I been classified as “high-risk” with very little education form any doctor on my condition and anything I would say was quickly dismissed by their medical opinion- not the knowledge of normal birth. I did have a back-up doctor if I had to go to the hospital that was also a specialist in my bone condition- I figured I would have my basis covered. So, when labor started on Saturday March 29th I almost threw a party! I baked a cake and got all the shower curtains out and the towels and the clean dipe I couldn’t wit to really get into labor! Well 24 hours later still in labor and still no baby- I thought I would have a super fast labor be in bed with my baby that same night and sleep happily ever after! Well, my dream birth never happened. It was into the 30th hour and my labor got real hard lots of leg labor- by the 38th hour DP started worrying and that made me doubt and after several “do you want to go yet”? questions I decided maybe I was being too stubborn and I decided it was time to go to the hospital. So in hour 39 we got there- first they tried to make me sit in the waiting room- so I started screaming with a cx and you should have seen how fast they moved! I got another doctor form my Dr.’s practice that I never met- my super outspoken partner some how got a frog in his throat and didn’t advocate for me. I started pushing and all the sudden I felt a sharp pinch in my area and I screamed “what the hell are you doing” and the doctor said “it was a shot to numb you in case I need to cut you” WHAT???? I was so pissed I started screaming at her that I was not giving her the consent to cut me. After a heated argument as I am pushing my baby out- FLAT ON MY BACK! She backed off. Damn chick! So we had made it a point to say several time we didn’t want the cord cut- and what did they do before she was even out?? I hear the doctor say “cord is done pulsating” and before I could do a thing it was cut! I was so upset. Then we said we didn’t want vitamin K and the eye drops and they said if we refused the eye drops they would call a judge right then and take our brand new beautiful baby girl away from us and put her in custody of the state and do it anyway. I felt so violated by the system and by my voice not being heard. I can only imagine how other women who have had it worse than I feel. It is the most magical day of your life and the hospital staff strips so much of that away- I will never again birth a baby at the hospital. I love my baby too much to have my parental rights over ridded and taken away from me. I am her parent and I have the right to say what happens to her- be it the cord that attaches her to myself or the medication she is given- I forgot! They gave me the meds for GSB as I was in labor and because she was born within 1 hour they gave it to her again! I was so pissed. So that is my story- I make myself feel better by knowing it could have been so much worse- they would never have let me go 40 hours in labor! But still I was violated- and it makes me so sad.

Like I sad all my other babies will be born at home- And I am happy to say my Rainey was born natural and very healty.

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
crayon is offline  
#16 of 51 Old 09-28-2003, 12:02 AM
 
shelley4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,127
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
my son (now 2) was a planned homebirth that ended up in hospital. it was horrible.. i never met the doc before, and he never even introduced himself... he just sat down and said "i'm going to help you now" (i was thinking, help with what? i'm doing fine).. and proceeded to give me a *huge* episiotomy!! what the crap!!! because my son was born with the cord wrapped pretty tightly around his neck, and because there was meconium in the water, i only got to see him for a minute (and that's only because our midwife practically forced them to let me see him!), and then he got whisked off to the nursery "for observation and tests".. that lasted *3 hours*!!!!!!! i was separated from my newborn for 3 whole crappy hours. now, he was just fine, he didn't inhale any meconium, he was breathing well.. but the nurses in the nursery made it sound like he was severely sick.. not great for a new, first time momma to hear. we ended up staying in hospital for 3 days "for observation". i wish i would have just walked out that night.

for the last 2 years, it has always hurt. i've been sad and embarassed. i've only now found great comfort in the fact that my daughter, Ellia, was a successful homebirth, i was never separated from her at all.

Momma to K ('01), E ('03) and A ('07)
Acting as a Gestational Surrogate for my cousin, EDD Jan 17th
shelley4 is online now  
#17 of 51 Old 09-28-2003, 04:22 PM
XM
 
XM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,209
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hope that I am not butting in too much here ladies. But I wanted to share my thougts. For those of you who don't 'know' me, we had our first in a hospital. The way my labor was handled was a comedy of errors, we did have a 12 hour drug-free labor but my daughter died sometime during the 10 minutes I was pushing her out. I was told that she had not shown any signs of distress, which I found to be a bald-faced lie when I got a copy of the records. I think that in their medical arrogance they just figured that they would resusitate. My son's labor was 10 hours, my midwife caught him at home after 23 minutes of pushing.

