Here's my current dilemma, and I am hoping some of you can relate.
Physically, I feel pretty good. I lost my babe at 12 weeks back in June, so its been a while (I've stopped counting the days). I lost a lot of blood with the m/c and then lost almost as much with ym first AF after the m/c as well, so I was severely anemic. I started taking Floridix iron and after the first bottle, I started feeling SO much better.
I have had some gall bladder issues since my first son was born 7 years ago, but they've recently gotten worse, so I am scheduled to see a surgeon about having my gall bladder removed on Oct. 1. I have been thinking about putting off the surgery in order to get preggo now instead of waiting until after the surgery. Anyone with input on that, please share your experiences! I'd love to know how that worked for you.
Overall, I'd love to loose a few more lbs (okay, tens of "more" if I am being honest), but truthfully, I am pretty much okay with my weight. I am slightly heavier now than I was with my second child, but since my pattern has been to drop 20-25lbs over the first few months of pregnancy, I don;t see that as THAt big of a problem.
Mentally... I can't decide if I am "ready" to try again. I don't feel like I am trying to replace something that was lost, exactly - not like I would have if I had tried to get preggo right after losing this last one. Waiting has given me some perspective and hoestly, some doubts. Do I REALLY want another babe? My boys are 6 and 7.5 years old - they're in school all day and I have responsibilities to them that will be much harder to meet with a babe in tow (even in a sling). Plus, I am working now, much more than I was when my boys were babes.
Emotionally... this is the one that's tricky for me. I feel that overwhelming DESIRE to have a baby at my breast sometimes and it just kills me. I want another baby SO BADLY - even knowing how much of a disruption it will be to the comfortable and easy lifestyle that we have now (as parents with older kids) - going back to having a new baby in the house will be a BIG change. I'll lose time to myself, time alone with dh, time alone with my older boys - all that will change. But STILL - I want a baby.
A friend of mine just found out that she is 5 weeks - she's thrilled, but complaining about her clothing not fitting, her breasts hurting - all things that I would LOVE ot be experiencing right now. It's a whistful sort of jealousy, tinged with a dose of "Are you COMLAINING about being pregnant to me? ME??! Really????!!!" I'm happy for her, I truly am. But still. It hurts so much to paste that smile on my face and not let bitter feelings drift across my face.
Add to all that the newfound terror and worry at the possibility of miscarrying again.... I am honestly not sure I could go through that again in tact right now. But waiting sucks.
So being ready... I don't want to have another baby for the "wrong" reasons (if there is such a thing).
Thanks for reading.