Prior to any physical signs of miscarriage, I had several dreams about bleeding and miscarriage. I passed it off as nerves due to wanting/planning this pregnancy, unlike my pregnancy with my first which was a surprise.
I assumed I was just a little more anxious because everything was planned and I wasn't nearly as naive anymore like I was in the beginning of that pregnancy.
I also had a few days of cramping throughout my back which happened mostly at night. Even though I found myself looking up miscarriage symptoms online, I tried my best to believe it was "normal" pregnancy symptoms.
Friday, Dec. 5 - I started spotting brown off and on throughout the day. Mostly when I used the restroom and wiped. I kept it a secret from everyone because it wasn't red. "It's old blood. It's normal for some people to spot in early pregnancy" I told myself. But I was silently freaking out inside, and I couldn't shake the dreams I kept having.
Saturday & Sunday, Dec. 6-7 - I put myself on bed rest using the excuse that I was just really tired and nauseous. I wasn't, but I also wasn't ready to admit that something might be wrong. Instead I told myself that I had been over doing it. Laying around seemed to slow the spotting down on Saturday and I started allowing myself to feel some relief that everything might be ok. However, Sunday it picked back up to the point that I was wearing a panty liner. It was still brown but I started noticing tiny little "chunks".
Monday morning, Dec. 8 - I woke up and used the restroom. Red blood. It wasn't heavy like a period at that point, but a little heavier than spotting. DH happened to be passing the bathroom as I was staring at the toilet paper. He stopped to tell me something but I didn't hear him. I looked up, tears in my eyes, and held the toilet paper out for him to see.
"I don't know what to do" I said.
He called the midwife as I continued to sit on the toilet in shock.
A few minutes later he came back to tell me the midwife wanted to talk to me so I threw on a panty liner and came out of the bathroom.
At first she thought it might be "normal" spotting, but as she continued asking questions and I became more upset, she ordered an ultrasound.
I tried to work (I was a WAHM at the time) but couldn't concentrate. I had FIVE hours to sit around and wait for the ultrasound. I panicked and cried off and on throughout that five hours.
During the ultrasound, I noticed the tech was paying much more attention to my ovaries rather than my uterus. She was silent the entire time and then quickly ushered me out to the waiting room and told me she had to consult someone else about the results.
An hour later, an older woman came to talk to me. She said, "We believe you have an ectopic pregnancy. We couldn't see anything in your uterus except a large amount of blood/clots. Your midwife will contact you shortly with what steps to take. You can go home now."
Shortly after arriving home my midwife called. She, too, was under the impression that I had an ectopic pregnancy and advised me that I will need to go to the ER within the next day or two.
I chose to go that evening with DH and my younger sister in tow. There was no sense, in my mind, to prolong the inevitable.
During all of this, the cramping became worse and the bleeding increased.
I sat in the ER waiting room for 2 hours and frequently got up to use the restroom. The pain was becoming unbearable; I was hot, sweaty, and dizzy, my pulse was racing, but no one would give me any pain medication or move any quicker in getting me into a room despite all of this.
Shortly before I was admitted, I ran to the bathroom in fear that I was going to vomit all over the floor in the waiting room. Once in the bathroom, I sat down on the toilet to try to work past the dizziness, and had to work hard to breathe through the pain, when I passed an extremely large clot. I nearly reached into the toilet to grab it out and inspect it but I didn't. I was more consumed with getting back out into the waiting room so I didn't miss my chance to be called in. Part of me regrets not checking.
[At the time I wasn't sure what was going on, but now that I've learned more, I believe the large clot I passed was the baby (etc) and the urge to vomit was probably similar to transition for me (I vomited as I hit transition with my first).]
I was finally called back into a room, had more ultrasounds, only to be told that I had a "normal" miscarriage, and some sort of large mass in my fallopian tube. I couldn't get any answers and was told I would have to follow up with a specialist in a couple of days.
That was the hardest 3-4 days I've ever had.
I had lost the baby we had planned despite being far healthier now than I was when I got pregnant with my first, I had no idea what this mysterious mass was, I was bleeding and in pain... and the morning after I returned home from the ER my younger sister (the one who went to the ER with me) tells me she's pregnant but going to abort.
The appointment with specialist revealed that the mass was actually a dermoid cyst on my ovary. I was relieved to finally have an answer and was told that I would have to have it removed prior to any future pregnancies because of the size/position of it.
I continued to have quite a bit of pain off and on for 5 days after the red blood started.
The bleeding took about a week and a half to stop completely.
I still find myself thinking back on that two weeks.
Part of me doesn't understand how this could have happened despite how much healthier I am now.
The other part of me is relieved that it wasn't as serious as it started out to be, and that my body handled a miscarriage in the way that it should... but that also feels so wrong to say sometimes.
It's hard not having a definite answer as to what happened or why... and it's been even harder trying to come to terms with not ever having an answer.
- Jen, Mama to DS1 (02.04.05) and DS2 (02.11.10) & baby #3 due in early January 2013
Monday morning I went to the OB at 9am for my appointment and told them about the bleeding and cramping. Dr. S tried to find the baby's heartbeat on the doppler but couldn't. The static-y silence was awful. She sent me down to the ultra-sound right away. You know it's not good when the tech is quiet. We could see the little baby curled up on the screen, no movement. Little chest was completely still where you should be seeing fluttering. She couldn't get anything on that audio, either. She even tried gently shaking my uterus but no reaction. I should have been 16 weeks and 3 days but baby was only measuring 13 weeks and 5 days. The cramping and spotting were still pretty mild at this point. She told me my options about d&c vs natural miscarriage. She told me to call for pain medication if the pain started getting worse. Tyson and I talked and decided to schedule a d&c for Wednesday morning. By evening the cramping was getting pretty intense. I had called the on call doctor's nurse and they were supposed to fax a script for pain meds to Monticello, I don't know what happened but they never got it. I decided to just wait till morning when the OB's office was open so it would be easier to deal with getting medications. We got the girls in bed and I went to lay down and the pain was getting really hard to deal with. Around 9pm I knew there was no way I could sleep through the pain so I decided I was going to go to the ER and see about getting pain meds. This is where it starts to get graphic, if you want to stop reading.
I went to go use the bathroom before I left and after sitting for a second I suddenly felt a pop and a huge gush. I looked down and the toilet bowl was full of blood and so I couldn't really see the baby but I could see enough to understand the baby had passed and the umbilical cord was still attached to me. I'm not sure how I managed to not freak out, but I called Tyson in and told him what was happening and had him bring me the phone so I could call the on call doctor. I also had him bring me a sieve and plastic sandwich bags because I knew we were going to need to get the baby and as much of the placenta out as we could. Tyson called my friend Elizabeth over after he realized what was happening. Dr. S had told me earlier that if I miscarried at home, the placenta and everything should follow the baby pretty quickly. But nothing was happening so I was concerned. The on call doctor, Dr. G, was very nice and told me to wait about 5 minutes and let gravity work and see if the placenta came. It was probably more like 10 minutes, but I could see some placenta and initially thought it was all out, but then I realized the cord was still attached to me. So, I had to cut the cord. Tyson had to get the baby out of the toilet. Elizabeth, bless her heart, offered to do it so he wouldn't have to, but he felt like he should (or needed) to do it. I caught a glimpse of the baby and started crying (I had been in survival mode up to that point I think, I hadn't cried or reacted emotionally at all). We decided it would be best for Tyson to stay at home in case the little girls woke up, and Elizabeth took me to the ER. I was bleeding very heavy and afraid to walk so she went in to get my a wheelchair.
While she was in I took baby out, I felt like I wanted to be alone to see him (the doctor who looked at the baby was pretty sure it was a boy). I was surprised at how big he was, he could fit in my hand. He was probably 2-4 inches long and looked like a tiny baby. His little body was curled up, I mostly just looked at his face. He had a flat little nose and a tiny little mouth. His eyes were closed and he didn't look dead, just quiet and peaceful. I am glad I got to see him, I don't regret it. It's helpful to have a face to put to the memory of him and it made it feel more real.
