EXACTLY what to expect with a m/c~~Please tell your stories~~what do you see? - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
First ... 5  6  7 8  9  ... Last
Pregnancy and Birth Loss > EXACTLY what to expect with a m/c~~Please tell your stories~~what do you see?
Organicavocado's Avatar Organicavocado 09:11 PM 04-18-2007
I found out I was pregnant when I was

less than 4 weeks along. We had been

trying off and on for over a year. In the

time that we had been studying,

preparing, and trying, several of my

friends had gotten pregnant and had

their babies. It was finally my turn.

The first few weeks were blissful. I went to

my hometown and shared in my joy with

friends and family. I came home and

met with my midwife, the woman who

had trained me to be a doula. We were

all very excited, but I felt off. I kept telling

everyone I had a good feeling, hoping

to "wish it into existance". At the very core

of me, I knew something was wrong

when I couldn't imagine giving birth to

this baby. It was as though there was no

soul to connect with. I brushed it aside

and called it first-trimester-worries.

I was still in denial when I had brown

discharge, and even pink discharge. I

told myself not to worry.

One night in late March I saw two tiny

spots of blood when I wiped. I sighed

and grieved intensely for a moment, and

decided to continue trying to relax.

The next morning there was stringy blood

when I wiped. I kept being brave and

strong and called my midwife and told

her I was worried and wanted something

to do to keep me busy. She told me to

throw together the anti-miscarriage brew

from Susan Weed's "Wise womans herbal

for the childbearing year". I went to an

apothecary and downed the vitamin C,

herbs and tinctures, and the bleeding

stopped. I was hopeful and kept my

heart set on a subchorionic bleed of

some sort, and went home. Against my

previous desires, I set an appointment for

an ultrasound at a pro-life clinic. My

husband and I had recently lost our jobs

and thus our insurance so I had to make

do with what I had, and I was grateful to

be let in so quickly.

On the 30th of March I knew it was over. The bedrest and tinctures were no longer helping, I was passing tiny beadlike clots and stringy blood like overgrown menstrual blood. I slowly went through the house and packed away all of Cobweb's stuff (that was the babes nickname) so it was out of sight for the moment. I stayed in bed, still trying to hold onto my last hope of a subchorionic bleed. My husband was great, brought me everything I needed. He seemed emotionally removed, and I both loathed and appreciated it.

The next night the emotions overcame me. I cried, bawled, tried to get my husband who was exhausted to wake up and snuggle me. I had never heard such mournful cries come out of a human being in my life, and it was devastating to hear them coming from me.


On the 2nd of April was my ultrasound date. I woke up that morning at about 3 and filled a pad with blood. I cleaned myself up and went back to bed.
The time of my appointment approached and I was unsure if I wanted to go. I decided to go last minute, to put my subchorionic hemmhorage ideas to rest.

I signed in and filled out the paperwork. I went to give my urine sample and was so saddened to see the cup filled with pink liquid with more stringy blood mixed in. I set it inside anyway and continued. When it was my turn I went in and talked to the nurse. She asked me when my LMP was. I told her I didnt remember, took a guess, and then told her I was 8 weeks to the day based off of ovulation. She corrected me based off of my made up LMP and told me I was 7weeks, 6 days (Gee, Im so glad you found ONE DAY reason enough to argue with me, like Im not going through enough) and I didn't heave the heard to argue her logic. I hopped up naked on the table and waited, waited for the tech. She came in and dutifully did her business. She told me she couldnt see anything in the sac, and that everything stopped growing at 5w3d. She argued with the nurse and me for a while (she didnt listen very well so when she didn't get the answer she was expecting she argued it with me instead of letting me explain) about due dates and how I must have messed up my dates and I let her know that I hadn't had sex since I conceived my child six weeks prior. I thanked her and asked her for a photo of my childless uterus.

I was angry for a long while. I spotted and spurted on and off for a while, and later that day started getting regular, timeable contractions. They were short, only half a minute long, and every 2 1/2 minutes. They were perfectly bearable and I was ever thankful that I did not experience awful pain through this emotionally charged event.

Early the next morning I wiped and had passed a deflated sac, like an old grape. I wasnt expecting it to be deflated but figured it had had enough time to decompose in me in the time I had been carrying it. There was a piece of placenta that was tiny and I wondered how it could be that small. I thought that was it, that I had absorbed the rest, and kept bleeding. That night I took a blue and black cohosh tincture to help with the process and the next morning I passed the rest of the placenta in a 2x2 inch piece and another little piece. It was the exact color and texture of liver. I felt relieved and the contractions stopped, but I kept feeling random pains like pre-period pains until a few days later.

In all, I spotted 2-3 days and bled for 11 days before it abruptly stopped and I had no spotting. I live in an apartment and froze what I could collect to bury under a tree when we buy a home.

Two good online girlfriends of mine got together and bought a monogrammed mahogany box with Cobweb's initials on it. Its beautiful and was just the side to put my pregnancy tests, OPKs, copy of chart, ultrasounds, and other baby goodies in it. Its something I can hold, and go through when I want to mourn and remember that the pregnancy did happen.

Sorry if this story seems choppy, I just wanted to get it over with.

Edit: Sorry the format is all wierd. I pasted it out of a word processing thing and it went all goofy

Azuluna's Avatar Azuluna 02:16 PM 04-23-2007
crappy.
FiberLover's Avatar FiberLover 05:27 PM 05-03-2007
This was my first pregnancy. I'm 31. We started TTC about 5 months prior. And got the ++ test right around the 4 week mark.

So happy! My life changed in that small window with a pink line.

I felt like a mom even, taking care of the new life starting to live and grow inside my womb.

Then, right at 9w5d, I came inside and used the toilet after some gardening. Noticed some brown spotting. Worried as heck. Waited til the next morning to call the MW since it stopped and there was no pain.

I was offered Beta tests or u/s. I chose the u/s. We went in, waited. Then, during the transvaginal u/s, no heartbeat, and the baby appeared to have stopped growing around the 7 week mark.

I was devastated. How could my body not know? How could I have been thinking everything was fine? For 2 weeks? My first pregnancy was already a failure. We went back to the MW office. She gave me the choice of waiting naturally or having a D&C. I chose to wait. I wanted to learn to trust my body again (is this even possible, when your first pregnancy ever turns out like this? when your body didn't even let you know when it happened?).

I went home, and cried. Stayed home for a few days and just tried to be. After about 5-6 days I was feeling more like myself....emotionally. But, physically, noting had happened yet.

So, over the weekend, I did some more gardening, spent a day with my husband, started feeling like despite the loss, I can still be me.

Then.

Monday morning, I call my MW office again to tell them that nothing had physically happened yet. She gave me the choice of waiting one more week or having a D&C or taking Cytotec. If nothing had happened after a week, I would have to do either the D&C or take the Cytotec.

I decided to wait, but was scared of having a D&C or taking scary drugs in a week.

