|I haven't read the article yet, is he saying that bonding cannot happen if mother and baby are separated for a time after birth? I would be surprised if he did
Right, he's not saying we don't bond with our babies thru a wide variety of circumstances. I get that he is saying that *as a culture* we put rituals in place that do not foster us bonding with our babies & that undermine the mother-infant bond, and that modern hospital procedures are now some of those rituals. The natural urge to bond is stronger than those things which can "get in the way" in most cases & Stacy, your story is such a beautiful example of that.
I have had an opposite experience, tho. I had an extremely "mild" seperation from my baby at his birth, he was still in the same room (being "checked out" bcz we had a lot of meconium staining when my water 1st broke, but none present on him at the birth BTW) & in he was in my arms within about 5 minutes or so. However, he was really traumatized by his entrance into this world, I didn't get to see or feel of him until he was swaddled up & had been crying that entire time. We both looked at each other in shock, like "& who are you??" I feel now like I let him down by not being the 1st person to hold him or touch him. After a raucous 2nd stage cheering section, having to strongly advocate for not having an epi & then having to stop them from doing fundal massage & cord traction during my 3rd stage, I was so focused on the externalities of our environment, it was super hard for me, even after a drug free birth to calm down & focus on the baby. I had alot of hubbub going on. And all this after a planned homebirth. Sigh.
If I am blessed with a 2nd child, I will be doubly aware of that "we are making people here" reality & make sure my birth attendants share it. I feel like DS & I are still making up a deficit & getting to know each other & I still sometimes don't feel like "he's mine" (I think being away from my extended family, & around DH's family contributes to that, but that another topic, eh?) He has always been super sensitive to new positions & sudden movements, we try to do everything gradually & peacefully, like being put down on the changing table, into the car seat etc, but we are now getting thru that. For us, if I deemphsiaze our reality of what happened, I will not get to help him with what he needs.