Other Mom's Being Mean... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#91 of 104 Old 10-06-2008, 09:17 PM
 
prothyraia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Borean Tundra
Posts: 2,211
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If it makes you feel better, I had an epidural with my first and decided that I certainly did NOT want one with any subsequent children. And had a lovely homebirth with my second child. Having "been there" and seen both sides... it was much better overall without the epidural. Which wasn't even horrid or anything, just not the same at all.
prothyraia is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#92 of 104 Old 10-07-2008, 12:38 AM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,153
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
People who say these things are just trying to make themselves feel better about their births by bringing you down.
Yup.

So she was "cocky" before. She still ended up making a choice. Well, you can be confident and sure of yourself and then find that it's a lot harder than you thought it would be, and still make a different choice than she did.

to you.
cottonwood is offline  
#93 of 104 Old 10-15-2008, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamabear0314's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Thank you everyone for your words of comfort and wisdom. I was hanging out with my friend who said she was "cocky too" the other day and guess what she said? "Next time I don't think I'll get the epidural, it wasn't worth it." I just smiled and nodded.

Single, student mama slingboy.gif to 3 boys jumpers.gif 

 

homeschool.gif saynovax.gif signcirc1.gif bfinfant.gif femalesling.GIF familybed2.gif h20homebirth.gif 

mamabear0314 is offline  
#94 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 10:28 AM
 
KariM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: at the sewing machine (in zone 5A)
Posts: 3,326
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You can do it!!!

I've had two natural unmedicated births in my own home. The first was when I was 37 and had a midwife attending. The second was when I was 40 and I was unassisted.

In both I felt discomfort/pain, but it was FAR FAR less than the pain I felt during my DS's hospital nightmare birth 17 years ago.

Our bodies were designed to birth and when we listen to our bodies and our babies we can minimize the discomfort and birth peacefully.

The women who feel the need to discuss how painful birth is or how horrible the process is are trying to justify their own feelings and experiences.

I've been getting a lot of this lately among church ladies as well. Since I birthed my DD2 at home unassisted last March so many of them feel the need to discuss how dangerous birth is and how important it was for them to be in the hospital. They also spend a lot of time talking about the pain and what a relief the epidural/vicodin/whatever was.

Life is painful - birth only lasts a day or so.
KariM is offline  
#95 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 10:31 AM
 
KariM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: at the sewing machine (in zone 5A)
Posts: 3,326
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, and I forgot to add that when you do birth your baby naturally you will feel the MOST incredible high and realize just what an amazing woman you are. I felt like I could do absolutely ANYTHING after my first natural birth and after my second (UC) birth I honestly wondered if natural childbirth was being withheld from women in order to keep this truth from them.

Your body is magnificent and strong and you have a power deep within you that you can realize.

I'm so sorry not all women have the chance to experience this wonderful feeling.
KariM is offline  
#96 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 10:39 AM
 
Mary-Beth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,205
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly, I think this experience can be a blessing for you...if them saying that yields so much doubt in you then you will need to clarify your intentions and make your resolve so much bigger...
the reality is that labor can be really hard work-- it isn't always but almost always...babies don't just slip out and women always know therein labor because it is intense and takes a huge amount of focus to breath and relax into it. You can totally do it. And you are right that women have done it for years and years. The reality is you will probably be challenged so as much as you can prepare ahead of time (understand what your body is doing and develop focus strategies) and give yourself a great support team to help you (possibly a midwife or doula?)

I have had 3 natural labors. With the first I suddenly knew I would never judge a woman who wanted an epidural ever again...I still made it through without one but I understood that natural labor is not for everyone. With my 2nd I had almost no pain and had a water birth. The 3rd was another waterbirth...Best wishes.
Mary-Beth is offline  
#97 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 01:43 PM
 
onelilguysmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,473
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i had one pushed on me but still refused. it was set up except for being in my back, even. i told them i wasnt in much pain, to leave me alone. ugh.
IN a pitocin induced labor.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

dont listen to people trying to put doubts in your head, its just "easier" or whatever so a lot do it, or "if you cn, why not?" well..i can do lots of things im not going to cause theyre "easier" kwim?
onelilguysmommy is offline  
#98 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamabear0314's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Wow I haven't seen this thread in months! I had my all natural water birth with my 10lb 6.5oz beautiful baby boy.
I was 5 cm when I had my water broken (my request) and my baby boy was born into my hands 4 hours later. To be honest, I had an extremely painful labor (words that come to mind are: excruciating, agony, unworldly, mind blowing). It was so bad that I didn't even feel his head come out. When he was born, I didn't care. I was just glad that the pain was over. I didn't bond with him right away.
Despite that, I plan to have my other children the same way.
I do feel like I accomplished something and I know that not all of my labors will be the same. I even look forward to doing it again!
Thanks to everyone for helping me!

Single, student mama slingboy.gif to 3 boys jumpers.gif 

 

homeschool.gif saynovax.gif signcirc1.gif bfinfant.gif femalesling.GIF familybed2.gif h20homebirth.gif 

mamabear0314 is offline  
#99 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 02:47 PM
 
Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Vancouver, (Not BC) WA (Not DC)
Posts: 2,933
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by micah_mae_ View Post
Wow I haven't seen this thread in months! I had my all natural water birth with my 10lb 6.5oz beautiful baby boy.
I was 5 cm when I had my water broken (my request) and my baby boy was born into my hands 4 hours later. To be honest, I had an extremely painful labor (words that come to mind are: excruciating, agony, unworldly, mind blowing). It was so bad that I didn't even feel his head come out. When he was born, I didn't care. I was just glad that the pain was over. I didn't bond with him right away.
Despite that, I plan to have my other children the same way.
I do feel like I accomplished something and I know that not all of my labors will be the same. I even look forward to doing it again!
Thanks to everyone for helping me!
Congrats! I'm glad your baby's birth went the way you planned.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
Belle is offline  
#100 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Jilian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 12,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congrats mama!

