How do I make a hospital birth as close as possible to a home birth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 62 Old 05-25-2008, 11:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi I am 30 wks pg and I have been reading alot about hb and I really want a home birth but I my husband is not for it.Does anyone know how I can make my hospital room like a "home birth"?.
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#2 of 62 Old 05-25-2008, 11:54 PM
 
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The #1 suggestion I would make would be to hire a doula. She will take on the role of providing non-medical support and comfort that your midwife would in a hb. I had a doula for dd1 (in a birth center) b/c I was not sure which mw I would end up with and I wanted that ONE person who I knew and connected with to be there for DH and I. She was amazing. Aside from that, bring your own clothes, music, birth ball, whatever makes you comfortable and relaxes you. But my hubby brought the wrong suitcase and I had none of my own 'stuff', my experience was all about how I was supported and empowered during my labor and birth.

That said, what are your dh's reservations? Has he seen The Business of Being Born? My DH was very supportive of hb before seeing it, but now he has turned into a virtual hb advocate. You still have time, perhaps you could do some research together, maybe his attitude will change.
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#3 of 62 Old 05-25-2008, 11:59 PM
 
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Stay home as long as possible. That way, there's less risk of interventions. It's OK to show up at the hospital in transition. Really. labor at home as much as you can. Don't get in the car and run to the ER as soon as you feel a contraction.
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#4 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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we have a doula and she has talked about it with "us" she and I have already talked about b4 my dh meet her. he seen the movie but he still feel scared and would reather have the baby in a hosp. I'm really sad about it because I really want my 2 yr old son to be apart of this as well and honestly I can breath better when i think about having a hb.
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#5 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
Stay home as long as possible. That way, there's less risk of interventions. It's OK to show up at the hospital in transition. Really. labor at home as much as you can. Don't get in the car and run to the ER as soon as you feel a contraction.
YES!

In regards to the rest - is there any kind of compromise position here? Is there a homestyle birthing center you could use?
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#6 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have not found ONE birthing center around here. Isn't that crazy? my doula told me about a hospital that have midwives there but I can't get in contact with the mws there to make sure that the med will cover it.
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#7 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by shunee View Post
we have a doula and she has talked about it with "us" she and I have already talked about b4 my dh meet her. he seen the movie but he still feel scared and would reather have the baby in a hosp. I'm really sad about it because I really want my 2 yr old son to be apart of this as well and honestly I can breath better when i think about having a hb.
...it sounds like he is scared to birth at home and frankly you sound a little scared and sad to birth in a hospital. I'm sure you've already explained this to him, but does he realize that the safety outcomes are similar for hospital/home births in healthy women? I'm glad you have a doula. I would get her suggestions for making the birth 'homelike' since she is probably familiar w/ the particular hosp you are birthing in. I know you will find a way to make it the birth you want and deserve.
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#8 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:46 AM
 
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There is a birthing center in Hollywood -

420 S Grand Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90071
(323) 436-7425
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#9 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah I am sad.after watching "the business of being born" it turned me total around.truthfully I am "scared" a little myself about the what ifs, however when I go on youtube it just looks soo right.I can see myself having birth at home. but we have no money for a midwife but my doula said she would talk to someone for me that was a midwife.I just can't understand why something soo natural is so frowned apon.like today I can just see imagine it, it's nice and my family are around me . I have a room that I can birth in and the thought of it makes me soooo happy. However the what ifs scares the h*ll of the us too ( more soo him then me.) sometimes i hate that i hadn't seen the movie because then I wouldn't know about it, then I would felt so torn.
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#10 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 12:59 AM
 
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"Stay home as long as possible. That way, there's less risk of interventions. It's OK to show up at the hospital in transition. Really. labor at home as much as you can. Don't get in the car and run to the ER as soon as you feel a contraction."

That is exactly what I would advise also. In my case, I was going for a vbac (successful) and waited until I was in transition and pushing. Even then, they still tried to bug me about epidural/c/s ;she was a young, new dr and I told her to go to *&**). I asked my ob what I could do to avoid the garbage that went on and her best advice to me was to make sure to be VERY PROACTIVE with the drs/nurses. It wasnt pleasant having the dr bugging me about epidurals and c/s, but when I yelled "I am not having an epidural because I am not having a c/s just because it is convenient for you and you are too bloody impatient!"; the young dr left the room in a huff and left me alone. So if you can tell your husband to act like a buffer/go-between so you can do your job that would be great. Be verbal with them, firm, swear if you have to. Maybe they will be fine with you. Remember I was a vbac My ob has also written strict instructions that they are not to offer epidurals etc at all and I am planning to ask to have a heplock instead of iv. Also, try to educate yourself about the types of interventions they might use on you. I didnt want any interventions except emergency so I learned their regular procedures and alternate ones that are not as invasive. For example, the young dr freaked because they couldnt find the babys hb with the external monitor (read....emergency c/s!) so I told her "look, my water is already broken so you can do the internal scalp monitor to double check"...she didnt like that very much and sure enough baby was fine. As I said, maybe it will be different in your case. Good luck
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#11 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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Darn it, i forgot to add that I was in labor a total of 5 1/2 hours of which 3 were spent at the hospital....because of their impatience they wanted to do c/s which my ob (who was not on call that night) admitted would have been for no reason (read impatience again). Thankfully, my doula (seriously, i would advise you to get one) was there and over heard dr/nurse discussing c/s and she warned me....3 major pushes and baby was out!!!!!
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#12 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 01:10 AM
 
