EXACTLY what to expect with a m/c~~Please tell your stories~~what do you see? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 437 Old 11-01-2006, 10:45 PM
 
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Thank you for this thread. This has been a very emotional thing for me. I had a previous miscarrage in Feb. Nver tested positive its just one of those things where I knew what was going on. Because I never tested I think it made it easier in my mind...I didnt have to deal with telling everyone what had happened and I could in my mind pretend that it didnt. This time was different.
Dh and I went on a cruise the whole time he kept telling me that I was pregnant. I kept insisting that I wasnt. When we got home I took a test 4 days before AF was suppose to show and it was positive. I couldnt believe it. So we bought degital tests, took one that night and again the next morning....both pregnant. For insurance reasons I had to take a doctor pg test. Of course it was positive. Please dont think of me as a bad mother when I tell you this next part but at first I wasnt excited. In my mind I was more scared about how we were going to afford another baby and how I was going to care for a toddler and a new born. I finally told Dh how I was feeling and we talked everything out. I became very excited and even started picking out names. Then on Monday I started spotting. It was brown and very light with minimal cramping...almost felt like constipation. I called my OB nurse and she said it was more than likely implantation spoting because I was only 5 weeks and if it became red and heavy to call and come in. So I rested most of the day even though the bleeding was red it wasnt heavy.....I still knew what was happening. That night it became very heavy and very painful so we went to the ER. After several hours of waiting around they did blood work. The doctor came in and was a total ass....he told me that the baby was only this big (drawing a small circle on the paper) and there really isnt abything we can do for you. We will wait and see what the blood work shows and then we can do an pelvic exam if you want. So an hour later he comes in and says you arent even pregnant the test was negitive. So you are just having a painful period. yesterday I called my OB nurse she said that what happened was because we tested so early it picked it up and I was pregnant but then the pregnancy failed to implant and I was mc. I had very heavy bleeding passing small clumps everytime I went to the bathroom and wiped. Im still bleeding though its more like AF now. I feel so empty. Even though this pg wasnt planned and I was scared at first it was still my child that I lost. Dh wants to start trying again right away So hopefully things will go better this next time.
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#152 of 437 Old 11-15-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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Hey guys my name is Gaby and im new to this site ...First of all i wanted to say that im really sorry you guys have gone thru these bad experiences.....I have myself ...had 2 m/c one of them was back in Jan 6th of 2006 and the other one was on May i think of the same year ......now i found out that im pregnant with my 3 pregnancy....and as you all know that can be 100% scary ......well it all started when me and my husband decide to have kids....we tried for about 9 months and nothing..until one day i decided to get to the bottom of this...so i scheduled an appt with my obgyn and we got to the conclusion that i had a condition called PCOS...wich is a polysistic ovariam syndrome...but mine was a mild one.......What this condition does is that you dont frequently get your presiods...at least every moth and you lack of ovulation...and thats the reason why you cant get pregnant easily....ALtho is not impossible to get pregnant is harder to.....Anyways he put me on a drug called metphormin for a period of time and gave me medication to bring up my period ....SO when the time came he told me it was the time for me to try again so we did he gave me another drug called Clomid that helps u ovulate and help u get prgnant ....so i did there it was i got pregnant on the spot.....but soon after i found out i was pregnant wich was around 6 weeks i started having mild cramps and having a brown discharge....then i went for my first sonogram at 7 weeks and there it was i saw a heart beat ....Soon after that i went back to the doctor to do another ultrasound and he couldnt see the heart beat but he though the baby has moved ...So he told me to wait up for the weekend and get another one that monday....cause his machine was too old...so i did i waited ..now that saturday night my cramps started to get worse : and i called the doctor and he told me that as long as im not bleeding and as long i can take the cramping i should not go to the ER.....so well i waited till monday morning...

So i went to the clinic and had an ultrasound...the lady seem concern and didnt talk much....so i asked her and she said that wasnt her place to give me a diagnose that was the doctors job..she was very cold about it..so thank go my doctors office was right upstair...so i went to see him 10 mins later.....while i waited for him to see me..i started bleadin heavy like my body knew it was time...so i went to the bathroom and there it was passing clot..was horrible...then when the doctor saw he confirmed that baby has died at 81/2 weeks and that i was suppose to be 10.....so i went and got a d/c inmidietly i was soo scared but soon after that i was soo glad that it was over.....


Well the doctor told me to wait at least one regular period or 2...but of course i only waited one ...so i got pregnant again with the clomid the same fertility pill i took on my last pregnancy...But this time was different i took progesterone oral....so everything was good until i went for my first ultrasound they couold find a heart beat so i went back for another one 2 days later and they saw something but it was at 126 at 8 weeks i think...they looked very concern and doubting that the pregnany was going to be normal...so i waited and got another ultrasound a week or 2 later and my surprise was what i was expecting no hear beat!....so i kind of knew i had no cramps or bleading at all on this one so i had the feeling that was gonna be another misscarriage but the fact that i was bleeding or cramping didnt make it worst...so i scheduled anothe appt for a d/c the same day ...

After those 2 experiences you know i was a mess and decide that this time i would wait to get pregnant again...! So i did i waited about 4 ot 5 months before i became pregnant for the 3th time...

I am now pregnant 11 weeks doing different things like taking hte progesteron vaginaly and a baby aspirin every day....i went for the first ultrasound at 5 weeks and we saw an empty sac....no baby! the doctor told me not to worry that it was probably too ealry to see the baby anyways...so iwaited about a week for my second ultrasoun wich showed a lil peanut and a heart beat but since the doctors machine was too old he couldnt tell if it was my pulse or the baby's heart beat....so i went tot he women hospital to get a sonogram with better machines.....At 7 weeks we went and guess was we say the baby and a heart beat was the most amazing thing the heart beat was at 121 wich the tech told me was very normal ....so evrything looked good......I went for another ultraosun at 9 weeks and the baby was still there the heart beat was at 171 and we heard it !!! the baby moved for us and my doctor said everthing was perfect.......then i went for another one on 11/13/06 and the baby was about 10.6 weeks and ws bigger and moving around the heart beat was at 151 ...she was glad to see that everything is progressing liek it should.....! sooo so far so good girls! im about 11.2 weeks and scare as hell but happy at the same time...im gonna be off the progesterone on friday and ill be 12 weeks next tuesday...GIRLS never made it this far and im soo happy....So for the girls out there is still a hope i know its hard when you have been thru soo much...and believe it or not having 2 misscarriages its the worst thing ever happened to me....and im working on this new pregnancy trying not to stress out too much....but sometimes i cant help it..and im hoping and praying to god that this will be the good one....But i do also understand that if its not meant to be for me to be a mother...i will accept it...and consider adoption at one point...cause nothing will make me happier than knowing that im doing something good for a human being that needs a home....

XOXO
Gaby
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#153 of 437 Old 11-25-2006, 06:44 PM
 
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Hi I am very sorry for all your losses. I think I am miscarrying now I ahve had bw to confirm I am pregnant. I am 4wk 3 days. I started spotting last night it was just pink and today I have been crampy and bleeding..... It is red and no clots but My mw told me to wait until monday and we will do more bw. Do you think that I am miscarrying?

Mommy to 4 wonderful kids.
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#154 of 437 Old 11-26-2006, 11:50 PM
 
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The Beginning

In the evening of November 13th (in my 9th week of pregnancy) I noticed some brownish spotting in my underwear. I hadn’t had any cramping but noticed some diarrhea-ish symptoms. I called my midwife and she encouraged me that it might be nothing and it was up to me if I wanted to have an ultrasound or not.

The Discovery

The next morning I was still having some spotting but no cramping. I decided that I did want to know what was going on. At my work we offer limited ultrasound so I went in and had a basic scan done. My husband was with me. She couldn’t see anything resembling a baby but there was a sac and something inside it. She told us we should go get a full ultrasound done as her experience was fairly limited.

We called our midwife and she referred us to a local imaging center that could get us in right away. Again, we saw a sac with no baby. Having seen an 8 week ultrasound with my son, I knew right away that it was over. The tech said she couldn’t say anything but she promised I wouldn’t leave without knowing for sure. She came back and said my midwife was on the phone. The midwife said that the baby had died at about 4 or 5 weeks and the amniotic sac and yolk sac both looked deflated. She was very encouraging and told me that she had had eight miscarriages. I told her that I just wanted to wait for the baby to come on it’s own and she was very supportive.

After that we went and sat in the car for a while and just talked and cried. I had him call our parents to share the news because I didn’t feel strong enough to do it. There was just this overwhelming feeling of emptiness and guilt inside of me.

The Birth

I had trouble sleeping that night, wondering when it would happen and what it would feel like. On November 15th I woke up with cramping and mild spotting of red blood, I knew it was going to happen that day. Justin had gone to work so I decided to stay the day at my inlaws house where they could watch my 18 month old while I rested. I had fairly mild menstrual-like cramps throughout the day. By the time my husband left work I decided to go home and arrived at about 4pm. The contractions started up almost right away. It was just like labor… starting out slow and building up in pain and frequency. I had to do my breathing while Justin pressed on my sacrum. I cried through every contraction and vocalized because it felt better to let it out. The bleeding wasn’t as much as I thought it was going to be, it was never any worse than a heavy period.

At some point I decided I wanted to get in the shower. The water made me feel so much better and I felt like I could handle the contractions again. As soon as I got in I felt something between my legs and reached down to check. Part of the placenta was in my vagina and I pulled it out. It was very similar to my son’s full grown placenta: one side was smooth (fetal side) and the other was a bunch of small grayish fingers where it must have been attached to me.

I knew it was only a piece of it though and started bawling asking God to please just let the rest come. The pain changed from severe cramping contractions to pain and pressure in my cervix, although I still felt the contractions coming. Eventually things started to slow down and I got out of the shower. I had Justin put some towels down on the bed and just laid there for a while. Almost immediately I started to feel all the pain and cramping ease away.

I felt confused knowing that there was still more to come out but not feeling the pain anymore. I felt inside and could tell there was something stuck inside my cervix. I had Justin get a flash light and pull it out. I laid it all out on a plastic bag and could tell that it was mostly complete. All together it was about the size of my palm (including fingers) and was in three pieces. I could tell which part was the sac, it was a lot smaller than I thought it would be, about the size of a half dollar and very firm and meaty. I decided I wanted to cut it open, it was thick and very tough to cut through. There wasn’t anything inside, although I think I could discern the remains of the yolk sac. I cried as I looked through it with my bare hands. Justin wanted me to stop but it felt good to explore it and understand it. I had him put it in the freezer so we could bury it later.

Altogether I think the hard part of the miscarriage only lasted about three hours, the worst only one hour. I think I passed most of the baby by 7:45pm. I had a very hard time falling asleep that night, my mind was just preoccupied. I felt so much better physically, back to the mild cramping and bleeding. I did have a mild fever (100.5) but I think it was mostly from being in the hot shower for a while and it went down to normal within an hour.

The Recovery

The cramping was mostly gone by the second day after and the bleeding was no more than a normal period but more of a bright red color. The day after, I went out to do some errands and felt a lot of aching in my vagina/cervix. It was only when I was walking or standing though and wasn’t a sharp pain. It took about two weeks for the bleeding to come to a complete stop; I passed two small clots (the size of a quarter) at 2 days and 4 days after.

The empty feeling inside me is very real, although I do feel very peaceful. The hardest part is realizing how much I really did want this baby even though at the beginning I had wished for a miscarriage. There is a lot of guilt, I feel sometimes as if I wished it into happening. My husband is very quiet and I can tell he is devastated but dealing with it in his own way. We are planning on burying our baby in the back yard sometime soon, for me I just couldn’t handle flushing or trashing this precious life even if he or she did die very early on.

We learned a lot from this experience and won’t be trying again until both of us feel very excited and ready for a baby. I feel like I am a stronger woman and a better mother now.

