My friend lost her baby just weeks before I got pregnant - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As the title states, my friend lost her 10wk baby just weeks before I found out I was pregnant. After her loss (before I knew about my pg), I took her a meal and a card.

I am due in October...and I ache for her because she should be having a baby now. Any suggestions about what to do to acknowledge her baby's due date? I also want to be able to somehow make it less painful for her when my baby arrives...or is that just a pipe dream?

My friend is VERY religious so I'd like my acknowledgment to reference our mutual faith in God. Any suggestions are welcome...I'm somewhat socially awkward so these things do not come easily to me (like they do to anyone, but still).

Never doubt that a small group of committed, thoughtful people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead
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#2 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 07:24 PM
 
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I might have a different feeling than others here but I don't want anyone to do anything come Dec 5th. Amelia was not born then. Most likely she would have not been born on that day anyway. I'd like any focus on her to be July 12th. I know that Dec 5th will sting but I guess I'd like the day's meaning to be taken away as it didn't happen.


All that said, maybe just ask her out to coffee. If she brings it up then go from there.

Cindy, joyful SAH mama to rainbow1284.gif William & Katherinefly-by-nursing2.gif Forever missing Amelia 7-12-09 angel3.gif  signcirc1.gifsaynovax.giflactivist.gif Ask me about my natural cesarean! 

 

 

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#3 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 07:27 PM
 
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i understand where Cindy is coming from. i, however, wanted the due date acknowledged, which was 6 weeks after he died. my pain was still very fresh and raw and at that point, i wanted my emptiness acknowledged. you might want to just call her, acknowledge the date and take it from there.

Christie

Vegan, homeschooling mom to my 3 boys and my girl, missing Matthew born still at 34 weeks
 

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#4 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 09:05 PM
 
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I think it is wonderful of you to be so concerned about her. Many people don't have that support. Like Christie I wanted the date acknowledged..actually any date concerning my babies I want acknowledged as they get no other (outside) acknowledgment. That being said though you just don't know how people will feel. Maybe send a card and call her that day to let her know you are remembering w/her. And call her (I would suggest before the actual date so she doesn't feel put on the spot) and see if she would like do something on that day. Also she may say that she would like to and then change her mind on the actual due date. I think most important is just acknowledging and not being afraid of talking about her precious little one or her grief goes a long long way. Also she may not take very well to you being pregnant..don't take it personally. She doesn't wish you ill just sad it's not her too. Anyway hopefully something I've said will be helpful to you. And again I think it's so wonderful that you want to reach out to her..what a great friend.

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my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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