Dear Sierra, It's been 7 years since you were born and died & a picture of my beautiful girl - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 05:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dear Sierra,

Today marks seven years since your birth. I look back on that day and remember the pure love and joy that I felt the first time I held you in my arms. I had gone through so much to bring you into my life, all the losses, all the fertility treatments, but finally, there you were, in my arms, nestled at my breast. I could not believe how beautiful you were, so tiny and perfect. Your entrance came four weeks before we were expecting you, but you were a strong 6 ½ pounds and breathing so well. I spent those two days in the hospital marveling over you, amazed that you had chosen me to be your mother. I cried when they told me your blood type was O+ just like mine. Silly, I know, since it is most common for a baby’s blood type to match the mother’s, but since I was adopted, you were the first person I ever met who was biologically related to me, you were mine! I was so worried about you, I knew something just wasn’t right but I wasn’t strong enough to fight against the doctors and nurses for you. I am sorry my sweet girl, I am your mother, my job was to protect you with my life and I didn’t fight hard enough. I allowed my trust in them to override my instinct as your mother.

I am eternally grateful that I was able to have those precious 2 ½ days with you, it is more than so many others ever get. I was able to carry you inside of me for 36 weeks, birth you into this world, hear you cry, feel you suckle at my breast, nourish you from my body, change your diaper, dress you, sleep with you, inhale your scent, bring you home with me, even if it was just for 14 short hours. I am so sorry that your little spirit had to leave your body, but I am thankful that I was holding you in my arms, nursing you at my breast as your soul slipped out of your body. If one must die, a peaceful death in the arms of someone who loves you intensely is the best way to pass on.

I know you are still with me, I feel your presence often. I have a happy life, a good life. You brought me your two younger sister, and I am sure you helped to guide me to Matt and Madison, your step-dad and step-sister. Though none of them had the chance to meet you and know you as you grew in me and on your days on Earth, they love and miss you and you are truly part of our family. You would be in first grade now, just ten months older than Maia. I wonder what you would be like, quick to laugh, a sparkle in your eye, mommy's little helper, polite, smart, sweet, the perfect daughter; yet I know you would also try my patience, sass me back when you are mad, throw your clothes all over the floor, fight with your sisters, drive me crazy!

You changed the very core of my being. I question, research, fight for my family, and am more sure of my place in this world. I appreciate life, family, and your sisters more than I think I would have if you had never come into and out of my life. You have shaped the mother, wife, teacher, woman that I am today. Thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

I love you sweet girl,
Mommy
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#2 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 06:54 PM
 
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So sorry for the loss of Sierra.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#3 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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Oh my. Big hugs to you hon. It seems like only yesterday to me, I can't imagine. More hugs and prayers
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#4 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 07:01 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Sierra's story.

Sierra

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#5 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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#6 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You,

A picture of my beautiful girl.

http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r...raMemorial.jpg
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#7 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Oh, mama, that was so beautiful. Very very moving. It made me cry, and feel warmed. Your strength and love is inspiring. Much love.

I will be thinking of Sierra today too.

married to my best friend sam sahm to beatrice (04/07) and mourning lucia, born still 12/22/08
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#8 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:02 PM
 
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She was beautiful.

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
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#9 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:08 PM
 
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Oh I remember Sierra and think of her as well - we were on a different board together when she was born. My Ainsley is just a few months younger. ((((((Hugs))))) to you....

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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#10 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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What a beautiful letter... HUGS
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#11 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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Your sweet Sierra has touched so many lives. I imagine she's saved a few other babies along the way.

-Angela
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#12 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:22 PM
 
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That was absolutely beautiful, and so is Sierra. s for you today.

Rachele Garrin ~ Missing Gideon and Butterball ~ Loving for our Jareth
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#13 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:31 PM
 
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That was so beautiful and I love the gorgeous picture.
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#14 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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What a beauiful baby she was. I'm sorry for your loss.

Momma to DD (12/04) hearts.gif and DS (11/09) hbac.gif.
I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!

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#15 of 36 Old 01-15-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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I am so sorry mama Sierra is beautiful, thank you for sharing her with us.

Mama to Zoe (8/00), Morgan : (10/01), Brooke9/06), Casey 20wks (2/08), and Riley : (2/09): She's really here!!
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#16 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 11:11 AM
 
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wow, sierra is a beautiful little girl. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing that with us!

Jessicaintactlact.gif, wife to Derricklurk.gif, missing Joslyn angel3.gif, 22 weeks 06.18.08, rainbow1284.gifBaby Kai Ambrose 05.10.10 and Isla Blythe born on Thanksgiving '12 uc.jpg

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#17 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 05:59 PM
 
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I always love to read your posts. You have a way of sharing your daughter that is so warming and powerful.

Your letter was beautiful and your daughter is stunning.

Jill &heartbeat.gif the keepers of my heartheartbeat.gif : Dave, Ben (9/2002), Lucy (9/2004), (m/c 9/2007) Emma (born still on her due date and forever missed 10/2008) and Tobias (1/2010)grouphug.gif
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#18 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 06:44 PM
 
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What a sweet and beautiful angel.

So sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. What a touching letter. It made me cry.
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#19 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
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#20 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 11:01 PM
 
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Dear Sierra,

Thank you for bringing so much love and magic to your mommy's life. She loves you so very much.

Dear Sierra's Mom,

A thousand, million, billion warm comforting hugs.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#21 of 36 Old 01-16-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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She is truly beautiful.

Amri- mama to Indica 12.08.06 and Kytan 04.04.10
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#22 of 36 Old 01-17-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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That was a lovely letter - so beautifully written and so very wise. She was just gorgeous - really beautiful. I am so glad you were able to find and create the rest of the wonderful family you have now. *HUGE hugs* to you and yours - much love. XXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#23 of 36 Old 01-17-2009, 02:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissy View Post
She was beautiful.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#24 of 36 Old 01-17-2009, 02:46 AM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss, and your letter made me cry.

Mom to a girl 7.17.07 and a boy 5.30.09 Wife to husband 8.12.81 (ha) New baby boy 3.09.11 stillheart.gif
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#25 of 36 Old 01-17-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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Just beautiful. :

Thank you for sharing her story and picture with us.
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#26 of 36 Old 01-19-2009, 06:12 PM
 
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That was beautiful. I am crying for you and for your sweet little angel.

sahm for Landon 1/07 and Simon 12/08 Aden 3/8/06
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#27 of 36 Old 01-19-2009, 07:12 PM
 
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Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

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#28 of 36 Old 01-20-2009, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You all. I have been without internet for a few days.

As a family we made a beautiful heart cake with lots of decorations added by the girls, we sang happy birthday and had a little party. earlier that morning my youngest said we would make such a beautiful cake that Sierra would see it and come back to life to live with us again. It is so hard to explain to little ones.

On Sunday (7 years since her death) the kids were with their opposite parents. Matt took me out to get a massage, it was a lovely way to try to relax on a sad day.
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#29 of 36 Old 01-20-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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crying with you. sharing your pain.

thanks for sharing her with us.

wife since 1992; mom to: J 7-95; H 5-98; C 2-03; S 4-05; Micah Zachary born still UC 4-08; UM 9-08; due June 2010
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#30 of 36 Old 01-20-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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Your words are poignant and truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Remembering you and your sweet little one today.

Marine ecologist wife to my kite-boarding soulmate and now a homeschooling SAHM to Annabelle 8/02 and Willem 12/08!
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