I think the fear convinced my body to do its thing naturally. By the time I got home that night, I was spotting, red this time, and cramping. Monday night it got worse, and I didn't really sleep. Tuesday, the same. Worse, and more cramping.

The cramping, was different than the usual menstrual cramps. My whole abdomen, not just the uterus/lower back. And shooting pains that ran from the inside of my vagina and perineum up to the uterus.

The bleeding and cramping continued to worsen, and by the end of the day I was occasionally passing clots of tissue too.

I woke up on Wednesday morning with the worse cramping and shooting pains yet. Bad ones. And, heavier bleeding. For about an hour and a half, I sat on the toilet, rocking, thinking, this is it.

Then, I felt something pass. I wiped. I assume this was the gestational sac. Deflated, about 3 inches long and an inch wide, big, a solid sac, like one large bloody clot. Because I was now 11 weeks, and the baby had died around 7, nothing was particularly distinguishable.

I remember thinking, this must be it. It has to get better now. But, it got worse. Then, 15-20 minutes later I passed a large oval shaped tissue clump, placenta? It was 3 inches long, and more solid than the sac. About an inch in diameter and veinous looking.

Then finally. I felt the pains start to go. I felt myself returning.

I didn't cry at this stage. I had cried for a week already. This was physical. My body did it. I think it all passed naturally. Which is somewhat comforting despite it all. And, the pains, were bad, but in an odd way, my body was doing what my mind did, my heart. And this was real.

Then, I slept. After sleeping I felt like this was it, that now, I could start moving forward again. That the world wasn't in limbo anymore.

I know that I'm recovering from my miscarriage now. But what I don't know is how I can have another pregnancy and not worry, not be distracted by what could be and what couldn't. I know that now, my brain will forever take away that blissful happiness I initially had. And that, is almost as bad as the loss of this first baby.
octobermom's Avatar octobermom 04:28 PM 05-04-2007
I had my first DD in 2002 after about 6 month of TTC other than a small scare at about 12 weeks when we couldn't detect the HB through a dopler (which I now know is normal) the entire pregancy went super smoothly. When she was 9 months we started TTC again. Years went by and nothing then May of 06 I got a positive HPT. We were thrilled. I was also planning to be out of town so I rushed to start prenatal care and at about 6 weeks I had my first apointment. They did an ultrasound and the doctors turns the machine and says this is your uterus there is nothing there why do you think your pregnant?. Then he says maybe your dates are off and sends me in for a "better scan" and more blood tests. Then the bleeding started I had no pain and it would come and go, in the meantime scans showed "thicking of the uterine wall and cell growth etc but no fetal signs.. mean while my HGC kept rising even doubling and I despite now weeks of bleeding had passed anything. I left for Texas still not having a definate answer it was like my OB couldn't just say its over and I couldn't let go.. My parents also wanting answered payed for one more blood test so I could check my numbers. 24 hours latter I call to ask and the lady tells me congradulations your pregnant. I for an instant was estatic but then I asked my numbers she said your about 4 weeks and that my numbers were 240. I felt life escape my body I knew this day would come, Id been in the 30,000's before so 230 was a no more deneying it was the end. That night I passed several greyish clots painlessly I bled lightly for about 24 more hours but it was then over 56 days of bleeding and my body holding on to hope. It was actually bittersweet I was drained I knew this would be the outcome. I still morn for my little one that never was..
Then this year March of 07 the "pregnant" appeared on the digial reader while we were activly TTC I'd had a cold an dall my fertility signs had been way off so I was TOTALLY suprised but WAY WAY excited. I was also cautious after my ordeal last time I made two choices 1) I waited lnger to see the doctor as I wanted a guarentee something would be found and not go through all the maybes 2) A new doctor.. At what I estimated to be 7.5 weeks I had my first apointment the doctor was much better and on the screen I saw a tiny shadow witha strong flickering heartbeat. . I was estatic and the doctor gave an estimate of 6weeks 4 days.. I was a little worrie as my dates were diffrent but I remembered this wasn't an exact science and just rejoiced and we shared our joy with everyone. I was alos told my cervix was a bit irritated and I'd likely bleed a bit so when I did the next day I didn't think much and it son stopped. Then last Tuesday I started bleeding again nothing horrible but something just felt wrong and I called. They got me in with in hours and another ultrasound was done. The baby was instantly found but I saw no flicker and in the split second before the doctor spoke my heart broke. He told me I see no heartbeat but said his machine might nt be strong enough and scheduled a second scan with better equipment. He said he wasn't optimistic and I appreciated his honestly. I tried not to give up hope though. I had to wait till Thursday for the scan my bleeding totaly stopped and never any pain. On thursday the Tech who legaly cant say anything turns to the nurse and says is her doctor here and tells me wait I'll have him talk to you. I said can I have a ultrsound picture please I know my babies dead but please. He says nothing but presses a button and another image is printed hands it to the nurse and leaves. I'm taken back to wait.. the nurse still holding the photo. An hour so the doctors comes and tells me the news isn't good. No fetal activity growth or HB . SO for the scond time in two years my baby is gone. He tells me we can do a DnC or you can wait. I said I want to wait. He approves we schedule a follow up in two weeks and as we leave her hands me an envelope clapsing his hands over mine and says again I'm very sorry.
So here I am I haven't miscarried yet no pain or bleeding. I feel numb I can't cry I want to but I can't. I'm just left wondering why...

Deanna
JAZZYBELLA's Avatar JAZZYBELLA 06:42 PM 05-08-2007
Hi everyone,

I would just like to tell everybody out there to follow your instincts. If something feels wrong there probably is something wrong. I was right at 12 weeks and I had been spotting for about 20 days or so. I was told that this was nothing to worry about. I never felt comfortable with what I was being told, but then I thought that since I am 36 and have never been pregnant, I could be making a big deal out of nothing. Well, I lost my baby. I had horrible cramps and when I went to the bathroom there were huge clots of blood. I must have passed at least 6 of them which were approximately one half the size of my fist. I suffered from extreme nausea and here it is 5 days later, and I am still cramping and passing pretty good sized clots along with a pretty heavy flow of blood. I have an appointment with my GYN on tomorrow. I just feel numb right now, as my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since 1996. I can't tell you how much money we have invested in surgery and fertility drugs. I guess that it just was not meant to be. I would just like to wish all of you the best of luck, but just remember, if it feels wrong, it probably is. You know you better than anyone else.
lolo'smom's Avatar lolo'smom 01:06 AM 05-09-2007
Found this randomly, adding my story. A lot of time has passed since and I do get spiritual at the end. Sorry if it offends, it was what it was and still is to me. (If that makes any sense)

