A babymoon is "unusual"? What? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Do you think wanting and/or having a babymoon is "unusual"?
Yes, I think you're weird. Come one, come all! 5 1.84%
Yes, but I realize not everyone has the same priorities. More power to you, mama! 54 19.85%
No, I wanted and had a babymoon and it was great. 84 30.88%
No, I didn't get a babymoon but looking back, I wish I had! 92 33.82%
Other (please explain below). 37 13.60%
Voters: 272. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I was chatting with my brother today and apparently my mother told him that it's "unusual" for a new mom to want time alone with her baby and partner to bond and fall in love. See, I'm making everyone wait at least a week before they come to visit, and once they're here I'm breaking their visiting days into two two-hour blocks to keep things manageable and low key.

My mother has never been great about acknowledging others' boundaries, especially mine, and my brother was surprisingly hostile when I told him about our plans. Now I know it's because she's been telling him that we're selfish freaks for wanting a whole week (gasp!) alone with our newborn before visitors start pouring in. I set him straight and things are fine between us now, but ugh.

Anyway, I thought I'd make this all official like and poll you ladies: Do you think it's unusual to want time alone with your baby and partner after the birth? Please help me know that I'm not the crazy one here.

Thanks in advance for your input.

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#2 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:38 PM
 
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Heck NO!

I don't really think it's unusual to want the support of one's community and family during that time, either, though.

As for us, no one but my partner or I held Naked Baby until he was 7 weeks old -- and that first time (with my sister), I was practically hyperventilating the whole five minutes!

You are definitely not crazy, and not alone.
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#3 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:42 PM
 
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No, I don't think it's weird. I think I needed a babymoon with DS2, but of course didn't get one. While I'm all for it, I know that in some cultures and religions this would be rude to ask for.

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#4 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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I don't think it's unusual to want a babymoon. I do think it is unusual (not weird, just not commonly done) to actually have one. I don't know anyone who requested no visitors after baby. For myself, I wanted my mom around to keep the house running so I had time to focus solely on the baby. My mom is very good about boundaries and only wanted to do what was helpful (i.e., not pushing to hold baby constantly), though.
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#5 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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i voted other. I don't think it is unusual, but it is not me. i need lots of company and to go out right away. I think i am the more unusual one.

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#6 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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I voted "other". Yes, it is unusual in that it is not the usual. But I think it's great, and go for it.

( BTW your poll threw me off for at first because thinking something is unusual doesn't mean you don't believe it is the best thing ever. )

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#7 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:53 PM
 
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no, I don't think it's unusual but I know people who think it is. Namely my mom. She absolutley throws a complete fit everytime I tell her she can't come the day the baby is born and that she must wait *gasp* at least a week before coming to invade our privacy.

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#8 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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I chose other... I think it's natural to want one (in keeping with nature) but not normal to have one (it goes against social norms.)

I have been glad to have loved ones around after my births, but I remember after my first was born and people "visited"... there is a big difference in people there to help you and people there as guests. Just in energy, if nothing else. I spent the whole first week just praying that all the guests would LEAVE and let me be alone with my baby. It was awful. I felt horribly invaded.

But then after my second was born, it really was me alone with the baby and Dh, and I really really needed someone else there. Not the guests, but my mother, my sisters, my grandmother, etc.

After my third and fourth, I feel like I had the perfect babymoons, the friends and family visiting was enough to make me feel completely supported, without being invasive.

I see a babymoon as a protected, celebratory, bonding time, a time released from the normal duties - not necessarily isolation. Everyone should have their needs met...it's going to vary from mama to mama!

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#9 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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I voted other but I didn't know what a baby moon was I think thats perfectly acceptable! I will allow a day, maybe two that people can come see us. After that, if your not my mom or sisters or husband, STAY AWAY! I plan on staying in bed for like 2 weeks and doing nothing but nursing and eating. :

I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
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#10 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:00 PM
 
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I wanted 2 weeks with my dh, my ds, and new dd. I only got 1, because dh didn't feel he could be away from work for 2 weeks. It was easy to pull off because we lived a plane ride away from 99% of our family. My SIL drove down the day of the birth to care for ds and kept him overnight in our apartment. We came home in the middle of the night, and after we all slept in, she left and drove ~2 hours home.

No one (outside of a couple of dh's co-workers who also brought dinner) visited us until my MIL came at the end of week 1, and my mom came at the end of week 2. They each stayed a week and helped with ds. I am pretty sure I won't get anything like that if there is another pg in store for us, because we live close to our family again. I'll be lucky to get 1 night. Hopefully we can control drop-ins and crowds.

