Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
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#181 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SeekingSerenity View Post
Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.
Military doctors should be forced to do their residencies elsewhere and come back to the military hospitals to put in their required time after they've gotten at least 10 years experience in civilian hospitals. The current way around is just stupid. (Right now, the military pays to train them, then gives them credit for the residencies that are part of that training, then gets like 2 years out of them before they go to private practice.)
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#182 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 11:37 AM
 
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I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still my HB)
hahaha, with my second I didn't want to take my pants off till I felt the head decending.

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#183 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 12:11 PM
 
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I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still my HB)
This reminds me so much of ME. My ds2 came so quick that I had to scramble to pull down my pants as he was crowning. After my mw caught him, he got slightly tangled in my underwear as she passsed him back to me (I was on my hands and knees).

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#184 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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At my hb my water had broken about 24 hours before and I was trying to get contractions moving with a breastpump.

I had a strong contraction and stopped pumping to breath through it. My mom had come over uninvited and after the contraction was over she looked at me with extreme fear on her face and said "was that a bad one?"
I looked at her like she'd grown another head. I said "No, it was a good one" I was trying to get contractions going. They had to be strong or they wouldn't get the baby out.

Mom was asked to leave at that point. She made us promise to call her as soon as was in labor. We "forgot"

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#185 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 12:34 PM
 
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Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.
my mouth quite literally dropped open reading this. and the rest.

nak

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#186 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened to you! :

I guess my MIL is lucky. She birthed my DH at a military hospital 31 years ago and had a natural birth. She said lamaze was just becoming "in style" or something, and she was already 4cms dilated when she went in for an exam, so I think it was a pretty fast labor.

I feel lucky that both my mom and my MIL had unmedicated labors so they have always been supportive of my choices.
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#187 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 03:40 PM
 
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It's so funny how so many people, including RN's (of all people you'd think they would at least know) think that a doctor is actually needed when a baby comes out. Like if there was actually some kind of emergency you are already in the hospital, the nurses know how to call someone, right?
my labour nurse told me, after i asked her why we even bother with the docs since the nurses do all the work, that they have to fill out an incident report if the docs aren't there for the birth.

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#188 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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OMG, this totally made me think of something that happened when I was in labor with my first. I remember feeling totally humiliated by the first part, and completely p*ssed off by the second.

First, I was in the delivery room, and the doc comes in while the nurse is sloshing about 4 gallons of betadine over my perineal area. My legs are in stirrups to the ceiling and the rest of me is flat on my back on the bed. The doc sits down and starts injecting painkiller into the perineum so he can do the filet-job he listed as an episiotomy (I didn't know what he was doing, btw, or later, why I had 9 stitches down there ). While he's injecting the medicine, he's chatting about the history of the forceps, something about whoever invented them hid one half of the prototype set as a practical joke, leaving some doctor-in-training to figure out what to do with just one forcep during a difficult birth - some crazy made-up thing that I guess I was supposed to laugh at.

Then he said, "Are you numb yet?" (I'd had an epidural, which had been over-dosed because it didn't work properly, and I was practically numb to my ears anyway.) I mumbled, "I don't know..." and he said, "Well you must be, cause see what I did?" And he holds up this mirror so I can see down there... and he's got a surgical clamp snapped onto my perineum, so it's dangling beneath the vaginal opening while my butt's hanging in the air over the edge of the bed! I remember squeezing my eyes shut because something about that horrified me.

What irritated me was, a few minutes later, he pushed back from the bed and said, "Don't push or anything, I'm going for a smoke break."

The nurse had had enough and told me to push as soon as he left the room, and another nurse ended up running down the hall to catch him when the baby started crowning. He came back, cut his giant episiotomy and my daughter just kind of fell out.

Ugh, military hospitals. SO glad I never had to do THAT again.

OMG.. every once in a while (well, way more often than I would like) i read something so horrible that I think there should be a collection of them sent off to every hospital director, (and other individuals), ob's, media etc. in a big fat binder with bold letters title: This is why we need to do something about our birth culture.

I'm so sorry.

