Introduction and invitation to share - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 11-19-2001, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so glad to see this forum (and to co-moderate it with abimommy).

As the mother of 3 miscarried babies and one 'spirit child' Who was born still I feel there's a need for this forum.

Parenting a child after a loss, or prepairing for birth after a loss is a very difficult journey.

I hope this forum can be a place to share resources, give and gain support and just cry when you need to. This could be a great place to discuss; how to talk to children and heal as a family and what to say to friends and family to get the support you need.
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#2 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 02:46 AM
 
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Ms Mom

Thank you so much for your kind invitation. I too have had babies who weren't able to stay with us; I'm pregnant now and hope for the best!

I do want to say with all gentleness, that you are indeed mother not only to two, but also to those who aren't with you now.

Barbara
mama to Jacob, Noah age 2, a "spirit baby" and the present growing one.
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#3 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 04:03 AM
 
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I just want to say, that I'm so pleased to see this new thread. Ms. Mom, your gentleness is always appreciated!

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#4 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 05:24 AM
 
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I hope I can offer support and advice to all Im the Mom of 3 but only 2 who stayed I lost my first baby almost 4 years ago (4 years in just a few weeks in fact) And christmas is always a hard time for me. Ive been helping a friend cope with her recent loss, she lost her baby just 2 weeks before my DD was born. Shes PG again and doing better, only to have another close friend of ours loose a baby just a few weeks ago. Were all supporting eachother and I know how good it is to have a shoulder to cry on.



Blah going to stop now cause This time of year is really hard for me to talk about my First It was last week 4 years ago I found out I was PG....
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#5 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 05:29 AM
 
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*edited cause it double posted*
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#6 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Barbara - Your in my thoughts. I remember my pregnancies after my stillborn daughter Amanda Leigh. It was a time filled with joy and terror - never thought thoes emotions would follow each other. It's strange being the mother of 7, but only having 2 to parent. Your 'spirit child' will be in my thoughts as well.

Be gentle with yourself - go slowly and savor each moment.

Lisamarie - I'm so glad you're back! I've got to email you because I've missed you dear friend!

Julie - I'm so sorry for your loss. My stillborn daughter was born December 14, 1993. I completely understand your pain this time of year. For me Thanksgiving is a hard time. I remember the Thanksgiving I was pregnant with her. 2 of my sis-in-laws were pregnant too and I remember swapping stories and feeling bellies with them. I now watch their children play and remember the one who is missing.

Your friend is so lucky to have a friend like you to support her. As women I feel it's so important to reach out and give support. A few resources that really helped me were; SHARE, Heartsongs, and Loving Arms. All organizations for women who have lost a child. If you need links to thier websites or more information, let me know.
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#7 of 18 Old 11-20-2001, 09:55 PM
 
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Hey there everyone.

I had a very early miscarriage the first time I tried to get pregnant a couple of months ago - got a positive test one day and a very chunky period several days later. Unfortunate, but I didn't really have time to "bond", so I don't feel too disappointed. I believe strongly in reincarnation, so I think there is a reason souls choose to incarnate for short times, though I don't pretend to know what those reasons are. I'm just waiting for that patient baby soul who wants to be with me to coordinate with my eggs & spermies and come back!

I also lost a daughter who is now turning two on the 24th (of November). Her mother and I separated at the hospital on the night she was born when she refused to let me in for the birth, and I sat in the waiting room. I've never been allowed to see her. My ex-gf completely cut me off due to her threatening, homophobic family & our own relationship problems we were having. I miss them, and Thanksgiving is bittersweet for me and completely unacknowledged - my friends and family are SO over it all (and tired of me referring to it or considering that child my coulda-been daughter). Oh, well. You go on and take more chances, you know?

Three's a charm, I'm hoping!
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#8 of 18 Old 11-21-2001, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Madison - so glad your here - so sad about your loss. I know how much this child ment to you. Though you didn't have time to bond with this baby, you lost with it many dreams. You have a right to greive and feel. No loss is greater than another.

As for your daugher (yes, YOUR daughter). I can totally understand your feelings of loss. You lost so much that day and I could never even pretend to know thoes feelings. Your in my thoughts at this difficult anniversary.

I've always liked the following quote by Dr. Susse -

A persons a person - no matter how small
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#9 of 18 Old 11-22-2001, 05:07 AM
 
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You are a pillar of strength to us all....I cannot imagine going through such a thing once much less three times,

And yet, you do it so gracefully and with such kind words for everyone.

Madison...I am so sorry for your loss....we are all crossing our fingers for you. I am sad to hear about the little girl you were never allowed to see....that would be so difficult....how awful of your ex....the little girl you hoped for and you weren't allowed to see her...