The rest is kind of a morphine induced haze. Lots and lots of blood and pain. My veins are hard to get into so I was stabbed all over the place and finally told them to just IV my hand because it's the easiest on me. She tried getting fluids into my arm and it slipped so my arm started swelling up. They transferred me Lafayette because the ER doctor had tried to manually remove the placenta pieces but he could see there was still more in the opening and didn't feel confident in his ability to get it all out safely. Elizabeth stayed with me until the ambulance was on its way to transfer me. I'm glad I got transferred anyway, because getting my baby back from them would have been an issue (I would have had to try to find a funeral home to have the baby released to), this way they sent everything with me and Home Hospital is Catholic ran so . So Dr. G met me there and thankfully was able to remove everything without needing a d and c, but it was still extremely painful, even with all the morphine. But once the big piece came out it was pretty much instant relief. I kept saying "I can't believe how much better I feel!" I felt similar to how I did after Rory was born, I think I was far enough along that the removal of the placenta gave me a hormone rush like after birth. Dr. G was a really sweet lady and said all the right things. The ER nurse was nice but I could tell she was an ER nurse and not use to dealing with 2nd trimester miscarriages, because she kept saying all the things you're not supposed to say to ladies who lose babies. But I just let it slide because I knew she was just nervous and trying to make me feel better.
I could have gone home around 5am but it would have been a pain because of the kids, so they said I could just stay and sleep and Elizabeth watched the girls in the morning so Tyson could come get me. I asked the hospital to send the baby to pathology before burial so hopefully they can find something out. They gave me oxycodone (percocet) for pain so physically I feel okay, but emotionally I feel empty and numb.
Long story short, I had laproscopic surgery early this morning (like 3am) to remove an ectopic pregnancy from my left fallopian tube (oh, and nearly a liter of blood and clots because the tube had ruptured).
Saturday or Sunday I started feeling a little crampy, but it wasn't painful, just mildly uncomfortable. Monday I started having dark brown spotting, which I was concerned about because I was mid-cycle and my period wasn't due for a couple more weeks. Pregnancy crossed my mind briefly, but I looked over my chart to make sure and there was no intercourse on fertile days (we've been pretty conservative with it to have a better chance of post-poning pregnancy). Anyway Tuesday the pain started getting worse and was all over my abdomen, and on Wednesday I called my GP and made an appointment. But by Wednesday evening it was getting severely painful and just touching my stomach was excurtiatingly painful. I stood up from the computer desk and nearly passed out from the pain and later Riley bumped into my stomach and I doubled over, sobbing in pain. So Tyson made me go to the emergency room (he drove me up and dropped me off and then went back home with the kids since it was close to bedtime and I had no idea how long I would be there).
So I got to the ER about 7:30pm and got checked in and went back, answered a million questions and all of that. Talked to the doctor who ordered blood and urine samples. Almost passed out again when they drew my blood and my blood pressure kept getting really low. Quick catheter to get the urine then they got me some morphine. Drank a bunch of barium because they initially wanted to do a CT scan (or cat scan, whatever). Then the ER doctor comes in and says "Um, your urine test came back that you're pregnant." I was shocked. Like I said, it had entered my mind, but unless I totally missed fertility signs at some point...well the doctor canceled the CT scan, of course, and called for the U/S lady. Had to wait for awhile for her to get there. Not sure what time I went in, maybe around 9:30pm? She spent a long time taking pictures, of course they can't tell you anything, but she asked me a few times "are you sure you don't feel more pain in one side than the other?"
Awhile later after the doctor had a chance to look over the u/s results he came in and told me the news (actually, the nurse told me while we were waiting, on the condition that I promise not to tell the doctor she told me). He said it looked like an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. It's a small town that only has one OBGYN, and OF COURSE she was gone (not even in town to get a hold of) so they said they'd have to transfer me to Lafayette (bigger town about 45 minutes away).
Of course right about that time the county started going crazy, so all the ambulances were out. They wanted to airlift me but it was too foggy, so I had to just sit and wait. They were almost ready for me at one point and then they had a cardiac arrest come in that took every one they had, except for the nurse assigned to watch me like hawk in case I started hemorrhaging. Thank God for the morphine because it was like 1:30 or 2am before the ambulance was finally able to transport me. They went with lights and sirens and got me there in 24 minutes (like I said, it's normally 45 minutes!)
Got to the hospital, got checked in. My spotting was turning red by now. The OB came in to talk to me and told me that although the u/s suggested ectopic, they wouldn't know for sure unless they did surgery. Since my pain was all over she said it was also possible that the baby was implanted in the uterus but my body was trying to miscarry for whatever reason. So she told me my options where to do laproscopic surgery and see what was going on, or stay under close observation and see if I miscarried on my own. Easy decision, I knew something was very wrong. She also told me that if she did the laproscopy but couldn't find an ectopic pregnancy, I had the option of going ahead and letting her do a D and C while I was already out- basically abort the baby because her feeling was the pregnancy wasn't viable no matter where it was implanted, but I gave that one a resounding NO.
So I filled out all the paper work and got prepped and wheeled down there. By this time it was almost 3AM and I was just totally exhausted. I kept falling asleep outside the OR waiting for them to get ready. One of the last things I remember is being out there and them telling me it would be cold in the OR, then getting wheeled in and thinking "HOLY CRAP IT'S FREEZING." Next thing I knew I was in recovery and the OB was standing there waking me up.
She said when she got in there my abdomen was full of blood and clots (nearly a liter's worth). My left fallopian tube had ruptured and was still bleeding. She tried cauterizing in 5 times to preserve the fertility on that side but it just wouldn't stop bleeding, so she had to remove the part that was rupture and sew the tub shut (so I will never get pregnant from my left ovary). Got me to my room and I was finally able to get some sleep. Of course during all of this I'm calling Tyson to update him so he can update other people, and my mom of course is freaking out and terrified I'm going to die.
At any rate, I was discharged around 2pm today. Sore from the surgery but I feel 1000x better than I did with a ruptured fallopian tube and an abdomen full of blood. Crying off and on about losing the baby. In some ways it's easier because I didn't know I was pregnant beforehand and hadn't had a chance to bond or daydream or anything like that. The doctor was very sweet and affirming and told me it is a pregnancy loss and it's normal and okay to be sad and depressed. I could give a long list of reasons why we don't need to have another baby right now but I was pregnant and it was my baby and I wish things would have been different.
I’m sorry for the losses that you’ve all experienced, and wanted to send my heart and prayers out to you. I too know your pain.
I'm still relatively new to MDC, and here is how my miscarriage unfolded. I was 10w 3d when I found out.
A week ago today, while doing the groceries I felt squishy down there. I knew something was wrong. It wasn't the same feeling I had when I had a lot of discharge. I didn't want to use the Walmart washroom so I packed up my stuff in my car and stopped at the coffee shop to use their washroom. I wiped, and didn't look down for what felt like an eternity.... When I did, I saw pink & brown mucus. There was a lot of it. I sped home, dropped of the groceries, and went straight to the ER. I knew it wasn’t good.
Well the ER where I live is a nightmare, but I couldn’t get a hold of my family doctor. I was scheduled to finally sign the paperwork with the midwifery practice this week. So since I wasn’t their patient yet, they couldn’t take me in to take a look. So off to the ER I went, because I knew the walk-in clinic would send me there anyway.
The wait was dreadful. There were at the very least 150 sick people. I know this because they call you up to triage in cycles of 1-50. Everybody takes a number… I stopped counting after the third cycle. Some were puking in buckets and some were puking on the floors. I waited in another waiting section away from them all, but had to keep getting up to check with the nurses to make sure they didn’t call me and I had missed it. Not like I could hear anything, so many children were bawling their eyes out from the wait.
