Something similar happened to my sister. I found this out after my own m/c with the blighted ovum.
She said for weeks and weeks she was bleeding off and on and said it was like a period that wouldn't stop. She is/was on the pill and her ob office tried to switch pills, etc but it wouldn't work.
Long story short, one day something plopped out and it was a walnut sized peice of tissue that she could not identify, but to me it sounded almost like a placenta or maybe a fetus that didn't quite form... Something odd. She said immediately after it came out she felt completely different and 100% better which is exactly how I felt.
The very upsetting part of this is that her ob office wasn't even interested in seeing it and dismissed the whole occurence. Really crappy, don't you think?
I believe we're blessed if we find a compassionate caregiver. They are really few and far between.
I'm glad everyone is finding comfort in this thread
Hugs to all of you mommas.
I am so glad for this forum. It has helped me heal over the last couple of days, knowing others are out there who have experienced the loss of a baby.
I don't have any friends or work colleagues who have suffered this type of loss (or they haven't said openly).
My husband and I conceived our first child in the first month of trying. We were naturally very happy when we discovered that I was pregnant on 25 September.
Things were going well until 5 October when I started to spot. My baby was 4 weeks along.
The doctor prescribed Provera which I took for the next week and sent me for an US the next morning.
The US showed approx 3 inch gestatinal sac which we were somewhat relieved.
On the afternoon of 6 October the spotting turned bright red and was slightly heavier with a couple of small clots.
My husband took me to the ER and that afternoon the doctor advised me that I was going through a miscarriage.
That night I experienced painful cramps and passed through some more small clots and what looked like a little 3 inch bubble.
It seemed like a normal period overnight, I even stained the bedsheet. Then in the morning I went back to spotting.
I returned to my GP the day after going to the ER and my GP sent me to undergo blood tests as he believed that there was a chance that I could still be pregnant. His theory was that maybe the baby had rolled down in the uterus and re-implanted itself as I was still in the early stages of pregnancy.
By the next Monday my doctor confirmed via blood tests that my pregnancy hormones had dropped and that I had indeed miscarried.
It has been a week since the miscarriage and three days since I stopped taking Provera.
I had yet to move from spotting. No one can tell me if this is normal. My doctor said that when my pregnancy hormones drop my period would start. I have called a nurse on a help line, she couldn't tell me.
I just want to have an actual period so that I can go through a cycle and try to conceive again.
Thank you for this opportunity to vent.
Either your doctor is wrong or he wasn't giving you complete information.
He's making it sound like the moment (or so) that your hcg is back to 0, you'll get your period. This isn't so. What seems to happen with most women is that about 28 days after the start of the m/c, they get their period back. This isn't a golden rule, but happens with most.
So in essence, the m/c is day one of your cycle. It may help to begin charting so you can get a better look at what is going on with your body.
The spotting is very normal and may go on for a few weeks. With my m/c I spotted on and off for probably 2 plus weeks.
Your body is an amazing thing and will recover and do its job. Even though I was obviously upset about having had a m/c, the fact that I began to ovulate and then get my period in such a way as if the m/c was my period, I was truly mesmerized.
Good luck to you and please stay here to help you heal!!
Thank you Karen
I have a better understanding now from this forum than I did from the doctor or a registered nurse. They couldn't or wouldn't give me any answers of what to expect - if what I was going through was normal.
I was getting really frustrated. I was beginning to feel that my body was in limbo land and that I was alone. It really got me down yesterday.
My darling husband was supportive last night but he really couldn't understand where I was coming from.
However after reading your post, I now feel like what I am going through is normal and I am looking forward to the next number of weeks to go by, meanwhile trying to pick up new hobbies to keep busy.
I can't believe that I am actually looking forward to seeing AF.
I was feeling the same way! AF has a whole new meaning, it's a validation that our bodies are working again. As much as I dislike AF I have almost always had some sort of appreciation and respect for her
You m/c sounds like it was natural and you didn't have a d&c? Some opinions vary, but I was told by my midwife that as long as you didn't have a d&c, your lining is still intact. Because of that she told me I could ttc immediately. Each situation is different though so please trust your instinct and balance it with what you know.
