Back to work? Do I tell coworkers? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-24-2014, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
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I just experienced a mc 3 days ago (a Wed.). My boss & coworkers all know we just bought a house & were moving this week/weekend (I actually miscarried the day we moved). It also happens to be a holiday weekend.

In part because I didn't want my boss to think I was calling in sick because of the move/holiday (& also because I trust him) I decided to tell him what happened. He was very understanding & told me to take the time I need. I took off Thu & Fri.

I don't know why but now I'm worried what my coworkers will think & I'm debating whether I should tell them. One coworker emailed me about swapping work since she'd need to cover me on Fri. She also offered to help me move this weekend. No one yet knew I was pregnant. But my coworker's email made me irrationally mad & I didn't respond. I got the sense she thought I just took some random time off for the move & meanwhile I'm actually really suffering & don't give a care about swapping work!

I appreciate my boss's discretion but now part of me wants to clear the air. Should I? I'm a fairly private person at work so I don't want to. But I also don't want my team assuming I'm a slacker.

Also I don't even know when I should go back?? I was planning on Tues but is that too soon (that would mark 6 days)? I'm feeling better (obviously not 100%) & bleeding is less (like a medium flow).


Mama to my little busy bee. 

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#2 of 4 Old 05-25-2014, 06:05 PM
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:hug So so sorry for your loss. It is up to you if you want to tell them or not. I told only the people that need to know. (only a few people know)


As far as going back to work-- I would go if I felt OK. for me getting back into normal life helped.

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#3 of 4 Old 05-25-2014, 08:56 PM
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If you don't want to tell them you miscarried, maybe you could tell them that you took a few days off due to some medical issues, but are feeling better now and ready to get back into the swing of things. They probably won't ask unless they're particularly nosy, but if they do you could tell them that it's kind of personal and you prefer not to discuss it. If you have this conversation with one or two people, it will probably get around and unless you work in an extremely nosy boundary-pushing setting, others won't bug you about it. 


Or you could just say nothing, do your work like normal, and if others are going to make stupid assumptions about you that's on them.


I have not miscarried myself, so I can't answer your other question. I'm just commenting based on my experience in different work environments. 


Best of luck. 

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#4 of 4 Old 05-27-2014, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you much for the advice. I did return to work today & it was really refreshing to be back--better than I expected. I decided to not tell anyone & took your advice, Erigeron, to just keep it generic. My boss stopped by briefly to check in on me & said something unfortunate but it came from a genuinely good place so I can't blame him. He said more good than bad tho & really tried to do right.

Unfortunately, I worry I overdid it! I'm on my commute home & in a fair amount of discomfort. I may skip it tomorrow (luckily I can work from home)--I really don't want to delay healing by doing too much!

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