I finally got called into the second waiting room at around 9:45pm. I had been at the hospital since 12ish. The nurse came in, took my vitals, took my betas, gave me a blanket and disappeared. I fell asleep. The doctor finally sauntered in at 1:15am. He looked at me, listened to my description of my spotting (by then I had begun cramping something fierce) and told me point blank: “I think you’re having a miscarriage”. I looked at him like he was a ghost. He told me my betas were in the 2000 range. I knew that was it. I was in my 10th week. There was just no way this was real. I couldn’t believe it. I had most of my symptoms still. This couldn’t be happening. I had been thanking God for this baby EVERY morning. I sat there numb for a long time. So long, that I don’t even remember when he left the room. I do remember him booking me an ultrasound with the early pregnancy clinic in the hospital for the Friday, Oct. 30th. (This all happened on the 28th) I remember when I was leaving the ER, I broke down on my walk to the parking lot. A woman walking out with her baby asked me if I was okay, and all I could say was “no”. I pitched over and nearly hit the ground while crying. She asked if I needed help and again, all I could say was, “no”. I went home and told my DH. He had to stay at home with our son and foster son so he wasn’t there with me through the whole waiting ordeal. He was so devastated that he didn’t know what to say. He just held me while I cried myself to sleep.
The next day I woke up and texted an e-friend and told her what happened. She told me not to give up hope, I hadn’t been told the baby had no heartbeat yet, and betas drop and come back up all the time, I had never heard of vanishing twin and hiding twin. I reasoned it out ALL DAY. I convinced myself that if I drank lots of water my betas would go back up. I was on google and read that dehydration can cause them to fall. I prayed all day, and held out hope.
Friday Oct. 30th. Went for the ultrasound, tech did her best to keep me talking about everything BUT pregnancy and the baby. I knew something was wrong. They sent me up to the early pregnancy clinic for more betas. The OBGYN on call kept getting called away for difficult deliveries and c-sections. I was mad that she didn’t have any back-up that day. In between one of her calls she came to DH and I and said, “I haven’t forgotten you, it’s just that I’m not sure what to do, I need to consult another OBGYN on this.”…. So here I was with a glimmer of hope again. “What I should do”, and “I need to consult another OBGYN on this” sounded like she had options, right?
When she came back, she broke it to us. There was no heartbeat. The baby had died at 7w5d. When she was referring to “what to do” she was talking about either cytotec or d&c….. I was too numb to be mad at her for setting me up like that. DH asked some questions, I asked some questions. She explained to me that she’s had a few m/c herself and she knows there’s nothing she can say to make me feel better. We all sat there in silence for some time while I took it all in. She slid some pamphlets across the table about perinatal loss, miscarriage, and grief support services. That’s when I lost it. I broke down. She started crying too. The nurse started crying, and it’s a wonder DH held it together. The rest of the day was a blurr. DH took me home and I went to sleep.
Monday morning, I went back to book my d&c (it was supposed to be on Tuesday) and got bumped around ultrasound and blood clinic all day. They wanted to see just how much tissue had passed over the past few days. I had no bleeding from Friday until Monday, so I thought it was a waste of time…. It turned out that I couldn’t get my d&c on Tuesday after all and they booked me for Thursday, November 5th.
Well today is Wednesday and last night I started bleeding again… Light enough for a pantyliner, though.
Today, while out and about, it started. Clots: lots and lots of clots. Then: stringy tissue.
Because I was out and about and had on a pad, I didn’t get to take a good look at it all. Some of it got absorbed by the pad.
I got home and the cramps got fierce. So bad I couldn’t walk. I popped an oxycodone that I had left over from some dental surgery I had earlier this year. My uterus is laughing at it. My head is spinning, but the contractions/ cramps haven’t budged. I called the doc and they said nix the surgery, let nature do her thing, and we’ll follow up with an ultrasound next week.
So that’s how my miscarriage happened. I know this was long. Thank you for taking the time to read. I know that I did feel some comfort in knowing I was not alone in how I felt. Emotionally, I can’t even begin to translate how I feel. I thought I was staying grounded until today. There is some relief, because I couldn’t deal with walking around with my dead baby inside of me…. But I’m not sure just how I’ll be in a few days… I’ll be back with a brief update when it’s all done.
I had been spotting off and on for 3 weeks and had been checked and everything was fine every time. We saw the baby on ultrasound at 11 weeks with a strong heartbeat and heart the baby on doppler about a week later, despite the bleeding. About 10 days after the dopper, on a Wednesday afternoon, I had a slight gush of something. I thought maybe I just had some extra bleeding and didn't think too too much about it. I am a RN and my husband is a medical resident (albeit a radiology resident), so we don't become too concerned about stuff too often. I was having some very very mild cramping, so mild that I thought I was making it up. Then on Thursday afternoon, I had a gush. Like a real gush. It was not blood, but definitely more serous fluid. At that moment, I denied the idea that it could have been my water breaking. I called my husband (I was in the car) and told him. Of course, he said not to worry and that I could call the OB in the morning if I wanted. I told him I thought we should go to the ER, and he told me it wasn't that serious...that I would know if I was having a miscarriage. I stood my ground and said that if he wouldn't take me to the ER, then we were going to go to the hospital he was training at and he was going to do an ultrasound on me. He was agreeable to that (although he had only done one ultrasound...he's more on the reading the ultrasound side) and so we went. When we went, he had trouble finding the baby and choked it up to user error. We were able to see the head, and in retrospect, it was really low. The baby was already in my vaginal canal. This was at 8 pm or so.
At 9:15, I felt like I had to have a bowel movement, so I went to the bathroom. I had some bloody drainage (nothing that was out of the ordinary from the bloody drainage I had had for the three previous weeks) and when I wiped it away, I saw a foot. We called the MD on call and he told us that we could stay at home if we wanted, although he reminded us of reasons to definitely come into the ER, and allow the baby to pass naturally. We opted for that...
15 minutes later, there were 2 feet coming out and we could see knees. Watching them come out slowly was incredibly traumatic. Incredibly traumatic.
I ended up getting into the bathtub, because I couldn't bear to sit on the toilet any longer. About 30 minutes later, I passed the baby. A baby boy. 10 fingers. 10 toes. Nothing abnormal about him. The cord was still attached to me, so the baby was hanging from me.
About 15 minutes after that, a huge chunk of the placenta came out, but the baby was still attached to me. At 11:30 pm, we were worried that the other half of the placenta was stuck or something. We didn't want to wait in the bathtub much longer. It was getting to be too much for us to have me in the bathtub with bloody water with our baby boy floating around in there, not letting go. We called the MD back and he told us we could cut the cord, and the placenta would eventually come out. So we cut the cord with some surgical scissors we had at home. We wrapped the baby in a towel and put him in a ziplock bag and placed him in the fridge for the time being.
I took a shower and about an hour and a half later, a chunk of something came out, that we decided was part of the placenta and we tried to go to sleep. I was completely unable to sleep and stayed up the whole time.
The next day, we went to the doctor and they were unable to give us an explanation (which we expected). She checked us, and said that my cervix was closed and so assumed that everything had gotten out....although there was a real possibility that it didn't and to be aware of those signs.
On Saturday night, I started having major major cramping. Worse than when I was having the baby on Thursday. I was having contractions (you could see my belly writhe) every 4-6 minutes. I got back into the bathtub, took a percocet I had left over from my c-section a year ago, and started wondering what was going on. I ended up passing a huge chunk of something, that we assumed was the sac. About 2 hours of being in the bathtub again, I felt better and went to bed. I got up at 1:45 am to go to the bathroom and passed another huge something. And ever since then, I have felt like a different person. Much better. A huge improvement.
This was very sad and traumatic for both me and my husband. We were so excited to be pregnant again and so excited for our 15 month old son to have a sibling (and a baby brother at that). We are devastated and traumatized at what we did in our own home, although I must say that I am proud of myself.
We named our baby boy Simon Bradford. We buried him in our backyard on Sunday afternoon.
SAHM mom to 3 wonderful kids!
