this week has been hard - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ahhh this week has been really hard for me.... its been three months since i lost my baby and all i can think about is how big i should be by now i feel really empty inside i should be feeling my baby kick me and moving inside me... it seems like every pregent person is coming in the store that i work at and i have to hold back my tears even when a new born baby comes in... i do want to start trying again but im to scared to i think that i would have to quit my job to have one ( i have a very stressful job i think thats why i lost my baby back in march) i dont know what to do i love all of my co workers and they helped me out alot but im still lost well thanks for letting me vent
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#2 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 01:45 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have a lot of advice but I wanted to let you know I read your post and hear your pain. This is a tough road and I'm sending you a big hug via the Web.

Continue to be gentle with yourself.
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#3 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 02:11 PM
 
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This may sound odd but it is something that helps me deal with pain from losing my brother. When I have a thought cross my mind I try to see where it hurts in my body. Ususally back of my head or pit of my stomach. Then I imagine that the pain has an edge that I can soften and create space around using my breath. So i breath deeply and try to bring some new energy to that feeling/space in my body. I feel like I can do something to deal with my sadness/anger/whatever. I am so sorry for your loss.
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#4 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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Ahhh it's so hard not to think about what should have been...

Big HUGS to you, mama.

Autumn (1990) Blake (1993) Zoe (2001) Dmitrios (2002) and William (April 2009) born still @ 39 wks - my 4ever
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#5 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 03:58 PM
 
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I really understand...I put on a pair of jeans that fit me before I was pregnant today...and I just sobbed because they fit. I look in the mirror and my empty belly looks so wilted and sad. It was round and full of a happy baby only a few weeks ago.

You know in your heart what is important in life...you'll find a way.

I am, of course...speaking to myself as well...trusting that the way IS there and that it will be found in spite of being blinded by tears. :

Blog in profile*Sea turtle mother to 5 boysfencing.gifguitar.gifnotes.gifblueman.gif, and a beautiful rainbow girl dust.gif!!!! married to my best friendsuperhero.gif& enjoying my pup dog2.gif.Lost our little twins *Simon&Alexander* in 2009brokenheart.gif

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#6 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 04:15 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I feel like I could have written most of that post, so I really feel your pain. Doesn't it seem like EVERYONE else is pregnant, and EVERYONE else has a baby? It seems like that to me. It's up to you if you want to change your job for your peace of mind, but you should try not to blame yourself for being stressed for losing your baby. I try to think of the pregnant women whose husbands died in 9/11, and their babies that were born OK. Surely the stress in my life couldn't be worse than that, so our stress doesn't kill our babies. That's just how I like to think of it, anyway. (of course a stressful life isn't great for anyone, though, so less stress is always better... and sometimes we feel the need to change something so that next time we're pregnant it might be diferent - I totally understand that, it crosses my mind a lot too). Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

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#7 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for your help really needed it...
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#8 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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... I am so sorry for your loss... I hope you'll find healing and strength ahead...

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#9 of 13 Old 05-07-2009, 06:46 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

momma to my girls (9) (7) (4) (3) (7m) &
my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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#10 of 13 Old 05-08-2009, 05:52 PM
 
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s mama

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
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#11 of 13 Old 05-08-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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Awww Sarah... We should do lunch some time! We really should! I know where you are. I know I'm pregnant again but I know how you feel, and I know you too! If I can get pregnant again, so can you. You can do it.

I know what you mean though - after I lost Josie, I felt like the entire world was pregnant. Actually now I'm pregnant, I still feel lie the entire world is pregnant, so I think we're just in a baby boom - it's not just you, I promise - there are an abundance of babies developing in and out of the womb out there.

I know what you mean about quitting too - believe me! I just handed in my notice a week ago - my last day is next Friday. I have little ones to take care of, and I won't risk anything this time. Also I don't feel that working for the same company I worked for when I lost Josie, and the company who had such a hand in causing what happened is a good idea. I really felt, before giving in my notice, that I was betraying Josie by remaining there...

So I'm right there with you on the work thing too. But we will both get through it. We'll have our babies.

*HUGE hugs* to you my friend XXXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#12 of 13 Old 05-09-2009, 12:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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jayjay yeah i would like to have lunch with you and im so happy: that your going to have another baby.. i happy that your getting out of the company.. if their was a better job out their i would quit in a second. the only thing that i would miss from working thier is my coworkers they helped me so much even during my m/c they brought me flowers and the card that still makes my cry when i read it... well anyways going to take off my work outfit and get into some real clothes.. BIG HUGS TO YOU TOO
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#13 of 13 Old 05-09-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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Just wanted to give you a The whole process of losing a baby is so incredibly hard. It does get a little easier with time.

~Manessa mama to one teenageer, one tweenager, and a toddler

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