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#31 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 02:33 PM
 
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I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.

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#32 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 02:37 PM
 
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I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.
Yup. That plus things like stress incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse can happen with non-vaginal birth -- just being pregnant changes the pelvic floor.
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#33 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 02:52 PM
 
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Well, I kegeled until the fat lady sang about cows coming home under a blue moon. And still nothing.

Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.

Most importantly, I learned that I was doing all of those kegels the wrong way! If you're doing it correctly, your entire core is engaged, and you can feel the muscles by your hip bones tightening up. My PT encouraged quality of kegels over quantity. Ten right ones get you a lot further than 100 wrong ones.

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#34 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 03:03 PM
 
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I don't think it is not pc to talk about it. I see these things talked about a lot. I think people are taking issue with generalization or implications that x will happen.
Okay wouldn't that go both ways though? Giving birth does not make everybody's vagina tighter.
Kegels are not the answer to everything for everybody.

I was pregant for 9 months and did not have stress incontinence. After 4 hours of pushing I have it. It's not totally crazy to think that birth rather than pregancy had something to do with it. Why do I only get to trust my intuition and body if it fits with your view of the world?
Suddenly when it's against of what somebody else would like it to be like then I am supposed to be clueless about my body.

And that's what I mean with usually not even wanting to mention stuff like that because somebody always thinks it's okay to patronize women that have come away from birth with some negative consequences.

To me that's just as offensive as the *** we get from the OBs and medical establishment about not being able to to trust ourselves with birth.
Only from the other side -kick in the rear from my own team so to speak.

I loved my last vaginal (homebirth) and am looking forward to the next one in September but I want to be able to share my experiences just like other people get to share theirs.
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#35 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 03:07 PM
 
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Yeah it does go both way and I agree with everything you posted, so I don't know what the problem is.

All I said was that the issue was with generalizations or saying that x will definitely happen.

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#36 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 08:19 PM
 
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Yes, I agree. I kegeled like I was training for the Olympics and it did doodly squat. I still have some slight stress incontinence problems as well and DS just turned 2.
I've had some stress incontinence over the last few months, and I've never pushed a baby out at all. Aaron was taken by c-section, and never even really made it into my vagina. (If I was following what the OB at the hospital said - which I may not have been at that point - his head was just starting to enter the top - she could feel his head at my cervix...I think.)

Pregnancy itself can put a lot of stress on the pelvic floor muscles, although I do think that things will clear up for me (I hope).

The effects of pregnancy and childbirth are going to vary so wildly from woman to woman that I think all we can really do is look at what might happen, so we're at least intellectually prepared...and then go for it.

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#37 of 54 Old 05-27-2008, 08:22 PM
 
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I was pregant for 9 months and did not have stress incontinence. After 4 hours of pushing I have it. It's not totally crazy to think that birth rather than pregancy had something to do with it.
No, but it doesn't necessarily mean it was the birth, either. I've never pushed. I've never had any hint of incontinence during pregnancy. After Aaron, I do have it, and he was taken by c-section.

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#38 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 12:42 AM
 
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Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.
The things I learn on MDC I never knew that there were PTs that specialized in this particular issue until I started visiting here!

Wife to a great DH, SAHM to 3 great kids
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#39 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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The things I learn on MDC I never knew that there were PTs that specialized in this particular issue until I started visiting here!
I just a couple days ago found out that 1) they exist and 2) there's one in my area!
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#40 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 01:11 AM
 
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Do your kegels! But even if you don't, things should go back to normal down there

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

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#41 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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OP, you, your dh and your sex life will be fine. Like pps said, remember to kegel as much as possible and do them correctly. And be really thankful that your dh does not have an over endowment- my dh is perfect, but it was rough for the first 6 months post partum. And never be afraid to ask anything on MDC...
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#42 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 01:32 PM
 
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I had a 2nd degree tear and I swear they stitched me up smaller than I was--we have the opposite problem. So I actually was kinda grumpy about that this whole past year, and we've had to do things differently to get our sex life back to a place we both enjoy it.

No matter what happens during your birth, your sex life will be different after the baby anyway--just give yourself time to figure it out together and maybe try some new things to work with it. I always hate that people in our culture seem anti-vaginal birth as a way to preserve their sex lives when the women I've talked to (and the men) don't seem to think that there's a huge epidemic of loose vaginas after kids! Sorry for the crudeness of that, but doesn't it seem like that's what's implied when women (and men) talk about how giving birth "ruins you down there"? It drives me bonkers!
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#43 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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I also don't really notice a change vaginally (it's the boobs that moved for me )

But I did notice that sex overall got better for me after the baby was born. My orgasms are easier and stronger, I talked to a friend of mine who has had 3 kids and she said the same thing. I don't know if its from a new degree of trust between me and my sweetie or if it has to do with physical changes but I'm not complaining, that's for sure!