Dec 13th approximately 11wk4d
I've had a really strong feeling for the past few days that this baby isn't going to make it. Thinking back my symptoms have been getting better over the past two weeks and are basically gone now. My uterus hasn't grown since Nov 25th and even my milk supply is nearly back to normal. The last two or three days I've had tan/brown discharge when I wipe. Today I've felt my cervix stretching and had more definite brown discharge this morning. This evening I lost my mucus plug after a bowel movement. It was the same as it was with my labors, a glob of stretchy and gelatinous goo streaked with blood (brown this time instead of pink or clear as with my labors). I've had some odd pains in the side of my uterus where I believe the baby implanted, but nothing terrible. Still no cramps or red blood, but I have been DOG TIRED and a little sick feeling all day.
Afternoon: My uterus measured 8 cm this morning, it was 10cm nearly three weeks ago, I can hardly feel it anymore. I had cramps last night I couldn't tell where they were coming from, bowels or uterus. Had a loose stool this morning, I always get diarrhea before labor. I went pee this afternoon and when I wiped there was red blood that immediately became enough to nearly soak a pad. It really hit me when I saw the red blood, I cried momentarily when I told Brian I was going to need a garbage can in the bathroom.
Evening: Things slowed back down bleeding wise but I feel like my hormones are crashing. I get hot all of the sudden, almost sweating, I'm getting headaches and getting dizzy, then I'll feel fine. I feel a weight in my lower abdomen. I keep thinking I need to go to the bathroom but nothing comes of it. My cervix feels stretched, like after you give birth. The blood smells just like lochia and is watery/slimy too. Still no cramps.
Today started off with just some brown spotting but it turned to dark red blood, enough to get on a pad. When I got up to make dinner I had mild cramps and my back, butt and vuvla got really sore, the bleeing picked up a little. I feel like I'm on my period but not as much blood. Still measuring 8cm, I should be 12wks tomorrow.
Today started the same but by this evening my bleeding has become bright red and like a light period. I can push out blood while on the toilet and every time I sit down to pee a little bit drips out on it's own. Still a little sore but not as bad as yesterday and still no cramps. I got my floradix and chlorophyll today so I'll be taking those for the next few weeks. I actually realized today that there probably will be a baby; like there is probably a baby inside of me that is going to come out......a dead baby..... and I will see it...... and have to do something with it. I was in denial of that before, trying to figure it out now.
Today started uneventful. A little red blood last night. I was sore in my pelvic area during breakfast. I started having very mild cramps around 11am. Soon after I sat down to pee and a contraction hit. It felt just like early labor. I sat there and it got worse, quickly feeling like active labor. I had to moan and breathe through them. I labored over a colander and chux pad in my living room most of the time from 11:30 to 3:00 when I finally passed the placenta with a sac the size of a large globe grape on it. The sac was empty. The placenta was way too big and in pieces. I passed big clots and parts of placenta the whole time but when the sac came out I instantly felt 100% better. I'd been in laborland, it was very weird knowing there would be no baby at the end of it.
Placenta with sac before I opened it, the sac is between my thumbs, the placenta is baby side up in my hand and it's torn: http:[email protected]/ooN763
This is the maternal side where the placenta was attached to my uterus:
Sac opened, empty :http:[email protected]/605183
Clots and placenta on a chux: http:[email protected]/G3D5C7
Clots in colander: http:[email protected]/245Pa0
Blood on chux, there was more in the tub and toilet: http:[email protected]/9A5FKX
I passed four liquid ounces of clots and placenta. I only really bled when I pushed after a contraction. Lots of blood ended up in the toilet too, I was there with the colander under me for the first 30 minutes at least. A few times I got real weak and warm and felt like I was going to sleep, I just prayed through it. I don't know how much blood I lost but I feel tired and weak and have a headache. Med-heavy period bleeding now. I hope these help someone.
I'll update as things happen from now on out, hopefully it will be uneventful.
7wk Update: I suffered from low progesterone and a pretty severe estrogen dominance for the first month after my m/c. I had a very fast heartbeat and splitting headache that landed me in the ER misdiagnosed with postpartum thyroiditis. After a couple of weeks on the medication to control my heartrate I got some wonderful advice about estrogen dominance and I took myself off of the meds and switched to progesterone cream. My symptoms went away entirely and I quickly got to where I did not need the cream.
I bled for 1 week after the m/c and ovulated one week after the bleeding stopped. My luteal phase was only 7 days long b/c of the low progesterone but I ovulated two weeks later and apparently conceived because I just found out that I am pregnant. I'm using the progesterone cream again to help make sure this babe makes it. I sure hope I do not have to come back and add another m/c story.
Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow.
November I found out we were unexpectedly expecting babe #5. I wanted to have this one unassisted. My others were totally over medicalized and I was just done with the interventionalism. As I started preparing myself for an unassisted pregnancy, I noticed a loss of my symptoms. I felt rather panicky about this and obsessed over it for about two weeks. It was like I woke up one day and I just didn't feel pregnant anymore. I finally decided to just trust my body to do what it needed to.
On Dec. 18 I had my first spotting episode. After I had went to the bathroom I noticed the tp was pink when I wiped. I was devastated. I felt this was a rather bad omen. I tried to convince myself otherwise but this on top of the loss of symptoms.. just seemed bad.
I woke up Dec. 19 and the spotting seemed to have subsided. It had turned brown and I tried to have a more positive outlook about it. That evening it turned reddish though and I was very disheartened by it's appearance at all.
Dec. 20, we had my family holiday dinner. I still had some brownish spotting off and on, I was really trying to hope for the best. I was trying to count the positives.. I could feel my uterus over the top of my pelvic bone but it hadn't seemed to grow in a few weeks but I could still feel it was my mentality. That night I had my first actual bleeding episode. It was right before we left to come home and I told my husband I think this is it. I cried the whole drive home.
Dec. 21, the bleeding didn't seem to get any worse and I wasn't cramping. In fact, I was actually feeling a little more promising today. I woke up the spotting seemed to have subsided and I thought maybe it's just something placental... should work itself out. I had meditated I think the night before and asked for something. The answer was to wait (I had been feeling rather uncertain overall and just wanted some sort of answer). So wait I did. That night somewhere between 6 and 8pm I had another episode of bleeding. It startled me but I was aiming to think positives.
Dec. 22, I woke up and the bleeding had slowed to just old stuff again. I made the connection that it seemed I bled at night, usually only one episode so I really started to believe that it was something placental. I tried to go about my day and rest as much as I could. I noticed that I started bleeding earlier this day than the others and that totally blew my theory out of the water. Still thinking in the positives I thought.. eh.. there's some more bleeding. Trying not to worry.
Dec. 23, I was not feeling good from the moment my eyes opened that morning. We had our homeschool fun club group that afternoon and I was debating even going that's how horrible I felt. It was our Holiday thing and I had baked 8 dozen cookies for the cookie swap so I figured I should just go. Numerous people noticed how off I looked... but after being there for a bit I was able to relax a little. I left feeling a little better. The drive home I noticed I felt kind of crampy.. it felt like I had to go to the bathroom really bad. So when I got home that is where I ran. I noticed that this time when I wiped there was some bits of tissue and clots. I just knew.. that wasn't good and I started saying my goodbyes. I took a nap with my daughter and felt this terrible discomfort in my butt. It was like a cramp and pressure in my tail bone. Every time I went to the bathroom after that there was a definite increase in bleeding. It was now constant but light.
Dec. 24, I woke up weepy and emotional. I hated the holidays and I hated that we had to go to my mil's. I just wanted to stay home. I told my husband that I was most definitely miscarrying and I don't think he really believed me still. I told him that I did NOT want to do this away from home. That if I told him it was time to go... we had to go.
