Lost baby at 14 weeks - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 05:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On Thursday night, my husband and I lost our baby. We are both incredibly sad and traumatized by the whole thing. We ended up delivering the baby at home in the bathtub, and I just cannot begin to get the image of the baby coming out of me out of my mind. I wake up sweating because of it and am having trouble sleeping.

We were soooo incredibly excited about our baby. We have a son who is almost 15 months old and when we delivered the baby, we found out he was going to have a little brother. That's what makes it so sad...

I'm going to post my story on the exactly what did you see board later on, because nothing I have read so far, was my experience.

We are going to bury the baby today in our backyard (we could not bear to just throw it away and the baby is too big to flush down the toilet, which we wouldn't have been able to do anyway).

SAHM mom to 3 wonderful kids!

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#2 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 05:38 PM
 
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Read this and couldn't not comment, so sorry Mama... sending you and your family love and healing

Dirt worshiping, creatress Mama to Rowan and Alden - home birth loving, no circ, no vax, extended breast feeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, cosleeping

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#3 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 07:30 PM
 
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I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


rainbow1284.gifenergy.gifAugust 2010 ; angel2.gif April 2009; angel1.gif m/c 2008

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#4 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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I'm so sorry! Sending you peace and love.

Kali (pka Michelle) ~ crunchy wife to Cory (09/06) ~ Mama to H (03/90) & I (06/92)--bothnocirc.gifbf.jpg BF for 35 consecutive months ~ angel1.gif x 4

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#5 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 09:47 PM
 
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i'm so sorry. did you name your baby? go easy and take your time grieving. we're all here for you.

Jessicaintactlact.gif, wife to Derricklurk.gif, missing Joslyn angel3.gif, 22 weeks 06.18.08, rainbow1284.gifBaby Kai Ambrose 05.10.10 and Isla Blythe born on Thanksgiving '12 uc.jpg

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#6 of 28 Old 12-06-2009, 10:03 PM
 
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So sorry for your loss. Feel free to mourn your loss and like pp said take some time for yourself. s

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#7 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 12:29 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I too kept replaying the whole thing in my head. I kept hearing and feeling it over and over. My therapist called it a traumatic experience. I don't know why, but once I realized that it was traumatic, I began to let go of the replay. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Melissa
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#8 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 12:41 AM
 
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sweetie, you and your family are in my thoughts tonight
i'm so, so sorry.
xoxoxo

Jen - wife to Joel , mama to 2 beautiful girls - my earthside Lily Mae *2* , and my sweet Ruby Jean - born still at 40 wks 04/05/09. our baby girl on the way due sept
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#9 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:23 AM
 
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I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
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#10 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:30 AM
 
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I'm so very sorry for your losing your son.

I agree with the pp that talks about it being traumatic- there is no other category to put it in, to say the least.

Did you name him yet? I think a burial in the back yard will be comforting. I wish my son had been buried, and close to home.

Big hugs to you and your dh.

We think greenearth.gif  Gentle mama to 3 amazing kiddos. Rainbow.gif Recovering from religion. heartbeat.gif

 

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#11 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:40 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.

Busy mama to 4 boys, M 9/04, E 4/06, our angel baby N (passed 10/09 at 1 day old) & newbie C, 12/10
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#12 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:41 AM
 
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It definitely is traumatic but I am very glad that you have gotten to see andhold your baby. So many regret not being able to. I hope that helps comfort you some
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#13 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:45 AM
 
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Oh, mama I am so very sorry for your family.

~h tea6.gif
wife to shamrocksmile.gifShamrocks (8-8-99)
slightly crunchy homeschooling AP mama to biggrinbounce.gifLittleBoyBlue(2001) & goldfish.gifPeaGreen(2003)
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#14 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss.
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#15 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 04:02 AM
 
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Oh mama, I am so sorry that you lost your baby..

We also burried our babies in our back yard, with a rose bush.


Andi - roller derby, slave to the hoop, birth junkie, lover of love, single mama of 4
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#16 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 04:50 AM
 
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So sorry for your loss.

Mom to:

Three big girls  twins.gif (10) + joy.gif (almost 9!); 

One little boy ROTFLMAO.gif(6) and a full on toddler diaper.gif  (8/12) born with TAPVR heartbeat.gif (repaired at 6 days old).

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#17 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 05:24 AM
 
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Sorry for your loss. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping after my 12wk loss. I had nightmares, would wake up sweating and I was afraid of the dark for several weeks. Counselling and time both helped, but as it has been said - it is a trauma.
I think writing your experience can be healing, and also helpful to others in similar situations.