I got pregnant about 3 months after I went off birth control and checked it at the ED where I worked and was ecstatic. I remember it was thanksgiving and I was working and I had left the positive preg test on the bathroom counter for my dh to find when he woke up but he didn't know how to read it. We all thought that was funny. So we were thrilled, but I had doubts from the beginning. I don't know if it's because I work in the ED so I see a lot of miscarriages or me just being my own worrysome self, but after it was over I think I really knew from the beginning that it wouldn't last. Seemed like every baby magazine I would read I would flip right to the risk article, my dh smoked at the time, that was a risk. My mom and her mom had both miscarried their first time pregnant, that was a risk, etc etc. I checked my hcg levels at work a couple of times, which is just wrong, it just makes you worry more and for what? What is going to happen will happen. Well the levels were normal at the time. I tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid, like I always am and that maybe this would be the one time that I would think I knew what was going on and I would be wrong and I would still be pregnant at my first prenatal appt. Then I started noticing things, like my boobs weren't sore. I would push on them in the shower and see if it was myself causing the soreness or if the really were sore. And I didn't mind any food or smells or anything. I just didn't feel pregnant anymore. I was scared. I didn't want anything for the baby, like gifts, I didn't want to think about names, I didn't want to jinx it. My mom bought the baby a blanket with a little duck attached to it and I thanked her and brought it home and cried. I really just knew something was wrong, but nothing physically had happened yet.

So my mom came to take me to my first prenatal appt at 10 wks and we were excited. I was trying to convince myself that everything was fine. No hb on the doppler, so my OB sent me for an ultrasound. I had to drink lots of water, but the tech couldn't see my uterus well enough for the pelvic u/s she had to do a transvag. I was let out of the room to pee and I remember praying to please let me have this baby. I was so dependent on this baby. When she did the u/s there was just a cluster of cells there. I said, it's gone and she said yes and that she was sorry and my poor mother was in there with me and I know it broke her heart. When the tech left I just cried and cried and I hoped she was wrong. We went back to my OB's office and he scheduled the d&c for the next morning. I wasn't all natural back then and I couldn't bear the thought of the baby being dead inside of me. We went to my apartment and I ate just in shock and my mom told me to sleep and I did. I woke up forgetting what had happened and then remembered all over again. That was the worst moment. It was pain like I had never experienced before. I was just devestated. I don't know how I got through it. Even now, it makes me cry and it has been so long since then but I can see myself curled up on the bed feeling like everything was gone. I called out of work for the rest of the week. They were so great with everything.

The next day, I almost didn't want to go. I knew that once that baby was out of me it would really be over and I was just hoping that maybe they had made a mistake. I wrote the baby a letter to say goodbye. Soon it was over and I just was still so numb about everything. We had the baby blessed and buried through the hospital. My dad came up to be with me and my dh and we all were fine and that night my friend came over to be with us. That helped distract me. I was bleeding but not much. I guess I bled for a few days but nothing really heavy. That weekend we went to my mom's house and watched shrek with my then 4yo neice. I found everything so sad like they sing that song haleigluha (i don't know how to spell) and I started to cry, during shrek!

That night, and i'll never forget, I was reading and all of the sudden it came to me. I realized that I had been really living my life thinking I was in control and in charge of where my life was and I saw that this baby had been a gift to me from God. This baby, this wonderful child, had come to me and then left to remind me that I was not in control and that I did not have to be in control. For some reason I really believe it was a girl and I thought that she had done this for me, for my husband, for my life, to let me see that life will go on and that as much as I try to control everything I am not the final word and I don't have to be and that I need to be thankful for what I have and let go of everything else. You know that saying, let go and let God, I finally understood what it meant. I had always thought I knew, but I didn't really know until then. My mom was awake downstairs and I came down and told her and we both cried together. It was the most profound moment probably in my whole life. And just for that moment it made everything okay. All of the pain of loosing her, I knew it had a purpose and it gave me some sort of strength. And she still does to this day.

I did conceive about 3 months after that and gave birth in December 05 to a little boy Logan. I never felt 100% sure that I would deliver but I never checked my hcg levels. I tried not to stress about the baby even though I did, I tried to let it be and let go of everything. I prayed and gave everything up to God everyday and I was lucky that I was able to give birth to a healthy baby. I don't see it as I was able to have the baby because I prayed on it, but I was able to make it through life because I prayed on it.

I will always remember you, my baby girl, and the love and wisdom you gave me. I will always love you.

Thanks for letting me share my story. It feels good to get it out and share it with women who have been through the same thing. Sorry it's so long.
Whittliz's Avatar Whittliz 05:03 PM 06-08-2007
I was 11 week/4 days when I miscarried, but we didn't know that the develpment had stopped at about 5weeks/4 days. I was seeing a midwife and had chosen not to have an early ultrasound.

I started having spotting on Saturday about 3PM and nothing again until Sunday morning. I just had a feeling and some very slight cramping, so an ultrasound on Sunday afternoon confirmed that there was only a gestational sac at hCG levels of 4100. I decided to go home and I had regular cramping and heavy bleeding from 8PM until about 4AM on Sunday. I passed clumps of tissue and bled on and off for about 5 days.

At my follow-up a week later, my hCG was 34 and I successfully passed all the tissue .

I hope this helps! I'm so sorry for all of the women who have had a loss.
Wanting2BaMom's Avatar Wanting2BaMom 02:51 PM 06-21-2007
I have mixed feelings about reading and posting on this site. Don't get me wrong, it is extremely helpful (in a sad way) to know that there are other women out there that have been where I have been (even though every situation is a little different for everyone). I am a highly sensitive person, perhaps the reason I am a Social Worker, and I feel my heart pour out to the authors of the life stories I have read. My hope is that I do not ignore my own need for self empathy in the process. That is my wish for any readers of my story or others on the thread. To know there are friends among us we have never met, there are angels in heaven who never took a breath, that there are caring people extending their hand to strangers. Here is my story...

