|View Poll Results: Do you think wanting and/or having a babymoon is "unusual"?|
|Yes, I think you're weird. Come one, come all!||5||1.84%|
|Yes, but I realize not everyone has the same priorities. More power to you, mama!||54||19.85%|
|No, I wanted and had a babymoon and it was great.||84||30.88%|
|No, I didn't get a babymoon but looking back, I wish I had!||92||33.82%|
|Other (please explain below).||37||13.60%|
|Voters: 272. You may not vote on this poll|
My mother has never been great about acknowledging others' boundaries, especially mine, and my brother was surprisingly hostile when I told him about our plans. Now I know it's because she's been telling him that we're selfish freaks for wanting a whole week (gasp!) alone with our newborn before visitors start pouring in. I set him straight and things are fine between us now, but ugh.
Anyway, I thought I'd make this all official like and poll you ladies: Do you think it's unusual to want time alone with your baby and partner after the birth? Please help me know that I'm not the crazy one here.
Thanks in advance for your input.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw
I don't really think it's unusual to want the support of one's community and family during that time, either, though.
As for us, no one but my partner or I held Naked Baby until he was 7 weeks old -- and that first time (with my sister), I was practically hyperventilating the whole five minutes!
You are definitely not crazy, and not alone.
Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.
( BTW your poll threw me off for at first because thinking something is unusual doesn't mean you don't believe it is the best thing ever. )
♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥
I have been glad to have loved ones around after my births, but I remember after my first was born and people "visited"... there is a big difference in people there to help you and people there as guests. Just in energy, if nothing else. I spent the whole first week just praying that all the guests would LEAVE and let me be alone with my baby. It was awful. I felt horribly invaded.
But then after my second was born, it really was me alone with the baby and Dh, and I really really needed someone else there. Not the guests, but my mother, my sisters, my grandmother, etc.
After my third and fourth, I feel like I had the perfect babymoons, the friends and family visiting was enough to make me feel completely supported, without being invasive.
I see a babymoon as a protected, celebratory, bonding time, a time released from the normal duties - not necessarily isolation. Everyone should have their needs met...it's going to vary from mama to mama!
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
Mama to Sprout 4.09 and Bruises 7.11 handfasted to 9.07
No one (outside of a couple of dh's co-workers who also brought dinner) visited us until my MIL came at the end of week 1, and my mom came at the end of week 2. They each stayed a week and helped with ds. I am pretty sure I won't get anything like that if there is another pg in store for us, because we live close to our family again. I'll be lucky to get 1 night. Hopefully we can control drop-ins and crowds.
It is unusual to ask for one or get one in my family, but it's not wierd to me. I would recommend them to anyone, and I make a point NOT to visit babies in the hospital or call/visit before they invite me to do so.
My great grandmother had a fit because my mother never took enough time off after she had a baby. She felt you shouldn't even be out of bed the first week. I think she was a wise woman.
But I would like a babymoon next time. My priorities have changed. I didn't need it the previous two times. But I think I will have one next time.
Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)
I like family and friends to come and tell me that my baby is beautiful and I look great and all those other gentle fibs, and I want to tell my birth story over and over.
If I ever get to be a grandmother and am asked to stay away from the new baby for a week or so, I will try to understand, but I'm sure I'll burst into tears.
I have no problem staying away from friends and their new babies for as long as they need me to, though!
ETA: I voted for your second option: a new mother should have her needs met!
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
When DS was born, I lived with my parents, DP was estranged from his parents, and there really wasn't anybody else to come visit us anyway.
Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
Christian SAHM to DS 3/04, DS 1/06, and DD 1/09 and expecting a new little one in May 2012
and Brigid Eleanor (11/20/08)
LOL not even joking. but it turned out great for me they were a huge help they cooked and cleaned lol even if they were slightly overwhelming. DP, on the other hand, probably wanted to hide.
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my family live 2000 imles away though... so does dh's. and my friends were all cool.
i was lucky.
i did howver wish my midwives couldve stayed the night.. our energy was awesome & i didnt ever want them to leave. :
Then it will be time for a week or two of no visits whatsoever.
I figure if they stop by, see the new little one, say hi and then leave, that will get all the pressure off on both sides. And then I can just ignore the world (phone and door).
with the next one we were living with my mom so a babymoon wasn't gonna happen, but at least we didn't have anybody over that didn't actually live in the house for at least a few days........
next time i'm so looking forward to a real babymoon, we live on our now so its do-able and over the years they've all learned to respect my boundaries to some extent, at least they'll ask before they come and i can put them off for a few days i'm sure
|I will be honest - I would not want a babymoon in the sense of no one but my kids and dh and I, because I really appreciate the help of my mother and other family members in entertaining my older kids. In that sense, though, I do like having time to myself with the baby... I just need others to help facilitate it.|
Also, I was so excited right after birth to show off the new baby - we were so proud and happy, we couldn't wait for the family to gather round. I was a little offended when FIL took almost 5 days to get himself motivated to show up and visit and see his first grandson.
In my family, no way would it fly to say you can't see your new grandchild for a week. They would of course respect our wishes in terms of how much company/contact/visiting we wanted in the first week or two and beyond that; but they would be hurt and sad not to meet the new baby at least briefly right away. Its such a special and short time, and I guess I don't really feel the first days belong only to the mom and dad. (I'm also one of those people who feels the wedding isn't only about what the bride wants - its a celebration for the entire tribe).
No question, everyone can feel differently about this.
Also, a babymoon is different for different people. A lot of people say babymoon, but they are talking about a little getaway for just the parents before the baby is born. We do plan on doing that. It will be our last getaway with just the two of us for awhile so it is nice to get that time to ourselves.
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