Is it possible for you to see a different care provider once you become pregnant or ttc again? It's hard to know exactly what went on there, but I get the feeling that they weren't the best for you if you left with questions.
When I had my m/c the ob I went to didn't tell me too much either. I still can't figure out if it was because I went in there appearing like I knew exactly what was going on, or because they treat everyone that way. I'll tell you what, if I didn't know what I *do* know, I would have left very confused and frightened and above all, let down. Our bodies know what to do but it's also a little complicated at the same time.
Mothering.com is a good hobby by the way
Hi, I was posting to this board a month or so ago while "waiting" to miscarry. My 9 week u/s showed the baby only measured 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I wanted to m/c naturally so I said I'd wait... in the end I waited 2.5 weeks and still had absolutely no sign of m/c. Once I was at 12 weeks the whole "waiting" started to freak me out and I had an in-patient (no general anesthetic) D&C which was painful but emotionally very healing for me. I hadn't realized how much stress I had been under in the inbetween state.
I just wanted to post a 'different' experience because now that we have this u/s technology we find things out so much sooner than would have happened before. And I was suprised that there was no sign of m/c despite taking all the herbs (black cohosh etc) prescribed by my naturopath midwife.
So, in my case, I didn't see anything at all.
I am just updating a post of mine from last week.
This afternoon I went to the radiology clinic and had a pelvic ultrasound following my miscarriage on 6th October.
The findings from the radiologist are “The uterus and endometrium normal. No retained products seen. Both ovaries and both adnexae normal.”
So I am happy (in the circumstances) that I can start TTC after AF makes an appearance.
Thanks again to the ladies who replied to my posts – you don’t know how you lifted my flagging spirits by helping me feel “normal”.
I had my first miscarriage due to a blighted ovum (never fully develped.) The whole process took about 3 weeks, because my OB honored my intention to let it proceed naturally rather than having a D&C.
At first, I remember noticing some blood... not heavy... not too much. There wasn't a lot of pain or anything... just some spotting.
It stopped for a few days, but my OB told me that it would probably start up again. If it didn't, we'd have to look at a D&C.
The next week I started bleeding more, like a heavy period. There were some period-like cramps, but these were easily managed with advil/motrin. I thought this was the "miscarriage." I was wrong.
The next week on one or two days I had occassional extremely sharp cramping, like in labor. After each episode, when I went to the bathroom, there would be blobs of tissue. Nothing identifiable, but large... say a few inches long.
After that I had a few more days of bleeding and it ended.
Sadly, I started bleeding again last night. I'll know tomorrow if it's another miscarriage.
Thanks to all who have posted here - I just registered in order to get out my thoughts and feelings - I am 99% sure that I miscarried at 6 weeks and 1 day yesterday. It started in the morning as light spotting, kind of brownish, like the last day of my period - and I interviewed with a midwife yesterday (still havent decided on one yet) and she reassured me that it was normal - but to call her if the bleeding got heavier or bright red. Around 6pm I started to get cramps, felt like I was starting my period, and the bleeding started to get heavier, bright red, with some clotting. I called the midwife around 9pm and she said it could be a m/c or could be ok and to go to the hospital if it got really painful or really heavy bleeding. I tried to stay calm and believe that everything would be ok - but i think something inside me knew it wasnt ok. Around 11pm i was getting ready for bed and went to the bathroom and felt a larger than normal clot drop into the toilet. Something made me reach in to investigate further and in the clot i saw a small - pea sized grayish lumpy ball. I feel pretty positive that this was the embryo and that it was a m/c. I continued to have mild cramps and still bleeding (like my usual period flow) throughout the night and this morning. Also, I noticed that my breasts are no longer feeling swollen and tender. I haven't stopped crying since last night - I feel so sad for this loss.
To make things worse, my dh and I were so excited over our first pregnancy that we have told so many people and I am not looking forward to all the "aww, I'm so sorry" comments we are bound to get.
Also, I have 2 sisters who had their first babies in the last year, my SIL is pregnant with her 4th and is due June 10 (2 weeks before my edd of June 21 - we were so excited to be going through pregnancy together) and to top it all off my mom left me a message this morning that my other sister is pregnant (nice timing - huh).