I didn't have much of an appetite at all the past few days but as soon as we got to MILs I was ravenous. She had deviled eggs, chicken strips with dipping sauce and little deli sandwiches. I think the protein overload kicked things into gear for me. Pretty much as soon as I stopped eating the cramping started. I could feel the waves of pain.. at first it was just uncomfortable. We moved on to gift exchanging and things really picked up for me. I told my husband that I really was not well and that we would have to go rather quickly after presents. The contractions picked up and I started to feel really antsy. I just wanted to leave but knew it would be rude. I was starting to feel more stuff coming out of me but it wasn't a lot yet. I thought I might still have some time. I finally got the message through to my husband that we really needed to leave NOW. I stood up and the first gush hit me.. I felt big clumps coming out. I made it out to the kitchen to grab my bag to switch out pads. I sat on the toilet and it just started to pour out of me, lots of blood and clots. I wasn't worried because I knew it was within the realm of normal after reading all of your stories and seeing Krista's pictures. In a weird way I felt like all of you were with me. I was kind of weepy and emotional at this point.. I didn't want to do this at my mil's, I just wanted to go home.
My husband was still getting stuff and kids out in the car and I finally told my mil what was happening. She suggested I go to the doctor.. to which I adamantly refused. I did NOT want to be poked, prodded and be treated like a piece of meat. I just wanted to trust in myself. I started to feel better as soon as I sat in the car... on the drive home I had to vocalize and breathe through contractions. My husband was holding my hand and I could see he was really quite worried about me. I looked over at him between contractions, smiled and said I was ok.
We made it home just in time for me to stand up and flood out my pad/pants. I ran into the bathroom and stripped as quickly as I could. There was blood everywhere at this point. I sat on the toilet and more blood and clots came out. I toilet dived for each one because I just had to have the placenta.. I didn't want to flush that. Things intensified and slowed and intensified and slowed.. finally I was able to clean myself up a bit and step away from the toilet. There was so much blood everywhere... I was ravenous again. Thank goodness mil gave us some little deli sandwiches, I ate two of those and drank a bottle of water. I felt this immense relief.. and felt like I had tons of energy, overall I felt like my old self which I know sounds a bit strange. I realized that my babies did not have any christmas presents and felt like a terrible mother. I knew I wasn't done with the process but I was confident that things had slowed enough that I could risk a trip out to the store to get the kids some presents. I had this feeling of empowerment which is so weird to explain.. I knew I was supposed to feel devastated and I did in many ways but my body did what it needed to in it's own time. I feel like this was meant to be... Anyway.. I went shopping for about an hour for the kids. Came home and had to use the bathroom again. I sat down on the toilet and felt this movement and plop! out the placenta came. I knew right away.. I picked it up and checked it out. The baby was so very small yet... I'm thinking maybe 5 or 6 weeks, pretty much totally in line with the time I lost my symptoms. I should have been around 9 weeks pregnant.. but I could tell that the baby had stopped developing very early on. I was fascinated that my body grew that and expelled it. I checked the placenta over and over, the gestational sac. I found it all fascinating and was very at peace with the process. At peace with my decision to wait.
Dec. 25, I had some wicked after pains... wicked bad. They made it rather uncomfortable to sit or lay down comfortably but I felt great when I was standing or walking around. My bleeding was no worse than a period. I wasn't losing a ton of clots or tissue anymore.
Dec. 26, My bleeding was still about the rate of a period, nothing excessive. I had no pains today at all. I still feel great. I have a huge appetite.. I feel like I haven't eaten in days. I have lots of energy and I'm already trying to catch up on things that have been put off around the house.
Dec. 27, bleeding has slowed some. I would say about medium flow of a period... I feel like I'm gearing up to ovulate which seems strange right after a miscarriage. No cramping today, less tissue and clots overall. I still have decent energy. I feel pretty good overall. Still at peace with how things progressed though I have some major baby fever... and pregnancy lust.
Dec. 28, bleeding has really slowed... at one point I thought I might be done. I napped with my daughter this afternoon and when i woke up I had some nasty cramps again. I knew something was going on because I had not really had cramps since Christmas day. I could actually feel/sense a bit of something placenta/tissue/something hanging out near my cervix. Every time I went to the bathroom I tried to bear down to help things along. I'm not sure if you're supposed to do that but it seemed right at the time. After about an hour or so it finally came loose and my bleeding really slowed.
Dec. 29, I'm barely spotting today. I have moments where there's stuff coming out but they are few and far between. Hopefully this means things are settling down and I can start cycling again real soon. I feel like I'm already gearing up to ovulate which seems odd... and I have some pms-y type mood swings going on the past few days.
Nic, loving mama to 5 with a SURPRISE 6th on the way.
I know what you mean about feeling everyone there. I remember in the middle of my m/c I started crying looking at my kids and told my husband "there are women that have done this four or five times and never had a living baby, but they keep trying, I can do this" it motivated me so much and I felt like I was supported by all these women that I didn't even know, women that had far more strength than me.
It's interesting to read another UP'ers story. I didn't notice any others in the thread and I wondered before the m/c if other up'ers had the same symptoms as me with their m/c's. It really seems that you did. I am glad my pictures helped you and I hope that you get a happy healthy pregnancy with an awesome UP/UC very soon
Krista; blessed mother to four earthly beings and three non-physical. Basking in my beautiful rainbow.
I experienced my first m/c at 5w6d on 12/29. I'm still processing it all and will be back to share the details. For now though, I am parking my spot in this thread.
My mom brought me her heating pad and it has been immensely helpful in easing the cramping feeling and just helping me get warm. I've been freezing cold ever since the miscarriage.
Right now, that's all I can post. The past few days, I've had such a range of emotions, from telling myself it's ok to feel sad, to telling myself to "get back in the game and get going again." Certainly, it feels like most of the rest of the world wants me to get going again but I'm just not there yet. My family has been wonderful support but the rest of the world has just gone on when I wish it would stop with me for a few moments so I can catch my breath.
I'm just sad, thinking of the future this baby won't have in our family and the little brother or sister my girls won't ever know.
Becky, wahm, married to S, 2 daughters, 9/2003 and 7/2008 and 1 miscarriage 1/10. #3 in 2/11 and expecting surprise! #4 3/2013.
At the hospital I was to meet with my doctor, whom never showed up. We were told if I was leaking fluid I had to wait to m/c or have it hurried along ( I forgot the word). I wanted to go home and see if it would all stop with bedrest, but they said no. I was getting a fever which meant another infection and I was leaking fluid. We saw the baby and it looked perfect.It was hanging on. We didn't find out it's sex until it was born. I know I started cramping and was given medication for the pain. Then I was told to start pushing. I didn't care to even try. I did a little bit and just gave up and asked " what for?" The pretty much had to pull him out. Yes, we had a son. He fit perfectly in my hand, very small and fragile. You could see his little heart humping away in his chest and trying to breathe. He was so small, yet looked like his dad. We kept him with us until his heart stopped beating. The hospital did nothing to try to save him. They said he was too small and under weight to even try. It was very hard to have him taken away from our room. It was very hard to have this happen again. My husband at the time and I were never the same and we divorced 3 years later.
I now have 2 beautiful babies with my new DH, both high risk pregnancies. My DD born 7 years after my lossing my DS and when she was 7 months old we found out we were expecting baby #2 our DS. I was on bedrest for abour 4 months for both pregnancies. They finally found out I suffered from an incompetent cervix and had a cerclage placed at 12 weeks for both pregnancies and progesterone shots weekly. It worked!
DD 4/8/2008 DS 8/12/2009 & 2 angel babies
December 4th, we visited my midwife friend, and she offered to let us hear our baby's heartbeat with her dopplar. I was twelve weeks, and she couldn't find anything. The next week, I had some light spotting. I called Debbie to make sure this wasn't anything to be concerned about, but she was concerned and arranged for her niece in Memphis to get us a sonogram on Saturday the 12th. I knew that Thursday night we had lost the baby. I was passing some clots and bleeding only a little, but we tried to be hopeful until we knew for sure. The sonogram revealed that the baby had grown to 6wks and there was no heartbeat. And then we waited. It was a week from the time I started spotting to when I went into labor.