In talking to many mamas, boh here and IRL, I have heard such disappointment when mamas admit to having an epidural or a c-section. So I ask them what their situation was, and they say things like, "I was induced at 37 weeks for Preeclampsia" or "I was on an IV for ______" and it makes me so sad the expectations that those of us who are educated about the kind of birth we want have for ourselves have us questioning ourselves and our efforts like that.

The way I see it, sure... a drug free birth at home is the ideal. But once other factors enter the picture (induction, IV's, a provider who doesn't beleive in birth, etc) this can make a drug-free birth nearly impossible. I can tell you all right now, that if I had had an IV, EFM, or anything else that would have limited my movement, I would have needed drugs for my pain. If I had been induced, I would have needed an epidural for the pain, as it is known that induced ctx are so much more painful then regular ones. The only thing that got me through my labors w/o drugs was the ability to move and to be in a shower to releive my pain. If I were on my back in a bed, I don't think I would have been able to handle 10 minutes of ctx.

One friend told me how sad she was that she had a c-sec. When I asked her more, she said how 1) she had preeclampsia, so 2) she was induced at 36 weeks, which meant 3) an IV filled with 4) pitocin and other fun things, which meant 5) that she was stuck on the bed for the IV and 6) EFM. She pushed for 5 1/2 hours before she consented to a c-sec. WOW. That mama tried her heart out. She certainly experienced a LOT more pain then I did, and pushed about 14 times longer then I ever have. In my opinion, she deserves to be just as proud of her efforts as I am of mine, if not more so.

Okay, I have to nurse ds right now, will finish this later. I hope I have not hurt anyone or put my foot in my mouth. You are all fierce mamas and should all be proud of yourselves.

XM
XM is offline  
#18 of 51 Old 09-29-2003, 03:20 PM
dlb
 
dlb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: between the silence of the mountains, and the crashing of the sea....
Posts: 1,250
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been following this thread, and have not yet posted because of the pain it reminds me of from my own birth expectations being dashed.

I had a horrible first labor, induced after nearly 43 weeks, hours and hours of contractions, fetal distress after pro-longed pushing, so a c-section. It hurt so bad that I felt like I had failed, if I had only tried harder, if I hadn't been induced....if I, if I...And so many folks made comments about how I should have relaxed more, or just pushed harder.

So for my second I tried a mid-wife, who let me labor in her very comfortable home to get away from then regulaions re-garding v-bac in her birth center or at home. I tried, I was educated, I walked, I squatted... I did not dialate...after a full a day of this, and horrible exhaustion, I consented to a transfer. I fully trusted my midwife on this, knowing that I had some specific problems (most notably a deformed pelvis-- with a tail bone that is actually at an acute right angle, and severe cervical scar tissue from laser surgery to remove in situ cancerous cells just before my second pregnancy). The ob I was transferred to was wonderfully supportive, she had done my pre-cancer surgery earlier, and was very understanding of my needs. However, I did at that point feel the need for an epidural (was this failure?), and they did try a small dose of pitocin. Even after hours and hours, I would not open up. So I had another c-section. And went home with a tremendous sense of disapointment and loss.

I still have some glimmers of feelings about the births that I need to process, but I just wanted to encourage you who are in the midst of it. It gets better! You will wake up one day and not feel that dark cloud over your head, and you will feel like the strong woman you wanted to feel like. If not in how your birth went, in how you mother. I am not trying to minimize your pain, its there, and its real, and believe me, I know how it hurts. But it will get better.

Quote:
One friend told me how sad she was that she had a c-sec. When I asked her more, she said how 1) she had preeclampsia, so 2) she was induced at 36 weeks, which meant 3) an IV filled with 4) pitocin and other fun things, which meant 5) that she was stuck on the bed for the IV and 6) EFM. She pushed for 5 1/2 hours before she consented to a c-sec. WOW. That mama tried her heart out. She certainly experienced a LOT more pain then I did, and pushed about 14 times longer then I ever have. In my opinion, she deserves to be just as proud of her efforts as I am of mine, if not more so.
Thank you so much for this XM, from another mama who tried her heart out, this was the most beautiful and healing thing I could have read. Thank you for the respect for what c-birth mama's go through, so many act like we didn't really do anything birth wise.



