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D and E scheduled update, post 12. its starting

634 views 29 replies 17 participants last post by  Mama~Love 
#1 ·
I found out yesterday, that my baby has died at 14 weeks. THis is my 6th 2nd trimester loss, and 4th time just like this. Go into the doc for a routine appt, no heart beat, and ultrasound confirms my fears.

my doc recomended a d&E because of the size of the baby. I have never had one before, before a baby was born. Just one after, because of retianed palcenta, that was coming out in tiny peices, and i was nearly dead from blood loss. Had to have 3 transfusions.

Now, in my past, i have always just waited for baby to come. 2 have been born at home ( 21 weeks, and 15 weeks), one induced in a hospital ( 18 weeks) and then twins who died as a result of PROM and TTTS. ( 20-22 weeks) Now, were i am again. 14 weeks. i know i have a history of bleeding. A TON! with our babies born at home, i had midwife assistance. I felt safe, knowing that i bleed the way i do, because i had a midwife. This time, i have not hired a midwife yet, or even interviewed. I dont know if i feel safe having this baby at home. Then there is the part of me, that doesnt want to wait. I have spent many weeks, waiting for the birth of a sleeping baby. it was what i needed the first time, ( 3 weeksw 6 days) and the second time, i was dealing with major family tragedy ( murder/suicide of extendedfamily memeber) and i waited about 3 weeks. I was OK with those waits. with my baby induced in the hosptial, i needed it done, ASAP. my head coulndt handle the wait.

This time i am indifferent about waiting. I feel at this point, i could wait a while, but that might be because i just found out yesterday. However, i am afraid of my bleeding issues. My husband is very afraid of my bleeding. My doc highly discouraged doing this naturally, and he is very naturally driven and even supported my decision to homebirth my son ( born at 42 weeks). He doesnt medicate, and is a very hands off kind of a doc.

Here is my biggest struggle. Forgive my mental picture. I have one us pic that looks like a tiny dot. I didnt think to get one yesterday. So besides a pregnancy test, and a 6 week US, i have no "proof" of this baby. The thought of not getting to take a pic of my baby, or even look at him or her, is really hard on me. The thought of being put to sleep, while a doc dismembers, and sucks my baby from my womb, and then throws him or her away, breaks my heart. like more than i can ever describe here. I mean, this is my baby. not a product of conception. not a fetus. it is my BABY! a baby i wanted so badly. a baby i am so pissed is gone.

I keep praying that i will just go into labor, before friday, and i will go to the hosptial, if and when i start bleeding too much, after the baby is out. I feel the need to see my baby. but i am scred to go thru the pain, and bleeding, and i am afraid of my kids seeing the blood bath, my last little lost baby was. I was in labor for 44 hours to birth a 15 week baby. it was painful and bloody.
I do trust my doc, so maybe he knows something i dont. I will say, even though baby measured 14 weeks on US, and i could see the spine and all of that, the baby didnt really look like a baby. it was kind of "blobbish: looking, so maybe my doc is trying to protect me or something. He is very compassionate, and has great bedside manor. maybe he knows something i dont.
He also suspects a concealed placental abruption. I wonder if tht would made a natural miscarriage more bloody??

I guess i am just writing, trying to figure all this out. I am scared, and sad, and completely devestated. This baby was unplanned, but not unloved.
 
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#2 ·
I am so very sorry for your losses, that must be so hard.

I just went through a natural miscarriage last night, and I have to be honest, I will never do that again. The intense fear of bleeding to death and the prolonged labor pains were so very hard to deal with. I didn't get any sense of peace or closure from it, I was just so scared the whole time. If it ever happens again, I am going with a D&E as well.
Sending you hugs and healing vibes, mama. Take good care of yourself. You're in my thoughts.
 
#3 ·
Melissa, my loss was earlier than 14 weeks and I didn't have the same past issues. That said, because this pregnancy is closely following my loss, I have thought a lot about a loss at each stage and I have thought about all the things you have expressed here. I can't tell you what is right or best. Is there the option of an induction in the hospital so you don't have to wait and you will be in the hospital in case of bleeding?