I guess the only true solution in your situation, in this day and age is to have the baby yourself.....hopefully there will be some sort of reform towards custodial rights in such a situation

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#10 of 18 Old 11-28-2001, 12:22 AM
 
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Well, I got my period right on the 24th - figures! What a rotten day that was. I won't be trying again for several months. I'm sad, but trying to look at the bright side - I'll have several more months of $$$ put away, making our future life together more stable I just wish I hadn't gotten my period on THAT particular day.
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#11 of 18 Old 11-28-2001, 07:19 AM
 
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I am so sorry....I can't imagine what you are going through...

There are just so many of us praying for you.....you just HAVE to get your wish....

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#12 of 18 Old 11-29-2001, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's hard mourning the loss of a person that never even began to grow... I've been there and my thoughts and gentle vibes are being sent your way. Your dreams will make it all real.
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#13 of 18 Old 12-03-2001, 02:40 AM
 
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Thank you for this "Invitation". I am new to this site and I only got here because a really good friend of mine sent me the link. Although you know you aren't the only one out there who has suffered a loss, you sometimes feel that you are and it is an awesome feeling to be able to share with people who can relate to what you are going through.
I lost my baby boy and baby girl (twins) on September 18, 2000. They were stillborn. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss them, but each day gets a little easier. Holidays are very hard for me still, but I have such supportive friends and a supportive family and a great counselor who help me cope every day. Even though it doesn't seem that the sun will shine, it always does and I know that the sun shining is my babies looking down with me, staying with me in my heart and soul no matter where I am or what I am going through.
I, too, fear my next pregnancy. Although there is nothing physically wrong with me (several tests in several months), I am afraid that this will happen again. I loved every minute of my pregnancy and am joyful I had the time I did with my babies, but I am so afraid of the next time.
Everything does happen for a reason and in its own way and time. It takes time, grieving, healing and support to understand this.
I miss my babies, but I know they are forever with me and will "Forever My Twin Angels".
I look forward to posting and hearing from you all. Thank you again for this board )
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#14 of 18 Old 12-03-2001, 09:02 PM
 
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KC,

So sorry to hear about your twins!

Welcome, I'm glad you're here!

Madison
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#15 of 18 Old 12-04-2001, 04:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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kc - warm welcomes to Mothering. I'm so very sorry about the loss of you babies. My daughter Amanda Leigh was stilborn almost 8 yrs. ago. At times it still feels like yesterday, others, it feels like another lifetime ago...

Do you have any living children? Amanda was my first. I now have 2 children. They know that they have a 'Spirit Sister'. She touched our lives so deeply and will always be a part of us. Just as your two will always be a part of who you are.
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#16 of 18 Old 12-04-2001, 07:41 AM
 
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It's been almost 2 years to the day ( 8th december 1999 ) that I lost my baby before Saffron. I lost the baby in utero at about 14 or 15 weeks. The baby before was ectopic & it ruptured at about 7 1/2 weeks. These experiences nearly killed me mentally & physically. I have no idea how all you ladies who had still born babies coped. I still cry when I read other people's stories.

I have gained a whole heap from my experiences & become a better person. But still wish it had never happened. Thankfully I have a happy healthy 11 month old daughter currently sleeping in my bed
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#17 of 18 Old 12-05-2001, 04:41 AM
 
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Thank you all for the warm welcomes and the warm thoughts. My babies names are Ryleigh Mikaela and Chayton Tyler and, although they do not live with me on earth, I am still a mother to two of the best babies a mother could ever hope for.
I do not have any children living at this time. I have yet to meet the man who should be the father of my child/children and my soul mate, forever partner in life and in love.
I look forward to posting here, hearing from all of you, sharing thoughts, hopes, dreams, hurts, sorrows, sadness, happiness and everything in between.
Everything comes in its own time and exactly when it is supposed to. I am looking forward to the day when I will get my chance to be a mother, a wife, a.k.a. "domesticated" (tee hee hee). I love working, but I have always wanted children and a home life like the wonderful one I have grown up in.
A quick question to all of you... How do you get past the "itchy ovaries" syndrome? I so want a baby right now and I know that I am ready mentally and emotionally, but physically and financially, I am just not ready, especially after a miscarriage that I recently suffered in October. Any suggestions? I love to spend time with my friends and their kids, but it just brings up the desire more and the hurt, too, that my twins are not with me here, even though this is the time for angels and I know mine are very special and with me at every moment, no matter if I can see them or not...
Thanks again for the warm welcome and I look forward to sharing many more posts here with you wonderful, warm, funny and caring people.
Lots of love and big hugs to you all. I am here for any of you should you need to talk, want to talk or just whatever
Bye for now
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#18 of 18 Old 12-05-2001, 06:47 AM
 
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I did post a couple of books and websites in the resources thread....I hope they may be some comfort to you....

one thing that really helped me was looking at the websites people have created for their angels...they are so touching...it really helped me bring it into perspective.

feel free to pm me if you would like to talk....

Not all those who wander are lost 
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