FEBRUARY baby loss mamas chat thread! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 51 Old 02-01-2011, 06:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It is a whole new month so a whole new thread!!!  Make sure to read the last bit of the Jan. thread so nothing is missed.

 

Come join us through our grief, sorrow, joy, and frustrations. All baby loss mamas are welcome!!!!

I ask that if you are ttc or have issues with ttc you please take it to the ttc after loss thread as there are many of us on this thread that are unable to ttc for various reasons. If you are PAL we will see it in your siggy and you are more than welcome to post on this thread but ask that you keep PAL issues for the PAL thread.

 (If you have a problem with these guidelines or would like to add others let me know and I can change things)

 

Do not feel that you have to reply to everyone. I think many people don't post as they are worried about leaving someone out. If all you can do is post an update on yourself we would be glad to hear it!

 

With that said come on over ladies and I look forward to chatting with all of you this month!  


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#2 of 51 Old 02-01-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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Hooray for a new month and thread! It's my birthday month and DD and I are both really into Valentines this year, so I'm excited. Also my health is miraculously better (knock wood) - I suspect the vitamin D deficiency was affecting me way more than I gave it credit for. I really blew it off as a fad, but it's been a few weeks now that I've been on a mega dose of liquid D3 and coincidence or not I feel a million times better. All of the joint pain I'd been having, and paralyzing fatigue, are (for now at least) gone!! So along with feeling better my psychological health is worlds better, making our whole household seem better. I'm actually motivated and able to get stuff done and be alive for the first time in.....months? A year I think - since before the first loss at least. It's a wonderful feeling so I'm basking in it as long as it's here.

 

I'm having some trouble processing the fact that I'll start coming up on 1 year anniversaries of pregnancies and losses next month....I keep thinking about who I was this time last year, how I was still innocent of the grief and misery of miscarriage and infertility really. It's weird.

 

Also my sister has her big u/s and finds out gender today. I'm feeling more ok with it than I would've thought, and actually emailed them to tell them I wanted to see pics and hear about it this time. I'm still having little twinges with her of "I should be doing/feeling x now too..." but it's not gut-wrenching like it was. I am genuinely a little excited for them now.

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there! grouphug.gif


Megan, wife to K, mama to C lady.gif (9/07), brokenheart.gif(4/10) brokenheart.gif(11/10)

And our rainbow is here! E babyboy.gif 10/11

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#3 of 51 Old 02-01-2011, 11:10 PM
 
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Also my sister has her big u/s and finds out gender today. I'm feeling more ok with it than I would've thought, and actually emailed them to tell them I wanted to see pics and hear about it this time. I'm still having little twinges with her of "I should be doing/feeling x now too..." but it's not gut-wrenching like it was. I am genuinely a little excited for them now.


Megan - I'm sorry about the upcoming anniversaries, but I'm glad to hear you're feeling excited for your sister.  That sounds healing.  Also, good to hear about the vitamins.  I'm trying to start taking mine again, so maybe it will be good for me, too.

 

AFM - I'm working on a new project, about compassion, and I'm going to name the project for my baby.  I got this idea from the Kindness Project:  http://www.missfoundation.org/kindness/index.html  I feel really excited about the possibilities, and doing something positive to honor him.  I think I need to really work at thinking positive so I don't just feel sad all the time.  Anyway, I'll share more about the project once I get it going. 


Mama to two little ones,

& one in heaven

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#4 of 51 Old 02-02-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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Hooray for a new month and thread!

 

Megan ~ I'm sorry about the upcoming anniversaries, but I'm glad to hear you're feeling excited for your sister.  That sounds healing.  I know what you mean about feeling i should be x far along right now.

 

 

AFM~ Having a bad week monday i was so sick with a fever that jumped up to 102.6 and almost felt like passing out which would had been horrible since i was home alone with both kids. Coughing got so bad last night i didn't get a good sleep, daughter stayed home again since before i was gonna have her get clothes on i checked her temp and she had a fever again. I would love to take a nap but don't trust the 4 yr old who also has a cough but is still as hyper as a boy can bedizzy.gif. Af also found me on monday, i almost feel like why bother trying, it took 3years to just have it taken away brokenheart.gif. I've also been feeling guilty/regretting that i didn't take the time to really look at my baby and clean up up and really look at it, from feeling it, it was way more in size with the how far along i was and not the past stupid ultrasounds, same thing happened with my 1st missed m/c ultrasound being way far off from dates and with the other one a ER u/s showed it been off by not as far off as the 1st ultrasound. and interestingly enough both were measured by the same midwife with her saying  both babies in the same gestational  range when they passed.