Photos

I hope this story helps women who may be miscarrying understand both the physical and emotional parts of the process. Because I feel it could be a benefit to some woman I am going to post links to pictures I took of the pieces of the placenta/sac that came out of me. Be forewarned: these are very large, graphic photos. Since my baby passed away so early you will not see a recognizable fetus in these pictures, only the placenta and the gestational sac.

http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e1...6/allparts.jpg
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e1...eNOV06/sac.jpg
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#155 of 437 Old 11-29-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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I started spotting last week on Monday, pink which turned to red. On Wednesday I woke up and knew that something was different. My symptoms were gone and I just knew that there was "nothing there". Most people I told thought I was being pessimistic or negative, but I didn't feel negative at all, I just knew. I feel like I did most of my grieving that night. On Friday I finally got to have an ultrasound and it confirmed a sac about 6 wks along with no visible fetal pole or anything. I was pretty sure I must have had a blighted ovum or something because my symptoms had been so much milder than usual. And honestly I was somewhat relieved knowing I had to miscarry but there was no actual baby. Made it somewhat easier.

I decided to wait to miscarry naturally which both my midwife and GP supported. All weekend I felt like my body was preparing itself. I had cervical twinges and some achiness in my abdomen. On Monday morning (thank goodness my dh had stayed home from work due to weather) the cramping and flow started. It was a constant flow into the toilet for about 2 hrs. The part that scared me the most was a period of lightheadedness and nausea when I thought I was going to pass out. What a horrible feeling. I freaked out a bit then and got my husband to call the dr and midwife. I was warning him that if I became unresponsive and passed out he would have to call 911. Luckily it passed and then the clots began to come. Once the clots started to come the cramps changed to feel more like mini contractions and I had cervical pain with each one. By then I was trying to lay down in bed for a bit but then the pain would come and I know I needed to let more out. That continued until about 2:30 and then the cramps subsided and I was able to rest and nap for a bit. They subsided until about 11:30 P.M when I got crampy again and passed a couple more clots. I checked out some clots and the biggest were about half the size of my palm. I never saw a noticeable sac but it probably would have been really small.

Since then (two days) I still have achiness, especially when standing for too long. I was also lightheaded off and on. I'm not sure if the achiness means there is more to come or not. I will go into the dr's later this week to get checked out and maybe have another ultrasound. Once my cycle returns I plan to get some hormone testing done.

This was an experience I hope to never have to go through again and my heart aches for those who go through this multiple times. I hope you know how strong and brave you are on your mothering journey

I'm so glad this thread is here because it's really hard to find info on what to expect and it is still a hush hush subject in so many ways. The honesty is so helpful.
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#156 of 437 Old 12-13-2006, 01:46 PM
 
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The following depicts my very quick, and extremely intense and painful miscarriage at 10 weeks, 2 days.

Sunday night before bed: One large cramp that seemed different than any other cramping I had during my 10 week pregnancy. Later that night I had some cramping that woke me up, but I was able to get back to sleep.

Monday 7am: Woke up with one large cramp, went to the bathroom and passed some small clots and found brown spots on my undies.

10am: Called midwife who said it may or may not be a miscarriage because at this time there was no bright red blood.

12pm: had been having on and off mild cramping.


1pm: I left work. Had a small clot and a small stream of blood in the toilet, but went on one errand with my husband (I think I was in denial) and I was out of it the entire errand. I was having pretty bad period-like cramping.

2:30pm: Got home and couldn't wait to get undressed and put on a pair of comfy sweat pants and a t-shirt. Cramping got more intense with each 1/2 hour passing.

4pm: I sware I went into true, hard labor. It was unbelievable. I would get this clenching feeling low in my abdomen that radiated to my lower back. At first I would get breaks up to a minute. I found that a kneeding-like, kinda-poking as opposed to rubbing, my back really helped counteract the intensity. Also, I got into the shower hoping hot water would help. It did for awhile, but I ran out of hot water after 1/2 an hour.

5pm: I got completely nauseated and began dry-heaving and then throwing up (only water as I hadn't eaten since breakfast). I found sitting on the toilet was good because I felt like pushing a lot and went to the bathroom numerous times, and passed a fleshy clot that was about 1 inch X 1/2 an inch, then a small stream of blood flowed, and small streams of blood would flow intermintently from then on. I felt better for about five minutes before the intense cramp clenched my abdomen and radiated to my lower back again. It was constant and I wanted to be alone in my room with no lights on. I crawled around on the floor a lot looking for any position that was comfortable (I didn't like the soft bed); my only goal at any given moment was to simply find some position that was comfortable. I also had to keep moving, laying still was the absolute worse, and I was moaning very loudly from the PAIN.

8pm: I was no longer getting even a thirty second rest anymore (I was getting usually a 30 sec rest about every 10 - 20 minutes, and it was glorious for even that short time as it allowed me to regain control and cope). I also would get nauseated and throw up or dry heave from time to time. I didn't want my mind to prevent me from progressing in the miscarriage so I kept saying over and over, "Open and flow." I just wanted to pass the sac, or whatever was inside. My husband would come upstairs to check on me, sometimes I would tell him to leave (he was really scared and therefore not helping me) and sometimes I would ask him to massage my back.

10pm: I realized I simply could not cope anymore. This was the worst pain I had ever been in; the horrible, most painful and intense cramping had not let up for a second in over two hours and I did not want to go on all night like that. I kept thinking that I couldn't cope, I have no support, I don't know how long this is gonna take... what if the pain stays all night? I called down to my husband and told him I can't do it anymore. He said he was scared and had wanted to go to the hospital long ago, but told me when he called the midwife (I had spoken to her several times and she said some women have a really intense miscarriage and it is normal, but assured me real labor would not be like this -as in no break) she said we did not have to go to the hospital unless there was a lot of bleeding (there was not too much).

11PM: Arrived at the ER and I was in so much pain. I hated the bright lights and covered my face while I basically rithed in pain on a chair in the waiting room and tried not to make too much noise. My husband later told me a woman complained to the front desk attendant to hurry up and get me looked at because I seemed to be in enourmous pain, and it was causing her daughter to cry.

I kinda lost track of time after that (they're approximate anyway) but they did put me in a triage "room" and a mean nurse came in and asked what was going on. Mostly my husband spoke, but she wanted me to answer so I told her I was having a miscarriage and was in a lot of pain (I had been having intense pain for over six hours by this point) and had tried to naturally miscarry at home but couldn't take the pain anymore. She asked me why on earth I would do it at home (I didn't realize until later that most people go to the hospital to miscarry, I assumed most stayed at home). Then I told her I just wanted to get the miscarriage over with, which prompted her to ask me if this was a wanted pregnancy. I said, "yes," then she wanted to know my ob and I told her I wasn't seeing one, then she said she needed to get some straight answers from me (You'd think she was about to call the cops on suspicion my DH hitting my in the stomache with a bat to miscarry or something). Thank God she left after that and another nurse came in and got me to pee in a cup.

Probably around 1am: the doctor did a pelvic exam and then looked inside and said there was a good size clot he could pull out so he opened me up with the plastic thing and used forceps to pull out a good 3/4 cup of tissue and clots, I looked at it. He said it was very large for 10 weeks and to come out all at once. As soon as he took out that thing I felt instantly better and my husband told me he could tell instantly, "I was back." And I was, I had gone to another place, I was practically animalistic from the pain (I am usually quite a reserved woman).

They did an ultrasound on the abdomen and vaginally. They took blood. Then some quack doctor (not the same wonderful man that treated me) came in at almost 3am to tell me the results: that I may have had a miscarriage; that, or this may be an early pregnancy. Ok, whatever quack. My midwife and I did get a laugh about that diagnosis Tuesday morning. We left before waiting for the HCG results, we should have left after the doctor took out the flesh clot, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind, plus I had a small hope that maybe I was just losing a twin, so ok'ed the ultrasound.

Tuesday I stayed home from work (maybe the third time in seven years I've taken off work) because I felt like a weak, fragile kitten. I took about 5 Advil throughout the day, not because I really had to, but because any cramping made me terrified it would intensify the way it had the day before and I just wanted the peace of no cramps to alleve the fear.

Emotionally, I am just ok. I am more traumatized by the physical aspect of it all. On the other hand I am in awe over my body's efficiency. I read that it takes a lot of women sometimes weeks to pass the flesh and clots. I guess that is why the cramping (my midwife called them contractions but I hate that word associated with what happened to me) was so bad, because my body wanted to pass it all at once (which I think would have happened as it was right there for the doctor to pull out). I am greatful that I did not miscarry on Christmas or my vacation in two weeks (would not want to think about dealing with that at a hotel or going to a hospital in a third world country). I am also greatful it is over, except for bleeding which is mild.

I never had any idea a miscarriage was so awful in the physical aspect this early in pregnancy, I thought the difficulty was the emotional part, so I am also having to deal with this unexpected side of miscarriage. It is not like a bad period as I had imagined it would be. It is tramautic in a way I cannot even describe, but I do know I feel empty today, like a shell.

Thank you for reading my story.

Update: It is now one week and one day since I began miscarrying. I had to update because as it turns out I did not complete my miscarriage last Monday. Wednesday I was mildly crampy on and off, but nothing alarming. I cannot remember if I was still popping Advil (something very out of character; I am sure I took more Advil during my miscarriage than ever in my life) or not.

Around 9pm Wednesday evening I was kneeling by my coffee table when I felt something slide out of me and plop on my pad. I got up and ran to the bathroom and found a roundish clump of dark flesh (not blood clots at all) about the size of a large plum. I screamed and my husband ran in and was grossed out and walked out of view and told me to just flush it down the toilet that it was probably just more of the afterbirth, or whatever. I got very emotional, partly because I thought this was over two days ago and partly because I thought this was my baby. I cried for several minutes in my husbands arms with him shooshing me. I went in the bathroom and inspected what came out of me; it was warm, soft, and there were two very light colored vein-type things that were symmetrical on it. I wrapped it in tissue and put it in the trash can.

Thursday came and I was still spotting and letting out trivial amounts of blood when urinating. I was also mildly cramping on and off. A little after 2pm, I get a call from my OB's office (I see her for yearly exams and gave her name at the ER because they really wanted a doctor's name as my caregiver). The nurse tells me that the results on the flesh taken out at the hospital were only fleshy materials (she gave a long descrption, but flesh was pretty much the only word I understood) and there were no fetal parts at all. She wanted me to come in for a D & C. I told her I thought I passed the fetus last night and she asked me if I saved it. I said that I had it in tissue in the trash and could retrieve it as it was the bathroom trash can. She told me to call the next morning for an appointment with the doctor.

I dreaded the appointment all night and the next morning. And then realized I was not going to call the doctor for the appointment. I did not want another ultrasound -if they couldn't find the left-over sac at the ER after a good 45 minutes getting various ultrasounds, then why should I think they could see anything if it was left now?

It is now the following Tuesday and after Wednesday evening I have not passed any clots, flesh, or anything other than old blood on a pantyliner.

The emotional aspect is starting to pick up and I am doing my own private greiving. I do want to get pregnant again as soon as possible, but for right now I do not get excited seeing little babies or very pregnant women, instead it makes me sad.
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#157 of 437 Old 12-18-2006, 09:19 PM
 
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I'm finally feel emotionally ready to post this.

In November I miscarried naturally at exactly 11 weeks.

At 10w1d, I had some pink spotting out of the blue. The next day I had a routine appt with my MW, so I mentioned it to her and she did an u/s to check on the baby. She couldn't find a heartbeat nor movement, and estimated that the baby had died at around 8 weeks. She works in an OB practice, so protocol dictated that an OB come in to talk to me about what to do next. He pushed a d&c, but I refused. He said some things about how bad natural m/c would be and how I may end up getting a d&c in the end anyway, but I still refused. He left the room and I got to speak with my MW alone. She told me she fully supported my waiting to m/c naturally, that it would be what she would do too. She told me it would probably go just fine...but she warned me that it was going to hurt and would feel a lot like labor. She told me what to watch out for and what would warrant a call to her.

