My SIL lost a pregnancy just before DD was born. I found out when SIL called to congratulate me on the birth. This was SIL's only pregnancy, and it seems she will not be able to have biological children, and I know that she would very much like to.
Except for telling her how sorry I was on that phone call, I haven't acknowledged the loss in any satisfactory way, and now it's been 4 years. I intended to send her a card but then DD was hospitalized and I was overwhelmed for 10+ weeks (probably PPD) and then it just never happened. I also, at the time, did not properly understand the significance of pregnancy loss.
SIL and I have a friendly relationship but we don't talk frequently at all. We just see each other when her visits to her mother coincide with DH's and my visits, plus we usually go to her house for Christmas. So we see each other maybe 3 times a year, talk on the phone maybe once a year if that, and email each other maybe 4 times a year. Just for context.
We invited her and her husband (and MIL and her husband) to our house to celebrate DD's 4th birthday. Since her birthday nearly coincides with SIL's loss, I wonder if there's a tactful and loving way I can bring up the subject and more properly acknowledge her loss. I do feel bad that I hadn't until this point.
Any thoughts or suggestions? I don't know if some small gift or token (flowers?) would be appropriate or not, or just some way of bringing it up and maybe even apologizing for not having properly addressed this before.. I don't know. SIL and BIL have tattoos commemorating their baby, and they also both left the Church as a result of the very poor treatment they received from their priest when they were grieving (these facts I learned from MIL, not from direct conversation with SIL), so I know this was significant and life-changing to them, and I'm guessing that they think of their baby when they see my DD, so I just think I really need to acknowledge their baby in some way when they come celebrate DD's 4th year of life.
Except for telling her how sorry I was on that phone call, I haven't acknowledged the loss in any satisfactory way, and now it's been 4 years. I intended to send her a card but then DD was hospitalized and I was overwhelmed for 10+ weeks (probably PPD) and then it just never happened. I also, at the time, did not properly understand the significance of pregnancy loss.
SIL and I have a friendly relationship but we don't talk frequently at all. We just see each other when her visits to her mother coincide with DH's and my visits, plus we usually go to her house for Christmas. So we see each other maybe 3 times a year, talk on the phone maybe once a year if that, and email each other maybe 4 times a year. Just for context.
We invited her and her husband (and MIL and her husband) to our house to celebrate DD's 4th birthday. Since her birthday nearly coincides with SIL's loss, I wonder if there's a tactful and loving way I can bring up the subject and more properly acknowledge her loss. I do feel bad that I hadn't until this point.
Any thoughts or suggestions? I don't know if some small gift or token (flowers?) would be appropriate or not, or just some way of bringing it up and maybe even apologizing for not having properly addressed this before.. I don't know. SIL and BIL have tattoos commemorating their baby, and they also both left the Church as a result of the very poor treatment they received from their priest when they were grieving (these facts I learned from MIL, not from direct conversation with SIL), so I know this was significant and life-changing to them, and I'm guessing that they think of their baby when they see my DD, so I just think I really need to acknowledge their baby in some way when they come celebrate DD's 4th year of life.