I know that everything happens for a reason and there were probably serious problems with the development- but it still is incredibly sad and hard to take. We got pg so quickly (3 weeks after the wedding) so I am confident that we will conceive again with no problem. And a small part of me thinks - well, maybe it wasnt a m/c - maybe the baby is still there - but then I think it would be silly to get my hopes up.
I am going to call the midwife I saw yesterday and go in for a visit today to confirm and check to make sure everything is ok.
I just wanted to get my story out to help the grieving process.
Thanks to all whose stories helped me to know I'm not alone.
for me I started cramping and then had my heaviest bleeding ever. That was it. On a more positive note, my cycle started again really quickly and I conceived again easily.
Chelsea, It must be hard with all the pregnancies around you. Be prepared that people may say dumb things but not out of malice, just because they don't know what to say. In my humble opinion, it doesn't matter if you were pregnant for a day or full term, whatever depth of loss you feel is real. There are lots of incredible women here that have lots more wisdom than I do, but they can tell you too, that sometimes it helps to give yourself the time to have a little ritual. Light a candle, say a prayer, do whatever seems right to acknowlege what has happened. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't a big deal.
Also!!! don't forget about you. Take extra care, get lots of rest, drink raspberry tea and give yourself a break.
I don't know if these words are helpful, but know that you are not alone.
to all of you. I came upon this thread and realize it's from October, but thought it had such good info, I wanted it to be at the top again. Reading through your posts was healing to me. My 2 miscarriages were pretty early, so I didn't see the baby, just clots and such. Here's to healing.
Thank you for posting to this thread. It's been a great deal of help to me. I'm currently miscarrying - I didn't even know I was pregant until Monday and here I am on Wed miscarrying.
I wish this thread was sticky - it was a great help to me to read through it. I'll share my experience when it's over.
I've had three. The first was at about 9 weeks, and other two at twelve. The last two both occurred two days before the prenatal appointment when I expected to first hear the baby's heartbeat.
With my first one, I'd been ttc baby #2 for over three years, and was so excited to be pregnant again. When I lost it, I felt as though I'd been kicked in the head...a cat wandered in a few days later and "adopted" me - a friend and a relative told me they thought it was a spirit guide to help me through the m/c - it was hit by a car two weeks later and bled to death in front of my house. I lost another baby 8 months after the first one, and began to really despair. Two years later, I finally got pregnant again (after many attempts to conceive, and a divorce...the pregnancy was an accident(!) with my new fiance, and I was thrilled). I lost that one, too...
Anyway...all three of them proceeded almost exactly the same way, except that the pain came before the bleeding with the first one. I was sitting down having dinner, and got what I thought was a stomach-ache. After about 15 minutes, I found that I couldn't even eat. My ex took me to emergency, and they (eventually) took a look at me and said they thought I was miscarrying, but the only way to confirm that would be an ultrasound. I was bleeding by this time, but I don't really know how much, because I was in a bed in ER. I went home with a u/s scheduled for the next day. I was up all night with heavy bleeding and clots - like an unbelievably heavy period. At one point, I wiped up the blood, and saw a tiny little greyish thing on the toilet paper...it was only about an inch long, and not very wide...and it looked like it had the beginnings of a little "alien" face (you know the ones you see in pregnancy calendar pics)...little dark hollows where the eyes would be...damn - 7 years ago, and I'm starting to cry...that little "face" just haunts me...and I'm not even sure I wasn't imagining it...
I went in for the ultrasound the next day. I was still bleeding a little, but not in pain, anymore. The doctor said there was no sign that I'd ever been pregnant. My body cleared everything out completely.
The next two were identical, really. Right after work, I noticed a small amount of bright red blood when I used the bathroom. Both times, I went home and tried to take it easy. I didn't want to go to ER, because I already knew there was nothing they could do if it was a miscarriage, and if it wasn't, they'd just recommend taking it easy. Within about two hours, I started getting the bad menstrual-type pains again. Both times, I was up all night with bad cramps, heavy bleeding (nine maxis in one night, plus whatever went straight into the toilet) and lots of clots. I cried all night both times...