I continued some very sporadic spotting for the next couple of days, and all in all it took 5 days of waiting for the miscarriage to start. During this time, I came here and found this thread. I can't even begin to express how much I needed to read the stories in this thread! What a wonderful resource of information AND encouragement it was. I read every single story over the course of those 5 days of waiting, and I felt confident of my body's ability to handle the m/c when it finally happened. Finally, on the day I would've been 11 weeks pregnant, it began. This is the story as I wrote it the night after it all happened.

I’d experienced spotting all weekend, and it turned to light bleeding by bedtime last night, with mild cramping. I went to bed around midnight and slept well.

I was awakened this morning at 6:30am by strong rhythmic cramping. It intensified quickly, and by 7am, I was clearly having contractions. They came on top of each other for about 15 minutes, during which time I got up, and somehow managed to wash my face and brush my teeth. While brushing my teeth, I felt a distinct pop and an instant gush of blood and fluid. The pop and gush felt exactly the same as when my water broke with DS nearly 3 years ago (except that it didn’t flood the house ). I finished brushing and then walked carefully and woke DH up to ask for his help. More gushing. I knew that the process had officially begun.

I initially tried to handle it out in the main part of the house, since DH hadn’t awakened yet. But that soon proved to be too messy, so I moved into the bathroom. I began passing HUGE clumps of tissue along with more blood than I imagined possible. The blood was pouring into the toilet and sounded like I was peeing, but I wasn’t. Several of the clots were 5 inches long by 2 inches wide, although most of them were about half that size. They had the consistency of jello and the appearance of raw liver. The contractions that preceded these clumps were incredibly intense and wouldn’t let up until the tissue passed. Then there’d be a pause, followed by more contractions until the next round of tissue and blood began descending. (This is the part that, had I not had this thread to read beforehand, I would've been terrified that I was bleeding to death...I would've definitely gone to the ER had I not read all the stories here and found that it's normal and is totally what to expect with a natural m/c.)

Around 8am, I decided to get into the shower to clean some of the blood away. While in there, the contractions picked up significantly. Just like my MW had warned me, they felt exactly like the contractions from my labor with DS…the only difference was they were concentrated down around my pubic bone because my uterus was much smaller—but it was just as painful as middle stage labor. I felt my cervix dilating just like I did all during labor with DS, along with all the pressure and discomfort that accompanies the dilation. I was amazed that it was so similar.

For the next two hours, I stayed in the bathtub, alternating standing under the shower (during the let-up times) and crouching down on the tub floor on my knees and elbows (during the contractions and during the passing of tissue/clots). The contractions would hit for a few minutes at a time, during which time I’d hit the floor. They’d end with the passing of clots and blood galore, and then I’d stand up and let the shower wash all the blood away from my legs and from the tub. I’d stand there resting, until the contractions hit again. This cycle repeated over & over for those two hours in the tub. It was intense and raw.

Toward the end of the two hours, I spent most of the time crouched down on knees and elbows, as the contractions and expellations became constant and this was the only way I could manage them. I just stared at the tub floor and tried my hardest to make it through. I breathed, cried, and rocked back and forth to try and coax everything down through my cervix. I prayed for strength, protection, and for it to end soon. I kept telling myself that the process of miscarriage was engineered by God, just as a live full-term birth is, and I kept reminding myself to trust in the process he’d set up. It’s efficient, natural, and relatively safe for most women, and I kept telling myself I’d get through it just fine, just like I got through labor just fine 3 years ago without any intervention. I thought of all the millions of women throughout history who’ve miscarried, and I felt at one with every one of them…no doubt most of them got through it in the same way I was getting through it, and it actually felt somewhat empowering to feel the connection.

DH had been coming in to check on me at intervals. He was busy getting DS’s breakfast and then later, keeping him out of the bathroom. He came in at one point and told me it was 10am. My knees were hurting from kneeling on the hard floor of the tub, and I had the bright idea that I could get DS’s potty seat and sit on it. That way I could sit, but still be elevated so that everything could come out, yet still be under the hot water. I sat on that for about 20 minutes, enduring intense contractions like before, but at least my knees didn’t hurt anymore.

Then, at around 10:20, the contractions let up significantly. After a few minutes, I asked DH to bring me some cereal because I knew I should eat while there was finally a break. I was feeling a little weak and I was afraid this may be my only chance to eat before it all started back up again. I ate my cereal in relative peace, and started to wonder what happened to all the contractions, but I kept sitting there on the seat for a while.

At 10:40, I suddenly felt a strange fullness and pressure at the top of my cervix. It didn’t really hurt at all. I instinctively gave a little push to test it, and it moved downward. Suddenly it felt HUGE inside my birth canal…it felt almost exactly like DS did whenever he began descending, just not quite as huge as his big head (it’s amazing how I instantly remembered all those sensations!). I knew this had to be the sac/placenta, because it felt very solid and round compared to the jello-like consistency of the clots I’d been passing. I pushed again and felt it falling down, and then it came right to the opening and was sort of stuck. I could feel the stretching and was careful not to push too hard for fear of tearing something. I just let it come out on its own. In a few seconds, it slipped out of me and hit the bowl of the potty seat. I called for DH.

He came to me, and I stood up to see it. It was a ball of tissue, a little bigger than my fist in size. It was the sac, complete with the placenta surrounding it. We both realized what it was, and that’s when I completely lost it. I collapsed in sobs. I totally didn’t expect to feel the emotions that I felt at that moment, but I was hit with such grief, regret, sadness, guilt, and loss that I couldn’t even begin to contain it. I was also feeling such relief that it was over and that I had made it through all the pain and fear. From the moment I’d awakened this morning with cramping, till the moment it passed, was just over 4 hours.

After I’d cried for a long, long time, I got as cleaned up as possible. The bleeding had tapered off immediately after the placenta/sac has passed (it slowed to what would be a normal heavy menstrual flow). There was no more pain either; just the equivalent of regular menstrual cramps was left over.

After I came out, we took the placenta to the kitchen sink and looked it over. We peeled back the placenta to reveal the gestational sac, which was clear and filled with fluid. I gasped when I saw the baby, the actual fetus floating in the fluid. It was white, and when it bumped up against the wall of the sac, I could see its eyes—little black dots.

DH used a knife to cut a slit in the sac. The fluid spilled out, and I opened it up and there was our baby, right before our eyes. It looked just like all the pictures you see of developing fetuses. It was about an inch long, with a huge elongated head, little black eyes, nostril indentations, a mouth, ear buds, and with tiny little hands and webbed fingers. I couldn’t make out feet, but inside the abdomen we could see dark shadows of organs inside. It was breathtaking, heartbreaking, and awe-inspiring all at the same time. Never in my life would I have imagined it to be that perfect-looking. I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world went wrong. *sigh*

I held our baby for probably 20 minutes, intermittently staring at it in awe, and bawling. Then we both kissed it and then we put it in a ziploc bag and into the refrigerator. Later, when we can figure out exactly how we want to do it, we’re going to bury it here somewhere.

All day long I’ve been so proud of my body for how well it handled what had to be done. We have amazing bodies that are so equipped and efficient at what they were created to do! I’m so glad I didn’t get the D&C or take anything to interfere with my body’s natural process. It happened at the right time, and in the right way. And in letting it do so, I got to peek at a miracle. I got to actually hold in my hand the tiny little creature that was formed inside of me during the weeks before whatever went wrong, went wrong.

After that day, I didn't have any more cramping, but I bled like a regular period for about 4 more days. Then it lightened up and became spotting. The spotting went on until almost exactly 2 weeks after the m/c, and during this time, I had serious hormone crashes—hot flashes, migraines, dizziness, and overall feeling like crap. But it ended within that first 2 weeks, right about the time the spotting ended. I didn't ovulate that cycle. My period returned exactly 28 days after the m/c began, and it looks like I've just ovulated as usual, so I'm hoping I'm back on track now.

Thank you for reading. I hope that it can help someone in the way that many of these posts helped me.
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#158 of 437 Old 01-02-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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This thread helped me, so I should add my story.

I found out at 14w that the baby had died some time after 9w. The ultrasound showed a sad little bean, unmoving, with no heartbeat. The fetus (embryo?) measured 8.5-9w. There was no cramping or spotting to indicate a problem before that.

I really wanted everything to happen naturally. I tried some herbal and homeopathic remedies to encourage this. I worked on saying goodbye to the baby and letting go mentally and emotionally. Still, not a cramp that couldn't be attributed to gas. Not a spot of blood.

Three weeks later, I had a d&c for the missed miscarriage. It was an outpatient surgery. The procedure itself was not a big deal. They used Versed for anesthesia. This doesn't put you completely out, but does make sure you remember nothing. Once the drug went into my IV, I felt loopy. I remember rolling to the operating room and putting my feet in the stirrups. Next, I woke up in recovery.
The doctor dilated my cervix with some rods, and sucked and scraped out the "pregnancy tissues." He sent them to pathology, where they were tested for signs of infection and molar pregnancy. Since this is my first miscarriage, no genetic tests were done to look for a cause.

In recovery, I felt strong enough to go home after about an hour. My husband talked with me during that period. The doctor told him after the surgery that the baby was strongly attached to my uterus still, not ready to fall out. After chatting and munching on crackers, I dressed and went to the bathroom. My husband fetched the car while a volunteer pushed me down to the lobby in a wheelchair. I went home and straight to bed.

The doctor said I could go to work the next day, but I didn't feel well enough. I went out to dinner the following day, and that was too much. I had a bit of bleeding there, a mini pad's worth. For the next few days I had pinchy feelings with too much activity. Laying down fixed it. A couple times I laid down under my desk at work. It was a full week before I felt totally recovered.

Mentally the recovery was slow, also about a week. The d&c, on principal, was traumatic to me. Every hug from a friend helped me feel better. Now, three weeks later, I'm back to my usual chipper self.

My advice to people getting a D&C:

Make sure they're using gentle anesthesia! You don't need general. That's a harder recovery.

Unless something special happens, you don't need drugs to contract your uterus or antibiotics. Those make recovery harder, too.

Have people around for a few days who can keep your toddler from jumping on your abdomen.

Get lots of hugs!
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#159 of 437 Old 01-05-2007, 05:16 PM
 
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It's very hard reading your experiences, but comforting to know this may actually help someone who is going through this.

On Jan. 5th, 2006 I went to the dr for a routine visit. I remember it all like it was just hours ago. This was my husband's first visit with me and I was excited we would get to hear the heartbeat together. I was eleven weeks. The dr asked if I had any complaints and I didn't I felt great. So asked me to lay down and rubbed over my belly and said my uterus felt good. She put the little heart monitor over my belly and started pushing around. She said "this little turkey doesn't want to perform today, let's do an ultrasound, I am sure everything is ok." I had to go out to the waiting room and was SO EXCITED, not an ounce of worry, was so excited my husband would get to see the baby. Well, we sat and sat and my dr came out and said the tech would be with us soon they were having some "complications with another patient" and then it hit me--- what if something was wrong with my baby. I sat there and started to sob. The lady that was having complications came out. She had her little preg belly and was holding it sobbing. I was SO SO scared at that point. Finally the tech called us in. She put the thing on my belly and I could see a huge black hole. I asked "where's my baby" and she said she thought they'd miscalculated so would have to do an internal u/s. She put the thing in there and started to scan around. I just knew something was wrong and started panicking and begging her to tell me where my baby was. She said she had to call the dr in. The dr came in and pointed to this little sac and said that that was the baby I said it couldn't be because just a month ago I saw it on the screen and now all I saw was a little sac. She said I'm sorry but you've miscarried. I sobbed and sobbed, my husband holding me begging me to calm down. She asked me to gather myself and then meet her in her office to discuss everything that needed to be done. She explained about the D&C and the possible complications if I let my body do it naturally. We were so nervous that we decided to have the D&C the next morning. I remember walking out of the dr office and my husband calling his mom to tell her. I had to call my boss because I was going back to work. When I said it, I couldn't believe that I was actually admitting that my baby was gone. I cried the rest of the night and the next day. I had the D&C done the next morning and really tried to pull myself together. Well, my dr requested that I allow her to do chromosome testing on the baby to see what was wrong. She sent the samples to the pathologist and on Monday I received a call from her that she thought I'd had a tubal pregnancy and she needed to see me ASAP. I went in and had to have another ultrasound. Oddly this time I could see the little baby that I'd seen on my first LIVE u/s but this time there was no movement and my uterus had shrunk down some. She said she had to do another emergency D&C that day. I went in and had it done. I have been trying to conceive and even though my levels were high and there's still no explanation for the loss of our baby, I'm still not preg.
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#160 of 437 Old 01-08-2007, 05:23 PM
 