We got home Wednesday night from church, and I was feeling kind of icky - cramps and backaches. Around 9pm, the pains really started intensifying. I got a hot pad, and that helped a little while. I tried to change positions and sway my hips, but for the two hours of hard labor, only at the very end were there noticeable breaks between the contractions...the rest of it seemed unrelenting. I labored on the toilet some, but my legs got to feeling numb and shaky, and I wasn't sure if things were going the way they ought, so we called Debbie. She told me to take some tylenol, get in the tub, and give it another hour. I had to get off the phone to throw up.
The tub and tylenol helped. I writhed around with the pain in the tub, and came away with some bruises on my back, but otherwise the water helped ease my nerves some. I could barely speak during that last hour, I remember mumbling and praying and having to work at speaking clearly to my husband. I passed several fairly large mucus membranes and bled a fair amount. And then it stopped. Right when the last contraction was finished, Debbie called to check on us, and I was feeling better immediately. She told me when I could take some more tylenol - which I didn't need - and to be sure and drink the red raspberry leaf tea. After the call, I was able to stand and shower off and crawl into bed. When I got up the next morning, I went to the bathroom and while I was sitting there, I felt a little 'plop' and there was my baby. It didn't hurt at all. I looked at it a little while and from the size, seemed to have grown to 10-11 weeks (which leaves me wondering about the sonogram).
I tried to stay in bed the entire next day and tried to take it easy.
It's been four and a half weeks since I miscarried. We're still grieving and struggling through some hard days, but my first period since the loss came today, and we're hopeful for better days ahead.
After waiting so long to be able to get pregnant it was quite a surprise when I was pregnant the first try. We were almost in shock. Yvonne made me take two tests and really didn’t believe me until after the blood test when I was about 6 weeks. I had scheduled with the midwife for my first appointment in early December but wanted the blood work done prior to the appointment. I don’t know something just didn’t feel right. The blood work came back great Beta was nice and high and all of the other blood work was normal. Things continued to progress but I felt different, never really voicing my concern to my partner just chalking it up to “every pregnancy is different”. The month of December was so busy and I was terrible tired and kind of moody, again pregnancy, right? We told all of our families at Christmas time, I had started to feel better, still nauseated and tired but better.
But that all ended on 1/9/10. This was the day from hell… Man was I all over the place. Angry/tearful/frustrated you name it. I actually went to the store by myself, something that I would never do on a weekend, just to get away. We got together with friends of ours later in the evening. I made dinner and noticed later in the evening that my back was killing me. I have some back issues and if I over do it I can really feel it, but I couldn’t think of anything that I did to make my back feel that bad. We stayed until about 11:30pm and I just needed to go home. The whole evening every time I turned around I needed to pee. So by the time we had made the 1 mile drive home I had to pee again. Yvonne beat me to the bathroom so I helped Holden get into his Pj’s and then my water broke. Part of me didn’t believe it. I thought that I had pee’d myself. When I sat down on the toilet I found my mucus plug. I knew that it wasn’t good, but no blood when I wiped. Yvonne finished getting Holden ready for bed and I went to bed. Yvonne asked if she should call the midwife and I said no. About 15 minutes later I had some bad cramping and I needed to go to the bathroom and it started. So much blood and clots… the whole toilet was red. Yvonne called the midwife and she arrived at 1am. She stated that it could be two things, a miscarriage or a sub chorionic bleed. With out an ultrasound she wouldn’t be able to tell. I spent most of my time back and forth to the bathroom. I would feel like I needed to pee and then I would pass clots on the toilet. The midwife asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said that I would wait until the morning and see how I felt. I didn’t want to wake Holden up and ask his dad to watch him.
So I spent the night in my “birth place” some where between consciousness and not. Sometime between 3am and 6am I remember feeling more at peace and a name came to me, Monarch Rain. This would not normally be a name that we would name our children, not a name that we had been talking about. This name came from her…
At 6am I went to the bathroom and when I got up I remember almost falling to the floor. I was so dizzy and I got really scared. I went into the bedroom and woke Yvonne up and told her that I needed to go to the hospital. She called the midwife and Holden’s dad and we were off to the hospital. They got up set up in a room at about 7am. We waited, and we waited and we waited. Finally at about 9am they came and did the ultrasound. The tech informed us that she was not able to tell us anything while she was doing the scan. We were able to see the scan and we could see nothing and at 11 weeks we knew that we should see something. Yvonne and I cried as the tech left the room. We had some time to our selves and we talked. I was still cramping on and off and felt like I had to go to the bathroom. I was still really bleeding. They came in and took blood and it took the techs 3 tries and a lot of pain to get the blood and then we waited… It took forever for the beta to come back. The OB finally came in around 10:45 and confirmed that I was miscarrying and that the ultrasound confirmed that there was no baby and no sac at this time. The OB did not feel that it was a chemical or molar pregnancy just that I had passed the baby already. He stated that he did not feel that I needed a D & E because there was not much tissue remaining and that what was remaining I would pass naturally. We were released shortly without Discharge instructions just an unhelpful folder about miscarriages. I asked a number of times if I needed anything else but they said we were okay to go. We went home and picked up our dear little boy. We cuddled and napped for a few hours. I continued to bleed and pass clots until about 8:30pm. At this time we were getting ready for bed. I nursed Holden to sleep as I normally do and it really caused the contractions to increase. I remember stating to Yvonne that I don’t think that I can take this anymore and I went to the bathroom. I passed the largest clot/tissue that I had and I remember feeling great relief. Almost confirmation that it was over…
The next few days were a blur, calling family, making arrangements to be off a week, and telling people that we had just given the great news to. Wednesday would have been 12 weeks and was the hardest day; I think that I spent most of it sobbing. I bled/spotted for 7 days and have had terrible headaches and dizzy spells that the Dr has stated are probably from my hormones trying to get back to normal and the amount of blood that I lost.
Today is 10 days after my miscarriage and I would have entered my 13 week/ second trimester. It is hard to believe that I will not have a baby to hold and love in July…
We love you Monarch Rain.
S & Y
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and 3 DS... H (8) and K (4) and Mr Impatient S (33 weeker born in July 15)!
Thanks so much for this thread. I started a miscarriage yesterday and without this thread would have been really frightened last night. Here is my story as it progresses:
I wiped and saw a small amount of bright red blood at 2pm yesterday. I went home to rest and the bleeding increased slightly every time I went to the bathroom. At one point around 10pm it did decrease slightly.
I woke around 12am with what I can only describe as transition. I was weak, shaky, dizzy and nauseous. I had a weird type cramping and strong poop pains. I alternated from the toilet to the bath felling really bad. I had a loosening on the bowels and passed something larger than before. I didn't see it because it was mixed with the BM in the toilet and I was feeling too physically bad to deal with it. I nearly fainted (which I had felt for my last birth). After a few minutes in bed I got back in the tub and then started to feel much better. I bled a bit that night but haven't had much in the way of cramping since. I hope it's over.
I spoke to my MW today. Even though I only saw her for the consult she was really sweet and helpful. She said I didn't need an exam or anything and I reminded her that I am Rh-. She offered me the shot at her house this weekend. I would prefer not to pay out of pocket for Rogham because it is medically mainstream but my MW doesn't think I can 'just' get Rogham without an ultrasound and blood work, which is annoying.
No more strong cramping and relatively light bleeding today. All and all it was less than 24 hours for which I am grateful.
Today we're calling all the people we had told, which is hard.
My one piece of advice: EAT!! I did not feel like eating but now knowing that a miscarriage at 11 weeks is like a mini, mini-labor I would have eaten a light meal and had some juice.
Troll? Here's me...
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7.5 week apt us showed baby 2 weeks too small with slow heartbeat
8.5 week apt us showed no heartbeat
decided to let it happen naturally as Ive had 4 previous early losses with no waiting period, including one just months before- figured my body knew how to expel a baby
10.5 weeks -nothing has happened. Decide to get a d+c. husband wants to be there so we schedule for the next week when he has off.
11 weeks- light brown mucousy discharge. finally!
