I don't think any of what you posted is crazy. The prospect and then the reality of pregnancy and birth is different for every woman, for every birth.
I never felt trapped during pregnancy, but I did during labor. First, let me suggest that you not watch too many more horror deliveries. Instead, seek out empowering experiences women have had giving birth. Read "Birthing From Within" by Pam England and "Immacualte Deception" by Suzanne Arms. Also, there are some really good birth stories book that I borrwoed from my midwife. I can get the names if you want them.
Now, about my labor. I can recall a very specific moment when I was only about 3-4 cm dilated and my midwife suggested a shower. I was frantic in there. Outwardly calm, inwardly searching for a way out of the pregnancy. I had decided on a homebirth, and I had a great midwife who made me get through all the parts of labor on my own. I was in so much pain. I was thinking, "no way can I make it through 12 more hours of this." Of course, I didn't know I was only 4 hours away from birth. I was furious at every contraction. I was thinking if only there were drugs here, i'd take them. I was thinking, forget the drugs, just cut the baby out.
But that would mean going to the hospital, leaving my home, my shower, getting dressed, riding in a car. All of which sounded worse than another contraction. Which came of course. So, I decided to stay at home without drugs. I knew it was up to me to came up witha plan as to how I was going to make it through the next contraction. A light bulb went off. I would just breathe. I would not think about the next hour, or even the next contraction. I would only think about the next breath. And not the whole breath. Only breathing in, then breathing out.
I learned the lesson of birth: the way to get through fear and pain is to walk through it.
The next several hours were a blur: all I did was breathe in, breath out. Then, at some point I went back to the bathroom to take a bath(I had spent those hours breathing in the bedroom). I was 6 cm before the walk down the hall. On the toilet waiting to get into the water I went into transition. In the bath my body started pushing, me just breathing in and out. I didn't even realize I was so close, thought I was still 6 cm. I got up from the bath tub and my midwife asked how far until my baby's head was out. I felt his head right inside my vagina. I decided I wasn't going back to the bedroom. A few pushes later he was out.
I am very glad I had a good midwife. I am extremely happy to have decided to give birth at home. Otherwise, I would have opted for the drugs and I know for sure I would have missed out on all the blessings that come from making it on your own. You can do it. Your body is made for this work. Gather people around you who are convinced that you can do it.