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I am so greatful to have found this forum... I have wanted to share my M/C stories but couldn't find the appropriate place, after reading Karennns original post introducing this thread, it was so nice to find someone who feels that same way I do, impatient and all. My first M/C was August 14, 1997. He/she was most likely a blighted ovum that I passed at home with out incident. I brought the fetus, or "product of conception" as they like to call it in the med. comm., to the hospital, handed it over to some anonymous person and never heard about it again. I was pregnant again w/in 3 months and I gave birth in hospital, to Sarah, the following July. Sam was born in 2002 in the hospital and then Rachel in 2004 at home. In October 2005 we learned we were pregnant again but this one turned out to be a blighted ovum as well, that I passed at home. This time I had my MW. I went for a rourtine check up with her at 4 months. I knew that something was not right. I felt as though something, or someone, was missing. I almost felt empty. We went for au/s and discovered what I knew to be true. I went home and 2 days later my body took care of itself. My bag litteraly popped at 10 p.m. Sunday night, my MW stayed with me for a couple of hours while my husband put the kids to bed. I labored all night with mild cramps, passing clots and waiting for the baby. At around 6 a.m. the next morning, I was exhausted, but just before my children awoke for school, I passed the "baby" and placenta all in one. Erika, my MW,came by later in the day and we took a look at him/her. It's may sound funny to say but a blighted ovum looks like a comma. The placenta was wrapped around the baby and the Umbilical cord seemed fused against the placenta as did the little tiny baby. And the baby did not resemble a baby at all, it was an empty sac. There was alot of bleeding after that so I took my florodex and prenatal pills and rested for a week or so. Seeing the little one was closure for me. One year later I became pregnant again, and so did, or rather is, my Sil, and my BF. I was due in-between them on May1rst. My Bf would have been at my birth along with my MW. Instead they were there for me when I miscarried. I went for my normal check up with Erika last tuesday and we could not find the heart-beat. I had thought that the babies movements were muffled and very low, not strong, so I was hoping that my placenta was antierior and just blocking his movement. So Erika made me a little lunch and we tried again. Nothing. She scheduled an u/s for the following morning. My husband and I went in and the tech could not find anything, and she knew right away. I really like this women, she had done my last u/s with my last m/c. I like her because, while she is a bt sensative, she is honost and she told us right away "I am not a dr., but..." and then she explained little of what she saw. No waiting around for the "official diagnosis". The dr did come in and we discussed what my options were. I would not do a D&E, I refuse to be "put out" for anything and this procedure would result in dismembering, to put it nicelly, the little baby inside of me. The other option was Mesoprostal, which some of you may know as Cytotec. No way, even though friends who are Dr.'s assured me that it was safe, it still scared me. Thank G-d and the powers that be, as with my last two m/c's, my body took care of him on it's own. The very next morning I awoke with camps. And only after my childeren left for school, did the bleeding start. My Bf, Elaine, took me for a coffee and then we sat out on my front porch enjoying the abnormally warm January air while I labored for a bit. When we went inside to wait for Erika, I headed right for the bathroom, to pee, I thought, but my body was ahead of me. Something large was making it's way through my vagina, and I could not for the life of me even guess what it could be. It seemed to soon for anything this large. It was my bag of waters, and as it bulged out of my vagina, I thought if it breaks I am in for hours of labor, and possible great blood loss. I had decided earlier that we would head for the hospital where I would at least feel safe, but did I mention that my body had other plans, thank G-d.? Erika arrived within 10 minutes and suggested I lie down to slow the blood flow if there was any. I cannot believe that I had any doubt in her faith in me! As I sat on the toilet with a colander beneath me to catch what would come out, my baby, and his placenta, slid from inside of me and into the colander in one neat package. Elaine and Erika and I looked at each other stunned. They helped me into bed, brought me OJ to drink and blankets that they warmed in my drier. I am so greatful that they were with me. As I lay in bed Erika and Elaine cleaned my baby and layed him on a blanket that I had intended for his birth. When my husband returned from the school, I gave him a moment to collect his thoughts and feelings and then we had Erika bring our baby in to us. He was tiny, so very tiny. He had made it to about 17 weeks gestation. I think he made it to 18, but he had stopped developing at 16 weeks. His color was grey, but his little tiny hands and feet were perfect, I could even see his little ankles. We took pictures and we measured him. His placenta was perfect, his cord was long. My only wish was that we could have found out why. Why he stopped developing. Its normal for me to ask myslelf, as I sit here alone, "was it the fetta cheese on that pizza? or maybe it was those three nights of poor sleep, or was it when I walked under that ladder..." None of it rational, but a week after my last visit, the last time we heard the heart beat, a wave of saddness had hit me, and I could not figure what it was. There was nothing specific going on, but I recorded it in my journal, and I am glad that I did. I am sure that in the last week of Novmeber is when my baby left me. And I think that I did all of my mourning then, because I had spent alot of time crying, and the sadness was overwhelming, but it passed within 2 weeks. Now I am sad, but I'm "counting the days" until my first menstruation, until my first visit to the Mikvah, until that first feeling of slippery fluid indicating that there is a tiny little egg waiting to be fertilized. Then I will do that 3 more times until I feel my body has rested, and then we try again. At least I intend to wait... who know what my body intends to do!
Blessings to all of you who have lost babies to miscarraige, to those of you who are waiting for your first baby to come through, my saddness is reserved for you, and so is my hope.
Samantha M, SamuraiMom.

BTW, My son named the baby Zachary Jackson, and we were allowed to bury him in between my grandparents and Bubbie and Zaddie.

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#161 of 437 Old 01-16-2007, 05:58 PM
 
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I want to share my story too. I was 9 weeks pg.

Last Friday my husband came home from work at noon because it was sleeting and the whole town was basically shutting down in preparation for an ice storm. DD went down for a nap soon after he got home, so DH and I had a little "snuggle time." About an hour after that, I started spotting. I didn't worry about it because I spotted after intercourse with my first pregnancy. I continued spotting that evening and on Saturday morning the blood was a little heavier, but it was brown, so I still wasn't too worried.

That afternoon, I noticed that my uterus felt different. I had been able to feel it at the top of my belly when I pushed down slightly. I couldn't feel that anymore. I started cramping in the afternoon too. Since it was Saturday and the roads were icy, there was nothing I could do anyway, so I just waited.

I fell asleep early that night, around 8:30. I woke up around midnight with more severe cramps and the blood had changed to red. I put on a pad and went back to bed. About 2 AM I woke up again. The cramps were so bad that I could not get back to sleep. I went to the bathroom and blood started pouring out. I started vomiting, which woke up DH. I asked him to get me a muscle relaxer to help with the pain and hopefully allow me to get some sleep. I took the pill when my stomach settled down. I checked the fresh pad that I put on about 15 minutes later and it was soaked through. I was worried about the blood loss and the fact that the pain seemed to be centered on the lower left side of my abdomen. I called the hospital and they put me through to a nurse in labor and delivery. When I told her how much I was bleeding, she said I should probably go to the ER. So we packed the diaper bag with snacks and juice, our portable DVD player and some movies, and some books and a stuffed animal for DD. We woke her up and got her dressed and headed to the ER on the icy roads. It was about 3 AM.

The nurse that checked me into the ER was 8 months preg. I could tell she felt bad for me. I tried to make her feel more comfortable by asking her about her preg and telling her about my DD. They did a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. They had a small u/s machine there, not as powerful as the regular u/s machines. The Dr couldn't see anything. They drew blood to do an HCG and to make sure I hadn't lost too much blood. By this time the muscle relaxer had worn off, so they gave me some Vicodin. They released me with a prescription for more pain pills and told me to call the hospital Monday for another HCG test and u/s. It was about 5 AM.

When we got home, I went to the bathroom and passed something. I was so tired and the toilet was filled with blood, so I didn't fish it out. I felt weird just flushing it, but I didn't know what else to do.

I went to the hospital by myself the next day. DD hates hospitals and I didn't want to put her through that. They did the blood test and then I went back into the outpatient waiting room to wait for the u/s. I was sitting where I could see out into the lobby, and I saw a pregnant lady checking in, obviously to have her baby. I broke down then. I hadn't cried about it until then. But I knew this baby was no to be, and it was so hard to deal with. I'll never forget, I was the only person in the waiting room except for the receptionist. She had been on the phone the whole time I was there, about twenty minutes at this time. I could hear her conversation, even though she was talking in hushed tones. She was gossiping about the minister at her church who had abruptly resigned. I sat there crying, with no tissues, wiping my tears on my shirt, and this woman went right on with her conversation, not stopping to check on me or offer me a Kleenex. She was still on the phone when I left the hospital 30 min later, after my ultrasound. So much for the Christian work ethic and the concept of compassion. It just really irritated me.

Anyway, the u/s showed nothing in my uterus, no sac, nothing. The mc had already occurred. When I got home, I went to the bathroom and passed something again. It felt exactly the same as it did right after we got home from the ER. I'm thinking maybe it was the massaging of the ultrasound wand that helped get things moving? I don't know.

The bleeding has slowed, it is about like my regular period now. I am waiting to hear from my OB's office as to whether or not I'll need a D & C. I'm still having some pain on my left side. I'm thinking it is realted to some GI trouble that has been occurring since this started.

As for my mood, I'm just really depressed. I expect the depression will last for awhile. I'm glad spring will be here soon, something to look forward to.

Thank you for starting this thread. It has been very helpful to me, reading other's stories and writing my own.
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#162 of 437 Old 01-16-2007, 08:30 PM
 
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mama. Take care of yourself. I am so sorry. I have a story here too.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#163 of 437 Old 01-16-2007, 10:52 PM
 
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First I must say that before my miscarriage started I found myself reading through all of these posts which I can say that I really appreciate everyone pouring their hearts out here.

Well I knew I was pregnant almost immediately, I took a pregnancy test to confirm after my period was one week late - 11/28/06. I wanted to wait for the insurance deductables to roll over to the new year, so I decided to have my first visit with my mw just after the new year. I went into the mw's office on 1/3, and expected to go through all of the usual stuff. I was surprised when she pulled out an u/s to take a look at the baby. I was supposed to be nearing 11 weeks. When she started to look she couldn't find anything really. She did an internal and still looked dismayed. Then she took me to another machine and before I knew it I had two doctors in the room looking at my ultrasound and telling me that the baby did not have a heartbeat and looked like it had stopped growing at 5 or 6 weeks. From there I had a blood test done for initial HCG levels and then I went in two days later to confirm that my HCG levels were dropping. My mw warned me that I would probably start to miscarry in the next week or two naturally or I could do something to progress it. As much as I didn't want to believe their diagnosis, I knew that something wasn't right. Sometime around Christmas I remember noticing that my symptoms of being pregnant had nearly disappeared. However, I still had hope and was in denial until it started on its own.

I decided to do it naturally, as I was induced with my daughter and have decided I will never do anything like that again if I can help it. Well on Saturday I started feeling labor like contractions. It really was like when I had my daughter, before I got induced. Nothing happened until the next morning. The next morning around I was working on my laptop and talking with my sister when all I did was reposition myself and I felt a gush. When I went to the bathroom I discovered that what I believe was my water had broke. It wasn't a lot but it was noticeable to me. It looked as if my mucus plug had come out. There was a little bit of light red blood and some clear mucus looking stuff. The cramping then started coming on much stronger than before, but nothing nearly as intense as when I had my daughter. For the rest of the day I did find myself staying in bed. I thought that with all of that cramping something would come out besides brown blood, but nothing really has of yet. The intense cramping subsided towards the end of the day, and I haven't had anymore cramping since. I am going on day ten of this and since about day five it has been red blood. I have seen some tissue, but it is very small and little. No clots or anything very heavy, but it is heavier and lasting longer than any of my periods. Sometimes it is very light and sometimes it is heavy. This ongoing constant bleeding is really wearing on me. Wearing pads all of this time is really bothering my skin too - I have started using some wrags here and there to give my body a break from them.