DeAnna
dlb is offline  
#19 of 51 Old 09-29-2003, 06:04 PM
 
Lakin24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Greenville, SC
Posts: 107
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's taken me months to get over the birth of my younger daughter, and in many ways I am still angry and disappointed. We had planned a UC vbac with baby #2 and everything through the pregnancy went easy as pie -- and then I started bleeding, heavy bright red blood, so off to the hospital we went.

It's a long story... I came home against medical advice when the bleeding stopped and they couldn't explain it, only to have it start again 12 hours later and end up right back in the hospital. Bleeding was on and off. I had many an ultrasound (when I had not wanted one at all) and had an amniocentesis to see if the baby's lungs were okay (I was 33½ weeks pregnant). The amnio caused my water to break and bleeding to start again...... so my gentle UC homebirth ended up being an emergency c-section. AND the doctor was so offended by my even trying to have a homebirth (I told her that doctors were not necessary for birthing & she was totally offended and rude) that she did not even bother to avoid making a vertical incision.

Instead of babymooning in bed for 10 days we got to camp up at the NICU for 10 days waiting for the hospital to release my beautiful daughter. The only comfort I take is in knowing that she never had a drop of anything but my breastmilk - on this I was very forceful and insistent.

My whole birth story can be found here: http://www.birthlove.com/pages/csec_vbac/addah.html or here: http://www.obrientower.com/addah/addahbirthstory.htm.

We will not be having any more children, and in that decision we are very secure and happy. But I can't ever help but feel some residual anger and disappointment at how totally botched Addah's birth was from how we planned and wanted it. I will never have a natural birth, I will never have a vaginal birth. Making peace with that is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

Heather
Mama to two tween girls and a stillborn baby girl (7/1/12)... and now expecting baby #4 in April 2014.

Writer at The Destiny Manifest: http://www.thedestinymanifest.com

 

Lakin24 is offline  
#20 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 05:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
SpiralWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle of the mid-south
Posts: 2,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi all!
well, I haven't had a chance to reply to this thread since the day I started it, but I have been reading faithfully. It is at the same time enlightening & disheartening to read all of our stories. I come away mourning for our unfulfilled potential, but also in awe of the strength we have shown against oftentimes tremendous odds.

My mind is filled with question after question... but I always come back to this: What can I do to transform the destructive attitudes & barriers that surround natural birth in this culture? I am convinced that each one of us would be at peace with our births if we knew the best possible outcome for ourselves & our babies had been achieved. But the odds are stacked against us by a culture that disempowers women & disregards the benefits of natural birth. I know that despite years of research, education, & planning, I could only insulate myself so far & in the end, had to compromise and settle for less than my ideal. There were just no other choices left. I am coming to a place where I am able to move beyond blaming any one person, be that myself, my MW, my Dr, etc.

For a time I have felt that since I did not have a homebirth, I wouldn't have a place among those who did. The same might be true for the feelings of a C-mom who still wants to discuss natural birth, etc. It is so easy to feel judged by those who have done what we tried to do. For me, I think those feelings have mainly come from inside of me, my own judgemental voice that berates me, not from the natural birth community here or elsewhere. I think that at the end of healing comes action. I hope that out of this experience I will be able to be even more an outspoken & active part of the natural birth community instead of less.

blessings to all, maria
SpiralWoman is offline  
#21 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 01:49 PM
 