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This is something I just don't understand. Why does his vote automatically veto your wishes? It doesn't sound like a compromise at all. Why does he get more say than you who is carrying the child and will be doing the hard work of laboring and birth? It makes no sense to me at all. I totally understand sitting down and really talking it out and getting to a place that is comfortable for both of you but his voice trumping yours just confuses me.

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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#13 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 02:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Shelsi View Post
This is something I just don't understand. Why does his vote automatically veto your wishes? It doesn't sound like a compromise at all. Why does he get more say than you who is carrying the child and will be doing the hard work of laboring and birth? It makes no sense to me at all. I totally understand sitting down and really talking it out and getting to a place that is comfortable for both of you but his voice trumping yours just confuses me.
I think maybe you are making an assumption about their relationship here. If my dh was uncomfortable/scared about a hb it would weigh very heavily in my decision. I respect that it is his child too & do feel that the birth is very much about him as well. In fact in a lot of ways I am worried about his experience of the birth as much as my own as I feel in the long term it could effect our relationship. I don't believe it is a case of automatically trumping one person over another.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#14 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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If my husband were really, really against something going on involving the birth of our child I'd likely change it.

As for how to make your hospital birth more like a hb, I suggest bringing a birth plan along. Make sure your doula has copies to hand out. A big thing for me when I was pushing was NO TALKING. : So you may want to have a no talking during contractions or pushing. That really bothered me a lot.

Hmm...

I agree with laboring at home as long as possible. Also, could you bring some comfy items with you? I had my plush pink robe that I wore while I sat in a rocking chair and laboured for a few hours. I had my pillow that I hugged to me during several hours. It helped a lot.

I hope things work out and you and your dh are both happy with whatever type of birth you choose to have.

SAHM to Ninja Boy (6) surf.gif and Monkey Man (4) carrot.gif.

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#15 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 02:57 AM
 
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Hope this Mothering article and responses afterward are helpful:

http://www.mothering.com/articles/pr...-hospital.html

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#16 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 03:23 AM
 
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Make up your mind to go natural and have ways to deal with the pain. L&D nurses are quick to help a woman in pain.

Also summed up by 'wait as long as you can to go to the hospital.'

mom of 3 , homeschooling the oldest with google and the internet
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#17 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 04:03 AM
 
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I second the doula.

Also, make sure you only have people there who support your decision for a natural birth.

Good luck

-Caitrin

Me whistling.gif Wife / SAHM / Musician/ Actress/ Queen of this castle. Progeny: William (January 2007), Tristan (November 2008) and expecting Lukas stork-boy.gif due January 2012!!  lactivist.gif femalesling.GIFwaterbirth.jpg dishes.gif

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#18 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 04:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
Stay home as long as possible. That way, there's less risk of interventions. It's OK to show up at the hospital in transition. Really. labor at home as much as you can. Don't get in the car and run to the ER as soon as you feel a contraction.


Biggest mistake of my labor: Going to the hospital too soon. It was downhill after that...

-Caitrin

Me whistling.gif Wife / SAHM / Musician/ Actress/ Queen of this castle. Progeny: William (January 2007), Tristan (November 2008) and expecting Lukas stork-boy.gif due January 2012!!  lactivist.gif femalesling.GIFwaterbirth.jpg dishes.gif

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#19 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 10:33 AM
 
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You don't-sorry. You need to do some research and educate yourself and your DH. Low risk, healthy women having normal pregnanices DO NOT belong in the hospital. Even the World Health Organization says that most births belong OUTSIDE of a hospital. It is worth your time and effort to do this, trust me.
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#20 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 10:33 AM
 
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We're in pretty much the same boat as the OP. I want a HB but am 43 so dh doesn't feel comfortable with it. I keep hoping perhaps it'll just happen at home because we'll have waited too long to get to the hospital
That said, we've both seen the BOBB and he is really on board with NCB and waiting at home as long as possible. We did hire a doula and she is great. One piece of advice from her was to make sure a copy of the birth plan was in our chart and I also plan to send one with our hospital pre-reg, as well as taking several copies to the hospital when we go in.