I did find that oddly enough the first day that this miscarriage happened was probably the best day I have felt through all of this. I felt some sort of gratification that I could do it on my own, without a doctor rushing it along. It felt good to trust my body to know what it is doing.

I do feel depressed and messed up still. I still can't believe that this pregnancy was so short. I find myself going back and saying I should have done this or that, even though I know I couldn't have changed the outcome.
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#164 of 437 Old 01-17-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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#165 of 437 Old 01-18-2007, 04:02 AM
 
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It's a hard story to share, and I don't tell many people. Sometimes they disregard my story because of my age or just flat out don't believe me when I tell them I'm a mommy.
We'll start here. I am 17 years old, and the mother of two Angels, both were lost during miscarriages. Their father, also 17 is very loving and supportive.
When I lost our first child, who we decided to name Emily Michelle, at almost two months, I was only 16 years old, so was he. We didn't know if she was a boy or girl, but I was 100% sure that she was- I could just feel it.
I found out I was pregnant, and it was the happiest day of my life. I was a mom. And I knew that my boyfriend would be excited too, because we had agreed that if that were to happen we would be happy, as this was our child.
I was in class on May 3, 2006 working on a math quiz, still in high school but to be graduating that year. I started having cramps fairly bad. I wasn't sure what to do about it, because no one knew I was pregnant (I still hadn't told her father yet, I was planning a whole surprise later that week). Then it felt like I had started my period. So, in sheer terror I walked up to my teacher and had her sign a pass for me. I left and went to the bathroom where I had the worst cramps I had ever felt in my life. After staying in there for a descent amount of time, I had managed to collect myself enough to walk across campus to my boyfriends class, where I ignored everyone and literally pulled him out of the room (very unlike me). He asked what was wrong, as I was crying hysterically, so I threw my arms around him and told him that we had lost our baby. He had no idea what was going on because he didn't know about the baby to begin with, but he stood there with his arms around me and kissed my forehead and told me that it was okay and that it wasn't my fault. An hour later, one of the women from the office came outside and saw us, and she immediately sent me home ill (she said I didn't look right...?). I drove home alone, and in pain and slept for hours, I never went to the hospital. We later decided to name the baby Emily Michelle.
I had another one recently, on December 21, 2006. Another happiest day of my life! And another worst. That miscarriage was filled with the same pain and the same sorrow of the first, but I was alone and no longer in high school (after Emily I had decided to graduate a year early and continue my college). I had just found out I was pregnant, and once again, my boyfriend did not know yet. I feel terribly guilty sometimes for not telling him the moment I found out, but I was scared and happy at the same time and I wanted it to be an event.
I miss my angels terribly, and wear a memory bracelet with their birthstones on it. The hardest part for me is that the miscarriages could have been prevented had my doctors found a couple of health issues I had had for several years. They only recently found out, and now I feel angry that my babies were lost because of my doctor’s ignorance.
I hope that one day I will be able to see and hold my third child and kiss him or her three times as much as I would only one of my children.
My boyfriend reminds me that I am a mom, when I feel like only half of one; and lets me know that our babies are safe, with each other, they are angels, and one day we will be able to have our whole family together again.
I read a quote that gets me through the long days, and maybe it can help you too. "An Angel in the book of life, wrote down our baby's birth, and whispered as she closed the book... too beautiful for earth..."
I try to keep a positive attitude and remember that no matter what, I am a mom and my angels are safe.
So are yours.

I am an angel's mommy,
Melissa
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#166 of 437 Old 01-19-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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Im new here, and this is my first pregnancy, as well as my first miscarriage. I don't have health insurance, so I kind of cant go to the hospital or doctor, So I was just wondering, how many of you have had natrual miscarriages, and about how long I should wait until I HAVE to goto the doctors.

Im only *about* 6 weeks along, if that. And I started bleeding badly yesterday, and that slacked down after I passed alot of tissue. Im not feverish, and Im not lightheaded, or bleeding excessively now. So far, from what Ive read, Im on schedule, but I was just curious if anyone knew anything.:
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#167 of 437 Old 01-22-2007, 04:38 AM
 
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Well, my story is a bit old, but I saw that the previous poster's loss was exactly 2 years to the day of my last one and felt compelled to tell it. It's a bit long, just to warn you.

I have had 4 miscarriages. I was barely 20 years old when I had my first, and when I went to the ER at 7 weeks along I didn't think to ask if anything had been seen on the ultrasound. The tech asked me if I was sure I was pregnant, so my guess is that there wasn't anything to be seen. Of course, the bloodwork showed that I was pregnant. It was the day after my +HPT and it was an unexpected pregnancy in a relationship before I met my DH.

The bulk of the bleeding lasted about 2 weeks. I was absolutely devastated; my ex was more relieved than anything else. Our relationship ended a couple of months later and I started dating my DH about 6 months after that.

DH and I got engaged after a little over a month of dating. I had another unexpected (though welcome) pregnancy about a month after that, at 5 weeks or so. It wasn't as bad as the first physically and was termed a "chemical pregnancy." I was very upset by this one as well.

We decided not to prevent another pregnancy, but we weren't actively trying either, especially since DH was in the Marines and stationed 3 hours away - we saw each other on weekends. I got pregnant pretty much immediately after my 2nd miscarriage and lost that one around 6 weeks. There was a sac on the ultrasound, but no baby to be seen. At this point, I was beyond devastated and couldn't understand why it kept happening over and over again.

I went through a lot of recurrent miscarriage testing and found a slight autoimmune problem, and took 81mg of aspirin every day for it. We decided to TTC and I was pregnant immediately. We saw our baby's heartbeat on ultrasound at around 6.5 weeks.

Her loss was by far the most difficult of all, physically and emotionally. I began spotting at 8 weeks and went in for an ultrasound, during which we saw our baby's heartbeat, nice and strong. The spotting turned to bleeding overnight and the next day, she still had a heartbeat, though it was weaker. About two hours after that ultrasound, I began cramping heavily and home and felt that something just wasn't right. I went into the bathroom and something fell into the toilet.

I picked it up, and there was my tiny baby - about 1/2in long and still in her sac. She was so tiny, so perfect in my eyes. The shock and suddenness of the loss, combined with not expecting to actually see the baby since I hadn't with my other 3, sent me into an almost primitive mode. Not that I would've ever entertained the thought of this, but I had a fleeting, primal urge to actually consume the baby's remains. I'm guessing that is how it's done in the animal world. My DH and I calmly put the baby into a ziplock and put her in the fridge, as per instructions from my OB's office. After that, I mumbled, paced, pulled at my hair, couldn't form a coherent sentence...I was a mess.

Part of me desperately wanted to bury my baby, but after 3 other losses we decided that we should have genetic testing run instead. We had lost a baby girl who had a 100% fatal, random chromosomal disorder called Triploidy, where the baby has an extra set of chromosomes. We named her Caroline Grace.

We decided to put TTC on hold in order to focus on our wedding. I also had a lot of personal reflection to do. I had had a drinking problem for a couple of years (though never drank while knowingly pregnant) and 5 months after we lost Caroline I had a car accident. That was 20 months ago and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since.

I decided to have my unusually long cycles looked into and had some hormonal testing done, which we didn't do the first time around. My testosterone levels were through the roof and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I began charting and we practiced NFP from then on. I started taking Metformin, which can reduce the testosterone in a roundabout way, and we were married in Dec 05. We decided it was time to TTC again in Feb 06, 14 months after Caroline's loss, and became pregnant immediately again.

This time, my pregnancy stuck. I went into preterm labor at 24 weeks, was on and off bedrest for the next 12 weeks, had gestational diabetes and ended up on insulin by the end after diet and oral medication didn't help control it, and finally gave birth to a beautiful, healty baby girl on October 21st.

I'm eternally grateful for my daughter and would do it all over again if I had to and it meant that I would still have her in the end. But I am still caught off-guard by the footprints on my heart that each of my angels has left. I am grateful for them as well, because they made me who I am today.

My point is that there is hope. I was told by someone else who's experienced multiple losses that those who are born mothers, will be someday. I know that she's right.
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#168 of 437 Old 01-25-2007, 11:36 PM
 
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I was 22 weeks pregnant when I had her.

We decided to have our first ultrasound to determine the sex of our baby on my DH's bday. We came to find out that day that our baby had abnormalities and developmental problems. An amniocentesis revealed our baby[girl] had turner's syndrome (a chromosomal disorder where the 26th chromosome is not paired, so, rather XX or XY, it was an XO). "It could be a day, a week, a month, 2 months. ...All I know is that she will not live full term" well, THANKS DOC!! that was NOT helpful. In anycase, they gave me 2 options, wait it out, or have an abortion before 24 weeks (i was 19 weeks at the time).

The decision broke my heart and I am grateful I never had to make it, as I prayed so hard that I would not have to make a choice. I knew did not have the heart to have an abortion, but did not know if I would have the strength to possibly deliver a full term-sized stillborn baby.

I did think to myself that I must have provided a nice cushy home for her, baby's with this disorder rarely live past the first trimester. I don't know what her reason was to stay with us so long, but I am so grateful to have had her with us for my entire pregnancy.

Not a week later, I had a dream that I was trying to get something out of my body. I woke up feeling disconnected from the pregnancy, that same day we went to go see our m/w to check, sure enough no heartbeat.

I was scared of infection as my WBC's were a point above normal about a week after we found out no heartbeat. I waited it out, but at 22 weeks, I ended up inducing my own m/c w/ half a dose of cytotec at 530pm.

[By the way, I personally did not have any trouble with the cytotec. I know I was hesitant, but desperate. I think the biggest danger is that your uterus can rupture because of unnaturally strong contractions. I was not worried about that because my uterus was still relatively small, compared to a full term pregnancy.]

By 11:30pm the cramps were horrible, and by 1am UNBEARABLE!!! I was starting to wonder if people could die from pain OR, that if i passed out from the pain, I hoped my DH would hear the THUD of me falling to the ground (as he fell asleep when i, by the grace of God and a dose of tylenol, managed to get an hour of shut eye, too). In retrospect its a funny thought to me, but SO real when you're in the moment. I think its how they know your going into real labor, when you're delusional :

I awoke with INTENSE contractions and at about 4am my water broke. A sense of "the calm before the storm" came over me as the contractions quieted. I ran to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and felt an urge to push. Out part of her came. She came out so fast, but somehow I instinctually knew to put my hand down to catch her. I called DH and told him it was time. He held her and I pushed and pushed. DH just kept telling me I was doing a good job and that she was coming out. Another instinctual moment came, so shifted my hips, and out the rest of her flew. about 30 seconds later, I birthed the placenta and it was over.

She was so big, yet so small. Her tiny body was red and swollen from the fluid that had accumulated, but still so SO BEAUTIFUL. 10 fingers and 10 toes, and about 10" long. We sobbed and sobbed for her, wishing she was alive. We were up for the next 3 hours with her, admiring her both in awe and dispair ...in fact, we stayed up with her until the sun came out! I could not believe how much love a heart could give as that is what she was, a product of our love, AMAZING! This is exactly the experience I wanted us to have, together as a family. It was absolutely insane to have a baby this far along on our own but for me it was all worth it just to have that moment. *sigh*

I suppose this was more of a stillbirth than a miscarriage, but wanted to share all the same. Its amazing how the body knows what to do, there is something so raw and primal about childbirth.

We named her Savannah, as I had always wanted to name our baby girl that, and then Joy, because that is what she brought so much of to us (and continues to do so)

this was, hands down, the most beautiful, breathtaking and heartbraking moment of my life and with all my heart and soul I am so grateful for it.