11.1- very light brown discharge throughout day, turning more pinkish towards night. call and tell nurse, she says keep the pre- apt to see how far Ive gotten.- sort of feel like its a race against the clock.
dull cramping through the night
11.2 weeks- morning discharge has turned to bright red
10:00 feel fine, about to tackle a cleaning project, then feel something coming down and out. run up to toilet and with a cramp I feel and hear much solid material forcibly land in toilet. 2 more of those right away and Im convinced the entire contents of my uterus are in the toilet. I flush.
I get up feel fine and slightly triumphant and tell dh I think thats it. I fold laundry.
30 min. later another contraction sends me to toilet- this time I catch handfuls of whats coming out and it is large 3x2 inches and smaller chunks of reddish purple gelatinous tissue. it looks like the liver or kidney when you clean out a chicken.
dont feel as great after that round, but get back to folding. dh convinces me to lie down. he takes kids on errands.
I think these bouts are all 30 min. to an hour apart
I drink 1/2 cup of veg. broth
after they leave the next bout is the same with the contraction expelling handfuls of this material. but this time I feel like Im going to throw up. Then my ears get hot and I feel like Im going to faint. I lie down on the bathroom floor. after I make sure Im not going to faint I make it back to bed. an hour? later the same thing. now Im getting nervous that I might pass out and and start bleeding too much and Im all alone.
I make it back to bed with a cool rag, the family returns, dh gives me a capful of floradix and a cup of acai juice and tells me to drink water. he brings me a snack of cheese and crackers.
The iron and juice and snack make me feel SO much better.
the next session expels about 1 handful of the material. I feel like Im over the hump.
by 3:30 I know the worse is behind me. So 10:30- 3:30 is most of it.
I stayed in bed quietly till 5:30, the trips to the bathroom generating less each time. I went outside and sat in the sun for 20 min. ( I feel better when I have sun on my skin then I lie down on the loveseat in the shade on the deck, I still feel faint when I sit/ stand up.
at 6:30 I sit and the table with fam for dinner and eat everything. food makes me feel so much better.
In bed for the night Im still feeling cramping but its just red blood and not too much to make me nervous. cramping stops in the night.
11.3 blood that has collected in the night drips into toilet, not too much. no more contractions. feel slightly weak but generally fine. trips to toilet let some blood gloop out, some on pad- not too much. slight headache
so thats it for now, Im keeping my apt for tomorrow just to confirm everythings out which it must be!
not bad -pretty quick and efficient once it started.
the iron and food and drink were important. I should have eaten earlier.
update: oh my gosh, totally shocking us apt. I was expecting that all was clear after the amt of material that came out of me- but guess what ? the gestational sac and more is yet to come. I am shocked. So I started the methergine tablets prescribed this morning and am still waiting for more contractions and more everything. I was very disappointed, and am back in the waiting game bizarrely after saturdays experience.
methergine dindnt work, prescribed misoprostol. 1st course nothing- no cramps nothing. called for more and took it, nothing until next morning slight discharge with texture. ultrasound next day showed sac gone, still bleeding and some material. 2 weeks later still light but constant bleeding.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I'm not sure how mine will progress, but I take comfort in knowing how strong all of you are.
I am 12 weeks today and I found out 10 days ago that my dear baby had died around 9 weeks. DH and I had gone to our OB for our first US and prenatal appt and we were so happy to see our new little one when we got there. The funny thing is that I was very nervous when we left the house for some reason. This is my second pregnancy, and other than newbie jitters, I was never nervous in a bad way with my DS. This morning just felt different. My fears were confirmed when the US tech got very quiet. When I looked at the screen, I could see the fetus and it was completely still. I asked the tech if it was normal for the baby to not be moving and she was quite short in her response, telling me that happened sometimes and the doctor would talk to us about the pictures. She didn't offer any information, nor did she give us any printed pictures. Odd! I was freaking out by now and I just wanted the doc to tell me my baby was ok.
When my doc came into the room, she immediately said there was a problem with the US and that the tech was unable to find a heartbeat. Also, the fetus was measuring almost two weeks smaller than it should have. She gave me some stats on the frequency of mc and said that it was probably just bad luck, not an indication of any major problem with me. The baby was probably incapable of surviving outside of the womb for some reason and this was nature's way of solving a horrible issue. Not helpful!
I was in shock! I starting crying immediately and the rest of the appointment was just a blur. My OB is very pro natural birth, as are DH and me, so she counseled me to let my body do what it's designed to do and have the mc naturally.
So now I am waiting, waiting, waiting for things to run their course. I am so devastated by the loss of my dear little one. This pregnancy was unexpected, but DH and I were so, so happy to be parents again and for our 13 month old DS to be a big brother. Although I want to mc naturally, I am so terrified of how long I am going to have to wait. Every once in a while I think I should just go ahead and schedule a d&c. It totally goes against my belief that birth is a natural process, but I really need closure.
Anyway...thanks so much to all of you brave, strong women who have shared your stories. I will post updates as I go along this journey.
I found out on July 16, 2010 by a home urine pregnancy test that I was expecting. I had not been feeling good for about two weeks prior and was thinking that I should get a test. I have been on birth control for over 6 years to help regulate my cycle, and never missed any pills, so I was shocked to see the positive! My bf and I were scared and excited all at the same time. I called a local clinic to get a free test and ultrasound and set it up for July 26th. I mark all of my menstrual cycles down so I was putting myself at 8 weeks, 4 days on the day of my appointment. We went in there that day expecting to have all of this work done and set up with who I would be seeing for my pregnancy care. When I got the ultrasound done, they first did a transabominal one. The tech could not see very well so she thought I was not as far along as I thought. Next came the vaginal ultrasound. She proceeded to tell me that I have a retroverted uterus so it is pointing more towards my back. I got a rush of excitement when I saw my little peanut on the screen. I said "Is that it?!" And with these words, I knew something was wrong. She said "I think it is, but I am not sure" The crown rump was measuring only 6 weeks, 1 day and she could not find a heartbeat. She also said that she saw what she thought were remnants of a yolk sac. She was concerned so she wanted to set up an appointment for me at a local OBGYN. I got scheduled for the next day, which happened to be my 22nd birthday (BIG MISTAKE) Before I left the office, she gave me papers on miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy. I was at a loss for what I had done for this to have happened.
Going home that evening, my bf and I sat and poured over articles on the internet. Some gave us hope (having the retroverted uterus can sometimes prove tricky on finding a heartbeat and determining size) and others completely crushed me. I went in the next day with some hope, but a very heavy heart. I was examined and the doctor looked over the previous days u/s pictures. She then told me that I should expect a miscarriage. I started crying immediately. They also gave me another u/s to see if they could detect a heartbeat. There was nothing and they even put "color" on it and showed that there was no blood flow to the placenta. She gave me three options - schedule a D & C, take medication to induce, or go the natural route. I needed some time to think things through, all the while still holding onto hope that they were wrong. We went home and I was an emotional wreck for the next two days. Anything would set me off into a crying fit. I finally decided that I wanted to do it naturally as it being my first pregnancy.
Flash forward to the middle of August. I still had not had any symptoms of an impending miscarriage so I called to see if I could get another u/s to see if my peanut had grown at all. They agreed and I scheduled for August 25th. Two days before my date, I started cramping and had some light spotting. I knew what was happening immediately due to all of the research I have been doing (it's been pretty much non stop since I found out I was told I would have a m/c) I am now only five days into the process. The bleeding has been coming and going, with small clots here and there. I know I have not completely evacuated everything so harder days are to come. In retrospect, I would've gotten the D & C just so the process would've been faster and not drawn out for over a month like it has been. I would be 12 weeks, 1 day today if this had been a viable pregnancy. This has been the hardest situation I have had to deal with my entire life, but to know each and every one of you has been through the same thing, if not worse, I know that I will overcome this. Thank you for all the support and I wish the best of luck to all of you!