Lucky wife to DH and mom to DS (10/02) and sweet DD (7/08) and DSD (3/93) and assorted animalia
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#21 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
If my dh was uncomfortable/scared about a hb it would weigh very heavily in my decision. I respect that it is his child too & do feel that the birth is very much about him as well. In fact in a lot of ways I am worried about his experience of the birth as much as my own as I feel in the long term it could effect our relationship. I don't believe it is a case of automatically trumping one person over another.
Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born? Sorry but this kind of thinking harms women, in my opinion. And what happens to your relationship when you wind up being one of the 1 in 3 American women who wind up with an unnecessary C-section because you succumbed to dangerous and unnecessary hospital policies? The physical act of childbirth has very little to do with the father of the baby. His only role should be to support the woman 100% in WHATEVER decision she makes for the birth. And if he is unable to do that, he doesn't need to be involved at all.
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#22 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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His only role should be to support the woman 100% in WHATEVER decision she makes for the birth. And if he is unable to do that, he doesn't need to be involved at all.
I totally agree with this. Was my dh a little concerned about homebirth at first? heck yeah he was. But he knew how important it was to me and he knew it was MY birth way more than it was OUR birth. So he supported me and he read and asked questions until he was comfortable. And you know what? That particular birth brought us together to a level I didn't even know was possible. He supported me, we worked together, he caught the baby, and we did it together and it was amazing. I'm sure I could have had a NCB in a hospital, it was a super fast and easy labor after all, but it would not have been the same and there is no way dh and I would have had the closeness that we have now because of the way the birth did happen.

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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#23 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born? Sorry but this kind of thinking harms women, in my opinion.
In our relationship we trust & respect each other in other arenas. All decisions are made together. We are in a situation where we are in a foreign country where hb is illegal - that does change things for us. We have to pay everything out of pocket & the legal implications if something goes wrong could be large. So Yes I do think this is a decision to be made together.

Perhaps we are unusual in that we are preparing for & discussing every aspect of the pregnancy & birth together. He understands the risks as well as I do & will be my #1 advocate if we end up in a hospital. I don't think that would be the case if I didn't include him the planning/dreaming process.

I may be the one physically pregnant & giving birth but the experience is as much about him becoming a father as it is about me becoming a mother.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#24 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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I can understand deciding for myself where I want to birth and disregarding my DH wishes only and ONLY if he doesn't research his decision and is acting only out of fear. It is his child and he has instincts to protect that child too. It has to be a discussion but if DH and I are unwilling to see each other's point of view how does that bode for the marriage. We as Women have the ultimate dominion over our bodies and should exercise our veto power if we are uncomfortable with the position our DH is trying to force us into. But that said how many of us have actually married a man who would try to force us to do what he wants and disregard our feelings. I wouldn't have married a man like that. Compromise is part of a partnership, both parties have to be comfortable with the decision.

I would also like to say stay home as long as possible. I arrive at the hospital in transition with my 1st and I was still forced to fight off interventions. I was only there for 40 minutes before DS was born.

Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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#25 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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"I would also like to say stay home as long as possible. I arrive at the hospital in transition with my 1st and I was still forced to fight off interventions. I was only there for 40 minutes before DS was born."


That is exactly what happened to me..well not the 40 minutes part. I waited until I was in transition to go to the hospital and was there for3 hours. In that time, they put an i.v. (just saline.....i freaked out thinking it was pitocin) and kept bugging me I should have an epidural in case I needed a c/s. I yelled at the dr that I was NOT going to have an epidural because I was not having a c/s. And they didn't give me very long...I was only pushing for 28 minutes and my doula STILL overheard the dr/nurse talking about doing a c/s!: which my ob (who was not there) admitted that it would have been unnecessary and she didnt understand why they would push for c/s either.
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#26 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 04:10 PM
 
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Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born?
Uh...because it's equally as much his child? Because his fears will affect the mother during the birth if he's very uncomfortable with the birth place? Because it's unreasonable to expect one spouse to respect the other's wishes on any subject if it's okay for the woman to arbitrarily decide, "sorry, you get no say on this subject"? IMO it doesn't bode to well for future parenting if one parent can just decide to override the other's wishes anytime they don't agree with them.
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#27 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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I kind of agree with both sides of the debate about whether or not the dad gets to have a say. I think that both parents should have the right to an opinion and make the decision together. I, however, do not think that him being scared is a good enough reason. What if the OP had just told her her DH that she is not going to the hospital because she is scared. I am pretty sure DH would ask for a better argument.