I went in for follow-up ultrasounds again with both of them. One of them had already completely cleared, and the sack was sitting on my cervix for the second one. I'm not sure when I lost that one, as I never did see it. I guess the baby was just lost in all the bleeding with the last two...
hmm...not sure if that's quite what the OP was originally looking for. That's the first time I've ever really posted about it (although I was talking to online friends all night with m/c #3).
On the plus side...I finally gave birth to baby #2 - 10 years after my son, and 9 years after I started ttc. And, I'm expecting #3 in about 6 weeks.
I had a missed miscarriage 2 months ago. I was 15 weeks when we went in for my normal check up. The midwife couldn't find a heartbeat, so they immediately had me have a u/s. I knew immediatly that the baby was dead. I couldn't see any heartbeat, and it was so still. I've never seen an ultrasound like that before, no movement, no sound, just a little tiny baby. So sad. I was told they thought I ought to have a d&c the next day. I wish I knew I had other options, because the d&c was so sterile and surreal. I had to go to the out patient surgery where I was asked over and over again, why I was there, etc etc! Couldn't someone just read my chart and pass on the info. There was very little sympathy and none after the surgery was over. I went in 15 weeks pregnant and came out completely empty, with nothing to show for it. No pain, no baby, just an hour I will never remember. It really was so horrible, and I regret not giving birth to my baby very much. We found out 4 weeks later she was a girl. My little Therese.
What a great thread.
I have created a website in memory of my angel. You can read my story here..http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/angelmccullough/
I worn you ahead of time, there are pictures of my baby on this page. I had a missed miscarriage at 16 weeks. The baby was 14w 4d.
Thanks so much everyone for sharing your touching stories. It helps me to prepare for what will happen in the next days or weeks. I had my first ob appt. today (9 weeks) and since the doc couldn't hear a heartbeat she did an US. It showed the embryo had stopped growing at about 7 weeks. I take progesterone, so that's probably what maintained the uterine lining so long. I'm going to try and let nature take its course, and not take meds or get a d&c. I'm hoping if I stop the progesterone it will start fairly soon.
Like some of the pp I'm confused about what actually happened though. The us tech told dh it was not a blighted ovum, but a "failed pregnancy", and the doc said the size of the sac indicates it stopped growing at 7 weeks or so. Dh said all he saw was two circles/sacs on the screen. Could the embryo/fetus already have been resorbed? And how could the tech tell the difference if there was no baby visible? I guess I'll ask when I see the ob next, in two weeks. (or earlier if I get a fever or something) It seems ridiculous, but I feel this need to know what I'm actually crying over, whether it's the embryo 'dying' or a 'trick pregnancy' (I actually do feel like I was 'tricked' into believing I was pregnant somehow).
I will post again with an update.
Thanks again so much.
I'm so sorry for what's happened
It's a roadblock for sure!
I'm not certain of all of your details, but to me it sounds like a blighted ovum. If things stopped growing around 7 weeks, you'd be able to see an embryo on u/s unless it was hiding somehow.
When I had a blighted ovum, my sac measured about 6 weeks and I was 9 weeks when it was discovered.
Rather than sit and wonder, call your ob and have them explain it to you. There's no reason why you have to sit in the dark. Knowing every detail, or at least having a firm grasp on what happened will help you to recover!! It might also be interesting to have the u/s report if there is one.
If you pass everything on your own and you want to take a good look, you will probably be able to see an embryo in the sac if there is one. When I passed mine I did that and of course didn't find anything.
From the day I discovered the blighted ovum till it actually passed was about a week's time. I hope it goes as quickly for you!
My loss was about 10.5 weeks, and it looked like the fetus had not grown since 6-8 weeks.
I started spotting, then bleeding, then cramping/bleeding--this took about 4 days to progress--and then it all stopped, went back to spotting. Went in finally for an ultrasound, and when the dr. did his manual exam I started cramping bad. He pulled the fetus out--it was coming out--without asking me--this was not OK with me....
I am going to be blunt here on appearance, jsut to warn you. I tend toward accuracy rather than discretion.
It looked about the size of my thumb, and was not like a baby at all--a doula friend said decomposition can start pretty fast once there isn't any life, so that is probably why. The Dr put it in formaldehyde (again without my permission), and by the time I got to look at it w a midwife later it looked basically like cooked chicken liver. Brown and rubbery. We could see the umbilical cord.