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#5 of 51 Old 02-03-2011, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had my SHARE meeting tonight. It was good but not the best one I have been to. I have counciling tomorrow. So lame that these are the things that get me through my week/ month, etc.  

 

SoCal- hope you feel better

 

Wilson- I can't wait to see your compassion project.

 

Megan- sorry about the upcoming angelversaries. The time leading up to it really is harder than the actual day.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#6 of 51 Old 02-04-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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I had my SHARE meeting tonight. It was good but not the best one I have been to. I have counciling tomorrow. So lame that these are the things that get me through my week/ month, etc. 

 I don't think this is lame, by the way.  I think it totally makes sense to look forward to a safe place to talk about what you really want to talk about. 

 

 

My new project!  I'm giving away dress-up crowns to hurting or sick kids who deserve a bit of happiness.  I'd love for you guys to submit some names.  You can read all the details and submit names on the post here.  All the information is kept private, btw.  :)


Mama to two little ones,

& one in heaven

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#7 of 51 Old 02-04-2011, 09:50 PM
 
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Wilson what a beautiful idea! You have adorable stuff on your blog, thanks so much for sharing!

 

I was doing so well you guys...I really thought I was. Found out tonight my other best friend (I only have a few really close friends, and only a couple who I regularly see/talk to) is also pregnant. For anyone counting , that's my baby sister (the only sister living on this coast), and both of my two closest friends, pregnant. This friend already has two LOs and we are really close, have so much in common. I really am excited for her, and want so much to just be her normal friend here. And I can't. It totally sucks. I wish I could make the losses and IF not exist and I could just be with these three people like I would be if it had all never happened....

 

So basically I'm reliving a lot of the feelings from the loss all over again it seems. A lot of the anger at the unfairness of the universe and self-pity and frustration and more than anything, feeling left out and left behind. Lonely. Oh and my only baby has totally hit the 3.5 rebellion against mommy and hating on mommy all day long. And I'm visiting a preschool we're thinking of sending her in the fall.

 

Thanks for being here and listening to my pity party once again ladies. gloomy.gif Hope you're all well.


Megan, wife to K, mama to C lady.gif (9/07), brokenheart.gif(4/10) brokenheart.gif(11/10)

And our rainbow is here! E babyboy.gif 10/11

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#8 of 51 Old 02-05-2011, 06:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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megan- sp so sorry you are having a hard time. Those pg announcements really kick my butt. I hope you are able to continue the friendship, suppose it  depends a lot on how compassionate she is about the situation. :( Sorry for the rebel child, it won't last long. It is hard not having a "baby" around when you expected to and your little one just keeps on growing. I told dh that we are NEVER weaning dd as then that would mean I didn't have any babies around here. (We usually wean around 3 or so, so we will see).

 

AFM- I don't feel well. I think af is imminant and of course I don't want her to show up but considering we are using condoms then I am sure she will be here soon. Definately feel crappy, blech. Af brings so many emotions when she arrives.

Off to ski this morning. Had new snow this week so it should be nice. It is so hard though bcs I love skiing so much but shouldn't be skiing if I hadn't lost the last 2 babies.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#9 of 51 Old 02-07-2011, 06:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hope everyone had a decent weekend.... Here we go monday... grrr.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#10 of 51 Old 02-08-2011, 06:45 AM
 
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Hi ladies,

Just peeking in to give an update.  We found out our baby had no heartbeat at 6 weeks.  I went for a follow up at 8 weeks and still no HB and measuring at 6 weeks, so I opted for a D&C.  I couldn't walk around in such a state anymore.  D&C, 1/13 was successful and my doc called this morning with the analysis.  Trisomy 16, incompatible with life.  I forgot to ask for the sex but I hope to find that out later today.  She said we can try again right after my period comes back.  I'm happy this group of women are here so we know that we are not alone in this emotional and physical battle.  I wish everyone the best and pray healthy babies are coming for all of us. smile.gif

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#11 of 51 Old 02-08-2011, 01:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sugarshoc- I am sooo sorry for your loss:(. Glad you found us though.