Jessica

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#189 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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This reminds me so much of ME. My ds2 came so quick that I had to scramble to pull down my pants as he was crowning. After my mw caught him, he got slightly tangled in my underwear as she passsed him back to me (I was on my hands and knees).
OMG, that's hilarious! I always wondered if that ever happened.

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#190 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Mine aren't nearly as bad as some of these, but I guess I'll share.

I tend to internalize pain, and prefer to close my eyes to help me relax. My mother should know this, but with my DD, she still kept getting in my face and bugging me to concentrate on my "focal point". I finally told her to leave me alone, that my eye lids were the focal point.

My son's birth is full of stupid comments. My water had broken and I guess I wasn't progressing fast enough for for the OB (forbid I interrupt your gardening) so he pumped me full of pitocin. After being bombarted with continuous contractions I caved and got an epidural. I'm laying there waiting for some relief (which never came) and my mom and the nurses were actually trying to tell me that it was working. Um, I think I'd know! (My mom still insists that it was working since I wasn't in enough pain).

I'm one of those who was told not to push because the OB was in surgery. J was crowning, and they wanted me to wait (I didn't even try to stop pushing, BTW)! The ped was getting ready to deliver in his place when the OB walked in and actually thanked me for waiting for him. :

Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".

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#191 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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When my mom was pg with me everyone convinced her that she was having a boy so when the dr told her that I was a girl she started arguing with him, telling him that she was suppose to have a boy. She went on to have three more children after me and all girls.

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#192 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 07:38 PM
 
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I really wasn't in active labor yet, but was checked into the hospital the evening before (pre-e). I was 3-4 when I was admitted, so they did a "wait and see" overnight. Sometime in the middle of the night (while my DH and I were sound asleep in preperation for labor the next day), my doc (who I just just met...was planning a HB) came in and gave me a "dead baby" lecture in regards to GBS. I hadn't been tested because I think the test is flawed and pointless. But I agreed to take the antibiotics just to shut him up. It could have really waited until morning!

But other than that, my hospital birth was pretty free of stupid comments, for which I am ever grateful (although I can't say the same for the c-section I got in the end.)

Well, I guess there was one nurse, who, at least a day after I delivered, chastised me for resting (I wasn't even sleeping) in my bed with my baby. "That's DANGEROUS, you know!" And there was another nurse who woke me up in the middle of the night a day or two after DD was born to teach me how to pump my colostrum, which in retrospect was very helpful, but I wish someone had done that earlier, during the day!

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#193 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 07:41 PM
 
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Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".
This was said while I was pg w/#2 and planning my HB, but a friend was describing her labor: pitocin, epidural that didn't work, episiotomy turned 4th degree tear, forceps, inability to move her left leg for 2 weeks after the birth b/c of the epidural, 'couldn't' breastfeed etc. Then to conclude she says, "There is NO WAY after what I just went through that I would EVER do that at home!" WTF?!?!?!?!?
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#194 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 08:00 PM
 
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When my mom was pg with me everyone convinced her that she was having a boy so when the dr told her that I was a girl she started arguing with him, telling him that she was suppose to have a boy. She went on to have three more children after me and all girls.
Oh God, that is exactly what happened to my mother too. When she went for one of her prenatal visits, she kept on talking about the baby as a boy, and the dr turned to her and sharply said "What do you mean a boy, I am a dr, and I am telling you this is a girl!" (I think the man was teasing her but my mom was only 19 and very naive) so when she went into labor and delivered my brother she argued with them. She absolutely refused to open her eyes and see so they put baby on her tummy and finally convinced her to open her eyes
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#195 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 09:00 PM
 
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This was during crowning with DS, which took about fifteen minutes.

I could feel a tear starting on the right side of my vagina, and it HURT because it was tearing UP IN, not out and down. I told the midwife (whom I love) it really hurts right here! She started working on that area right away, and said, "You have a very thick ring of hymenal tissue, it isn't stretching."
I said "yeah, I know"

She wasn't being rude, but fifteen people got to hear that my hymen was intact!

To her credit, I only had a few very small surface tears.

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#196 of 512 Old 05-30-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!."

Good lord...
i know some of you think that's awful, but OMG i would love my mw for doing that, it's so me!