Anyway, from the drs office I went for ultrasound, then to a pharm to get rhogam, then back to the dr to get the shot, all the while cramping really bad. It was horrible, horrible horrible. I wish I had waited another day for the u/s, maybe I would have miscarried at home in peace.
I bled heavily for a few days, then not so much for a week maybe. Exhausted.
I am waiting for my m/c, I have been experiencing light bleeding for a week. Five days ago at 9 wks 4 days an u/s showed my baby/sac stopped growing at 6 wks 3 days. They don't think it was a baby at all, it sounds like a blighted ovum from what I've read. I have two little girls, they will be one and three within the next two weeks and I am petrified that I will m/c on one of their birthdays; I am so confused....I feel like I will be pregnant with a dead baby forever, even though logically I know that I will eventually m/c...will post more info when I have it.
It happened today. I posted a few days ago after I got the news that I would be miscarrying. I did call the ob on monday to clarify what they saw on the ultrasound and she told me there were two yolk sacs, and evidence that there had been two embryos developing! Strange, how I still thought that was exciting news..
Anyways, I had been spotting from saturday on, then this am (tuesday) started having occasional cramps and light bleeding. I actually went to work today and did ok. This evening I had about 30 minutes of stronger cramps and bleeding, a few small clots, and then I passed the gestational sac, containing the two yolk sacs. It was a little over an inch in diameter maybe, and tough in consistency (it came out past a tampon). We opened it carefully, but couldn't find anything that looked like an intact embryo. They did say it seemed development had stopped at 6-7 weeks, so they had probably disintegrated already. A pp mentioned a smell, fortunately I didn't notice that at all.
I know it's not finished yet, but the cramps have subsided for now and I have moderate bleeding. Even though I had almost wished for a harder time, to validate the pregnancy, my emotions, I do now feel thankful that probably it will not be very painful or protracted.
Dh and I studied it for a while, cried for a while, discussed possibilities of what to do with it for a bit, and then put it in the freezer until we decide (thanks to op for having this idea so we can decide these things without pressure).
Edited to add: The placenta followed a full 24 hours later, with mild cramping and bleeding. It was about 3x4 inches, dark red, fleshy.
Thanks again so much for sharing all your stories and helping me prepare for this. I feel at peace right now, confident that our babies are in a safe and peaceful place, and hopefull they'll come back to us one day.. We will be ready for them.
Thank you for this thread. I feel it is just what I need now- to talk about my loses. I am at the exact same point in this pregnancy as I was whaen i lost my first baby. I have had two losses, but my second was at 21 weeks and i don't know where that fits-not quite a miscarriage he was born alive, not a still birth? I'll talk about that some other time.
It was my second pregnancy. Aric was 12.5 months old and just learning to walk. At 10 weeks I started feeling better and noticed an increase in my milk supply. I thought I was lucky to have things going so well. At my first OB visit, the baby measured about 2 weeks behind and the heartbeat was unsure. I thought I had seen it. I feel now that she was dying then. A week later I started spotting and did so on and off for a couple of days. After talking to my OB I decided to go ahead with my plans to to go to a friends about 1.5 hours away and take care of her dog while she went out of town. The night I got there, I started bleeding like a period and cramping. I had a rough night as the dog miissed my friend and I was scared to death about the pregnancy. I slept some, about 4 in the am I awoke to very heavy labor like pains. I got up the dog wanted out and didn't come back, my son was sleeping ing the bed so I didn't want to leave to look for the dog. She eventually did and Iput her in her kennel. After about an hour I had a pop and a gush of watery blood. Then lots of blood. I just sat on the toilet and it sounded like I was peeing, but it was blood. I called my OB and he recomended going to the nearest hospital because of the blood loss. I called DH told him what was up. He was a good 1.5 hours away or more as morning rush hour was starting. Then I got dressed, got DS and went to the hospital, the same one DS was born at. It only took me a half hour from when I put the pad on to when I was brought in to the ER, an OB room in back. By the time I got there, blood was running down my legs and clots were coming out. The nurses saved the clots and looked through them for the baby. The ER dr had never seen a woman bleeding so much and couldn't see my cervix for the blood pouring our of it. He called OB and had me moved to the front of the ER so I could be put on heart moniters. Blood was typed for me. Meanwhile a nurse had taken DS, in his stroller and pushed him around a bit until he fell asleep. Then left him with me.