My first prenatal appointment was scheduled when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I had already given birth to three full-term and postdate children and never experienced a miscarriage. This pregnancy was a surprise. All along, I kept trying to figure out WHEN we conceived, because it just seemed like we dtd way late in my cycle, but maybe I was forgetting. I was nervous because I wasn't sick, although I was exhausted. Caffeine was a real trial for me and I continue to have my cup-a-day. My youngest had a congenital heart defect, and everything I did that wasn't 100% healthy made me think I was going to screw up this baby somehow. My son only has one kidney too.
That morning I had some brown spotting. DH snapped that I wasn't helping much and I replied that I wasn't helping because I might be having a miscarriage, though I didn't really believe myself. The spotting had stopped by the time we went for the appointment. I had the full appoinmtment and physical exam as it was a new midwife. I mentioned the spotting, but said I wasn't super concerned because it had stopped. She said there was a little blood and decided to schedule an ultrasound right then.
DH and the kids went out to the car while I went for my ultrasound. I have a retroverted uterus and the tech ended up doing an trans vaginal ultrasound where she could only see a sac measuring 5 weeks and no fetus. I went to get my blood drawn and when I went to pee in the cup, there was lots more red blood. I went back to my midwife's office and told her I thought I was having a miscarriage. She agreed that it was likely, ordered a quantitative HCG test, gave me a Rhogam shot, and told me to come back in 2 days for another quant HCG.
The bleeding continued through the rest of the day and stopped overnight. It started back up the next day. I spent the day reading this thread. Throughout the day I passed many clots and that afternoon I got into the shower for the second time. I squatted down and could feel some tissue at the opening of my vagina. I pinched it lightly and beared down three times, pushing it out a little each time with some traction. After the third "push" it came out. It was just like a little placenta, tissue-like, and there was no baby that I could find. I called DH to get me a baggy and put it in the freezer because I felt like I would pass out if I tried to look at it any longer.
My HCG levels dropped from 9000 to 2000 in 2 days. 5 days later, or CD5 and the bleeding has almost stopped. I am comforted by the fact that the baby never developed. It never had a beating heart. So I feel like I lost a pregnancy and not a baby.
Mama to DD1-4y DS-3y DD2-21m
Missing 9/1/10 @ 15 weeks, and 2/14/11 @ 13 weeks
I went in for an ultrasound Friday morning. The embryo was still in its sac in the uterus. However, the doctor said the baby was only 5.5 weeks along and she questioned the dates of my last period -- but I'd tracked everything carefully because I took the fertility drug Clomid, so I know my dates were accurate. I guess the baby just stopped growing.
Saturday I began passing black clots about the size of a dime. Today, the bleeding has picked up and I'm going through a pad an hour. Every time I sit on the toilet I pass a gob of dark red gelatinous tissue the size of a silver dollar and lots of bright red blood. I fish out the globs with a slotted spoon to inspect them because the nurse said the embryonic sac would contain grayish, more solid tissue. Haven't seen that yet. I have cramps of varying intensities. Sometimes they last for hours and then suddenly will stop and I realize I'm pain-free.
I've been calling in sick to work and just lying around, reading, going to the bathroom and wiping the blood away. I wish the process would speed up so it would be over and done with and I could move on. I've done my grieving.
Sarah, mother to Eloïse (5/2005), Lucas (3/2008) and Ilias (7/2011), and due with #4 (March 1, 2014)
Some back story.
Oct 29th. Started vit c and parsley at 4pm
30th. Still vit c and parsley.
31st. Last day of vit c and parsley. Finished at 4pm. Had just the faintest bit of spotting on the leaves.
1st. Spotting the tiniest bit when I checked cervix. Just pink.
2nd. Spotting more noticable when I check cervix. Darker red.
3rd. Had some bright red spotting after a walk, which made it out on it's own.
4th. Dark brown, almost black blood coming out all day.
5th. Woke up to brown blood. Enough to change the colour of the toilet water.
Later went shopping for a long time and had lots of red blood after. Clotty bits like when I miscarried before.
More red blood after a BM.
Today, the 6th.
I'd been having some mild cramps last night and today. Around 3 o'clock William woke up from an extremely short nap. I figured I'd nurse him and try put him back down. He nursed forever. One side, then the other, then the other again! The stimulation caused the cramping to become more uncomfortable. I put William back down and went back downstairs. That's when I felt a gush of blood. I didn't get too excited because it had been so off and on this whole time I'd learned my lesson. But the gushes kept coming. William woke up again so I went upstairs and woke Tyler to make him get William, and I got into the tub with just a little water and passed some clots.
After that I milled around for a while, the cramps weren't letting up. DH and I decided we REALLY needed some groceries so we ran out super quick and got that done. I was pretty uncomfortable the whole time and worried I'd pass the baby in the grocery store. But we made it home and I immediate jumped into the tub again and passed a bunch more clots. Then I came down and we had some leftovers for dinner. By this point the cramps felt a lot like contractions, coming and going very steadily, and stopping me in my tracks. Right after dinner I told Tyler I was just going to lay down on the couch for a second. The cramps were coming hard and fast and I was debating taking some pain meds becuase I thought it would be several hours of this. I took my temp because I was feeling weird and shakey, but it was fine.
Finally I decided I better get in the tub and prepare to pass some massive clots. I leaned over to start the water and a huge gush of blood came out so I quickly hopped into the tub and as soon as I went to sit down, plop. Out came the sac. I was shocked because I really thought it would be a while yet. And I was amazed how I felt completely 100% better after it passed. I called Tyler up and he came and looked with me. We were both amazed. We could move the sac around and see the baby floating around inside... I was suprised that everything was so fully in tact after all this time.
We put the sac in a cup with contact solution, since apparently that helps preserve it. :dunno: And Tyler went and put William to bed. I started feeling really weak again so I had some water and an orange and layed down. (Also some pain meds because the cramps were coming back.) I definately couldn't sleep though. After a little rest Dh and I broke the sac open and were able to take a really close look at the baby. It was so amazing. Little arms and legs. Little umbilical cord still attached to the sac, black dots for eyes and nose. Big old ears for such a small baby... Everything looked perfect. I just wish we knew what was wrong.
Probably tomorrow, after we get some more pictures and more time with the baby, we'll bury it in teh yard. I think we'll name the baby... but I have no idea what, yet. I still don't even have a hunch on the sex, so. Time will tell I guess.
This thread really helped me while I was waiting for miscarriage. I hope my story helps someone as well.
Apparently my story wasn't over! I woke up at 5 this morning to william crying. I went to nurse him and that got my cramps going again. I tried to ignore them and go to sleep but they just got worse and worse. Same intensity as before but no breaks in between! By 7 oclock or so I started thinking maybe I had an obstructed bowel because I'd been having trouble going lately, but not constipated... I was feeling weak and shakey just like before. Even a little sick this time. So I wen to the bathroom and just said screw it. Push as hard as you can... And then I felt something fall through the cervix. I stopped pushing, just out of shock. And then gave one more little push and a massive placenta fell out.
Tyler got up and helped me take some pictures of it. It's shape was weird... as if it went all teh way around my uterus... I put it in a bag of water. I'm going to call the hospital today for one last ditch effort to see if they can do tests on it. I'm keeping my baby though!
Anyways. After that I went back to bed, and my bed never felt so comfy. We slept in super late, even William, and I feel so good today. Mostly a huge sense of relief that it's over, it went well. I don't have to go in to the hospital or anything... I'm just happy.
Oh and I also wanted to say. I think it's simply incredible that the body can tell teh difference between pushing a baby out and pushing a placenta out. With teh baby it was like contractions. I got breaks in between. With the placenta it was one massive painful cramp until it was out. Just amazing...
Also. I think I see a birth defect in the baby, now that I compare with pics online. There seems to be no bottom jaw, and possibly a double cleft lip. I will post pics on a blog or osmething later today. So if anyone would like to see, I'm happy to share. I think it's amazing to see something we normally can't.
ETA. I've uploaded pics to a private album. If anyone would like to see I'd be happy to share the link.
I am also awaiting a miscarriage right now. My 4th loss. I hate the waiting. I should be about 10 weeks now but baby's heartbeat stopped sometime during the 6th week.
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