I am so sorry you are going though this.
 
#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahn4639 View Post
Melissa, my loss was earlier than 14 weeks and I didn't have the same past issues. That said, because this pregnancy is closely following my loss, I have thought a lot about a loss at each stage and I have thought about all the things you have expressed here. I can't tell you what is right or best. Is there the option of an induction in the hospital so you don't have to wait and you will be in the hospital in case of bleeding?

I am so sorry you are going though this.

There is not the option for me to be induced. I asked. If i was past 16 weeks, i could be induced, but they wont do it this early. I wish that was an option, because if it was, that would be what i would choose.

Today i need to pay for my d and e, and i just dont want to. i am struggling, but everyone around me is telling me i NEED to do this. and i just feel confused.
 
#6 ·
I am so, so sorry Melissa.

I completely understand the need that you feel to see your baby. I feel strongly that I need that, too. I have no positive HPT or ultrasound prints. Just my dashed hopes and broken heart.

I will keep you close in my thoughts.
 
#7 ·
No advice - how painful to have to balance your desire to see your little one against your own health - but I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to make this awful decision, mama. I hope it happens quickly and safely for you at home
 
#8 ·
Oh I am so sorry. This is truely a terrible decision to have to make. How does your doc feel about you waiting and then coming into the hospital when labor starts? Does he feel it is simply too risky? You have to do what is best for you, you have other little kids who need you. But, I know I would have the desire to see my baby as well and it would make the decision even more difficult. Many loving thoughts for you....
 
#9 ·
Could you ask that your doctor save the remains for you so that you can see them and have them (and then bury them or whatever you choose.) I was just reading about D&Es and I thought I read that they also do them by removing the fetus whole. Can you also ask your doctor to remove everything at once/in one piece if it is possible?

Anyways, those seem like reasonable requests to me. You could get the treatment you and your doctor think is appropriate, but also avoid your biggest objections to having the procedure done.
 
#10 ·
I'm so sorry. Until now I think I was the last loss from our DDC; I so hoped I would retain that position.

Having been through it so many times you know way more than I do about it, but I just wanted to say that I totally understand how you feel about the D&E. I really really didn't want one, largely because of fear of intrauterine adhesions, but also because it just seemed wrong for me and not at all in line with the homebirthing person that I am. I ended up waiting 5 weeks and then deciding to go with misoprostol (Cytotec). My miscarriage began naturally the day before I was going to take the drug.

Is misoprostol not an option for you because you're past 12 (or is it 14?) weeks? I know that I read some stuff suggesting that maybe it was safe even beyond the dates that it's conventionally used for.

I echo the PP's question about waiting for it to start naturally and then immediately going to the hospital. If excessive bleeding is the concern wouldn't that address it? Then you could try acupuncture and chinese herbs and all that good stuff (which didn't work for me, but does work for lots of people from what I read).

I really hope that you manage to avoid the D&E. For what it's worth, my miscarriage was actually good. I know it sounds totally crazy, but I look back on it like my other births and sort of enjoy thinking about the experience. Because I knew it was coming, or needed to come, I was just able to be happy that it was happening naturally and that my body was fully in control and doing what it needed to do. No doctor or drug was messing with me and it was over pretty quickly and I felt really powerful and in control and proud of myself for trusting my body (even though I was about to stop trusting it by using the misoprostol).

I wish you the best.
 
#11 ·
Just want to add how sorry I am that you're suffering another loss. Maybe in a few days you'll feel ready to make a decision. I had my loss at 11 weeks at home 2 weeks after the fateful ultrasound. I suffered severe blood loss and had to call 911 about an hour after I passed the baby. I still ended up with the d&e because of pieces of retained placenta. I felt so much better after the procedure but since it was after the fact it's not quite the same. I'm not having any more children but I did decided that if this happened again I would have the procedure and not wait it out. Despite how healing it was for me, I just couldn't go through that again. But it sounds like you have plenty of experience to make the best choice for yourself. I hope peace comes your way soon.
 