OB came, an attending and a resident, and examed me. It was hard as I was in this tiny room with no OB equipment. I was to have an US and then go from there. A admissions clerk came to ask me some questions and woke up DS, but fortunatly DH walked in right then. I started going into shock and feeling sick and dizzy. I was taken for my US and no baby was seen, just cloted material. i was told I had probably passed the baby earlier. Meanwhile my bleeding slowed down. Iwas still taken for a D&C soon as it could be arranged. The attending couldn't make it due to a lecture or something at the same time the OR was avaible so the dr who took care of me during Aric's pregnancy voluntered to do it for me. The resident followed me all along and kept me very informed as to what was going on. When I was taken up to OR waiting room the two guys who moved me were supprised at the blood I left behind on the stretcher they moved me on. DH and DS had left for a bit when it was decided I would have the D&C. Apparently when I put the dog in the kennel, I ididn't fasten the latch and she got out. made a huge mess, not to mention the blood on the toilet. DH called someone else to take the dog.
The OR was so cold. My dr came in and talked to me before they put me under and I was so glad to see her. When I came too I had IV's alll over and all three bags of blood hanging above me and people all around the bed. Apparently my crit and blood pressure took a nose dive during surgery. I was kept over night in the amblutory unit until my numbers stabilized. DH had come back to the hospital by then. After I was taken to my room i asked to see DS. I was told he couldn't come to the room, could I go to the waiting area to see him? I needed to nurse him. Next thing I know DH and DS were walking in my room. DS nursed so much he almost puked all over. Then wanted to walk, he had just started walking across the room the night before. That evening the resident came and went over every thing that had happened with me. A baby was found during the D&C and was bigger than the first US had indicated, closer to the twelve weeks I was. I wanted to ask about the baby, was she cut during the procedure, what would happen to her, but couldn't bring myself to. I was given the option of sending her for testing and I took it. A month later we found out she was a girl and had Turner's Syndrome. (Missing a X chromosome-98% of these pregnancies miscarry) It really helped me to know that my body took care of a baby that couldn't survive and that she should have been mioscarried like she was.The resident also made sure I had a breast pump to use through the night. I am so glad she was there to follow me.
The next morning DH took DS to a nanny friend befrore work and she picked me up when I was released. She brough me over to my friends with the dog. DS and I took a long nap toghether then I drove home to DH. I had very light bleeding for a week. But it took me a good three weeks to regain my strenth and feel back to my self because of the blood loss. Apparently they don't fill you up all the way with a transfusion, just enough.
We got pregnant again after my first AF. Only to loose that baby at 21 weeks. That's another story. This one is long enough.
I can't think of the words to say but want to give you a
I had my m/c after bleeding for 10 days. I had some cramping on a Tuesday, then a little more the next day, and the placenta passed, I bled for 4 more days and that was it. I called the doctor to see if it was really a m/c because it didn't hurt like I was expecting. When the placenta came out I was standing and folding the clean diapers, with only a little more cramping. It felt like "mini-labor" but I can't say that it hurt. We had found out 8 days before the m/c (when we were 9 1/2 wks) that the sac had stopped developing 3 wks prior; at 6 1/2 wks. I dug part of the placenta out of the toilet but saw nothing that resembled an embryo. I'm not sure if there was ever a baby in the sac or if it was empty; I had really wanted to find the sac so I would know for sure, but I couldn't find that either.
I miscarried my fourth child June 26, 2004. I accidentally stumbled across this thread, but I've been thinking a lot about the baby I lost because the one year anniversary has just passed.
I was just a few days shy of 7 weeks pregnant when the spotting started. I had spotted with my three previous pregnancies (which all ended in healthy sons), so at first I wasn't too worried. However, I had not had any signs of morning sickness with this pregnancy and that WAS unusual for me. The spotting started as just brown "old blood", but over the next few days turned pink. When I called my midwife, I was told that everything was probably fine, but to call back if the bleeding became heavy.