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I have one from my HB! For the most part the 3 MW's were extremely respectful of the fact that I wanted privacy and quiet. The only thing I remember any of them saying ever, as I was kneeling and starting to push, was (one to the other), "do you want to tell her she's going to have to take her pants off at some point?" Yes, it was ridiculous that I was still, for some reason, fully clothed, but I'm in labor, not deaf! (but mostly it was funny and I still my HB)
again, i totally see myself doing this!

these are so great! although i hope i can avoid idiocy with this birth, i almost want to add to the fun!
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#197 of 512 Old 05-31-2008, 04:23 PM
 
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Well, I guess there was one nurse, who, at least a day after I delivered, chastised me for resting (I wasn't even sleeping) in my bed with my baby. "That's DANGEROUS, you know!" And there was another nurse who woke me up in the middle of the night a day or two after DD was born to teach me how to pump my colostrum, which in retrospect was very helpful, but I wish someone had done that earlier, during the day!
The same thing happened with me and Victoria, only it was a secretary or something. I had been up all night in labor and this was the afternoon sometime.
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#198 of 512 Old 05-31-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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my labour nurse told me, after i asked her why we even bother with the docs since the nurses do all the work, that they have to fill out an incident report if the docs aren't there for the birth.
THAT'S the reason for "don't push the doctor isn't here yet"?!?!?!?

They interfere in perfectly progressing labors because they might have to fill out one mealsy little report???

If they'd just start writing the report when it looked like the doctor wouldn't make it in time, instead of trying to slow things down, I bet the reports could be a lot shorter. "Doctor was attending another patient. Patient A's baby was born at 9:15pm. Patient and baby are fine."
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#199 of 512 Old 05-31-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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With my 3rd DC I had to be induced. Instead of my MW delivering, I had to have a male Dr. Although my MW was allowed in the room. I suffer from really bad boils. When the Dr saw my private area he screamed "What's That!?). The nurse was SOOOO annoyed that she answered him rudely.

During this labor I yelled so loudly and kept rocking back and forth, I thought the poor Dr. was going to bolt.

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#200 of 512 Old 05-31-2008, 10:43 PM
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Then, after filling me full of pitocin, I start bleeding pretty bad after the placenta was out. I'm laying there bleeding out, straining to just see my baby and the Doctor actually tells me "This is why we don't give birth at home".
This wasn't my birth, but I work in L & D. The other day a mom coded during her epidural placement and had to be rescusitated and after a code blue an emergency c-section performed. During the chaos the anesthesioloigist commented: "This is why people shouldn't do this at home." Because they might code during their epidural? Duh! Mom and baby were fine but anesthesiologist is still an idiot
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#201 of 512 Old 05-31-2008, 11:18 PM
 
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This wasn't my birth, but I work in L & D. The other day a mom coded during her epidural placement and had to be rescusitated and after a code blue an emergency c-section performed. During the chaos the anesthesioloigist commented: "This is why people shouldn't do this at home." Because they might code during their epidural? Duh! Mom and baby were fine but anesthesiologist is still an idiot
However did you keep from saying "do what? Get an epidural? I don't think people ever do that at home."
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#202 of 512 Old 06-01-2008, 04:18 AM
 
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I've been going to the hospital birth classes with my sister and the instructor said, "some women never feel the urge to push, but don't worry. The doctor will tell you when it is time." I actually busted up laughing.
It's no joke. I had homebirths with both my kids and had no urge to push with the first. After being fully dilated for quite some time, my CNM finally suggested I just start pushing anyway. I pushed for 4.5 hours before my daughter was born. It was frustrating, exhausting, counterintuitive, and excruciatingly painful.

Which brings me to my stupidest thing...talking on the phone to my mom shortly after the baby was born, when I told her I had pushed for 4.5 hours, she said, "Oh, that's not that long". This from the woman whose babies practically fell out of her w/in an hour or so of having her first contraction.
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#203 of 512 Old 06-01-2008, 04:28 AM
 
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Military doctors should be forced to do their residencies elsewhere and come back to the military hospitals to put in their required time after they've gotten at least 10 years experience in civilian hospitals. The current way around is just stupid. (Right now, the military pays to train them, then gives them credit for the residencies that are part of that training, then gets like 2 years out of them before they go to private practice.)
It's not military hosp. It's this j@ckA$$! 2 of my babes were born in Army hospitals, and I had relatively good experiences. It's a problem with our hospital culture in general. Mil hosp. might have MORE problems because of the hierachical power structure, but I have heard just as many, if not more, horror stories from civilian hosp.

