Physically, Mentally & Emotionally ready to try again? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-23-2009, 10:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's my current dilemma, and I am hoping some of you can relate.

Physically, I feel pretty good. I lost my babe at 12 weeks back in June, so its been a while (I've stopped counting the days). I lost a lot of blood with the m/c and then lost almost as much with ym first AF after the m/c as well, so I was severely anemic. I started taking Floridix iron and after the first bottle, I started feeling SO much better.
I have had some gall bladder issues since my first son was born 7 years ago, but they've recently gotten worse, so I am scheduled to see a surgeon about having my gall bladder removed on Oct. 1. I have been thinking about putting off the surgery in order to get preggo now instead of waiting until after the surgery. Anyone with input on that, please share your experiences! I'd love to know how that worked for you.
Overall, I'd love to loose a few more lbs (okay, tens of "more" if I am being honest), but truthfully, I am pretty much okay with my weight. I am slightly heavier now than I was with my second child, but since my pattern has been to drop 20-25lbs over the first few months of pregnancy, I don;t see that as THAt big of a problem.

Mentally... I can't decide if I am "ready" to try again. I don't feel like I am trying to replace something that was lost, exactly - not like I would have if I had tried to get preggo right after losing this last one. Waiting has given me some perspective and hoestly, some doubts. Do I REALLY want another babe? My boys are 6 and 7.5 years old - they're in school all day and I have responsibilities to them that will be much harder to meet with a babe in tow (even in a sling). Plus, I am working now, much more than I was when my boys were babes.

Emotionally... this is the one that's tricky for me. I feel that overwhelming DESIRE to have a baby at my breast sometimes and it just kills me. I want another baby SO BADLY - even knowing how much of a disruption it will be to the comfortable and easy lifestyle that we have now (as parents with older kids) - going back to having a new baby in the house will be a BIG change. I'll lose time to myself, time alone with dh, time alone with my older boys - all that will change. But STILL - I want a baby.
A friend of mine just found out that she is 5 weeks - she's thrilled, but complaining about her clothing not fitting, her breasts hurting - all things that I would LOVE ot be experiencing right now. It's a whistful sort of jealousy, tinged with a dose of "Are you COMLAINING about being pregnant to me? ME??! Really????!!!" I'm happy for her, I truly am. But still. It hurts so much to paste that smile on my face and not let bitter feelings drift across my face.

Add to all that the newfound terror and worry at the possibility of miscarrying again.... I am honestly not sure I could go through that again in tact right now. But waiting sucks.

So being ready... I don't want to have another baby for the "wrong" reasons (if there is such a thing).
Thanks for reading.

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#2 of 4 Old 09-24-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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i think you just need to ask yourself, "can i try ONE more time?" and if your heart tells you you're unsure or not ready at all, take some time to think about it and feel it out, consider what you desire for the future and what would make you and your family happy, how you invision your family and the sacrifices/changes that you all would make. if your heart tells you "YES!" right away, than you will just know and it wil feel right.
i think a lot of us struggle at times when logic vs desire... it's a TOUGH one.
waiting DOES suck. but fear sucks too.

i hope this helps honey, *sending love and hugs and hope your way* <3

Jen - wife to Joel , mama to 2 beautiful girls - my earthside Lily Mae *2* , and my sweet Ruby Jean - born still at 40 wks 04/05/09. our baby girl on the way due sept
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#3 of 4 Old 09-25-2009, 10:47 AM
 
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Thinking of you. It's a hard decision to make.

momma to my girls (9) (7) (4) (3) (7m) &
my little ones held only in my heart 4/12-17/00~8/01-twins~11/04~3/05~11/08
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#4 of 4 Old 09-28-2009, 03:16 PM
 
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Yes or no....

I'd say have your surgery first. Take care of you. feel your feelings.

I want a baby all the time. I want the ones I lost.

I know I am not strong enough to cope with another loss...and so I am not TTC. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose another one. It would ruin me. my family.

Until I feel ready to take that very real risk....I will remain baby-less...or at least will remain of the opinion that I am NOT trying to have a baby, no matter how much I want one. My husband says we can re-evaluate in the future, when things have settled. I am 35. My youngest child just turned 6. The future is simply looking like a date to have my tubes tied. maybe all I am really waiting for is the ability to have that done without losing my mind...to know it is what is best. And if not...maybe I'll get my rainbow baby. maybe.

Sending warm thoughts your way as you make your decision. It's never easy to choose.

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