I am not looking to bash home births. I am still really jealous that I won't have the home birth I have always dreamed of.... I am just looking for other parents out there that may have experienced what my husband and I experienced.
we experienced a great pregnancy and a perfect birth and a baby that didn't make it past 6 days in the NICU.
people have recommended we go to grief support at hospitals, but we chose to have out baby at home (which may or may not have been the reason why this happened) so I just don't feel connected with people that gave birth at a hospital.
Id like to speak with others that are grieving the loss of their child, that made the same or similar choices we made. I just seems like we would have more in common.
I am not totally in the same boat... but I want to send my love and grievances. I went into labor last week at 4 1/2 months. We met our midwife in the ER and found out that our baby was already gone. We had planned a homebirth for this child as well as our first DS (we ended up transferring after a long labor, then eventually had a C-sec). So, unintentionally in the hospital for both.
I can't imagine all that you are going through, but I can understand wanting to be able to share with like minded folks. Do you have a midwife or doula you can speak with to find people or groups in your area? My friend offered some online support groups that I haven''t wanted to look at yet... would you like me to share them?
I lost my son during his birth last year at a freestanding birth center, essentially home birth in another person's home. I'm not out to bash home birth either, but I do think there were a lot of misrepresentations about safety going into it and we've had a lot of back lash for trying to speak up and share our experience...which makes me think it's even more necessary to share our story. Mothers deserve to truly know the risks and I feel like that was largely glossed over and replaced with "birth works, it's safe, our bodies know how to do this." Then, when our baby died, it became "some babies just aren't meant to live". I do believe in choice, but the choices need to be safe ones and the people doing the "informing" need to be honest so that we can make the choice in the first place. I'm glad you put yourself out there for conversation because it's important both for you and for others to know it doesn't always go the way we imagined. I've come to know many, many mothers in our shoes. Far more than I ever thought.
I don't know how long ago this happened for you. It's been just over a year for us and it's still very difficult. I'd be happy to talk more about this. We have a three year old and he has kept us moving forward. As much as this event devastated our lives, we're careful not to let it consume us, still looking for small bits of good each day and finding happiness elsewhere. I want you to know this is not your fault, as I'm sure every mother makes the best decision she can, with love, and with the information she has at the time. Wishing you peace and a healing heart.
Our website to advocate for safer practices in midwifery is: www.safermidwiferyMI.org (There is contact information there if you'd like to talk privately)
Let me be very clear that our efforts in MI are to keep midwifery as a safe option for women, not to take away choice or to end midwifery. Honest conversations about the practice are the only thing that will get us there.