Just for the record, I would have wanted to kick the guy in the face!!
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#204 of 512 Old 06-02-2008, 11:38 AM
 
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"I have a 5 o'clock tee time, so if the baby's not out by 4pm, I'd like to do a forceps extraction."
OMG.

Because it's all about the doctor, not the mom, right? Sheesh.

I would have been furious!

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#205 of 512 Old 06-02-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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My BF gave birth in a hospital with a MW but did have an epidurap and then pit and EFM and the baby's heart rate would dip occasionally but her MW wasn't worried although the OB on call kept coming in pushing for a c-section and my BF was dead set against that unless her MW recommanded it and she hadn't. So after a whole night spend at the hospital her mother and I were outside in the hall way having a short break and her DP's mother showed up asking for an update so we filled her in. Her first comment was " if she had a c-section then they would keep her in the hospital longer and I could clean their house for them :

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#206 of 512 Old 06-02-2008, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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^ Oh my!
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#207 of 512 Old 06-02-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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With my 3rd DC I had to be induced. Instead of my MW delivering, I had to have a male Dr. Although my MW was allowed in the room. I suffer from really bad boils. When the Dr saw my private area he screamed "What's That!?). The nurse was SOOOO annoyed that she answered him rudely.

During this labor I yelled so loudly and kept rocking back and forth, I thought the poor Dr. was going to bolt.
Whoa, was that guy new or something? To have never seen a boil in the pubic region before (don't people go in to get those removed all the time? I've had em but never quite that bad), and to be freaked out by someone making noise in labor. Sheesh. I guess it's too bad he didn't bolt, eh?
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#208 of 512 Old 06-03-2008, 03:48 AM
 
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I can't think of any right now, though I know I will. These are just too funny. And sometimes too sad.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#209 of 512 Old 06-03-2008, 10:24 AM
 
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I was telling my friend and her DH about this thread and some of the things I've been through in my own labors, and they told me this story... it happened with her DH and his first wife, when the woman was having their child...

Apparently, the labor was quick and the birth was fairly easy. The baby was delivered, and the doc did a "routine" episiotomy. So the babe's on the warmer, Mom's lying exhausted on the bed, and the Dr. was stitching the episiotomy... the dad (now my BF's DH, thankfully more sensitive and tactful than he was back then) walks over and looks at what the doc was doing to his wife.

Out of the blue, he says, "Hey doc, while you're at it, you think you could throw an extra stitch in there? You know, just tighten things up a little?"

(He admits that at the time, he thought it was funny, but looking back, he realizes he is probably quite lucky to have walked out of that room alive. The doctor, a woman, was apparently NOT amused, judging by the look of smouldering, venomous hatred she gave him.)

)O(   Far-away Mama to: Pooka (16)...Alex (14)...Mickie-Lamb (13)...Solo Mama to: Punkin' Seed (8)...Tootsie Pop (6)...Lil' Man (3) and a yikes2.gif due February 2012

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#210 of 512 Old 06-10-2008, 05:04 AM
 
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When I had my daughter, it was a hospital birth. I was induced and eventually got an epidural.

My nurse--who would leave for hours at a time, leaving my husband and me alone and uncertain of what was going on--was chatty when she was there. She kept asking me these questions like "Oh, so you're in school, are you? For a Ph.D.?" (while I was trying to push!). I mean, honestly, if I want small talk I'll go to a freaking coffee shop! I was already feeling a little bitter because she changed the cartridge that delivered drugs to the epidural and forgot to turn the pump back on, so I was in total agony (back labor) and yet I thought the whole time that they had done everything in their power to help me and that I was going to die.

About halfway through my labor, which was quite long, I turned to my husband and said, "You are never getting sex again. Never." The nurse heard me and said, very seriously, "Oh, honey, you'll probably change your mind."
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