I am 33 years old and my DH is 38. We have been together for 9 1/2 years, married 3 1/2 of those. Coming from a single parent family with a Mom who worked diligently to support my sister and I, I wanted to do things "right", or as I saw it that way. I got my degree and even my Masters. I worked hard and had longevity. We bought a house and were fairly financially stable. We had a cat and got a dog (a little practice before the real thing). So last year (May 06) we decided it was time to add a precious bundle of joy to the mix. I have not been on the pill in about 8+ years so I thought I would get PG right away.... and I did. First time! It was a total rollercoaster though. I was so excited we had finally started to try that I was hypersensitive to everything (some probably phantom symptoms, some real). The first thing I noticed was my bbs were larger and darker. My sense of smell was impecable. And, my first craving... well let;s just say I have Cracker Barrel's chicken fried steak at least 4 times in 2 weeks (p.s. I hadn't eaten that in over 20 years as I thought it was gross). I took a HPT about 7 days before my period (or so I guessed since I was horrible at tracking my cycles). It was -. I wasn't even a little sad because I knew I was. I waited and took one 2 days before my ETA of AF. - again. WOW. What was up with this? I began to spot brown. Nothing at all heavy, just noticable when I wiped. I thought, maybe I am not and I am getting ready to start. I will have light brown bleeding a little before I start so nothing new. I had the brown bleeding for about a week which was odd. I took another test... - again. So I went to my sister's for the weekend. I figured we'd be super active and I was sure to start. Friday, Saturday and Sunday... no period. Even after hours of hiking, gardening, etc. So Sunday night we went to the movies. I decided that I would get another HPT and if when I got back to her house I hadn't started, I would take it. I took it. I remember peeing on the stick, setting it down and running to her bedroom to re-read the instructions that I had practically memorized. The time was up. I slithered into the bathroom as if afraid to look. I remember glancing at it. I went to my sister and said I couldn't tell. I gave her the pamphlet (with the plus or minus pictures) and told her to look. She came out after a few seconds and said, "I think you are". I said, "I know" and started crying uncontrollably. We hugged and I was elated that the rollercoaster had come to an end (or so I thought). The next morning I had to leave early to go to work. I was having slight cramping but I figured, I know I am pregnant so it must be normal. I called my doctor's office on the way home to set up my first appt. We set it for that Thursday (this was Monday). My back was hurting a little more and so I asked the PA on the phone, who happened to be my friend since 4th grade and an attendant in my wedding, if cramping and brown spotting were normal. She said it was probably just implantation symptoms. I got home and prepared how to tell my DH. I placed the test into the little WVU varsity jacket I had bought just incase we ever had a little one (which has been my dream since I can't remember when). He saw the jacket, then the test. He seemed a little shocked. We decided to tell our parents on that Sunday which was Mother's Day. We hugged and I told him I had a doctor appt. and was cramping a little so I was going to lay down a bit before work. I laid down and the cramping got worse. I phoned work and said I would not be in. I wanted to get some rest. Pretty soon my back felt as though someone were jabbing me with a knife and I was doubled over in pain. I went to the bathroom and that was when I saw red streaky blood when I wiped. My friend told me not to worry unless it is red blood meaning it is new blood. I was so worried. My husband had left for work and I couldn't get ahold of him so I laid in bed. I tried to get some sleep. I woke up a couple hours later and felt better. The blood hadn't progressed so I figured that was the end...wow was that the most painful thing ever. I went to work the next day adn everything was OK. It happened to be my Mom's b-day. I was getting ready to leave work, got up, getting my stuff together, when all of the sudden I felt what was like a bubble down below. I went to the bathroom, a little blood on my pad, and then I felt it plop into the toilet. I didn't want to get up and look. I knew what had happened, I just didn't want to face it. I got up after about 5 minutes and looked. It was perfectly shaped like a kidney bean. I even asked my co-worker, who thank God is a great friend of mine, to look. I think I was in shock and needed someone else to confirm my feelings. It appeared to be the whole think. Sac, and a tiny spec of grey matter attached to the side. I didn't fish it out of the toilet. I observed it from above and then promptly flushed the toilet. I know it seems harsh compared to the tender care of so many posters here. Again, I think it was my instinct to clear it from my head. I gathered my things and left. I broke down sobbing as I walked to my car. I called my Mom first. I had to tell her that I was pregnant and lost it all in the same day, her birthday. She wanted to come over but I wanted to be with my DH and grieve. I called him but he didn't answer the phone. He was home when I got there and I told him. I cried and he hugged me. He never shed a tear the entire time and that angered me. We have since talked about it and he told me that the way he dealt with it was to comfort me. I had the depressed emotions for about 4 days and then one day I awoke and was like a ray of sunshine shone on me. Don't get me wrong, I grieved for many months and still am sad when I think of the fact that in a span of 2 days I found out I was going to be a Mommy and then lost my dream. I questioned why I didn't wait until after my appt. to tell my DH. Why put him through that pain too. My friend told me, God has a reason for everything and perhaps the reason was so that you could share your pain together.
I waited a whole year to try again and this past May I was 3 weeks late. I had the brown bleeding like before for about 2 weeks so I wasn't as excited or quick to take a HPT. I finally did and it was -. I was like, "Oh no, here we go again!". I knew I was pregnant. The nausea, fuller bbs and hightened smell gave it away. I had bought 2 more HPT to use one night. I had gone to lunch that day with my work to celebrate a recent event. I felt like what appeared to be contractions. I could feel my uterus pulsing. I excused myself to the restroom and nothing. I had stopped the brown spotting at this point but was wearing a thin pad just incase. I got home that night and decided I would take my test the following morning with the first morning urine to see if it is a higher concentration. No need. I went to the bathroom that night and started bleeding. I didn't have any cramping. It was brown and dark red. Odd I thought. I wondered if I was just now starting my period but I knew my cycle was like clockwork and being 3 weeks late assured that I was PG. the bleeding continued like that all night and part next day. I left for my DH grandparent's 3 hours away with dog in tow. Now was the cramping, I was doubled over and had to pull off. I got a bit to eat and cried. I couldn't wait to get there. I told him what happened and we hugged. I didn't cry nearly as much this time. My bbs quicky deflated and symptoms went away. What is wrong with me I thought. I can obviously get pregnant but why can't I carry it more than 8-10 weeks? We decided, against my better judgement, to try again right away. After all, we aren't getting any younger and if something is wrong, it could take a while to conceive and carry. So here I am, charting my BBT, taking HOT and being tuned into my body. My husband told me this morning he had a dream that I was pregnant and I was showing him the sonogram picture (I've never made it that far yet). I find myself a bag of mixed emotions not wanting to get too excited and yet not being able to control my excitement. On one hand I imagine us being great parents and finally telling our family that we are expecting (after all we hear it from everyone all the time - it is hard when you don't tell people your circumstances). On the other hand I am just waiting for MC #3 so that it can be termed "recurrent" and I can see a specialty doctor. It is hard knowing how much you want a child and hearing on the news how babies are thrown away every day in some form or fashion and you just want to scream!!!! I prayed in the shower today and I hope my prayers are answered. Bless each and every one who has been through it, is a friend to someone who has been through it and those who appreciate what you have been gifted!

Glad I didn't get too excited. Was either #3 or a very, very heavy and painful period. Was only 6 days late. At least I have my Fertility Doc appt. now Aug. 30, 07. I can't keep putting myself through this!
Caneel's Avatar Caneel 01:09 PM 06-28-2007
I didn't read many of the replies but I think this is a great resource. I had absolutely no idea what to expect and the information give to me by my doctor turned out to be grossly inaccurate.

The emotions of the first time were so, so deep. It was the worst disappointment we have ever experienced. After #3, we had a son and TTC again, which resulted in a different kind of sorrow that is as deep as the first.

#1 was a D&C which in hindsight, I wish I would have waited it out but we were so inpatient to try again, I don't want to wait. This was a mistake as the whole hospital experience was just bad. The physical recovery was fine.

#2 was twins that stopped developing at around 8 weeks. I had some light bleeding for two or three days then a short but very intense period of cramps. Discharge of large clots and then sack #1 came out (looked like a prune) followed by sack #2 which was still filled with fluid. It was sized between an egg and an avacado - but completely dark red and opaque - I could not see anything inside because of the color.