BirthTender's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Hampton, TN/Elk Park, NC area
Posts: 384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HI, all. I've been reading all these posts about these disappointing births. I've had them, too. I am presently a direct-entry.
In the almost 23 years that i've been involved in some capacity in midwifery/homebirth/consumer advocacy, I've seen some CPM's who were a whole lot more interventive than some homebirth CNM's (especially CNM's who were doing homebirths as a direct-entry midwife for years before becoming a CNM) & I've seen some direct-entry midwives who were more interventive than some homebirth CNM's or CPM's. I've also seen some very interventive CNM's, but I also know a hospital CNM who is one of the most non-interventive midwives (& uses lots of herbs & alternatives in the hospital!)that I have ever known & tells the nurses what the couple/lady wants or doesn't want!
I've said many times on these forums, that one has to carefully check out all the attendants in your area to find the right one for you (even if that sometimes means going more than 2 hour away). Some folks will even travel into a preferred attendant's neighborhood & have the baby in motels, travel trailers, friends' & relatives' homes, the midwife's home, etc. That happens alot. So, don't automatically assume that the one attendant or attendants who is/are sanctioned by the controlling rumor mongering types in her state or area is/are the right attendant for you. You'd be very surprised at some of the reasons that the rumor-mongering insecure, but loud mouthed types start rumors or half-truths on other midwives & sometimes it's been for reasons, like one midwife has a nicer home than another! There's a serious lack of respect & trust for other midwives among the non-CNM types & that is very disheartening.
I encourage all of you to really take your time in chekcing out attendants. Require them to supply you w/ a Informed Document that hopefully covers all their training, complications, fees, & many other things & then ask for a no-strings-attached consult. Many midwives in my practice area dont' supply these totally informative documents & dont' have a no-strings-attached consult & the couple doesn't search out others before choosing one & only then beginning prenatals. Also, know that there are safe ways (w/ much empirical evidence that they do work) to get rid of strep through all kinds of concoctions that dont' have anything to do w/ IV antibiotics. But for the ones who choose the antibiotics over the ways that I suggest for dealing w/ the strep (which also includes a don't test option), I will do an IV antibiotic for them. I would also do an glucose IV for someone who was dehydrated & couldn't stop vomiting, so she could get some energy back & remain at home. I'm a RN, (but was a midwife long before getting the RN) so wouldn't have trouble doing that & can order the fluids w/out any problems. Remember that sometimes things happen at birth that aren't our ideals & there's no explanation. One has to research & understand & make better choices for next time, yes, but there are still so many unknowns about everything in birth & death, too. As I've said many times on this forum & others, most folks take more time & care at picking out a new car, then they do in choosing someone to help them in one of their most important life events. That was longwinded & now i need to get off & go do some prenatals. Many warm regards to you all, Karen Valcourt of BirthTender in the foothills of the NC Mtns.
BirthTender is offline  
#22 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 04:36 PM
 
StarMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: California
Posts: 4,505
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by BirthTender
One has to research & understand & make better choices for next time, yes, but there are still so many unknowns about everything in birth & death, too. As I've said many times on this forum & others, most folks take more time & care at picking out a new car, then they do in choosing someone to help them in one of their most important life events.
Perhaps this was not directed to all of us here, but I'm confused... I DID research and interview and cover all my bases with my midwives. I was actually seeking out midwives before we were even TTC'ing. It didn't keep me from developing pre-eclampsia. What "better choice" could I have made in my situation? I trusted my midwives, and even called to ask them which direction I should take once the hospital doctors wanted to admit me (I was seeing doctors to have my labs done under my insurance since my midwives were out of pocket). I certainly hope that next time I'm able to have my homebirth, but what choices did I screw up on this time?

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
StarMama is offline  
#23 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 10:58 PM
 
BirthTender's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Hampton, TN/Elk Park, NC area
Posts: 384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lisa Lynn, you didn't screw up on any choices. Karen of BirthTender
BirthTender is offline  
#24 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 11:28 PM
 
BirthTender's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Hampton, TN/Elk Park, NC area
Posts: 384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
<but there are still so many unknowns about everything in birth & death, too>

Lisa, my short post posted before I was ready, guess I hit something when i got up to go to bathroom. Sounds like the pre-eclampsia hit suddenly (it does sometimes) & it's hard to say if it would have abated at that point, if you had gone home & done a number of things to bring it under control. I had pre-eclampsia w/ my first, as well & ended up transporting, too. I did do more research the next times (3 more times) around & had it under control through diet, herbs, supplements, behavior modification, & etc. & went on to have 3 babies at home. Warm Regards, Karen of BirthTender
BirthTender is offline  
#25 of 51 Old 09-30-2003, 11:42 PM
 
bfbabygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 57
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
BirthTender, I found your posts very insightful and right on the mark. IMO, whenever a midwife or midwives are not even present at the birth or postpartum, then that is extremely poor care of a client. If they are not there to advocate for a birth plan and run interference in the most interfering environment known to birthing (Hospital) then the vulnerable party (birthing mother) is left all on her own and no amount of antenatal hand holding or good feelings or 'they are so nice!' counts for jack in that moment.