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#169 of 437 Old 02-08-2007, 03:56 AM
 
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I can’t tell you how much I appreciate reading all of your stories. I agree that this is a taboo topic in our society – and it shouldn’t be. I feel like I’m ready to share now.

My first pregnancy was perfect. Enough symptoms to let me know everything was going well, but not too miserable. A long, drug-free labor that ended in a healthy, 8lb., breastfeeding champ. I had so much confidence in my body’s ability.

18 months later, I was happy to discover I was pregnant again. We decided to wait to tell anyone until about 7 weeks, when my parents would be in town. But then, at 6 weeks I was suddenly in a really bad mood all day for no reason. That evening I started spotting, very lightly. I called my midwife who assured me there could be a good reason for it, but to come in for lab work the next day. By then the spotting had increased, though not as much as a regular period. I found out that we wouldn’t get the lab results until the next day, which made me panic. What if there was something that could be done to save the baby and it would be too late by then? As it turned out, it wouldn’t matter. The spotting increased, but never got too heavy, so I was able to stay at home for the whole thing. I stayed in bed for a couple of days. My aunt came over one of the days so my dh could go into work for a couple of hours. She brought me pads. It was a small thing, but so appreciated. The bleeding seemed to get better, so my dh took our ds to his parents for the weekend (we had been planning to go for a while) and I stayed home to rest. The day after they left I had MAJOR cramping for a couple of hours and then suddenly had to rush to the bathroom. Something plopped into the toilet and it was finally over. I didn’t see it, but I wished I had. It felt weird to flush it, but I guess I didn’t know what else to do (I’m glad to read in so many other stories that other women wanted to examine what came out – I thought I was the only one).

A few months later I was pregnant again. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, “We’re having a baby.” I would only tell people that I was pregnant. I WAS pregnant, but I might NOT be actually having a baby. But as I passed the 6 and then 12 week marks I felt better and better, and eventually was able to enjoy being pregnant. And then we had another healthy boy. I figured the m/c had just been one of those things, and my faith in my body was mostly restored.

And then, about 20 months later, we were happy to find ourselves expecting again. But this time was different. From the very beginning I had a feeling like it was all a lie. It’s hard to explain, but I felt strange telling people, even my parents and close friends, that I was pregnant. But, I tried to tell myself that everything was fine. I had a normal exam at 12 weeks and heard a good, strong heartbeat. We told our boys. We told everyone we know. I scheduled my next appointment for dh's birthday. We would have the ultrasound, the kids would get to see the baby. It would be great.

A week before my next appointment, we had a party to go to, at my best friend’s house. I was looking forward to it, but the whole week before I had this feeling of dreading the day of the party. I would catch myself feeling this way, and try to talk myself out of it. I could think of no reason why I should feel that way.

The day before the party, we had a blizzard so my dh worked from home. That afternoon, I noticed some spotting, but just barely. I called my midwife and she assured me that there are lots of reasons for spotting in the middle of pregnancy that don’t mean anything bad is happening. She didn’t think it was worth driving an hour to her office in bad weather, but said that if it was still there in the morning she would come in to see me (it was her day off – she’s the best!). I tried to rest, which seemed to help, but once I got off the couch for a while the spotting came back.

In the morning it was still there, maybe a bit worse (but not more than a panty liner could handle), so we decided to go in. Her office is near where the party was, so I called my friend, told her what was going on, and that we’d be just a few minutes late to the party. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” I told her.

My midwife first tried to find the heartbeat, but was unable. She tried with the Doppler for a long time, and then suggested looking inside. She said things looked good internally, closed cervix, etc., so then tried again with the Doppler. While she was patiently searching and searching, she asked if I was sure of the dates, because I felt small. I told her I was. Then she suggested an U/S. Luckily that was the day they had the tech in the office, so I didn’t have to go anywhere else. She brought my dh and kids in before they started. The tech put the wand on my belly and I could tell right away. Everything was just too still. The tech said, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” and explained what she was seeing. I should have been 18w 5d, but the baby measured around 15w. My midwife and dh both started to cry, but I just said, “OK.”

My midwife brought in the OB, who was very nice, and he explained that a D&C was my best option. At almost 19 weeks, the risk of hemorrhage was high if I tried to go it alone, and we lived far from the hospital. They gave us the option of doing it right then or waiting a few days. We agreed to do it that day, I kind of wanted to get it all over with. I have struggled with that decision since then, but I don’t know if there would have been anything better. It was all awful. Dh left to drop the kids off with my sister, which left me to walk to the hospital. It was only about a block away, but very lonely and depressing. He met me at the hospital before the D&C.

It was then that I told dh that I had felt all along that it wasn’t going to work out, and he said he had felt the same way! It made me feel a little better to hear that. I told him that I wanted to ask to see the baby, but he told me he didn’t think they’d let me and that there wouldn’t be anything to see anyway. I know he really didn’t think it was something we could do, but I wish I had pushed harder for it. I can’t help feeling a little angry about that. It’s really disturbing to me to think that my child was just tossed out like medical waste.

They took me to the OR and gave me general anesthesia (something about the D&C being potentially worse that far along). I woke up in recovery with the most violent chills. I had no abdominal pain, but I could feel all my muscles cramping up from this shivering, but I couldn’t stop it. It finally subsided, and I eventually went back to my room. When they moved me from the cart to my bed, there was a huge pool of blood left on the cart. But after that, my bleeding was just like a heavy period.

I was sent home that night and spent the next few days on my couch. The only pain I had was horrible muscle pain from the chills. I couldn’t walk, turn my head or chew for 24 hours. After that, I was pretty much back to my old self, physically.

Mentally, it comes and goes. I think in some ways it was easier, since I suspected all along. That’s not to say that it’s not still awful, but at least it wasn’t a complete shock. One of the worst parts was having to tell everyone. And I mean EVERYONE. That’s a lot of times to relive something. Telling our boys was the hardest though. Our 4 year old really cried, our 2 year old didn’t really get it though. At our 4-year-old’s insistence we pray for our babies every night now. It’s very sweet.

Thanks for letting me share my story. I think I really needed this.
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#170 of 437 Old 02-08-2007, 05:10 PM
 
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Boysmom, your story made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss.

I guess I'll chime in, I won't tell my whole history now, but I really feel the need to say something about my most recent loss. Maybe later I'll come back and tell the whole thing. I am right now *hopefully* just ending my 3rd miscarriage. It was much heavier than my 2nd one--that one was actually not bad at all, just an hour of heavy bleeding two mornings in a row. This time it was over 3 hours of very heavy bleeding, with quite a few "gushes" that soaked the whole pad and got my pants wet. Not pleasant. It has slowed down, but I don't think it's quite over yet.

My point is, it is awful to go through, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong.
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#171 of 437 Old 02-25-2007, 06:21 AM
 
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Mine were pretty painless compared to what a lot of women go through:

I did a home pregnancy test the first time when I was just over a week late. I was blissfully pregnant for a further 5 weeks. Then a TINY bit of brown spotting one evening - which totally freaked me out with worry. Spotting continued, lightly over the next day or two (hard to remember now). Only mild cramping. Then went for a pee mid-morning and little 'plop' into the toilet. It was a lump about 1.5" X 2" more red-pink than a blood clot and wispy-fibrous surface to it. That was all. Just a regular period-type bleed after that.

Second time was a blighted ovum. I had gone to the doctor at beginning of February, when I was 8-9 weeks pregnant. No spotting, but for some reason I now can't remember (mild cramping?) worried about MC. Ultrasound said all was fine. Then started spotting (bright red this time) a month later. Doctor told me that ultrasound showed blighted ovum that hadn't developed past 8-9 weeks. In retrospect, I figured I had known something was wrong when I felt funny at the February scare.

Doc suggested D&C and young, dumb me agreed. I had no problems with the D&C - physcially or emotionally. It was only later that I thought about it and realized his reasoning didn't make sense. He had suggested D&C "in case" something hadn't cleaned out properly from the first MC, which had been 5 months prior to the second one. Doesn't make sense for that to have been a possible cause of the second miscarriage if it really was a blighted ovum, since blighted ovum is inherent problem with the egg - not a problem with the environment of the uterus. . . live and learn.

Emotionally, the first miscarriage left me feeling pretty shocked and numb for a good week or so. In the months that followed, knowing of other educated/employed/married pregnant women didn't bother me. But knowing of unplanned pregnancies, teen moms, people who appeared to be having children only to boost their social insurance cheques, etc. really bothered me. I know some people will probably think that's incredibly snotty and self-righteous, but I'm just telling it like it was. I couldn't help but feel like "why are they pregnant when they aren't doing anything to deserve that baby" (as if one have to prove deserving a baby!) I felt this way particularly because my doctor had said after the first miscarriage that he thought it was just bad luck b/c I was young, healthy, fertile, etc etc and everything would be fine the second time. The second one made me sad, of course, but somehow it was even easier to get over. The prevailing sentiment was one of simply feeling like I had to "get back up on that horse". . .

Both times, I never felt like I had lost a baby. I felt like I had lost the potential for a baby and the loss of the potential for that dream was reallly hard.

Happily, I became pregnant again about 4 months later. I never looked back and went on to have as many kids as I'd always wanted (5). It's only after having miscarriage(s) that you start to hear more about this taboo subject and realize how incredibly common it is. That gave me a lot of comfort and I hope it does the same for you.

Six kids, sixth sense, six degrees of separation. . . from sanity!
Not sure that I'm crunchy, but definitely a "tough chew".
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#172 of 437 Old 02-26-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Hi, I'll share my story.

I miscarried last week at almost 12 weeks, but the baby did not make it much past my 9 week ultrasound where we saw it's strong little heart beating. Even though we had seen the heartbeat, I was still very uneasy about this pregnancy...it didn't feel "right" like my first one did.

Last Monday I woke up and went to the bathroom. I had some very light brown streaked discharge. I called my OB just to check with the nurse, and she said it was most likely due to having intercouse. Over the course of the day it turned from brown to pink, then to red. I knew that my pregnancy was not going to have a happy ending. Mild cramping started later that night, and lasted through the night.

Tuesday morning my husband stayed home because he knew we'd at least be going into the doctor to get checked out. At around 8am the cramps started coming in waves like contractions and I knew it wouldn't be long. At about 8:30 I was sitting on the couch and felt something like a little bubble popping, or like a big clot passing. I got up and went to the bathroom and liquid (fluid, not blood) poured out of me. Then the baby passed. I scooped up the baby and wrapped them in toilet paper.

The tiny baby was beautiful. It had little arms, legs, toes, and fingers. I held it's little hand and looked at its little eyes before placing them in a baby food jar. I called my OB and she said to come in right away. I was still having contaction like cramping. At her office she removed the placenta and determined I did not need a D&C. She took the baby away for testing.

It's been one of the most painful things physically and emotionally I've ever had to deal with. I know things happen for a reason and the little one probably had a major problem that would prevent life, but I still mourn the loss of my sweet little one.

Quote:
It's only after having miscarriage(s) that you start to hear more about this taboo subject and realize how incredibly common it is. That gave me a lot of comfort and I hope it does the same for you.
And ITA with this! I never realized how common miscarriages were until I had one, and speaking with women who have been through this has been so very comforting.

Mama to a 5.5 yr old boy and a 2.5 yr old girl.  Expecting baby 3 (another girl!) late June
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#173 of 437 Old 03-02-2007, 11:05 AM
 
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THis week, Tuesday it was one week to the day that I found out I was pregnant. I found out early b/c I became a charting junkie and so I found out about 11 dpo the first day of my missed period. I took 4 tests. So I was thrilled and my family was thrilled. My sister and my SIL (brother's wife) all pregnant we were all going to have babies in 2007 and all about 2 months apart. So my parents, against my wishes, told people. I almost didn't tell them right away but my mother was sick and was kind of sad that day so I thought it would cheer her up. So we told and I figured the more people praying the better. So we told. And then exactly one week from the day I found out, this past Tuesday (that would have made me 4.5 weeks pregnant), I was in the shower iwth my daughter and I saw blood coloring th water. I couldn't exactly tell what it was but something felt odd so I reached down and felt and looked at my fingers to see blood. I immediatly jumped out of the shower and started screaming no no, and then called my DH. He sounded disturbed It hink he started crying a bit and came home imediatly from work. My parents were calling me and so I took the call and I was hysterical and they came right over. i fell to my knees and prayed screaming to God to save my baby.