#3 was no different than a heavy period

#4 occured around 12 weeks. I knew the pregnancy failed at 10 weeks and jointly with the doctor, we decided to give it some time to pass naturally. After two weeks, the doctor recommended trying a drug called misoparoxin (I may not have the spelling right) to induce a miscarriage. I agreed because I wanted to avoid another D&C.

I was completely unprepared for the severity of the cramping and contractions. When the drug started working, I was incapcitated for 3 hours until everything passed. Twice my husband had the phone in his hand to call 911. It was mostly large clots. I felt something large at one point (towards the end) but I didn't see it as I was sitting on the toilet. The sack had stopped developing early on so I knew it would be a mass of tissue without any recognizable formations.
Aishah's Avatar Aishah 06:44 PM 06-30-2007
Well, mine started on a Tuesday. In the morningI was fine, but VERY tired for some reason. I decided to stay home from work that day just to relax and catch up on sme zzz's. In the late afternooen I went grocery shopping. When I came home I was still for some reason very, very tired. So tired I didn't out the groceries away -- I just picked up something to heat up quickly and eat. I was fine until about an hour later, I had to go to the washroom. When I went there was some spotting.

After hearing so many stories, I thought I had better get to the hospital. I called my DH at work and he met me there. I was in tears -- for some reason I just 'knew' this was it. I had a strong feeling that the pregancy was going to be over very soon. At this time I was 14 weeks, so I knew that at this point if there was bleeding it was serious.

I didnt have any pain at the time, just anxiety I guess. I waited about 3 hrs to see a doctor. They did a physical exam and they said my cervix was fine, and they also did a blood test and a urine test. When they came back with the results I knew something was wrong by the look on their face. Apparenrly my HgC levels were low. I basically had to scream just to get them to tell me what they were. They were supposed to be over 100 000 and they were at 3200. They tried to do an ultrasound but they couldnt see anything. So they set me up with an u/s appt the next day @ the hospital.

We went and they wouldnt let me watch the monitor. My DH took a peek, he said it looked like a peanut -- I said it should look like a baby @ 14 weeks. We had to wait for the results in the ER. It took them over 4 hours to call me in. When they did they justsaid 'I dont know if anyone has told you, but the u/s came back and they couldnt find a heart beat'. Well #1, OBVIOULSY no one has told me, and #2, if you are uncomfortable telling patients about bad results, at least dont say it like that! I asked her how big the baby was, she said 8.5 weeks according to the measurements. it is a missed miscarriage.

Anyways, she said I may feel some mild cramping and if it gets bad to come back to the ER. She said most women can miscarry @ home, especially at my age. So that was the plan. Lay low at the house until the miscarriage ended.

I was to go see my OB and she would tell me my 'options' the next day. Problem was, I woke up in extreme pain! I called a nurse 'hotline' and explained to her what was going on, and she said to go to the ER. I still was only spotting. I went and they hopped me up with morphine and a muscle relaxer and sent me home. I still didnt knwo why I was in such bad pain! I have literally dibilitating cramps from my period, but this was 10x worse!

So that night I was fine, until about 4 am. I woke up and it was even WORSE! I tried just relaxing but my DH said he was taking me to the er. I went, and they put me in a room right away. I am still only spotting. They give me soooooo much morphine but nothing helped. I was so scared, I thought something was wrong!! It just kept getting stronger and stronger until I felt a gush of blood. I told my mum to get the doc. They looked and said 'You're not bleeding enough, the fetus still has not passed'. I knew it had! But they didnt even to a physical exam. The pain eventually subsided and because of the morphine, I bascially couldnt move. About 30 mins later, I told my mom that I know the baby has passed and is right at the opening. she helped me to teh washroom and as soon as I sat, it started coming out. I was surprised at the size, maybe the size of a small canteloupe? I had to catch it in a urine stainer. It was horrible, I felt so guilty for him passing this way.

The sac was tough. I didnt try to open it too much. The doc came in and saw I was touching it and they took it away from me. I was sooo upset! They told me the pains I was goingthrough were full on labour pains. I wish they would hav told me that before! I was scared!!! I really thought something was going wrong.

They then did a d & c to be sure eerything had passed.

I wish I had a resouce like this when I was miscarrying, I would have been a lot more informed and a lot less scared.

Sorry for the vent, just typing it all out seems to have helped me a little...
Thanks all!
ElyanaPaige's Avatar ElyanaPaige 11:08 PM 07-10-2007
I enjoyed reading the posts in this thread. I didn't get to them all though. I needed info on m/c because their isnt alot of info on the web about what to expect. I'm 11.5 wks right now and I've been to the ob for an u/s at 5 wks and at 9.5 wks.

My last visit 2 wks ago showed that their was a sack but could not see a baby or hear a heartbeat. So for the last 3 wks or so I have been experiencing some on and off dark brown spotting with some stringy clots? Not enough to stain my underware but enough to see when wiping.

My Ob asked me to come back in two weeks on July 13th to see how things are progressing. She may have been a little concerned that I didn't Ovulate when I said I did but I am 99% sure since I was temping and keeping a chart.

Since my last appt two weeks ago I've had some cramping that has recently gotten worse starting in my lower back and moving to the front and shooting down through my legs. I've also had alot of severe headaches.

I have pretty much come to terms that this is my first m/c after having two girls. This would have made my 3rd pregnancy. I am pretty freaked out and scared about the idea of having a d&c and after reading most of the posts it really really has me scared to hear about gushing blood and going to the ER.

In a way I wish the worrying and pain would end. I just want to get passed this and move on. I don't know how long it will take for this baby to make its way out naturally but I have had alot of dreams about having a boy and letting go.