That is my experience, not saying it's truth for all. But honestly, how can anyone pay a birth attendant when that attendant isn't right there at the birth? Or the birth attendant is too busy other times, missing births, etc. I don't understand that at all. Support should be there for the birthing mother no matter what. If the midwife isn't there or turns the care over to a doctor, then the client is just like any other birthing woman in the hospital. Well, maybe that birthing woman knows that she shouldn't be in hospital and what those drugs and violence are doing to her and the baby. But in the end, the birth is another statistic for Inductions, C-Sections, and other managed birth practices in this country. It didn't matter then that a midwife was involved along the way, except to the pocketbook.
bfbabygirl is offline  
#26 of 51 Old 10-01-2003, 03:14 AM
XM
 
XM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,209
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hmmm... this thread was to be a supportive place for mamas who planned a homebirth and ended up with a hospital birth. It seems to have taken a turn from the OP's intent.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by BirthTender
One has to research & understand & make better choices for next time, yes, but there are still so many unknowns about everything in birth & death, too. As I've said many times on this forum & others, most folks take more time & care at picking out a new car, then they do in choosing someone to help them in one of their most important life events.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know... it's true that *most* women don't put much thought into their births. Our society makes birth seem something that happens *to* us, not something that we can actively participate in. So they plan their epidurals and leave it at that. So many women don't even know enough about their bodies or natural birth to know when something is truly wrong and when their doc is full of BS in reccomending various interventions. And even women who know that there is more to be desired in birth then just surviving it cannot always find the level of care that they deserve, ending up with a medwife who gives them lip service or a doc who says they support natural birth (in their minds, meaning vaginal) and fails to mention that they pride themselves on how well they can stitch an episiotomy.

Perhaps it would be different if we didn't have a patriarchial society where women are strangers to their bodies and midwives are still persecuted for serving women with the compassion and options that we deserve. Until then, we mamas can only do our best with what we are given.

One thing that needs to be remembered is that the vast majority of the mamas on this thread are NOT women who were uninformed about birth, as are the majority of women are in our society. If they were, they would not be questioning thier experiences and choices because they would'nt *know* any better then what they experienced. But they DID educate themselves, and circumstances convened that did not allow them to fulfill their wishes. I think this deserves recognition and respect. Having a natural homebirth IMO depends on a combination of preperation and luck. You can do all the research and be fully educated and prepared, taking awesome care of yourself and something can still happen to screw up your plans.

If these women were ignorant of birth, they would not be grieving their homebirths.

My friend that developed preeclampsia was a size 7 and very healthy. You'd think she would have had the easy birth and I would have had the hard one! She did all the right things but when it came down to her care providers telling her that the baby was in trouble... well, no matter what your plans, when your providers are telling you that your baby is at risk your 'ideal birth' goes out the window and you just want to save the baby. To suggest that such a mama may do better next time because she can make 'better choices' is a slap in the face. No matter how well you prepare, there will always be those 'unknowns' that you mention...

But I *do* agree that if more women were better educated about birth that providers would HAVE to respect our wishes and do more to give us the births we want. But since so many women think that birth is 'just that way', they usually let providers pull all kinds of crap without even questioning it, and then steamroll the rest of us who dare to ask for compassion and respect in birth. I am sure that a midwife would have caught my dd's distress, but I could not find a MW in my area who would take me, so I *had* to go with a doc. Too many midwives (at least in my state) are more concerned about litigation and liability then helping other women because of the really scary politics involved. This is more of a point of concern then women who don't know that they can expect more from birth, IMNSHO.

And to imply that maybe I should have tried harder to find a MW for my dd is disrespectful. I tried every avenue available. How did I find my MW this time? LUCK. A new mama friend who just happened to see my post here looking for a MW PM'd me and we went from there. I prepared to the hilt last time, doing Bradley, an organic whole foods Brewer diet, seeing a chiropracor, taking herbs. This time I also prepared... but I needed a bit of that LUCK for things to fall into place so I could have my homebirth.

I am so sorry to have jacked your thread, Maria. You ladies all have my deepest respect, you are all strong, brave mamas and I just wanted to be supportive. Sorry about the incohesive novel, it is late and it's time to go to bed already.

