Today I found out I had a miscarriage (blighted ovum). It's the 2nd in a row after my first one late last year.
I'm in complete shock that this has happened again. Last time I thought, well at least I've had my run of bad luck, because I know the literature says it's unlikely to have 2 in a row.
I feel like such a failure, like my body has let me down. It hurts so much to see other women having successful pregnancies.
This year I have 2 dates that would have been birth dates, but now all I have are empty arms.
I'm so unsure how I'm going to get over this.
I would really appreciate hearing from other ladies who have been in the same situation, and what the grieving experience is like the second time around.
Last time, I waited over 9 weeks for my body to release the p/g, which didn't happen so I did the D&C. This time I've scheduled the D&C a week from now b/c I can't bear goign through the emotional limbo I went through last time.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I had a normal pregnancy, then tow miscarriages, then another normal pregnancy, then didn't get pregnant for a year even while charting then two miscarriages then a normal pregnancy. I say this only so you know i understand where you're coming from.
The time while trying for that second baby was devastating. I was very sad a lot. Also, miscarriages tend to be very private losses. So it's not like you have a community grieving with you. I did see end up getting progesterone suppositories after the second miscarriage and I carried that baby to term. I did have a miscarriage the next time even with the progesterone, so I'm not sure it always works.
I don't remember the specifics of my grief then, but I will say now that my youngest is four, it is not a major spot on my life/emotions. I am sad about all those babies, but I am not trying to get pregnant anymore, and I am past all the baby stuff, so it doesn't feel as fresh. Time helps. Be gentle with yourself and your spouse. You're allowed to grieve however and for however long, you need/want to.
I am sorry for your losses. I also lost two in a row, 11 months apart, after having a healthy baby following my first miscarriage 5 years ago. It has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
My first loss was hard because it was my first pregnancy, and I hadn't expected miscarriage to happen to me, and I was afraid I would never be able to have a baby, and well, you know... it just sucks!
Then I got pregnant again, and I was hesitant to get too attached, but after I saw him on the u/s at 11 weeks, I knew everything was okay. He was born healthy at full term and I thought the first miscarriage was just a fluke and I kind of pushed it out of my mind.
Then I got pregnant again in November 2012, and I was determined to have a much less stressful pregnancy now that I knew my body could handle it. When I lost that pregnancy in January 2013, I was devastated. DEVASTATED. I thought it would be easier to handle because I already had a child, but in some ways that made it worse. I had just told him a few days before that the reason I had been so sick and tired lately was because I was going to have a baby. And he was so excited to be a big brother! And with every passing day, the age gap between them grows and that makes me sad just thinking about it and the baby I should have had in August. Yes, that was my most difficult loss, by far (plus, I was 11 weeks along, so it was physically hard on my body too, and ended in an emergency D&C). It took me over a month to feel some degree of normal again. Unfortunately, as you can see, I am still not over that loss.
After 8 months of TTC, I finally got pregnant again in October 2013, but I didn't have a good feeling about that pregnancy from the start. People told me I was just being paranoid because I had experienced loss in the past, but I never truly believed that baby would be born. It was partly the fact that my lines did not seem to be getting darker and partly that my temperatures were not staying consistent, and partly my lack of symptoms. I got blood work done a 6 and 7 weeks, and HCG was "in the normal range" but it was on the low side of normal and took almost a week to double. I started to miscarry just before my scheduled ultrasound at 10 weeks (December), but I went to the ultrasound anyway to learn that it was a blighted ovum. I got a D&C that day, and because it was my 3rd loss, I was put into touch with a reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in early pregnancy loss. So, as strange as it may seem, I am thankful to my 3rd lost baby (Alex) who brought me exactly to where I needed to be to get help with future pregnancies. I grieve that miscarriage the least, partly because I never fully invested emotionally in the pregnancy, and partly because I am hopeful that some good came out of it that will help me with my next pregnancy. It has taken a long time for my body to recover physically, but I believe I am finally ready to move forward with TTC.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, Redmom. I had a miscarriage of my baby due in October, and was back visiting the DDC today and saw your post.
There are no words to take away from your pain, but I hope you are getting the family & community support that you need, and I hope you are taking care of yourself. I found that retreating into a place of safety and comfort -- baths, tea, reading -- helped me to take the time I needed to grieve without feeling pushed to fake it or move on.
Sending you warmth and light and all good things.
Mama to J, born 9/4/2012. Some of the things we are into: co-sleeping, breastfeeding, & the Montessori method.
Visit my Montessori and natural parenting blog: http://milkweedmontessori.com/