I laid in bed, got my daughter out of hte tub and turned on Sesame STreet. I knw that would still be on if my family couldn't get here. I called the doctor and told them to get me in. I thought maybe it was just spotting an dit just happend but then I looked at my underwear from earlier and I guess it started that morning. ANd everytime I got up the bleeding seemed a bti heavier. So I went in and they did and internal and asked if I was sure I was pregnant. I said without a doubt I'm never late and I took 4 tests. ANd so then he saw that hteir was thickening and said, this is more than spotting now and the miscarriage has already begun. My heart sank and I started sobbing and he put his hand on my back and comforted me trying to cnovince me it could be nothing that I had done or not done it was "one of those things." I hate that b/c it would be easier to blame something. Well today if Friday and I'm still spotting, but last night I was able to not sleep in a pad (they are so umcomfrotable to me). And I am still cramping, yesterday was the worst, and I passed a few good clots and some tissue. Today I am a lot better than yesterday, maybe it will hit me at a different time, b/c the past couple of days the mornings seem the worst to me. But today I'm not so horribly depressed. I didnt' mind getting out of bed and I"m not sobbing. Maybe its the hope that this will all be over soon. I go back in on Monday to I guess get checked out. There aren't a lot of stories of really early miscarriages so I felt I needed to for sure add mine, b/c even though its really early its still terribly hard to deal with and a loss of a baby all the same.
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#174 of 437 Old 03-04-2007, 05:57 PM
 
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I have SO many emotions I cannot express them all. Maybe some day. This is my (very) clinical story.

I am 38 and was pregnant for the 4th time. I have a Beautiful almost-7 yr old boy from my 2nd pregnancy. FYI The labor portion of that pregnancy lasted ~72 hrs. [I am not kidding.] I eventually had a C section.

At my 10wk2d checkup (Mon) the ultrasound revealed a 9wk4d old fetus with no heart beat.

Two weeks two days later (Wed), still nada, I went to the doctors for a checkup and to get a prescription for mysoprophil (sp?) that I'd planned to take on Friday night or Saturday morning to "get things started" while my son went to stay the weekend with my Sister and my husband could be home from work with me, etc. During the physical exam my uterus felt "roughed up" and a wee bit Owie. I was spotting a bit too. Drop here, drop there.

By 11pm that night I was having very mild contraction-like-cramps every 10-15 minutes or so. Still only barely-spotting on-n-off. I took 3 advil and try to rest on the couch. I fell asleep and woke at 2am with no cramps or bleeding, and went to bed.

FYI By the time we woke at 6am Thursday morning we had 5+ inches of snow and there was No School for my First Grader. Around 9am Hubby went to work. Not really any spotting, and just felt "tender" not really any cramps at all.

About 11am I started feeling crampy. At about 11:30am a friend called and I spoke with her (according to her) for about 45 minutes during which I started off having mild "tight" contractions and by the time I hung up I was having "breathless" contractions every 5 minutes or so. I setup a bunch of "play stations" throughout the house and told my son to play, I was going to take a shower. I spent 20 minutes (I ran out of hot water) on the tub floor on all fours having strong contractions that progressed (FAST?!?! It seemed?) to about 1-2 minutes apart. (No time to 'relax' in between.) I called my husband, an hour away, and said "Come Home, Now!!" About that time I ended up accidentally pooping my pants, along with SO much blood it stained my undies and was on the linoleum, etc. So only 5-10 minutes later I called my Best Friend and asked her to pick up my Son ASAP. I *think* she made it to the house within 10 minutes, certainly less than 15 anyway. I spent the time on the toilet filling it with poop, blood/tissue, and TP inbetween 1-2 minute strong contractions. I was pretty delirious overall. I dont remember much except the pain and delirium. My BF picked up my son. I sort-of popped my head out the door, said "bye. I'm fine", and went back into the bathroom and back onto the toilet for a refill of Poop, Blood/Tissue, and TP. I was definately delirious and just breathing (heeheehoo) through strong contractions 1 min apart waiting for hubby to arrive and make all the decisions; like call 911? call Dr? research online, books? or "Just Breath", etc. I mostly remember being VERY upset that I couldn't THINK and couldn't remember anything about my first labor or what the doctor had said to expect/do for a MC etc.

Eventually hubby arrived, helped me clean up, cleaned up bathroom, and helped me breath and walk through contractions. (We didn't call DR or 911, etc. He was able to remember what to do so I didnt have to remember, etc.) I went through countless pads, none ever filling up though, before about 3pm. (3-4 hours total time? Including apx 1 hour on toilet.) By 3pm I was able to relax a bit between contraction and chat. I was still gritting my teeth and breathing, but not as bad as before. By 5pm I was seriously cramping but able to relax and move around a bit. By 7pm I was cramping and bleeding like a regular heavy period. By 9pm I was able to get a bit of sleep.

At about 1:30am I woke from contractions again. From about 2am to 3am I had medium contractions (breathless, teeth gritting) every 3-5 minutes. I passed a BIG blob of tissue and alot of blood. Then contractions started to abate and I saw the clock turn 3:30am but then fell back to sleep until apx 5am.

Since then I have had cramps and bleeding like a regular period. It's been two days so far... I wanted to write this much before I forgot. I plan to update as things progress...

Note: I took 3 advil at noon-ish (?) and every 4 hours thereafter for the next apx 18 hours. Then 2 advil every 4-6 hours thereafter for the next apx 18-24 hours. I also took robitusin for my sinus infection every 4 hours starting at 5pm Thur for apx 12 hours.

I went to the doctors on Friday. I didnt collect the fetus, and so there is some concern that I am not "done" yet. The fetus might have ended up in the toilet, I will not know until either I do pass the fetus or I go to the doctors next week for a follow up exam and get confirmation the Yes I did, etc.

Follow Up: I was not "done"...

I bled and cramped like a heavy period until Tuesday. Tuesday morning I went to the doctor's to give more blood. My H* levels are/were 500 (that is down alot, per doctor) and all else was "ok".

Starting Monday night I had 'A' cramp that did not go away. Not cramps, but one big monster muscle-like cramp. I thought it was my bladder? Or maybe maybe not my uterus? Although hubby mentioned maybe it was constipation, but I knew not because it wasn't a cramp in the right place for that. All day Tuesday I was very very tired and didn't want to get out of bed or leave the house. (VERY unlike me.) At 2:35pm it was obvious why... I passed the placenta. I had to pee and so I started to pee and something HUGE passed out. I stopped peeing and FREAKED out. I tried a few ways to get "it" out of the toilet before biting my lip and reaching in to my elbow. I retrieved a fist size amount of grisly tissue and put it in a disposable tuperware. Then. I *lost* it. Screaming, sobbing, and crying hysterically on the bathroom floor.

Unfortunatly I only had a few minutes to "get it together" because my son gets out of school at 2:55pm!?!?! I tried calling a few friends to pick him up, but everyone had already left to pick up their own kids, etc. So I paniced and did my best to quickly cleanup myself and the bathroom, hiding what I could not get cleaned up quickly, and jumped in the car and dashed to the school. I was a bit late, but not much. I dashed in, said 'Lets Go' and drove my son home and set him up in front of the TV with the agreement that he could eat ANYTHING he wanted as long as he left me alone to "nap" in the bedroom, etc.

I sort of floated about the house for a while 'puttering' and then just starring into space. Eventually I called hubby and asked if he could come home from work early. He dashed home and around 4:30pm he arrived. He gave me many hugs and kises, finished cleaning the bathroom, and helped me get settled comfortably into bed. At 5-ish my best friend called (Hubby had called her from the road and asked her to call me ASAP) and so I cryed, and eventually laughed with her (about 'little nothings') for a while. Hubby took our son outside to play frisbee. Eventually I joined them and sat on the porch watching them while the sun set.

I spotted very very lightly for ~3 days. Little and then no cramps. I still have a head ache and stomach ache though. I recognize from experience that they are not symptoms of anything other than grief. Severe grief. I have cryed on-n-off for days. I can't sleep until I practically pass out from exhastion. I have NO interest in leaving the house, although I am also sick-to-tears of being in bed, so I am NOT going in there either. I feel a wee bit better each day though.

I took the tupperware in to the doctor's on Wednesday morning. As I was getting ready to go, I looked. I thought long and hard about it before I did.

Here is what I was thinking: My husband's best friend's Widow wanted to view her 17 mo old daughter's body when she died. It was a Horrific death. NO ONE wanted her to view the body. Mortuary Staff. Clergy. Family. Friends. BUT. At one point she was remaining 'stubborn' and I asked her 'Why' she wanted to see the baby's body. She basically explained to me that 1) it wasn't real to her without it and 2) it wasnt her Daughter, it was just a shell, and she needed "proof" of that with her own eyes. After that, I alone stood by her, and stubbornly held others at-bay so she could recieve what was for her Resolution.

So, I looked. I saw what might have been a torso and head but, honestly, freaked out before I got a good look to confirm. The ONE thing that does standout most in my mind though is this: 'It' looked nothing like what I'd imagined. Nothing like a baby. Nothing like MY son/baby ever-ever looked. Until that moment I hadn't realized - I was TERRIFIED of loosing my own 6 yr old son. I DID loose a Dream, and a Hope - but NOT my Son or my Family or my Future.

I spoke to the doctor (who was lovingly and compassionatly 'delicate' at first) and she eventually confirmed that the fetus might have been within the placenta, but that only the pathologist would be able to confirm. Because of the waiting (vs D&C) the fetus had alot of time to degenerate, and it had.

Per Doctor, I will return in two weeks for another blood test and physical exam. The expectation is that my H* levels will be zero and my body will be aok.
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#175 of 437 Old 03-14-2007, 02:29 AM
 
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I am new to this forum but reading all your stories helped me prepare and get through this awful time. I had a Blighted Ovum. I have posted numerous posts on another part of the forum, but wanted to put my story here for anyone in the future reading to get the same advice we have all got here, to give an idea of what to expect out of different situations, to help them get through the trauma. The people on this forum were there for me, I owe them a lot.

I was pregnant with my first baby at the age of 36, nearly 37. I was 3 weeks late, did a pregnancy test, convinced I couldn't get pregnant anyway, and the test came back invalid. So bought another one, same things happened until I realised I was supposed to slide a section across to reveal the answer, I was so shocked, my BF said I went white.

Found out I was about 7 weeks, started taking folic acid and preg vits. I didn't have many symptoms, just sore boobs, dizziness and all I wanted was meat. I was also more tired. My sister had a baby last Nov and she had no sickness so I was just hoping I was going to be a lucky one.

About 1 1/2 weeks ago I realised I had no symptoms, I kept asking my BF if my boobs were growing, he would say no, I was not dizzy anymore, in fact I felt like I did at any other time, but I was still tired. I didn't feel pregnant. I knew there was something not right. About a week ago I started spotting, I was straight on this forum checking on spotting. It was normal. The spotting was brown and only to get checked if it was more red.

On Monday night of this week, my boyfriend was out for business, I came back early to take a shower. Went to the loo and a huge clot came out. I just freaked, I was so shocked I flushed. I came on this forum and started writing, I needed someone, I needed to know what was happening. I though it was miscarriage, but after reading here I realised I had had no cramping. I had had pains on the Friday before but I put it down to hunger pains as when I lay down they disappeared in 5 mins.

BF cam home, upset cause I hadn't rang and because we may be losing the baby. I had told him I didn't feel pregnant, so that was that, first thing in the morning he rang to make me an appointment with a doc that had been reccommended They said they could see me in a week (you have to know that I now live in Bulgaria and the system is different to the States and the UK). We decided to get on with some work we had to do and then go to the hospital.

