16 weeks and no heartbeat:(. Need advice from someone who's been there.... - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-27-2012, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a midwife appt Wed. Afternoon. I measured right on target, but no hb
Yesterday ultrasound confirmed that we lost our little boy. He did look like he had problems
My question is did you have labor or d and e? We aren't under doctor's care as we planned a hb.
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Old 07-27-2012, 03:39 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy.  What a horrible shock that must have been.

 

I haven't had a loss at that gestation (my latest was 12.5 weeks), but based on the experiences of women here, and those I know IRL, I'd probably encourage you to deliver, if you feel comfortable with that.

 

Most women find some healing in being able to see their baby.  Although I delivered naturally with my first loss, I was scared, and my baby was taken from me without me ever getting to see him or her.  I really regret that, and wish I had done things differently.  I wish I had the opportunity to hold my baby, and take photos.  

 

Although a D&E might seem "easier" in a way, (and quicker) I think that in the long term, most women don't regret seeing and holding their babies.  There are photographers that specialise in baby loss, and can create some pretty amazing photo memories for you too.  Their services are free, so it may be worth contacting them, or having a family member do it for you.  http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

 

The one thing to point out though is, being 16 weeks, with no intervention, labour may take a very long time to happen naturally.  It's okay to wait it out for a couple of weeks, but beyond that, there are risks involved.  I understand that you wanted a home birth, but in your situation, it may be worth checking out if your local hospital would induce you?  If you prefer to do it at home, I do think that it important to have some medical guidance, ie; regular ultrasounds while you wait, as well as being attentive to signs of possible infection.  

 

ETA: I just read your post history, and I can see that you have had a number of losses.  I'm sorry if any of this advice is stuff that you already know.  


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Old 07-28-2012, 11:16 PM
 
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candle.gif  I'm sorry for your loss.  

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Old 07-29-2012, 12:47 AM
 
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Oh Mama. i am so sorry for your loss hun. I strongly sugest delivery and holding your sweet boy. I lost two babues at 18 weeks and those moments I had with each of them got me through some rough rough times.

 

I will say that its hard to deal with and seems weird at first the idea of giving birth and holding such a small baby but it was so amazing for us. Even at the time It didn't seem so but later it was.

 

I am so so sorry. also be prepared to might **** need a d&e and if you can afford it  we sent ours to a mortuary to be crenated and spread their ashes.

 

Much love to you and your family and swee tlittle boy.

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Old 07-29-2012, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your kind words. After much consideration I chose to have a d and e. It makes me sad that I will never see my son Thomas, but I am at peace with the choice I made. I know how precious that moment woould have been as I have held one of my daughters as she passed away and another daughter after she had already died, i just wasn't emitionally ready to do it again. I am struggling with the fact that was most likely my last child as I am turning 40 next week and this rainbow baby was a surprise.
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Old 07-30-2012, 02:18 AM
 
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candle.gif  Thomas


          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
How we survive, is what makes us who we are - Rise Against
 
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