 

Hope everyone is doing well. This thread has been uber slow lately. I need you ladies!!! Where are you?

 

AFM- drama at my house. I really wish dh and I could quit fighting. Things have been so strained since Emeric died. I have a full week of work this week (about 50 hrs) and the kids I nanny are sick. They are soooo  clingy, fussy, etc. It is hard. I miss my kids so much too but we really need the money and this is just temporary.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#12 of 51 Old 02-08-2011, 10:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally got a pic of my tatoo on my computer. This was taken just after I got the tatoo. It looks much better now. A little faded but no readness, etc.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#13 of 51 Old 02-08-2011, 11:06 PM
 
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Oh, that's beautiful! I love dragonflies. Nice pedi too. =)

 

I'm going to get a tattoo for my daughter- I've wanted this since I was 17 and now just seems like the right time to finally do it.

[IMG]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/RoseRedHoofbeats/tattoo/Screenshot2011-02-04at42428PM.png[/IMG]

 

~Rose

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#14 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 12:23 AM
 
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I just found out yesterday my baby has no heartbeat, I'm 4 months pregnant. They induce me in about 8 hours with cytotec and I just can't imagine going through labor and delivery when I can't stop crying all the time. 


~mama to some wonderful kids
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#15 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 02:45 AM
 
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Oh honey, I am so sorry. =(
*hugs* You'll get through this. Be gentle with yourself.

 

~Rose

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#16 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 06:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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rose I can't see your pic.

 

glad you like my tatoo. (and the pedi too of course) I knew I was going to be showing people my foot lots so I made it pretty. Plus pedi's feel good:).

 

sweet tea- I responded in your other thread. Please read it before your induction if possible as I have put some suggestions in there that worked for me during my 17 wk loss. Also shared my story a bit. The labor for me was pretty easy. I am sure it can be different for everyone but I was freaked out and that part wasn't so bad. Hang in there mama. I am thinking of you.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#17 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 09:15 AM
 
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nicole~ love your tattoo, looks great.

 

rose~ can't see your picture.

 

sweet tea~hug.gif


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#18 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 10:29 AM
 
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Sweettea: Plenty hugs. hug2.gif

 

My doc called me back yesterday and I asked her for the sex.  We lost a little boy.  Knowing the sex has made this more difficult but yet more comforting.  I don't know why.  We believe we will meet our little boy in heaven someday.  Again, I wish all you ladies the best through these difficult times.

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#19 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sugarshoc- does your son have a name that you are willing to share?

Sweettea- I am thinking about you and hoping that the labor and birth go well (as well as can be expected under these circumstances)

 

AFM- today marks the 6 month anniversary of Emeric's death. It is hard to believe that it has been that long but at the same time hard to believe that it has only been that long.

I went to the cemetary and added some more things. I am going to have to clear some stuff out at some point as it is getting a bit crowded. I picked up solar powered lights at dollar tree and added it to the plethora of things on his grave:).


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#20 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 09:24 PM
 
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sugarshoc~ hug.gif  did you give your son a name?

 

 

 

AFM~ Today marks the 3 month mark since loosing November Hope greensad.gif, time seems to have flown by.


Kami(31)DH(35)Alex(11),(4/05) (7/05),Ryker(8)(11/10) 
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#21 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 10:24 PM
 
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Here's my pic without the img tag- http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/RoseRedHoofbeats/tattoo/Screenshot2011-02-04at42428PM.png

 

I got a pink heart-shaped sapphire ring tonight. I couldn't decide on a birth stone, if I wanted December for when we found out, or January for when she died, or February for when I lost her (really didn't know about this because Feb is also my daughter's birth month) or August for when she was due. So I just went for the pink.

 

I also got this- we named her Spring, since she was born on Imbolc. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XQ9HTQ/ref=ord_cart_shr?ie=UTF8&m=AINQXDU417262

I must've snagged the very last one. It got here today. I really like it- it's nice to hold.

 

~Rose

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#22 of 51 Old 02-09-2011, 10:25 PM
 
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Here's my pic without the img tag- http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/RoseRedHoofbeats/tattoo/Screenshot2011-02-04at42428PM.png

 

I got a pink heart-shaped sapphire ring tonight. I couldn't decide on a birth stone, if I wanted December for when we found out, or January for when she died, or February for when I lost her (really didn't know about this because Feb is also my daughter's birth month) or August for when she was due. So I just went for the pink.