#12 ·
update.

i just went to the bathroom, and i have started bleeding. never even spotted, when right to bleeding. I am not having too may cramps right now, my cervix is low and soft, and bleeding is very managable. At this point i am laying low. getting some laundry done, for my kids to leave in an emergency, and if things get really bad, i will call dh home, and call my doc., I would love to wait until i have the baby to go to the hosptial. I would love to see my baby.

Anyway, just wanted to update. Please pray for a peaceful experience, as i meet my baby, and say goodbye at the same time.
 
#15 ·
I will say a prayer for you. I hope that you get to birth your sweet baby on your terms, and get to see him or her. I know how much that means.


Much peace to you~ I pray everything goes as smooth as possible.

 
#16 ·
I hope all is going well and that you will have a peaceful experience that will give you closure. Please take good care of yourself, and if at any time you feel something is off, please go to the hospital. Many hugs and healing vibes to you.
 
#17 ·
Melissa,
I'm praying for you, hopefully that you had peace and have given birth already. I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this experience.

Becky
 
#20 ·
i bled moderately heavy last night, for a few hours, but without much pain. Just a bit of achyness. Having birthed a baby this size, i KNOW it is a lot worse than that.
I am guessing i was bleeding from the abruption. When i woke up this morning, i still feel achy, but bleeding is gone, cervix is high and hard. Guess it wasnt it. I hate that these things have to be roller coasters. I mean, if i am going to miscarry on my own, then let it happen. If not, let me go until my surgery, without pain, or bleeding and without constant question.
 
#21 ·
Depending on how things go and where you end up, I'd ask again about the Cytotec. I was give three doses during my loss (20 weeks). Two vaginal doses that were pushed out and then one oral dose, about 30 minutes before delivery.

We're here for you when you need us.
 
#23 ·
I have to be at the hospital at 530. I am very sad at how this has turned. I talked to my doc and he said I not only have abruption but also previa, so vaginal delivery threatens my health. I have 4 kids to worry about. I have to do what I need to do, not what I want to do. I am sad, scared, and pissed, that this is my fate.

Thank you all for your kind words
 
#25 ·
Why didn't he tell you about the previa at your previous appointment? Do you think this the thing that he knew that you didn't that you felt he was alluding to? If I've understood correctly that this is something that he's known since the appointment that you talked about in your first post but didn't tell you until now when you've spoken to him on the phone or whatever, then that really pisses me off. It left you with hope of a vaginal delivery and led you to try giving birth at home, which if I understand correctly could never work and is dangerous for you.

I hope I've misunderstood.

Good luck today. I'll be thinking of you.
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahmck View Post
Why didn't he tell you about the previa at your previous appointment? Do you think this the thing that he knew that you didn't that you felt he was alluding to? If I've understood correctly that this is something that he's known since the appointment that you talked about in your first post but didn't tell you until now when you've spoken to him on the phone or whatever, then that really pisses me off. It left you with hope of a vaginal delivery and led you to try giving birth at home, which if I understand correctly could never work and is dangerous for you.

I hope I've misunderstood.

Good luck today. I'll be thinking of you.
I don't think he knew this at my appt. He went back and looked at my us again, and discovered this. All he pointed out, during to ultrasound was the separation. But I guess, opposite the separation, the placenta is over my cervix.

What I think he saw in the ultrasound, is a grossly deformed baby. I have had many ultrasounds at this stage, and I know a baby this stage, looks like a baby. Neither my husband or I, could make out the baby's head. We saw the spine, ribs, legs, and belly, but the head, no matter what the angle, looked like a blob. I was wondering if he thought a d and c would be best, because of the placenta abruption, and the deformed baby, possibly freaking me out.

I have been bleeding a lot, off and on, depending on my Activity level. I think it is the abruption bleeding.

I am sure I will be traumatized tomorrow. I am hoping for peace and comfort. I do not like that I have to do this. I have to be up I. 4 hours and I can't stop thinking about it.
 
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