It is unusual to ask for one or get one in my family, but it's not wierd to me. I would recommend them to anyone, and I make a point NOT to visit babies in the hospital or call/visit before they invite me to do so.

DS - 5! - adopted at birth after infertility, IUI, and IVF; DD - 4! - surprise pregnancy discovered when DS was 8 months old ; Hoping for another soon (actively TTC ~ 2 years)
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#11 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:02 PM
 
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Nope don't think it unusual. I do think that while many women want one, few get it. Because of family pressures, everyone wanting to see the baby and our busy lifestyles.

My great grandmother had a fit because my mother never took enough time off after she had a baby. She felt you shouldn't even be out of bed the first week. I think she was a wise woman.

Expecting #9.  Always busy hsing.
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#12 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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I voted other. I didn't have a babymoon last time. My mother was babysitting dd1 while I gave birth to dd2, so she came by the next day to drop off dd1.
But I would like a babymoon next time. My priorities have changed. I didn't need it the previous two times. But I think I will have one next time.
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#13 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:24 PM
 
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Um, no. Not unusual at all. I mean, everyone has their differing views, but I think it's fine to have time alone with your baby and your partner. I don't understand why someone would think that was weird?

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#14 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:26 PM
 
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Thought I wanted a babymoon, arranged to have one, transferred to hospital, didn't get one, didn't mind.
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#15 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:29 PM
 
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Everyone is different. I would have loved visitors at the hospital where I had DS1 but it was during SARS in Toronto and no visitors were allowed.

I like family and friends to come and tell me that my baby is beautiful and I look great and all those other gentle fibs, and I want to tell my birth story over and over.

If I ever get to be a grandmother and am asked to stay away from the new baby for a week or so, I will try to understand, but I'm sure I'll burst into tears.

I have no problem staying away from friends and their new babies for as long as they need me to, though!

ETA: I voted for your second option: a new mother should have her needs met!
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#16 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angelpie545 View Post
Um, no. Not unusual at all. I mean, everyone has their differing views, but I think it's fine to have time alone with your baby and your partner. I don't understand why someone would think that was weird?
It just depends on the culture of the family... for instance, my MIL fully expected to be invited into the births of her DILs. Birth is seen as a family event and mothers, aunts, grandmothers, everyone should be there supporting the mother. I could think of few things more invasive than to have a crowd of people in my birth experience! The idea of a private birth is foreign to her. It's not wrong for her to feel that way... it's just different. But in the end, the one having the baby should get to say what she wants WITHOUT GUILT OR PRESSURE!! In birth, and afterwards.

~ Colleen ~ Joyful Unschooling Pagan mama to hearts.gifenergy.gifsuperhero.gifjog.gif and babyf.gif
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#17 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 06:31 PM
 
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I had to vote "other". I had a "modified babymoon" after my daughter's births (and then with DS when he was home from the hospital.) It wasn't JUST me and my partner though. I let other people visit for short bursts of time. My next door neighbor was over when DD1 was about an hour old, and it was wonderful! I didn't do a lot of socializing, and my time was mostly focused on learning to love and care for the new baby, but I had no problem with grandparents visiting the day or two after the birth and staying an hour or so. My own mother couldn't come for a few weeks just because she was further away and needed to sleep over, and it made more sense for her to come when DH went back to work. Had she lived locally, she would have been over the next day for a short visit, or a longer stay to help out.

When DS was born, I lived with my parents, DP was estranged from his parents, and there really wasn't anybody else to come visit us anyway.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#18 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 07:54 PM
 
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I have not read the other posts before aswering, so if this is a repeat i'll edit later: I would say that it is unusual --in the sense that women in the west just don't usually do it. I do not think it is weird in the least, however and I atempt to do it myself. It is interesting to note that cultures that commonly do this have much lower rates of ppd - it seems to be working for a lot of people Happy Babymoon to You!

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#19 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 07:55 PM
 
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Not unusual in these parts (MDC) but I certainly wouldn't be offended or surprised if the idea left some people scratching their heads.
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#20 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 07:58 PM
 
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I will be honest - I would not want a babymoon in the sense of no one but my kids and dh and I, because I really appreciate the help of my mother and other family members in entertaining my older kids. In that sense, though, I do like having time to myself with the baby... I just need others to help facilitate it.