XM
XM is offline  
#27 of 51 Old 10-01-2003, 04:20 AM
 
StarMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: California
Posts: 4,505
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by BirthTender
<but there are still so many unknowns about everything in birth & death, too>

Lisa, my short post posted before I was ready, guess I hit something when i got up to go to bathroom. Sounds like the pre-eclampsia hit suddenly (it does sometimes) & it's hard to say if it would have abated at that point, if you had gone home & done a number of things to bring it under control. I had pre-eclampsia w/ my first, as well & ended up transporting, too. I did do more research the next times (3 more times) around & had it under control through diet, herbs, supplements, behavior modification, & etc. & went on to have 3 babies at home. Warm Regards, Karen of BirthTender
Well I know you don't know my whole situation, but I had been having creeping blood pressure issues for the last half of my pregnancy. I was taking herbs, watching my diet, immersing myself in water, keeping calm and laying down several times a day on my left side, ect, ect, ect to keep my blood pressure from rising to a dangerous level.

I did everything I could, and its VERY hurtful to have you come in and say "it's hard to say if it would have abated at that point, if you had gone home & done a number of things to bring it under control" in a support thread. I'm sure you didn't intend for it to hurt me, but it has, big time.

Here I am, tearful, hurt, upset, feeling like I'm a big fat failure because my body "screwed up" (and is continuing to "screw up" when my milk still isn't in FOURTEEN days after birth, but that's another thread), feeling like I must have just not found or thought of some avenue to turn to in order to magically 'fix' this, feeling like I let the doctors pressure me in the face of YOUR AND YOUR BABY'S LIFE IS IN DANGER comments, ect, ect and the last thing I need here is a comment like "hmmmm well maybe if you would have gone home and did something it could have been better". That really isn't doing a darn bit of good in helping me *feel* better here in this SUPPORT thread. Yes maybe I *could* have gone home and took some herbs or some sort to try to lower my BP and the protein in my urine. Or perhaps I could have come home and had a seizure or stroke.

I get that you're just trying to be helpful, and impart information to us that we should be making the best choices we can and being educated about birth and pregnancy and labor and midwives and everything else, but like XM says, I think that all the women here are educated, and did research, and did the best they possibly could for their pregnancies. I don't think many homebirthers would fit into the uneducated-about-birth catagory. So while you're just trying to help, it seems kinda like telling a math teacher they should learn about multiplication and devision.

Quote:
But honestly, how can anyone pay a birth attendant when that attendant isn't right there at the birth?
bfbabygirl, I'm not sure if this is directed at everyone, or me, or someone else, but I didn't pay my midwives for the birth they weren't at (their fees for prenatals and birth is $4000). I paid them for my prenatals and that's it (about $1000). I *could* have asked them to come to my hospital birth, and I'm sure they would have, but they would have no authority in the hospital I had to use (for insurance to cover), and would have basically been glorified doulas, and I think everyone would agree paying $3000 for a doula is just a *wee* bit expensive. But yes, I agree it is pretty silly to pay an entire fee for a birth attendant who doesn't attend.

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
StarMama is offline  
#28 of 51 Old 10-01-2003, 06:08 AM
 
IdentityCrisisMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 10,739
Mentioned: 5 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 107 Post(s)
Hey, OP

Sorry everyone, I didn’t have time to read all the posts this morning but I wanted to share my disappointments of a “planned” homebirth. Hopefully, I’ll have time to read through the tread later.

I had planned a homebirth for my first child and ended up in the hospital. Our situation was that I labored at home for 17 hours with 3 hours of pushing before being transferred to the hospital. We were so close that I felt my daughters head while I was at home, in my own bed. We transferred because the fetal monitor(our 3rd+ intervention) indicated that Aya was under stress.
I gave birth to her after an hour in the hospital.

Pros for transferring:
I got the kind of support that I needed from the hospital staff. My midwife and I were not working well together at home. It turns out, much to my surprise, that I needed the traditional “hospital style” cheering section to help me push Aya out.

The other benefit to my being in the hospital was that I hemorrhaged twice after birthing Aya. I’m not sure but I may have needed to go to the hospital anyway. My midwife did stand by ME very much after the birth and I think saved me from a much bigger birth complication by treating me after the birth.

The biggest cons for me as far as the hospital goes were that I wasn’t prepared to defend Aya at the hospital. For that I wish I had done better. I didn’t get to even see my placenta and other things like that happened that I wish were different.

