Thank you so much mamas
It helps just to know someone is listening.
Originally Posted by AngelW
I am so sorry you have had three losses of your babies. HUGS!!!!
You said you have learned something from each one.. Can you share what? I can't figure out what I'm supposed to learn here and I think there must be something. I am miscarrying at 11 weeks.
Oh, I am so sorry!
I believe that we are here to learn and grow, and that everything in your life is a potential lesson. Since your journey is unique, every lesson is going to be unique to you and your life. Someone else might learn something else from the same event. There is something very powerful to be learned from loss and pain, I think. I feel like I have just started learning. My life has been so blessedly sheltered compared to so many others. But I feel that it's part of a wonder-full journey that I just don't have the full perspective on from here, and I feel that the pain I am experiencing now has a purpose. Pain and loss are such integral parts of life, they must be important for being a whole person.
What I have learned this time in particular is that my body works, oddly enough. When I gave in to the pain of the cramps/contractions and moved with them, went into them, I found myself instinctively moving in the way that made them most bearable, and also they became much more bearable. I haven't felt that "in my body" and present for a long time. My uterus is very functionally emptying itself, and it knows exactly how, and it probably had a good reason. I have not experienced this kind of trust (based on knowing
on a non-verbal level that things were going right) of my body before, paradoxically. I feel that I got a taste of labor, and I know that I can deal with it, and I understand much more now the idea of "trusting birth".
The fact that I have miscarried several times now is also teaching me something very difficult about control. Basically, it is shoving in my face the fact that in life there are no guarantees, and challenging me to remain peaceful and calm in the face of that. I know there's nothing I could have done, and that being paranoid doesn't help anything, but it's hard not to be, to still have hope and trust. To live with the unsureness of life.
I feel that also I am being given opportunities to learn how to become less awkward ("deal with") emotion and expressing it functionally.
I can see that these things are there for me to work on, but I am feeling a little bit fumbling with them right now. Rome wasn't built in a day I guess. Mostly I think I have to learn how to give myself permission to be sad without feeling ashamed or that it's the end of the world.
Oh, and I think I'm supposed to be learning patience too, but that's a constant one isn't it
I hope you are able to take something positive from your loss... don't worry if it doesn't seem like you can right now. Maybe that's exactly what you need to let yourself feel.