I was also starting to have dreams of miscarriage. In retrospect, I knew this pregnancy was not right. The spotting, the lack of sickness.. I just didn't feel pregnant. I called my midwife back after the third day of spotting and asked if I could be seen. It was a Friday, and I knew that if I would be left worrying alone over the weekend if I wasn't checked.
By the time I got to the midwife's office, the bleeding had increased enough to need a light pad. At first my midwife refused my request for an ultrasound (saying it would be inconclusive), but after examining me and seeing the increase in bleeding, she agreed to send me over the the hospital for an ultrasound. I will never forget sitting in her waiting room and calling dh at work telling him "it doesn't look good" and to meet me at the hospital in an hour. I even remember the song playing on the radio when I drove across the street. I was crying so hard it's amazing I didn't get in an accident.
I met dh at the hospital and we waited awhile until called back for the ultrasound. I was terrified when the tech inserted the vaginal ultrasound - I didn't want to see our baby dead inside of me. But our baby *wasn't* dead - as soon as the image became clear, the tech said, "Well, you're still pregnant" and I could see the flicker of the heart. The tears just fell down my cheeks. Dh squeezed my hand as we saw our child for the first and last time.
We were told by the tech that with the amount of bleeding I was having that it could go either way. Everything might be fine. Or not. We went home that evening with some hope.
My bleeding seemed to ease off a bit as the evening wore on and turn from red to rusty brown. I had a few moments where I thought everything was going to be fine. But right before I went to bed that night, I noticed that the bleeding had turned deep red again and my heart sunk.
The rest of the night is a blur of grief. I cried myself to sleep while dh held me. Sometime in the early morning, I awoke to a huge gush and rushed to the toilet. I was bleeding very heavily and a clot about the size of a kiwi dropped into the toilet. I didn't fish it out as I was too grief stricken and felt all the hope drain from my body. I knew the baby we'd seen alive just hours ago was now gone.
Over the next few hours, I had several similar big gushes and lost kiwi-sized clots. I never saw the baby, but I suspect I may have passed the placenta a day later. I bled heavily all day Saturday and Sunday and then it slowly eased off over the next 8 days. Throughout the miscarriage, I had no physical pain at all. Not a single cramp. I had a followup ultrasound on Monday and my uterus was completely empty.
My midwife didn't show very much empathy. She must see it often enough that it's "old hat" for her. However, on the Monday after the m/c, she was out of the office and I saw one of her partner midwives who I'd never met. She was INCREDIBLY empathetic and I will never forget her kindness or the much needed hug she offered. To this day I think I should write her a thank you card and tell her how much her empathy meant to me on that particular day.
I'm also incredibly thankful for the ultrasound we had just hours before the miscarriage. It truly validated (for me and dh) the pregnancy. There WAS a baby.. OUR baby.. and he lived before he died.. if only for a few short weeks. He had a living body and a heartbeat. I really had to push my midwife to "let" me have the ultrasound. To her it was unnecessary and did turn out to be, as she predicted, "inconclusive" of the outcome... but it ended up meaning the world to dh and me. It was our only chance to meet our fourth child. I feel my heart coming to my throat as I type this..
I had a dream the night after the miscarriage about giving birth to two perfect beautiful twins - a boy (Benjamin) and a girl (Savahhna). It was a heartwrenching dream at the time. It was also very hard talking to our children about the miscarriage. They didn't understand why the baby died. They wanted to know if they could ask God to give us another baby.
We conceived our fifth child just 17 days after the miscarriage. I never had a miscarriage dream with that pregnancy. I had dreams about beautiful living babies.
I didn't know which of the "twins" I'd lost until an u/s of our subsequent pregnancy revealed I was carrying a girl. We named our daughter Samantha.
I had another dream after she was born that I was out shopping and had left my newborn twins at home with Dh. I asked dh what he thought it meant that I was still dreaming of twins and he said.."You haven't forgotten".
I will forever hold Benjamin in my heart. I keep the 8" x 10" ultrasound printout they gave me of him on the refrigerator (which sounds really trailer trash as I write it.. *sigh*). Even though it's been a year and his baby sister is 3 months old, I don't have the heart to take it down yet.