Kash, homeschooling mommy to Gillian (8/5/00) and Jacob (3/23/05)
and Brigid Eleanor (11/20/08)
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#21 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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I wanted a babymoon... but try telling that to my family... picture 20 italian women and their offspring showing up at your house with enough food to feed a small country wondering where they went wrong that their own (daughter, granddaughter, niece, third cousin, hairdresser's neighbor) didnt want to see her family and how could i not let them see the bambino they have been waiting and praying for for so long.

LOL not even joking. but it turned out great for me they were a huge help they cooked and cleaned lol even if they were slightly overwhelming. DP, on the other hand, probably wanted to hide.
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#22 of 67 Old 10-27-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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I didn't get one the first time around and I plan to take at least two weeks where I do as little as possible and it might even be longer than that before our first outing. I can't wait.
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#23 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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I don't know anyone in real life who's done a full-on babymoon, even in my local AP group, so I think it's unusual. But, if that's what you want, more power to you.
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#24 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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i did it. people could drop off food....but no visits over an hour.

my family live 2000 imles away though... so does dh's. and my friends were all cool.

i was lucky.

i did howver wish my midwives couldve stayed the night.. our energy was awesome & i didnt ever want them to leave. :

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#25 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 12:59 AM
 
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I voted other. I think I will let my family see the babe, maybe even the day of/day after depending on how the labor goes.

Then it will be time for a week or two of no visits whatsoever.


I figure if they stop by, see the new little one, say hi and then leave, that will get all the pressure off on both sides. And then I can just ignore the world (phone and door).

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#26 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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with my first we had people over the same day we came home and i wasn't real happy about it. i felt so violated...........they cleaned up even in our bedroom and have forever felt the need to comment on the state of the house at the time (it was almost 9 years ago!!!!)..........and they got there before we did even

with the next one we were living with my mom so a babymoon wasn't gonna happen, but at least we didn't have anybody over that didn't actually live in the house for at least a few days........

next time i'm so looking forward to a real babymoon, we live on our now so its do-able and over the years they've all learned to respect my boundaries to some extent, at least they'll ask before they come and i can put them off for a few days i'm sure
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#27 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 09:48 AM
 
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Quote:
I will be honest - I would not want a babymoon in the sense of no one but my kids and dh and I, because I really appreciate the help of my mother and other family members in entertaining my older kids. In that sense, though, I do like having time to myself with the baby... I just need others to help facilitate it.
Agree with this for me personally.

Also, I was so excited right after birth to show off the new baby - we were so proud and happy, we couldn't wait for the family to gather round. I was a little offended when FIL took almost 5 days to get himself motivated to show up and visit and see his first grandson.

In my family, no way would it fly to say you can't see your new grandchild for a week. They would of course respect our wishes in terms of how much company/contact/visiting we wanted in the first week or two and beyond that; but they would be hurt and sad not to meet the new baby at least briefly right away. Its such a special and short time, and I guess I don't really feel the first days belong only to the mom and dad. (I'm also one of those people who feels the wedding isn't only about what the bride wants - its a celebration for the entire tribe).

No question, everyone can feel differently about this.
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#28 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 12:59 PM
 
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Crap! I voted wrong! What I meant was that I don't think it's weird to want a babymoon the way you described but I don't think of a babymoon in those terms, personally. For me, I can't wait to have close friends and family come and meet the baby. I'm even okay with them holding him/her for a little while. But, I still consider that my babymooning period - I'm primarily with baby, staying in bed as much as possible. Just nursing, changing diapers, and falling in love. I think it's a very important time but I don't think it needs to be a time to exclude other loved ones. Whatever works for you, though, mama! I don't think it's necessarily weird by any means.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#29 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 01:19 PM
 
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My inlaws came over the day we came home from the hospital, unannounced. I was tired and just wanted to relax with my baby. They stayed way too long and I just wanted them to leave.
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#30 of 67 Old 10-28-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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I wouldn't have this kind of babymoon because my entire family is so close and it would kill them not to see the baby. When I had ds, only my mom and dh were in the delivery room, but about 20 members of dh's and my family came in about 5 minutes after they could us cleaned up. They all sang happy birthday and held him. It was a bonding experience. For us, the family is everyone. It is not just Dh, myself, and our kids. It is aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. I want them to be just as close to the kids as I am. If I can't help them with something, I want them to have a multitude of others that they are just as close to. I think that starts from birth.

Also, a babymoon is different for different people. A lot of people say babymoon, but they are talking about a little getaway for just the parents before the baby is born. We do plan on doing that. It will be our last getaway with just the two of us for awhile so it is nice to get that time to ourselves.
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