I'm having a miscarriage - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have had three successful pregnancies, this is my first miscarriage. This was to be the first child for DH and I.

It's very early, I'm not even 5 weeks along. I got a positive test a week ago. I woke up this morning with some spotting, but didn't get alarmed because I've had this happen previously. I went back to bed, somewhat delirious from a bad nights sleep, full of cranky toddlers.

Woke up a couple hours later to pee again and had bright red blood. I knew, right away. This pregnancy hadn't felt "right" from the get-go, but I chalked it up to things being "different" this time around. I wrestled with what to do, should I call my midwife or my family doc? My midwife is about 30 minutes away and I felt lousy and couldn't contemplate driving that far, so I called my family doc here in town. I had to get the girls ready, drop my daughter off at school and DSD off at her mothers. DH decided to take the day off work to sit with me, I called my doctor and got an appointment for early afternoon.

My youngest two were with me and I couldn't imagine feeling so lousy and trying to care for them. Their step-mother was out of town (my normal child-care backup), my best friend is due any day and has two of her own. My other BF was in class all day. Their father could not take off work (nor would I expect him to) I have no family here, so I ended up having to to rely on DH's family (they went to their cousins, which they love), which just added another bit of sting. Reminded me how alone I feel here sometimes. I wanted DH available to come to my appt with me. I didn't feel safe to drive.

I continued bleeding all morning as I ran the kids where they needed to be. Finally got to my appt (which I simply wanted for a referral for an HCG quant just to determine things were going as they should), my doctor was sweet and said no need for a pelvic, etc. Some dignity at least. She spoke directly to DH AND myself, which I appreciated. She put STAT on my blood order, so by 5 o'clock, I had the results. My HCG was 14. I am to go back on Friday for another.

I am still bleeding red, no clots, intermittent cramping, cervix is opening . . My body is doing it's job. I am feeling weird about it, almost peaceful. I don't feel like I lost a baby, simply lost the idea of a baby. I am waiting for it to be over . . .
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#2 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 12:34 AM
 
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Hi Samantha. I'm sorry that you've ended up over here.

Sometimes it takes a while to really understand there was a person in there, ya know? If you do suddenly end up crying, know that you'll be ok in time.

I'm "glad" the physical stuff is going smoothly. I hope you'll be able to sit down and chill really soon. It's a good time to park on the couch with ice cream.

Hugs to you, and to your teeny baby.
Prayin'
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#3 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 01:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Prayin'

I did cry this morning. A lot, on DH's shoulder (literally. I remember looking down and seeing my tears rolling down his back). I am still processing, but I'm finding an odd comfort in just listening to my body, trusting it and knowing that it will do the right thing. I hurt a lot for my love (DH). He is sad, and it makes me hurt even worse to see his saddness.

I just want it to be quick. Done. Over with. We had told MIL. She was so excited. Having her call tonight and ask me how "Little Bean" was doing was hard, but I told her. She was sweet. Is it weird that I am worrying about other peoples feelings more than mine?

I am repeating the dreaded "We can have another" and while it sounds shallow, it's actually comforting to me.
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#4 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 02:37 AM
 
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Samantha, I am so sorry for your loss... I am glad that your DH and his family are supporting you, and that you know you'll find a way forward. This is a great place to come and talk. I found a lot of support here when I lost my little bean...

 sleepytime.gif
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#5 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 02:49 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

~Manessa mama to one teenageer, one tweenager, and a toddler

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#6 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 05:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usandthegirls View Post

I am repeating the dreaded "We can have another" and while it sounds shallow, it's actually comforting to me.
This was my worst moment too, everyone kept saying "at least you know you can get pregnant". It took WEEKS for that to be of any small amount of consolation.


I'm so sorry for you loss, I hope the miscarriage goes easy on you.

Mum to Quinn, Aug 14th 2010
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#7 of 9 Old 04-23-2009, 01:13 PM
 
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I'm sorry for your loss today, I am also glad you sound so well

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#8 of 9 Old 04-24-2009, 12:46 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.

momma to my girls (9) (7) (4) (3) (7m) &
my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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#9 of 9 Old 04-24-2009, 11:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usandthegirls View Post
Thanks Prayin'

I did cry this morning. A lot, on DH's shoulder (literally. I remember looking down and seeing my tears rolling down his back). I am still processing, but I'm finding an odd comfort in just listening to my body, trusting it and knowing that it will do the right thing. I hurt a lot for my love (DH). He is sad, and it makes me hurt even worse to see his saddness.

I just want it to be quick. Done. Over with. We had told MIL. She was so excited. Having her call tonight and ask me how "Little Bean" was doing was hard, but I told her. She was sweet. Is it weird that I am worrying about other peoples feelings more than mine?

I am repeating the dreaded "We can have another" and while it sounds shallow, it's actually comforting to me.
it doesn't sound shallow at all mama. really, it is comforting. i am 'glad' that this happened early on and that you can try again soon if you so choose. losing a baby at any gestation is very hard.

Jessicaintactlact.gif, wife to Derricklurk.gif, missing Joslyn angel3.gif, 22 weeks 06.18.08, rainbow1284.gifBaby Kai Ambrose 05.10.10 and Isla Blythe born on Thanksgiving '12 uc.jpg

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