          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
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#18 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 05:39 AM
 
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We had a 10 wk demise with a backyard burial. It was really beautiful, but it took me a while to even let DH bury the baby. Still we felt so lucky to have the body, during the process we were hospitalized overnight, and I don't think they let you keep it.

(((Hugs)))
It sounds like your demise and delivery happened very close together, so maybe that means something vis a vis the cause?
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#19 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 11:48 AM
 
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Oh no! I'm so very sorry. My thoughts are with you mama.

Aeona - married to super hot nerd Toby . . . mama to Grace (9) Evangeline (7) Duncan 11.14.08   and Henry (4) born at home. Expecting again early December!  

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#20 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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(((hugs))) I'm so sorry your baby died

Today is the one month anniversary of my miscarriage--I was 14w5d pregnant and so I feel like I'm probably familiar with what you experienced. Our baby was also a boy--our third son. We named him Noah and took two pictures of him, which I'm glad to have. Giving birth to him was very much like my other births, just the baby was small (4 inches). I think frequently about the moment he was born--how it felt, how he looked, etc. I don't remember it as a traumatic experience exactly--it was a birth and a letting go and it is almost "comforting" in a way for me to remember his birth (each time it is "proof" that he was here and I was pregnant or something?)

We buried our baby to the left of our front yard, by our labyrinth (we live in the woods in the country, so we don't exactly have a "yard" but more like land in front of and behind the house). I wrote a little bit about the ceremony we had for him here. I have more to say that I haven't had a chance to add yet. My dad cleaned up his body and we put him into a walnut Shaker box that my dad made, along with a liner and blanket that my mom crocheted. Then, we all added items to the box--a picture of our other kids, some springs of lavender, a penny from 2009, a venus of willendorf bead, a womb labyrinth postcard, etc.

Anyway, if you would like to talk more, I'm here!

Thinking of you and your baby.

Molly--mama to two sons (9/03 and 5/06), one tiny son forever in my heart (14w5d, 11/09), and one early m/c 2/10. Gave birth to my rainbow baby girl in 2011 and surprised to welcome another rainbow in October, 2014!
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#21 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. In March I lost my baby at 15wks (measured 13) at home and I still replay the experience. It's certainly traumatic.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.
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#22 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 04:09 PM
 
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I'm so very sorry. Take care of yourself and your dh. Do whatever you need to, to find comfort, we all grieve differently. There is a lot of support on this board, all mama's that are feeling this same kind of pain.

-Becky
DH 10/01, DS 1/04, DS 1/06, DS 5/09 (born sleeping), DD 4/11
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#23 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 07:22 PM
 
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im really sorry for your loss,
i know thinking about the birth at first for me was very traumatic, (16 weeks loss) but as time goes by it is sort of comforting me to think about it,

Jools

29/07/09...baby Samson, lost at 16 weeks.
with DH for 6 years, looking for lots of sticky baby dust for our baby.
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#24 of 28 Old 12-07-2009, 11:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your kind words.

We named our son Simon Bradford. We liked the name Simon and Bradford is my husband's name.

We buried him in our backyard on Sunday afternoon.

SAHM mom to 3 wonderful kids!

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#25 of 28 Old 12-08-2009, 02:41 AM
 
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I'm so sorry!

My loss was at 18 weeks and I had problems eating and sleeping for the first several weeks. While I'm still devastated with our loss three months later, I do eat and sleep better. Grief comes in different stages, both physically and emotionally.

Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

Mama to my little "autie", Jackson (2/02), Evie (5/03), Charlotte (6/05), Simon (11/07) and grieving our sweet Lily Dawn, lost at 18 weeks 9/4/09 , & having a little girl July 2010
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#26 of 28 Old 12-08-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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I am so sorry for his loss. He has a beaufitul name. I also lost a baby at almost 14 weeks. We buried her over my dh's grandmother's grave. I am so thankful we were able to have her at home and have a burial for her. I think it really helped the grieving process.

Carrie, mom to Johnathan (7-02), Brodie (2-04), Kate (12-06), Jordan (9-08), (4-09) & Maggie (3-10)
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#27 of 28 Old 12-08-2009, 04:14 PM
 
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I rarely frequent this forum but the title jumped at me. I had 4 mcs. 3 were early but the 4th and final was 12 weeks. It happened when our son was also about 15 months old.

It is sad, so sad and I wish for brighter days ahead for your family.

Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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#28 of 28 Old 12-08-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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I'm sorry for the loss of your son.
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