Hi everyone. I experienced an early pregnancy loss after TTC for a year. I feel OK about it, but it was sad and I want to acknowledge my grief. So here goes... This is cross posted with my due date club, as I was saying goodbye to them and realized I belong here instead.
Yesterday was a dark day. Heavy bleeding and some intermittent bad cramping accompanied by sobbing. In same ways it was like a little labor, even though it was so early, because it had stages.
I was grateful to be alone for the day.
In the afternoon DH came home before he went to go get DD and we just sat together for a few minutes. He was good, just quiet and there. Then when DD got home, I suggested we take a drive to the ocean to watch the sunset. I was very glad I did because I was able to say goodbye to pregnancy, and to the awful day in which I awoke pregnant and went to bed very very empty. And my DD will remember the day as a trip to the beach instead of mom on the couch being sad.
On the way home, my cramps returned, along with some nausea which was worse than any morning sickness I had. Even though it was hard to be in the car, I was glad for that sunset.
I feel better today, still flowing bright red with clots, but no pain. I am hoping the worst is over.
They say an early loss is like a hard period, but this was different because usually I start with a little spotting, then red flow and then maybe clotting a few hours or a day into my period (I don't always pass clots). This time, I woke up, had to pee, saw red on the TP and immediately started passing tissue and clots. It felt different, especially a handful of hours later when the cramps were really bad. I actually moaned like in labor for a few minutes, and it helped.
DD was really sweet, she called my pregnancy my baby chance, and she told me she hoped we had another baby chance soon, and she would ask God.
I know that this is a small loss in the spectrum of losses, and I have nothing but hope for the future. I will take time to heal my body, lose some weight and regroup before another pregnancy. But it feels good to let the grief come out and not feel ashamed that my loss is not worthy of feeling.
Thank you for sharing. My early loss last month was nothing like a heavy period for me either. I had WAY more cramping and it did feel like early labor. I had bad cramps for around 3 days and had to take ibuprofen so I could take my mind off of it and take care of my kids. I didn't even bleed that heavily, more like a normal period, but with gushes at times and small clots that I wouldn't normally get. I read that drinking a lot of RRL tea can help if you have some.
I think your attitude is wonderful. It is a loss, it is painful physically and emotionally no matter how early, but there is hope for the future. Your daughter sounds sweet and I love how she thinks of it.
Happily married Christian SAHM of 2 boys, DD1 , and DD2 July 2013
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