Huge <<hugs>> to any mamma who is reading this as she is experiencing a miscarriage. It is so so hard. Don't let anyone make you feel like any of your emotions are wrong or not valid.
Thank you all for this thread. It has helped me a lot. I am right now "waiting to miscarry". I am about 6w4d and had an us done yesterday after a few days of spotting. She saw nothing in my uterus, not even a sac. Somehow it just never really started. My hormone levels were too low. I'm due to go back next week for more levels and another us, but I really didn't know what to expect otherwise. I'm so glad I found this thread. At least now I'm not afraid.
This has been a great resource for me and I am glad its here. I'm ready to add my story.
I was 11wks 2day on Tuesday July 19 and that late afernoon I noticed blood and fluid on my pad (I decided to wear a pad that day because I'd been feeling wet lately) and I knew what it ment. I went to the hospital because my doctor said to call him right away if it happened and being evening I couldn't call him. Well, I waited 3 hrs but I was just not a priority, there were way more messed up people then me and I wasn't bleeding heavy, so I went home. The next morning I called my doctor and seen him at 11am and went for an u/s at 3pm. I saw our little bean and that realy got to me. I still cry when I think about it. It measured 8wks so that was when it stopped growing and passed on. That was about the time my morning sickness started getting better and for the last two week I'd been feeling great. I thought I was feeling too good to be true.
The bleeding got heavier through out the day and I started passing clumps of tissue. By suppertime I started cramping more and had a burst of fluid, so the amneonic sac broke and by midnight I started getting labour like pains, I took some Tyenol (sp?) and two hours later I passed a fair sized clump that was the baby. It just looked like a mass of red tissue. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom instead of soaking pads because I could feel when a gush was comming on.
The next day (yesterday) the bleeding tapered off and today its almost done. It hasn't been that bad of an experience and for that I am grateful. If I had to miscarry I had hoped it wouldn't turn into a nightmare as some can. I see my doctor next Wednesday for followup.
I was one of the unfortunate few who's baby was living the day before.
I went in for an ultrasound July 11th and the baby was doing fine. I was put through a lot of stress that day so I think that probably contributed. I had been bleeding for 2 weeks already.
The next morning when I woke up about 11 am, I started feeling very sick. It wasn't like regular cramps. I felt a pop and I guess it was my water breaking. I suddenly felt better so I started to get up. That's when all the fluid and blood was running down my legs. I screamed for my husband.
When he was trying to sit my down on the couch I screamed "he's coming out!"
I got in the empty bathtub and reached down and got the baby out. He was perfectly formed. The placenta was still in place. His umbilical cord was snapped. I screamed like I was insane.
Once I came down, I got redressed to go to the hospital.
I felt worse than I ever had in my life. I wanted to die just to get rid of the emotional pain.
I passed several baseball sized blood clots and went in for a D&C for the retained placenta. I woke up from the anestheitic (sp!) crying and swearing.
I've woken up crying every day since.
We buried him last Monday morning in his own grave. He was born whole, a human and should have all the respect a baby born at 40 weeks still should have.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...untainview.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...lanscasket.jpg
In my 6th week I started spotting a little, but I wasn't too concerned because I'd had spotting with my first pregnancy. Flash forward to Tuesday of week 7...
I started bleeding heavily, like a normal period, but with a lot more clotting. I also had small bit of some tissue that looked like lasagna (sorry, only thing it looks like) that I assume was the placenta. I didn't bleed much when I was lying down, but when I went to the bathroom I would pass a lot of blood and clots, some about half the size of my fist. At this point it was just like my normal period.
By day 6 of heavy bleeding (Mother's Day
) I went to the ER and they did an ultrasound. There was an "area of fluid" near my cervix that the Dr. said was probably the remains of the fetal pole or amniotic sac. Everything looked great, so they didn't recommend a D&C. Had I gone before everything was "cleaned out" they probably would have.
I began taking false unicorn/lobelia capsules on Tuesday evening and I really believe that's what made everything come out so cleanly.
I've had several losses. I'll post a new reply for each loss. I just typed and typed. Yes, I know I was only 13, and to clarify what you will find out, I was legally emanicapted (sp?) when I was 12 and I got my hardship liscence just after my 13th birthday.
Anyways... on to my losses.