I was afraid of putting DD in daycare when she was 2 and I had to go back to school full-time if I planned on graduating. Rationality had to prevail.

It is the same thing here. The home vs hospital risk debate is pretty clear cut for a healthy woman with access to an emergency hospital if needed. Rationality, not fear, must prevail. This is not like he is against birthing naturally (if it possible to hold such an opinion) or that he is totally against homebirth and has vetoed it, he is just scared and that is cured by information.

You can ask him to try an make a compelling argument for a hospital birth. The burden of proof is on him.

Otherwise, you might want to explore all of the hospitals available to you and find the one you feel most comfortable in, refuse monitors, IVs and vaginal exams and make sure someone is there to deal with the medical people. Maybe if your DH comes with you to see the OB or visit the hospital and hears them tell you that they insist on those unnecessary things, he might change his mind. And, also, get out of the hospital as soon as you can (the hospital does not get to decide).

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#28 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 05:39 PM
 
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I have made decisions with my partner. He respects my wishes and has not tried to take over any control, and I respect his. Every relationship is different. Anyway, we are birthing in a hospital, although I have a ton of reservations I am going this way this time. We have a midwife I like a lot so that's good. I would never go with an OB after all of my research.

In response to your original question - how to make a hospital experience like a hb- I haven't given birth yet but when my friend gave birth her doula brought a bedside lamp, I think it was battery powered, she said this helped greatly because otherwise you have to have the flourescents on and she gave birth at 4am, really not a time you want a ton of artificial light.

This may be for my own thread, sorry if I'm hijacking! I hope this follows the original question. I'm trying to make the decision whether or not to hire a doula. Everyone seems to say to get one, definitively, but when I ask what the doula does they say that she gets the birthing couple snacks, gives massages and fights off the nurses. I'm sure that I can bring some snacks with me to the hospital if I prepack. My partner will be there for the massaging and the advocating. My big question is: What about the midwife? Won't she be there advocating for us and making good decisions based on what we have discussed? Is there some other issue no-one else has talked about?
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#29 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 07:53 PM
 
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Have a birth plan already typed out and discussed with your doc and the hospital you are going to deliver at! This is what I plan to do big time, so my wishes are met to have everything as calm and natural as possible. I'd also stay home as much as you can before going to the hospital. Home is so comforting, so it might even help you relax and progress faster to where it will be easy once you arrive at the hospital.
I've also heard of people bringing aromatherapy stuff with them, so that might help too!

Jessie
(single mommy to Angela, 3 years:and Emma, our angel in heaven)
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We are a pro-nursing family!:::
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#30 of 62 Old 05-26-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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I have made decisions with my partner. He respects my wishes and has not tried to take over any control, and I respect his. Every relationship is different. Anyway, we are birthing in a hospital, although I have a ton of reservations I am going this way this time. We have a midwife I like a lot so that's good. I would never go with an OB after all of my research.

In response to your original question - how to make a hospital experience like a hb- I haven't given birth yet but when my friend gave birth her doula brought a bedside lamp, I think it was battery powered, she said this helped greatly because otherwise you have to have the flourescents on and she gave birth at 4am, really not a time you want a ton of artificial light.

This may be for my own thread, sorry if I'm hijacking! I hope this follows the original question. I'm trying to make the decision whether or not to hire a doula. Everyone seems to say to get one, definitively, but when I ask what the doula does they say that she gets the birthing couple snacks, gives massages and fights off the nurses. I'm sure that I can bring some snacks with me to the hospital if I prepack. My partner will be there for the massaging and the advocating. My big question is: What about the midwife? Won't she be there advocating for us and making good decisions based on what we have discussed? Is there some other issue no-one else has talked about?
My DH loved our doula. The fact is, men don't really have much of a clue about what women need during birth, and they can't stand to see you in pain, so when someone comes in with a medical way to 'fix' you, your DH might jump at the chance. A good doula will get to know you during your pg and then be there whispering encouragement in both your ears, cheering you on and helping your DH be what you need him to be during your birth. She is the voice of calm and reason in a situation that can easily be overtaken by fear and emotion. My DH (and I) thought our doula was the best $ we ever spent. (And we had a birth center birth with a mw). A doula is def. way more than snacks and nurse patrol.

One issue I can think of (and the reason I didn't go to a hospital) is that hosp. based MW's are still subject to the protocols, policies and procedures of that particular hospital, no matter how 'naturally-minded' any one particular practitioner is (and at least in MA they all practice under an OB). They could also responsible for more several women in labor at a time, and might not be able to be with you constantly for support and to fend off the nurses. For these reasons I think it is very easy to fall prey to the cascade of interventions in a hospital even with a MW (which happened this week to a friend), and a doula is one way to improve your odds of a NCB in a hospital.
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