I have had brief instances of leaking a little pee but what I find happens more often is I have more noticeable cm, I guess maybe the vaginal opening is more open now so when I'm on my fertile days it can get pretty humid down there (I know, I know TMI) so there have been occasions when I thought "dangit! I peed" and when I checked it was actually a lot of creamy or eggwhite cm.

Things change after baby, some things you'll like a lot, some not so much, but usually it turns out ok. You can't stress about it in advance because, as others have pointed out there is a huge range of experiences and you won't know how it will be for you until afterward.

I also get very annoyed by the societal tendency to make nudging comments about how babies will "ruin" or "destroy" the vagina. Vaginas are designed for birthing, that is part of their job.

A vagina is not that different from an anus, except that it is stronger and more amazing. No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better

Good luck
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mama to maggie (3/1/06)

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#44 of 54 Old 05-28-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better
I nearly peed my pants after reading that! Off to do more exercises I guess...
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#45 of 54 Old 06-09-2008, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy.
Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.

But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.

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#46 of 54 Old 06-09-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry, do tons of kegels, and then do some more!!!

Jessica ~ SAHM to Julianne (5-19-07) & Jocelyn (8-10-08) #3 12-25-10
Wife to my best friend and love of my life
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#47 of 54 Old 06-09-2008, 05:11 PM
 
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There is anything wrong with wondering about this. It's a good question to think and ask about, and an understandable concern that you don't want to lose your great sex life! After four babies, with the third one being an induction, I kind of had a ..um..vaginal blowout!..It doesn't look the same, and the opening seems so much bigger, with the top of it being prolapsed and visible. Despite all of that, our sex life is great! I guess things are tighter in there than they seem!
The first time after our last baby was "roomy", though it was only about 3-4 weeks pp. Within the second month I was fine. Even the first time though it was more about me and my fears then him and the actual experience. Big hugs mama! I think things will be great!
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#48 of 54 Old 06-09-2008, 05:15 PM
 
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took a while to come back for me, not just kegels but my lower abdominals had to get tight as well... my body isn't a spring back sort of body but over time.....
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#49 of 54 Old 06-09-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!
:
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#50 of 54 Old 06-10-2008, 11:37 AM
 
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Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.

But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.
You may have, and just didn't know it. Time for TMI story... my first pregnancy, I remember a particular episode of gastric distress about 6 mo or so. Horrible stomach pains, horrible pooping, an entire day of misery. I remember thinking at the time "what a wuss I am! If I can't even handle this without whining and crying and wanting to die from the pain, how am I going to have this baby?" Well, labor came and it was nowhere near as bad as that day had been. You never know, so true.
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#51 of 54 Old 06-10-2008, 12:04 PM
 
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I have never noticed a change and when I asked DH he said he's never noticed a change..

and our sex life is better than ever IMO!
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#52 of 54 Old 06-10-2008, 12:05 PM
 
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Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.
WORD! : (never had to call an ambulance for a poop before)
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#53 of 54 Old 06-10-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.
After my 2nd was born, my pelvic floor was sooooo saggy and I was horrified by it. I sought help from a physical therapist (recommended to me by my CNM) and learned how to kegel properly...

...and I also learned that my core body strength was very weak, and so my pelvic floor looked weak, when in fact, my pelvic floor was the only muscle group keeping me upright and standing!

My "crotch" PT referred me to her coworker PT who helped me re-learn how to use my glutes, my hamstrings, my abdominal muscles, back muscles, and all the rest.

Once those muscle groups were working, magically, my pelvic floor was not sagging anymore.
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#54 of 54 Old 06-10-2008, 06:59 PM
 
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I have heard that after epi's especially in the 60's and 70's, docs liked to suture up women even tighter than they had been when they came in, it was called the "Happy Husband." ick.

My MD (female) did a good job with those two stitches I had (from a natural tear), everything went right back to normal as far as DH and I's love life is concerned.

The real problem was getting the energy up to make love! But that is a whole other thread.

-Xen

Mamma to Amelia (8/13/2006) Henry (7/28/2008), and Arthur (1/15/2011)
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