** I do believe that if I had started the birth in the hospital that I would have ended up with a c-section **`

I just scanned through the posts and have a few things to add. I birthed a perfectly healthy baby, for which I am eternally grateful. I had some regrets about the birth but always remind myself how fortunate we are for the BIG positives (healthy mother and child) and the SMALL ones (no drugs/c-section and etc).

Edited to stress that I only say that drugs/c-section and etc. are are RELATIVELY small issues in comparison to a healthy mother and child.

In the end – The only thing I would have changed would have been preparing myself about hospital procedures. I say this because you can never know the outcome of different choices and because I ended up with a healthy child – that’s the bottom line for me.

LisaLynn,

Is your baby healthy? Are you well? If so, you made the right choices for you and your baby and even if not you may have made the best possible choice. When I’m having thoughts of wishing I had done better I can make myself feel better by thinking about our positive things. I also thing that if I had done something differently, perhaps the results could have been worse. I think that PERHAPS I did everything perfectly and ours was the best possible result.

I just wanted to comment on your payment conversation because that was another, unexpected positive for us. First, my midwife did practice on me after the birth although she wasn’t allowed. After she did it, the doctor thanked her because she didn’t pick up on the blood clot in my uterus (even after my midwife had alerted her several times).
AND, our insurance paid both my midwives and the doctor in full! I think it was an oversight but I wasn’t about to complain.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
IdentityCrisisMama is offline  
#29 of 51 Old 10-01-2003, 11:25 AM
 
Kerlowyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Forest of North Quabbin, MA
Posts: 2,181
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with XM’s post
I know all of us did our homework to the best of our ability when planning our home births, but for various reasons, we all birthed in the hospital.
My homebirth was attended by one of the best and most well respected midwives in New England. At the time, and even now, she has her own school for direct entry midwives, doulas, & herbalists…I was a midwifery student of hers at the time. The midwife who assisted her was also a very experienced, wonderful midwife. I labored at home for 3 full days & nights…and on the morning of day four, transported. They did absolutely everything, and I mean everything, to get my body to stay in labor. It was not meant to be. I was so angry with my body at that time. It was years later in hindsight, that I realized there were deep, emotional and spiritual reasons as to why I had a hard time ‘letting go’ of my baby. So, my body needed help, and off we went to the hospital to get the Pitocin to keep my body in labor.
My midwife did come with me to the hospital and was there for me the whole time. The back up midwife, when the hospital staff was not looking, let her manage my labor and consulted her for everything. It was the hospital staff and the nasty OB (that I describe in my earlier post) who turned what was already “not the birth I had planned”, into something very awful and cruel.
But, I did deliver a very healthy 10 lb. 4 oz boy, and became a mom that day.
I was also so sad about doing it in a hospital, but time has helped those feelings to diminish.
So, I guess my point is that…some of you ladies reading this thread did all you could, all your research, all your homework, but did not have the home birth you wanted. My heart goes out to you all. You all did the best you could, we all did! We made choices with the info and situations we had at the time. Talking about what happened helps a lot. Listening to your experiences helps me a lot even 10 years after that birth.

Karen/BirthTender….I took a childbirth class with you when you were in RI. I was labor support for a single mom friend of mine; I think it was back in 1991….

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
Kerlowyn is offline  
#30 of 51 Old 10-01-2003, 11:45 AM
 
BirthTender's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Hampton, TN/Elk Park, NC area
Posts: 384
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
<Hmmm... this thread was to be a supportive place for mamas who planned a homebirth and ended up with a hospital birth. It seems to have taken a turn from the OP's intent.>

I am being supportive. The intent of one's conversation & real meaning is so lost on the internet, when there's no face to face conversation w/ the attending body language. I could try & include smiley faces & all here, but i don't know how & at this point w/ teenagers & college age kids needing to get on the only computer, too, my messages are hurriedly typed & I dont' get my menaing across. I'm totally supportive of those who have to transport from a homebirth to a hospital birth, after a planned homebirth, (and deal w/ those feelings) as i've been
there myself (had a horribly long labor, w/ pre-eclampsia, persistent occiput posterior, which persisted w/ all my babies). My original post was generalized & still is & I have found many, but of course not all, folks really don't heavily inquire & search out options & caregivers & inquire about alternative treatments, etc. I'm not saying that each of you all as individuals did not 'beat the bushes!' Kerowlyn, HI. Waving from here in the foothills of NC on a beautifual day!Karen of BirthTender
BirthTender is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off