 

I also got this- we named her Spring, since she was born on Imbolc. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XQ9HTQ/ref=ord_cart_shr?ie=UTF8&m=AINQXDU417262

I must've snagged the very last one. It got here today. I really like it- it's nice to hold.

 

~Rose

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#23 of 51 Old 02-10-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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My husband and I were talking about names yesterday.  I'm not sure if we are going to name him.  For now, in my mind, I just call him my Angel Boy.  My husband had a boy's name picked out but he really loves that name and thinks that if we do ultimately bring a boy to Earth, he wants to use that name.

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#24 of 51 Old 02-10-2011, 01:05 PM
 
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RedRose: That Angel of Spring is beautiful!

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#25 of 51 Old 02-10-2011, 01:06 PM
 
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Oh and my period began today.  Amazing!  The day before the D&C, I started to bleed a little but I went through with the surgery.  Now, the day after I find out the sex, my period begins. LOL!

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#26 of 51 Old 02-10-2011, 09:54 PM
 
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Sorry to be MIA for a while. I have been having a really hard time. We did finally decide to name our little boy- Malcolm David. I am missing him so much. I am also really feeling like I want to have another baby and my dh does not. He feels so strongly that he is done and I am feeling more and more that I NEED another baby. 

 

On top of everything I am still bleeding. 4 weeks since my D&E and I am still bleeding. I am so frustrated and angry and sad.


AP crunchy homeschooling mama to Henning (1/4/03), Connor (7/1/05) and Elijah (9/21/08) Forever holding my 3 lost little ones in my heart.
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#27 of 51 Old 02-10-2011, 11:09 PM
 
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Alyssa- do you know if your HCG is down to 0 yet? Could there be a bit of placenta retained?

 

Malcolm is a beautiful name. =)

 

~Rose

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#28 of 51 Old 02-11-2011, 07:52 PM
 
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ARGH! If one more person in my life announces an accidental pregnancy I'm going to freak out and go live in a cave!!!!!

 

Sorry to be so absent ladies, I have been reading to see what's going on with you all, just not feeling like I had much to contribute. I've been doing better all in all but just having a hard time with all of the pregnancies (I'm now up to my sister, two best friends, and another friend) and at the same time seeing an RE for the first time and trying to figure out what's "wrong" with me.

 

Nicole and Kami - Hugs on the anniversaries.

 

Rose and Sugarshoc - So sorry for your losses, glad you've found this little support group. Deeply sorry that you have to be welcomed here.

 

Alyssa - Malcolm is a beautiful name for your beautiful son. So sad to hear that you're still suffering with bleeding and conflict with your husband. I hope that as more time passes you'll somehow be able to find a way for both of you to be at peace.


Megan, wife to K, mama to C lady.gif (9/07), brokenheart.gif(4/10) brokenheart.gif(11/10)

And our rainbow is here! E babyboy.gif 10/11

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#29 of 51 Old 02-14-2011, 06:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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where is everyone? This thread is slow slow slow!!!

 

Megan- I am sorry that you have been inundated with pg women. That must me so hard.

 

Alyssa- Malcolm is a wonderful name

 

Sugarshoc- I really wonder if that is your period as it usually takes a while for your hcg to go low enough for af to start.... I guess only time will tell.

 

AFM- I am doing ok. I have had to stop my st johns wart and am definately noticing a difference. I am going to have to figure something else out for sure. Plus I don't have therapy for several weeks bcs of my schedule. Besides that I am hanging in there. We took a little stuffed frog with a heart over to Emeric yesterday. Yesterday dh surprised me with an awesome valentines day date. We started with a couples facial and massage, then a nice dinner and a movie (burlesque). I had a great time.

I hope everyone is hanging in there.

Happy Valentines Day


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#30 of 51 Old 02-14-2011, 06:27 AM
 
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I'm trying to get off my antidepressant as fast as possible before I get knocked up again. Technically it's not dangerous in early pregnancy but some preliminary studies have found that venlafaxine doubles the risk of miscarriage. WHICH APPARENTLY WASN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR MY DOCTOR TO KNOW OR TELL ME ABOUT, THANKS SO MUCH.

 

I've been looking for miscarriage/pregnancy loss art and have found it strangely lacking. Anyone have any links or any of their own? I did a rough sketch tonight, am mildly pleased with how it turned out.

 

~Rose

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