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
Jilian is offline  
#101 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 03:39 PM
Banned
 
accountclosed3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 11,594
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
that update is cool.

i was thinking about this just yesterday. well, not specifically this post, but the issue in general.

before i gave birth, people were similar about this (birth plans), but also about children in general. a lot of them talked about how hard it is, how it's this or that, how i "you just don't understand!" and so on about many of my parenting choices.

and yet, what i've experienced is that most of the things that i wanted to experience and do--guess what? i experience and do! there were some things i thought i wanted (like a longer time not working or a long babymoon) that i didnt' end up wanting or doing, but otherwise, i pretty much do everything i set out to do.

and i'm happy. so happy! aren't you?
accountclosed3 is offline  
#102 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamabear0314's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
that update is cool.

i was thinking about this just yesterday. well, not specifically this post, but the issue in general.

before i gave birth, people were similar about this (birth plans), but also about children in general. a lot of them talked about how hard it is, how it's this or that, how i "you just don't understand!" and so on about many of my parenting choices.

and yet, what i've experienced is that most of the things that i wanted to experience and do--guess what? i experience and do! there were some things i thought i wanted (like a longer time not working or a long babymoon) that i didnt' end up wanting or doing, but otherwise, i pretty much do everything i set out to do.

and i'm happy. so happy! aren't you?
I'm definitely happy. The only thing I would've changed is I would've not had the midwife break my water. But other than that and the pain I wouldn't have changed anything! The only other thing I wanted to do that I haven't is cloth diapers. I have them, I just don't like the way they look!
Anyway...I like that...experience and do. I also experience and do.
I've been rambling a lot today, sorry.

Single, student mama slingboy.gif to 3 boys jumpers.gif 

 

homeschool.gif saynovax.gif signcirc1.gif bfinfant.gif femalesling.GIF familybed2.gif h20homebirth.gif 

mamabear0314 is offline  
#103 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 10:03 PM
 
xelakann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Portland
Posts: 858
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Great update. Did you ever get a chance to tell those "mean mamas" your birth story?

I had a similar thing happen. I was laughed at while another mama told me she'd call me in hour six of my labor and ask if I still wanted to go "natural". Yes, they were b*tches.

When I saw them at another function I proudly told them my birth story and they could care less. It was very anticlimatic. But I still had a wonderful (yes, painful) water birth.

Kimberly
(Mama to West (11/07) Mabel Kelly 10/02/09)
xelakann is offline  
#104 of 104 Old 02-17-2009, 11:38 PM
 
shanniesue2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: walking my path
Posts: 1,529
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The women who said those things to you were being completely unsupportive. And I agree with pp's that the things they said probably have more to do with themselves than they do with you. And I also understand that it's still hurtful. I had a few people make those kinds of comments to me when I was pregnant. And it was hurtful. So I just decided that I was going to be as positive as I could be, that I was going to surround myself with people who supported me, that I was going to tell people who said those kinds of things that I needed them to either support me or please not say anything, and that I would do everything I could to prove them wrong. And even though I did all of those things, after 31 hours of labor, I needed to have a cesarean for my baby to be born. I will not go into details because that's not really my point. My point is that birth is unpredictable and you can't really control how it's going to take place. You can definitely influence it, but you can't control it. Here are some quoted posts:


Quote:
Originally Posted by janefriar View Post
I recommend reading Birthing From Within.
Quote:
Originally Posted by micah_mae_ View Post
Thank you everyone! I definitely feel back to my normal self and have more confidence. If anyone else has any words of wisdom, please feel free to share!
My point in telling you that I needed a cesarean is not to discourage you or scare you. But just to remind you to expect the unexpected. Birthing From Within is a wonderful approach to childbirth because it's focus is to help you open to the possibilities of birth (ALL of the possibilities). I do believe that most women can birth naturally and I also believe that a birthing naturally is the healthiest choice you can make, but I also think it's misleading to tell someone that if they read all the right books and do all the right things that they will have the perfect birth (this was the mistaken assumption that I had going into my birth experience and that assumption set me up for failure). You will have the birth that you are supposed to have. And you can influence that, but you can't control it.

Here are few things that you can do to prepare yourself for what might come:

1. Develop a pain coping mind set. Labor and birth is painful, but that doesn't mean you have to suffer. Pain is nothing more than a physical sensation that serves a purpose (to warn the body of danger--i.e. if you step on something sharp, your nerves send a pain signal to your brain which then sends a signal back to your foot and you pull away to protect your foot from further harm). The pain of labor is different because you kind of have to accept and go into the pain in order for the contractions to be effective (speaking from my experience of labor). Again that doesn't mean you have to suffer... you can practice breath awareness, non focused awareness, ovarian breathing, vocalizing, or any number of pain coping practices so that, even if you're in pain, you can break the cycle of suffering. Have your labor support person practice these with you so that, when you're in labor and your brain has turned to oatmeal, you have someone who can guide you back into your pain coping practice if you get out of it.

2. Before you go into labor, visualize yourself coping with something that you want to avoid. The point is not to visualize the unwanted, but to see yourself COPING with it, even if you don't like what's happening. This is a very brief description of a longer process, but essentially, if you can try to visualize yourself dealing with something unwanted and that YOU are innately OKAY even if that something happens... well that can give you a source of strength to draw from if that unwanted something does happen.

Again, I'm not saying all this to try and discourage you. I hope that you have a strong and positive birth experience And I believe these suggestions can help you to be open to the possibilities and to birth from a place of strength no matter how your birth unfolds.

mommy to Christopher 2/29/08
shanniesue2 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off