Got another number of a friend who had a baby last October, we rang, told him we thought I may be miscarrying, he told us to see him in 20 mins. Fab. He had a scan in his room which was super, we told him the events leading up to our visit and he decided to scan my belly. He said there was a pregnancy but the egg was empty. Everything had been growing but no foetus had developed. I should have been 9 weeks. He said to return on the Thursday for another scan and then in the afternoon or Friday they would remove everything for me, give me anitibiotics to help with the healing. He repeated several times (my BF had to translate cause I don't speak Bulgarian) that this did not mean that I couldn't get pregnant again, he wanted to make sure I understood. He was very good.

So that was yesterday. Last night was bad. Started with cramping pains like you get with your period. They steadily got stronger, but still not painful, just very uncomfortable. We went to bed. I didn't sleep, every 10/15 mins I was up going to the toilet, I felt like I needed to poo, but I didn't, kept an eye on the blood flow as it was now red, almost translucent with small clots. Then I got a couple of bigger clots. At this point it was 2am, I got the spare duvet and went on the settee, TV on to distract the pain but it didn't. Trying to find a comfy position. The last time I went to the loo was 3.30am, changed my towel, got back on the sette, I found breathing steadily was working a little.

Then I woke up, it was 6.30am. What happened in the last 3 hours I have no idea. I had no pain, except on the right side of my lower back, it's really painful. Got up, I felt damp in my jog pants and there was blood on the duvet, not loads, but I knew I must have bled alot during the 3 hours. So I went to the loo and heard 'plop'. After reading the many ladies stories about retrieving what fell in the toilet for the doctor or further examination, I thought I had to be brave and get it out. It looked like a slug, a fat slug. I sliced a bit of the top of length ways. The way I describe it is if you slice open a peach, remove the stone it leaves a hollow. That is what it was like, a very small hollow where my baby should have been. It was empty. I felt empty, but also relieved that I didn't see my baby there, it was long gone if ever there.

So I am now hoping when I go for my scan on Thursday, the doc says everything has gone and I don't need the op anymore. After all this, I don't want anymore, I just want to try to get over this and look forwards. My BF is in bed and doesn't know, he is upset, bless him, he's been fantastic, bought me chocolate last night without me having to ask. He wants to try again as soon as I'm ready, he's my rock and my best friend, I've seen another side to him during all this and has made me love him even more, if that was possible.

I hope my story and all the other stories on this forum will help someone else who is unfortunate enough to have to go through this, we are here, everyone was here for me and it helped me be stronger than I thought I could be. You are not alone.
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#176 of 437 Old 03-16-2007, 03:04 PM
 
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You know, I was searching and searching online yesterday for details about miscarriage. Sometimes I just need to know, you know, exactly what things are going to be like, even if it's hard or gross. I was all but certain that I was losing (or, technically, had lost) my baby, and wanted to know EXACTLY what I was in for.

Then I came here and found this thread and read the first four pages or so. Then I got up to pee. And felt something come out. And it was the baby. And I was so grateful to have just read this, it was almost like fate. Reading these stories really prepared me mentally to accept what happened, and I was not as freaked out as I otherwise would have been.

So, thank you thank you to everyone who has shared their stories.

Mine, just the gory details:
On Sunday I vomited all day, uncontrollable, I could not even keep water down. On Monday, at about 6.5 weeks gestation, I started spotting. I had spotting and actual red blood bleeding with my first pregnancy, but this was different somehow. With my first, I knew somehow that it was going to be OK. I mean, I was worried, but I had a sense of rightness, too. This felt wrong from the first spot of blood. On Tuesday, I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps and low back pain and lots of clotting. Against my better judgement, I decided to go for an ultrasound for reassurance that everything was OK. We should have been able to see a heartbeat. Ultrasound showed a yolk sac, no baby. Measured at 5.5 weeks. Doctor (my mw doesn't do u/s) suggested my dates were off. They weren't, but I nodded and went along with it. I knew, though. I just knew.

Then I found this thread yesterday, read it, stood up and felt the baby come out and I knew what it was without looking. So I pulled her (I have felt this was a girl from the beginning) off my pad and wrapped her in a wipe, and just looked at her for a bit.

It was a bloody ball, shaped like a football. About 3-4 inches long, about an inch across. Really really firm, surprisingly firm, but it makes sense. I considered popping the sac open and having a peek, but decided to leave her dignity intact and leave her be. (So much for dignity, she's in my freezer now. We want to bury her but the ground is frozen so she'll stay in cold storage for a few weeks.)

I cried a bit, called my mw, called my husband, then nursed my toddler and went on about my day.
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#177 of 437 Old 04-08-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Thank you one & all - i wish i had found this forum on February 17th. I miscarried on February 16th, just after the big "Valentine's Day Storm" that hit the Northeast.

I had started spotting 4 days before after intercourse. Cause for some worry as I had none prior, but also knew that some spotting could be normal. I was going to the bathroom on Thursday, and suddenly saw bright red blood when I wiped. Tears immediately streaming down my face. 12 1/2 weeks had so far been more-or-less normal, no spotting - I knew.

More bleeding the next day and the mw told me to go in for an ultrasound. More tears. The tech confirmed that the embryo stopped growing at 6 weeks gestational. Sadness, anger, sadness, tears and more tears. DH was by my side and I knew he felt the sadness and keenly felt my pain.

I didn't take the mesoproxyn (sp?), didn't have to - cramps started around 6:30 that night, full-on contractions started around 9 and lasted until 11pm, each lasted for a minute+ and they were less than a minute apart. Never experienced so much pain in my life, excrutiating. Vomiting, diarrhea, eventual weakness & couldn't get up off the floor. The mw later told me that my heartrate probably slowed considerably from the pain. I finally made DH call an ambulance, couldn't take the pain any more. Just as they walked down the driveway (still a mess from the snowstorm), I passed the sac and the pain ceased.

Like many of you - fascination - this came from me? this was going to be our baby? It passed whole, and I could see the tiny white embryo inside, just as the pictures show. Strange detachment at that point - that was it - i couldn't believe it. 2 more hours on the couch with a sense of relief that the pain was over, and deep penetrating grief at the same time. A little more cramping and I then passed the placenta. The placenta looked as others have described - about 4 1/2 inches long, solid/fleshy, dark blood colored. Sorry for the graphic, but maybe it will keep someone else from worrying.

Finally fell asleep, pad in place, about 2am. Long, exhausting day. Not the worst day of my life, but definitely 2nd place.

I think about poor DH seeing me writhing in pain on the floor, vomiting and diarrhea and bleeding, unable to experience anything but pain & grief - and know as hard as it must have been for him, he won't ever understand the emptiness it left.

The midwives were kind - they were available by phone throughout - but ill-prepared me for what to expect at all. They said that I had probably passed everything after the sac came out, but did not question me enough to find out that i had not passed the placenta. When I went in for a follow-up appointment 2 weeks later, the midwife (not one I had seen before) had clearly not read my file and asked how everything was progressing.

I know that baby was not meant to be and don't think I will ever completely get over the sense of loss, remembering what it feels like to grieve for the potential that we never got to meet. One positive thing is that we learned that we need to find a different mw practice for next time around.

Trying again - and one of the "exactly what to expect" considerations - is wondering what will happen next time.

Not everyone has this excrutiatingly painful experience...my SIL had 2 m/c and both were more like a heavy period - one with pain that Tylenol controlled. If this happens again, I am asking for serious pain meds. Exactly what will be different for everyone, but it has been so supporting and reassuring to me that other go through this message board and just know and feel the pain of what others experience too. Thank you all for sharing.
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#178 of 437 Old 04-09-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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to you.
My m/c story is somewhere on here too, but I wanted to let you know that I had the same realization, that a good thing came of my mc, I found out the mw I had was not one I would want to support me through a homebirth. She was awful.
Also the pain I experienced from my mc was so much worse than my 2homebirths after it.

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#179 of 437 Old 04-10-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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Hi everyone

I have just had a miscarriage and I am so glad I found this thread, it has been so helpful to me.

My story.....Last week, when I was 6w 3d, I started spotting lightly just before I went to bed. It really freaked me out, even though I know it's quite common, but I just felt like something was very wrong.

Next morning I went to see my doctor who sent me straight off for a scan. The scan was awesome - I saw my teeny little sac for the first, and last time. I was told that the scan was inconclusive - I was definitely pregnant, and the bleeding could mean something or it could mean nothing, so I just had to sit and wait.

Next day the bleeding got heavier and I was cramping. That's when I found this thread, and reading all the posts made me realise that I was probably miscarrying. Late in the day I passed something, not a blood clot, but something pretty large. My doctor called it the Product of Conception. Sounded pretty scientific and unhuman to me? Other than that though, my doctor has been amazing, so supportive and there on the end of the phone whenever I've needed to talk.

After it happened I just felt so emotional and couldn't stop crying. But once I'd finished crying I felt a sense of calm and relief , like I knew that was it and it was all over. I carried on bleeding for a few more days and only stopped yesterday.

I went for a follow-up scan this morning, just to check that the m/c was complete (it was), and that started me off again, lots more tears. Now I'm just trying to come to terms with what's happened. I guess it will take a while and the feelings will come and go, but knowing there are others out there who understand really helps.

We've told a few friends and family and most people have been so supportive, I don't know what I'd do without my girlfriends. But there's one close friend who unfortunately seems to be avoiding me and is certainly avoiding the subject. She hasn't even asked if I'm ok, even though my DP called her to tell her what had happened.

I am assuming it's because she's 7 months pregnant and isn't sure how to deal with it herself or what to say to me?? Her lack of contact has made me feel even more sad though. I'm not sure why.

I agree with you Abigail, - people may say dumb things sometimes. But for them just to say something, anything at all, just to acknowledge that they know what's happened and are there for you, it makes such a difference.

My doctor says one in four pregnancies end in m/c. That's a massive statistic. Know that there's a reason for it and keep looking forward to all the joys that the future will bring.

Lots of hugs to all of you.
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#180 of 437 Old 04-16-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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Goodness there are a lot of us. It doesn't make our losses hurt any less. I'm new so bear with me.

I had one son at the time and he was 2. I got pregnant went I wanted the second one. I went to the doctor and he refered me over to the OB. I was excited to be pregnant again. I called everyone in my family and told tem. My husband couldn't come to my appointment, he was in the Navy and his boss wouldn't let him come. So my son and I went.

We sat through all the questions about my medical history and my husbands and my son's birth story. Then we went to the exam room for the ultrasound. The midwife started the ultrasound and turned the screen away from me. I was happy and joking around. She told the tech to go get the doctor. I joked "what is it twins?". The doc came in and said "I'm sorry there is no heart beat". I was trying to be calm, because my son was in the room. He started to cry because he knew mommy was upset. The doctor asked me to get dressed and meet him in his office. I called my husband really quick. I had to put in an emergency call on the Navy base.

The doctor told me I could wait it out and let it happen naturally or I could have a D&C. I elected for the D&C. I couldn't handle seeing everything. I scheduled it for the next day. It was all very hard. We were far from home because he was in the Navy. No one in our families could come.

Six months later I got pregnant again. I was VERY happy!! I went to the same doctor and he was happy for me. I went to the appointment and the baby was fine. YAY! I had an appointment in 4 weeks. The next day I KNEW something was wrong. I called the drs office and they blew me off. I knew something happened. Well I went to the appointment and the baby had died the day after my last appointment. It was horrible. At least my husband was there this time. I had another D&C. The doctor ran a bunch of tests and it turned out I have a blood clotting disorder.

I went on to have a beautiful healthy baby boy. A year and a half later.

I was depressed for years.

After the second miscarriage no one called me. No one sent flowers. No one told me when they were pregnant. No one mentioned the word baby. No one said anything to me. It was like I didn't exsist. It made my depression worse. It was like it never happened. For me it was like a little part of me died with each of those babies.

I don't know why its not talked about. I hate to hear "a third of all women have had a miscarriage.....". My response was always I'm not other women I'm me, this is happening to me. This hurts me. It belittles me, it hurts me. Just because other women go thru it doesn't make it hurt any less. We are all going to die, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm sorry we have all shouldered this pain. I'm sorry we have all had to be silent about it.
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