Update: I miscarried on the 12th in the car on a 2.5 trip to IL to visit my parents. It was a horrible experience.
imbarefoot's Avatar imbarefoot 05:11 AM 07-12-2007
Serious intense cramps for 2 hours. Much more painful than laboring cramps. One on top of another, less than 30 seconds apart. Lots of blood and clots...feeling like I have to poop...And then plop! Entire placenta comes out and inside of that is the amniotic sac and I could even see my precious baby in there. Head, arms, legs, eyes, nose... :
imbarefoot's Avatar imbarefoot 05:12 AM 07-12-2007
Also, I had my m/s naturally. I did it in my bathtub. Baby died at 8 weeks, miscarriage happened at 14 weeks.
Lexi21070's Avatar Lexi21070 06:26 AM 07-18-2007
My first m/c happened in 11/87. I was 17 and had just realized I was pregnant about 2 weeks before. My bf was taking me to the doctors for my first appointment when we were involved in a car crash. I was laying in triage room with my mom when I had a sharp cramp and then I felt something come out of me. That came out of nowhere. I went into a patch of depression and it took me a while to learn to deal with my feelings over what happened.
In 2001 my mom died and I was all alone and went into a patch of depression again but thanks to my best friend I came out of it quickly. But I was really starting to hear my 'clock' ticking. I met my dh in early 2002 and we soon were expecting. In 1/03 we had ds # 1 and in 12/04 we had ds #2- both of those no probs at all.
My 2nd m/c happened 5/05. I was in my kitchen and blood just started pouring down my legs and all over floor. For about 2 hours after that I cramped every 5 min. Then I felt a pop and there on pad was clot that was hard and had gray flecks. Bled for another 5 days as if I had AF. I was only 2 days late so I hadn't even thought to test yet.
My 3rd m/c happened 12/05 exactly 6 days before my 2nd son's 1st birthday. I will admit that I wasn't to happy to find out I was pregnant again so soon but that didn't mean that I wanted a m/c to happen either. Well I had some spotting at about 4.5 weeks; it was brownish. Called and was told was probably implantation bleeding. I let it be. At 6 weeks I started spotting light pink. Went in and was checked; said cervix was closed and did transvag u/s. Said everything looked good and was too early to see heartbeat. At 7 weeks it became dark red spotting. Called and was told to keep an eye on it and call if clots were seen. At 8 weeks it became bleeding not spotting. At appt was told cervix was closed and u/s showed heartbeat was at 137. Told that I may just experience bleeding the whole pregnancy. Skip to week 10, taking kids over to neighbor to babysit, I slid down 2 steps and rammed big toe badly-felt jittery but ok. Headed to work and on way there started having cramps or at least what I thought were cramps(I never had contractions before-I had 2 c-s). When I got there I clocked in and went right to the bathroom, as soon as I started to sit I heard a 'plop'. Before I could move to try and get it the auto-flush toilet flushed! : Then blood just started pouring out. I got another pad and went out to floor to tell co-workers what was going on and one offered to take me to hospital. On way there, I kept trying to get dh on phone, finally left voicemail. I'm at ER and it takes like 40 min just for them to take my info, then another 10 before they take me back to triage. Meanwhille I am soaking in blood-me, clothes, and wheelchair. When I'm taking clothes off blood is just going all down my legs and dripping straight on to floor. They take vitals and wait for dr. She says after exam that it is still a threatened m/c because there should be even MORE blood than there is!! Sends me for a u/s does trans vag and sees yolk sac still high up but no baby. Lay there and wait 25 mins to be taken back to room. Dh is finally allowed with me and he is so very upset and worried. They gave me some pain meds so I was feeling somewhat better. I shifted and felt like a huge bowl of jello just squirted out of me. Nurses came in and took it to go to patholgy and cleaned me up. Dr comes in and says that I had m/c- ! and is going to have gyn/ob resident look at me. Standing up to get onto exam table, blood absolutely pouring everywhere. He tries to get some tissue out but can't and suggests a d&c. Sent back to room to be prepared for op, my nurse is trying to put in another IV when I start sweating and saying it's very hot-bp was at 69-gave me something to bring it up. Sent for d&c, woke up in recovery about 5:30A. Couldn't be released until 8:30A. Thankgod my neighbor understood and kept our boys all night or else I would have been all alone.
My 4th m/c just happened on July 5th. I had a spotting on June 18th it was brownish to barely there and it stopped immediately. On June 24th I spotted light pink for about 3 hours but it stopped after I layed down. Then on June 29th I started bleeding light red to medium red a nd I had a dr. appt for July 3rd-new dr couldn't get in until then had called 2 weeks before. I was just 9 weeks from LMP. He did trans vag u/s and said baby measured only 6 weeks and no heartbeat. Took blood to check HCG and progesterone levels. Of course office was closed for the 4th. I went to work that night but only made it 1.5 hours before cramping started. At 1:30A passed large clot saved it in jar. At 2:30 cramps were starting to feel like labor pains so I left wrok and went home. Went to pee when I got home and passed another large clot saved that as well. It was about 4A took Ibuprofen and tried to sleep. About 6A went to pee and out plopped baby and placenta all intact. It looked just like it did on the u/s. I put it with the clots in the jar in the refrigerator for appt with dr on Friday. After that I was bleeding no more than that of a heavy period. Went to dr and was toldc HCG was 38,000 but progesterone was only 10 and that they knew the m/c was going to happen. If only Wednesday hadn't been a holiday, I might of had a little warning. I go back for recheck on 20th. I kept wondering how long it would be for everything to come out. Got my answer on July 11th. Started with contraction type cramps again. About 1P I passed a large piece of placenta. After that the bleeding completely stopped. I think I am dealling with this m/c better b/c I may get some answers when I go back to dr. They will have test results from baby and he is going to run the recurrent m/c blood panel on me. He also is going to change my diabetic diet-could always lose some weight. I'm 255lbs now and I would like to get back down to 210lbs where I was when I got pregnant with ds #1. I try to keep believing that the m/c's were for a reason. That there's a purpose to all this. I sure hope there is!
eroslovesagape's Avatar eroslovesagape 12:09 AM 07-19-2007
I'm so glad I found this thread and read many m/c accounts just before I miscarried Friday 7/13 at 13.5 weeks. I cried, but felt calmed and ready for the m/c after all the reading.

A bit of brown spotting around 7 weeks, lasting a day or two.

Brownish spotting around 10 weeks. My midwife couldn't find a heartbeat but said I had a very tilted uterus (tilted far towards my back).

Spotting continued. No heartbeat at 11 weeks. We discussed m/c and what to expect, when to head to the ER if necessary. Midwife was also warm and caring. Recommended I catch the m/c in a bowl if/when it happened.

Spotting continued for 2 more weeks, then changed to reddish smears, then changed to blood like a light period. The last week there was fresh blood at wipes. The last 2 days I had light, intermittent cramps, typical pre-labor activity for me (I've had 3 normal births). I had a feeling the second day that I'd be miscarrying within 24 hours, which I did.

Cramping intensity increased overnight, but still intermittent. In the morning DH and I discussed heading getting an ultrasound just to see...but my inner voice said no, just stay home, I'm ready for this process- and just then came the first little pop and gush of blood.

Some good cramps and I passed a small, crystal-clear egg-yolk-like sac attached to some bloody tissue. The sac was full and round, sized between a large grape and a smallish kiwi. It was empty! I called my midwife: it was a "blighted ovum," a pregnancy that started but stopped growing pretty early, probably around 6-7 weeks when I had that first brown spotting. She said it was very common. Over the next couple of hours I passed some large blood clots (easy to squish) and last, after a labor-like contraction, the placenta. It was 2/3 the size of a large banana, firm, liver-looking, somewhat calcified.

Emotionally I went into my hyper-logical mode at first, "it wasn't actually a baby, this is a fresh start etc." but later that night I cried for 2 hours. The next day I felt good, spent the day into the evening at a music fest- it was good to get out of the house.

Bleeding was like a heavy period the first 3 days, now at 6 days post m/c it's tapered down to a light period, brownish red. Midwife says I could bleed 2-3 weeks.

