Originally Posted by JayJay
My mother would clean it up and repaint the engraved lettering whenever it needed doing. Sometimes she'd cry quietly, sometimes she wouldn't.
My mother had a child die at the age of 3... she was hit by a car. There was a grave, but my mother never visited it. She never talked about it much. I knew about it, that I'd had another sister, but that was about it. When I was older and could drive, I went to the grave. I was the only one who ever did, as far as I know. My older brothers and sisters (who had been there when she was hit) never talked about her, either.
My mother did keep her picture on the wall with ours. But there was no yearly memory of her (I didn't even know her birthday until I was an adult). I always wondered, especially after I had my own children, how someone could lose a child and not acknowledge it that way. I imagined the pain was so great, maybe she just had to block it out as much as she could?
Of course, now I know what it feels like. But I still can't imagine doing what she did... living as much as possible in denial. I'm sure she thought she was "moving on," but I don't know if she really did. Especially since she once said to me, "When you came along, I was afraid to get close to you, because I'd already lost one child." And I've always been estranged, in that way, from my mother. There's a wall there she put up after her daughter died, and there's no getting past it for me.
SO that whole long explanation just to say - I'm so glad to see you acknowledging and honoring your child after nine years, and for including your other children and letting them understand your loss. It's a gift and a blessing to them and you and to Austin's memory.