Though it is difficult, I believe that sharing these stories is empowering, and sharing the details of delivering our lost babes may help many women. I’m so sorry for anyone who experiences this. Thank you for reading my story, as it is part of my healing.
We found out 6 days ago at 11w+4d that our baby measured at ~8weeks and the heartbeat we saw just 2 weeks previously had ceased. I had no cramping, bleeding, or other signs of impending miscarriage, and had attributed my diminishing symptoms to rounding the bend from morning sickness. Of course, we/are were shocked and crushed.
My goal was to avoid medical intervention if possible. I wanted to complete this life cycle on my own, in the comfort of my home, with my husband nearby. On Friday I began taking homeopathics sepia and sabina, Yogi Moon Tea, and red raspberry leaf tea as well. I went running one day, played tennis for 2 hours another, and walked for miles and miles each day.
On Monday evening around 6, cramping and spotting began. My energy really began to flow, where it had felt blocked before. I became unafraid, though my sadness was huge. The cramping came in waves, not unlike the tales of labor I’ve read in natural childbirth books. I slept fitfully, woken by discomfort through the night.
Tuesday (yesterday) came. I had walked already in the morning, but after lunch my husband accompanied me on another loop around the neighborhood. The contractions (there is no denying what they are) came intensely throughout the walk. I would zone out and focus on my body almost unconsciously when they came. We got home and as I was telling him I thought things were really happening, I felt a sudden gush of fluid. I am not kidding you, my tiny water really broke. (It is absolutely insane that the docs tell you to expect a “really bad period”.) I sat on the toilet and pink-clear fluid rushed out, followed by blood. In the next 2.5 hours, I had intense contractions followed by some giant blood clots that looked like liver. At the height of the pains, I delivered our tiny little underdeveloped baby, who looked just like one of those week-by-week illustrations of the 8 week mark. I moved into the shower and the placenta came. It looked just like a placenta (like in birthing videos and stories), and it was big! The size of my whole palm, plus some. I had immediate physical relief after a few more pains and expulsion of what I hope were the last of the clots. I was exhausted, but also so grateful that I could accomplish this at home. I was impressed by the process, and so happy that I could have this tiny taste of motherhood. It felt nice to be free from anxiety after all this time.
I delivered our tiny child just yesterday. We placed its body and placenta among the flowers in our backyard. Though I’m still healing physically, I believe that having a natural miscarriage at home is helping me to heal emotionally as well. No woman’s choice is wrong, however, but I feel it was best for me. I wish healing and love to anyone who must endure this loss.
Sciencey nature-loving gal in Northern CA (39) married to my dream maker K (40)
Mmc 12 weeks 1/28/14
Rainbow gal due 5/17/15
Married to a wonderful woman since 2010. Baby boy C arrived in June 2013!
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