The entire pregnancy I had a feeling something was "off." I never felt any energy from the life I supposedly had inside me, no connection, I never felt emotionally attached or excited; when I reached out to connect with the baby it always felt...empty. So not too surprised after all. The fact that it was an egg yolk instead of a 13 week fetus made it a nearly painless event in the end, both emotionally and physically.

So now we're just sitting with the space we're in and will decide whether or not to try again.
mamabeck's Avatar mamabeck 03:54 AM 07-31-2007
07/30/2007:
Miscarriage at 10 ½ weeks – Second pregnancy
I am really trying to leave out a lot of the mental emotions my husband and I experienced and just focus on the physical aspects of this. I really needed to hear what was going to happen during this time. NONE of it EVER physically hurt. I was so afraid of the unexpected. While I was miscarrying, I was on Mothering.com reading about other women’s experiences. It helped me so much. I hope this helps someone not be afraid. Miscarriage is a birth. If you can accept what is happening, it helps a lot. I believe our baby just went back to waiting to come back inside me and be healthy and grow again someday. My husband and I are at peace with this experience.
I had been lightly spotting light brown blood for about three weeks. At 9:30PM, I went pee and discovered I had soaked my underwear with brown blood. I continued to bleed light brown to dark brown blood for a few hours. I went to sleep and dreamt of miscarrying and telling people I was miscarrying. I woke up around 2:30AM and went pee and was bleeding bright red blood. It was a bit more blood than a heavy period but not alarming. About ½ hour later I began having contractions. They quickly became closer together. At about 3:30AM I needed to concentrate only on getting through the contractions. They were about 1 ½ minutes apart. They didn’t hurt, they just required all of my attention, (just like my first baby Ida’s birth). I could feel tissue moving down through my birth canal. It didn’t hurt. I told my husband that I had a lot of fear and knew I needed to let this go and accept what was happening as safe and o.k. I finally got up the nerve to get out of bed. When I stood up, I felt a handful of tissue come out of me. I was surprised that there wasn’t any pain. I went into the bathroom and pulled down my underwear and picked the tissue up. It was a beautiful, bright red color and it was cylindrical. I could hold it with both of my hands. It was shaped like a very wide (5 ½ inches or so across) rubber band. I let this go into the toilet because I was positive it wasn’t our baby. I alternated between our bed and the toilet for a couple of hours. Each time I stood up, more tissue came out and there wasn’t any pain. I drank some iced raspberry tea to give my uterus and body strength. I birthed more red, cylindrical tissue twice. I knew I should be taking deep breaths but was so afraid. I was never afraid when I had Ida, this was very hard to accept. I finally got up the courage to take a deep breath and more tissue came out and this time I found a grape sized, white, milky sac. I felt very strongly that this was our baby. I placed this in a cup. I thought about breaking into the sac but it didn’t feel right to me. I knew it was our baby, and that was enough for me. I delivered more tissue over the next 1 ½ hours, drank more raspberry tea and my husband and I made plans to go visit my parents for a few days. We had said our goodbyes to our baby earlier in the night and we were very sad and emotional. Our daughter Ida woke up and asked where the baby was. We told her baby was gone and waiting to come back again. Her eyes were very big and sad. I felt a bit energetic and did dishes and thought about our baby and a bit later I delivered a small banana sized placenta. I kept this too. I continued to drink red raspberry leaf tea and began feeling confident that I was finished birthing our baby.
My midwife suggested that I take Dong Quai tincture every few hours to help expel any additional tissue in my uterus. I did this and could feel my uterus contracting about ten minutes after I would drink the tincture. I bled (like a heavy period) for two days and took everything very easy. It really helped to visit my parents and have some alone time with my husband when we needed it. My husband made and accepted many phone calls about how we were doing. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone but my husband and mom about everything.
A few days later we came home. It was a bit hard to come home and face more of a reality. We buried our baby in our back yard under four Rosemary plants my husband’s family brought to us. We wrapped her (I feel like this is right to call her her) in one of Ida's baby blankets and placed our letters to her in there with her. We both wrote a letter to our baby. I wrote on one side of the paper and my husband wrote on the other side. The Rosemary plant is “for remembrance” and that felt so right to both of us for our baby.
I look forward to carrying our baby again when my body and baby are ready. That might be months from now but that is alright with us. I would like to say that my husband was INCREDIBLY supportive and wonderful. My experience was the best it could be. I am so Thankful.
labortrials's Avatar labortrials 02:01 AM 08-16-2007
I began miscarrying out baby on August 1. I am still expelling tissue. The baby is gone. I know that. The blood is a consistent reminder of what I've lost.

I was "merely" 6 weeks pregnant when I m/c'ed. But I was connected to this pregnancy in an uncanny way. I knew within days of conception that I was pregnant. I knew that I was having a boy. And he's gone. And there's a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. That's ok. That's what makes me a woman and a mother.

On August 1 I had a couple of spots of dark brown blood on my pantiliner. No cause for concern, right? And actually, a number of women do spot/bleed during their first trimester and throughout their pregnancies with no miscarriage. My SIL & I were bathing our children together and I felt a trickle. I knew instantly that something was wrong. I hoped I was wrong. But I wasn't. There was bright red blood and tissue on my liner. I knew that was the beginning of the miscarriage. I was out of the country but called into my family practice doctor's office. The doc on call returned my SOS and told me that I was likely miscarrying. He didn't really tell me what to expect . . . or really tell me what to do . . . except to avoid pain killers. (I guess that was because that could increase the blood flow.) The bleeding stopped, and I tried to get some sleep. I was hopeful.

I woke up a couple of times that night to use the restroom. Each time I wiped away fresh blood. I knew it wasn't a nightmare. I was losing my baby. The next day (Aug 2), I was somewhat in denial. I wasn't in pain, so surely it was just a subchorionic bleed. We got in the van to visit some family, and that's when it all went down hill. I began to cramp severely and contract. I hurt so bad and couldn't grieve. I didn't want to worry my family. I was so uncomfortable I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep going in the car. The bleeding was very heavy. That night I expelled a large fleshy mass that looked placental to me. Since the baby was only the size of a sesame seed, I never found him.

One of the worst things about miscarriage is how uncerimonious it can be. We throw away dirty sanitary napkins. We flush tissue down the toilet. Some of us are able to bury their losses and somewhat move on. Very few people knew I was pregnant. For most of the world, my pregnancy never existed. And no one on earth knew my baby like I did.

My body is healing itself and doing its job. Good for it. I'm still bleeding, and even though my friends are worried, I'm not. In fact, I wonder if I'm not actually menstruating? That's what it feels like today, at least. My skin is a disaster. Hormones are nuts. I still cry sometimes.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this experience. What caused the miscarriage? Were my hormones too imbalanced? When can I try to conceive again? Will this happen again? So much doubt. I was so terrified my entire 1st trimester last time, and I told myself that I wasn't going to do that to myself this time. And how am I supposed to approach pregnancy in the future without fear? Faith? I know. Trust? Sure. Well, not so easy for me.

My soul is a disaster area that has been neglected. I was away this past weekend and able to think. Oh, how hard it is to escape your thoughts when you're left alone with them and only them. How to repair the soul? I dunno.

I'm thankful for this "sticky" thread. I wasn't able to consult this resource when it was happening to me, but I hope that our diverse experiences and interpretations of them will be helpful to others. If you are reading this, know that an entire community of women grieve for you and hope that you find peace and healing in the future.
hannybanany's Avatar hannybanany 02:18 AM 08-17-2007
I'm so sad reading all these stories, but so very thankful for them at the same time.

I've miscarried 3 times. My most recent loss was at ten weeks, one day.

I started spotting on August 1st. I was at lunch with my friends. Spotting during pregnancy has never been normal, or ok for me, so I called my doctors office immediately. I was in there very quickly getting the bad news and seeing my dead baby via ultrasound. He had stopped developing the week before.

I had been through this twice before, so I thought I knew what to expect. I did, but this was different.

On August 2, just 24 hours after I started spotting I started having insanely intense cramps (contractions?), they were so bad I could barely stand up or walk. I knew it was going to happen. I went to the bathroom and passed the baby. S/he was just over an inch long. I looked at him for a long time before wrapping him up to bury in the back yard.

I hadn't bled much before the baby passed, but for two hours after I soaked a pad every 15 minutes. I drank raspberry leaf tea, and laid on my left side (fortunately my daughter was napping). Every time I had to get up to go to the bathroom I didn't think I would make it. The pain was so intense. I was starting to worry that I was bleeding too much, but just when I was seriously considering calling my doctor the bleeding slowed a little.

I bled pretty heavily and passed many clots during the next week. I had the worst cramps, I started to think that maybe I was retaining some tissue.

By Monday the 13th I was no longer experiencing the insanely intense cramps and my bleeding had slowed to spotting.

I'm still spotting. I still cry. I still don't want to see other people.

I believe my cramps were worse and I bled more during this miscarriage because I was further along than my previous ones. I don't know.

I know that the emotional pain eventually dissipates, but I don't remember when. I still ache from my loss this past April.

We saw this baby's heartbeat at 7.5 weeks, but I still didn't feel like everything was "ok". I was sick as a dog and only wanted to sleep, but still didn't feel like everything was "ok".

Thanks for letting me share my story.
HeatherY's Avatar HeatherY 03:53 AM 08-18-2007
It's been more than a month since my second miscarriage and I'm still dealing with it.
Both of my miscarriages happened suddenly a day or two after very very light spotting. The first happened at 10 weeks while my husband and I were out on a date. We had just finished eating and I headed to the bathroom before we continued our date. When I stood up, I felt something drop between my legs. I wasn't too worried, just knew I had to go to the bathroom. When I got to the bathroom and sat down, blood just poured out. I was stuck in the bathroom, bleeding. I had left my purse and cell phone with my husband, so I couldn't call him or anyone and it was one of those bathrooms without any stalls. That miscarriage passed naturally.

The second one happened at 17 weeks. I had light spotting again, only this time I called my OB's office immediately and the OB on call thought the symptons sounded like an UTI and recommended I go to urgent care. So we went off to the hospital, and got checked out and the ER dr. did an altrasound and my husband got to see our baby for the first time and we got to hear her (we don't know for certain it was a she, but we know in our hearts) heartbeat again. The look on my husband's face was priceless. The drs. were satisfied that the baby was fine.

The next day I called my OB to schedule an appointment for that week and the first available appointment open was for the next day. The drs did tell me to take it easy--just short of bed rest. I'm usually a fairly active person--I own my own business that is in its infancy stages--so it was painful, however, for my baby's sake, I spent the next two days lying around the house. On Tuesday, however, I started throwing up again--something that hadn't happened since about 13-14 weeks--and had a fever. When I got to the dr., he thought my symptons were the beginnings of a cold.

While at the doctor, we heard the heartbeat again. It was a little faster than the last time the dr. listened to it, but he said that was because of the fever I had and that the baby would be fine. I went home and did what the dr. told me to do to break the fever. My husband went out and got me some chicken noodle soup and we spent the rest of the night relaxing.

During the night I woke up with back pains. I had asked the dr. about the same sort of back pains the week before and he said it was normal, so I didn't worry too much, but as the night wore on, they got worse and worse and closer together. It was to the point that I was about to call and ask what I should do, when I sat down on the toilet (for the millionth time that night) my 17-week baby came out only halfway.

Having had a miscarriage already and being afraid it would happen again, I yelled for my husband to call 911 because I couldn't possibly go to the hospital in a car at that point.

In the ER, they didn't do much, except for let me lie on a bed to pass what was still inside. When they thought everything had passed, I was sent home. We got home at 7 a.m., but I couldn't sleep. I'm not sure how many days it was until I really slept again--maybe 3 or 4. My husband and I stayed home from everything that day and took the day early. I was numb at that point, not ready to admit or acknowledge that my baby was gone.

At about 6 p.m., the back pains and cramps started again, so I called my OB and he told me to head back to the ER to be checked out. It turned out that they found some bacteria in my and when an ultrasound was done (why they didn't do one before releasing me from the ER in the first place, I don't know) it was found that I still had somethings left in. So they gave me antibotics and did a D&C. I was quite frightened to go into surgery, I've never had to have any type of surgery and I really, really had getting fillings done at the dentist and knew this would be much, much worse. I was quite happy to be put out completely and only awoke in the recovery room. I ended up spending the next two nights in the hospital and finally got some sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep. I ended up taking the sleeping pills for nearly a week (I don't like to take any meds, including tylenol, unless absolutely necessary) because I couldn't sleep.

It turned out that the second miscarriage was caused by me getting Listeria. I'm not sure how, but my OB said that it's something that be caught anywhere.

I know I'll be paranoid the next time I'm pregnant, but I'm still hopeful that we'll eventually have a baby. It's a bit discouraging that I can get pregnant so easy, but can't make it through a pregnancy.
raspberry.swirl's Avatar raspberry.swirl 11:57 PM 08-22-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by labortrials View Post
I began miscarrying out baby on August 1. I am still expelling tissue. The baby is gone. I know that. The blood is a consistent reminder of what I've lost.

I was "merely" 6 weeks pregnant when I m/c'ed. But I was connected to this pregnancy in an uncanny way. I knew within days of conception that I was pregnant. I knew that I was having a boy. And he's gone. And there's a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. That's ok. That's what makes me a woman and a mother.

On August 1 I had a couple of spots of dark brown blood on my pantiliner. No cause for concern, right? And actually, a number of women do spot/bleed during their first trimester and throughout their pregnancies with no miscarriage. My SIL & I were bathing our children together and I felt a trickle. I knew instantly that something was wrong. I hoped I was wrong. But I wasn't. There was bright red blood and tissue on my liner. I knew that was the beginning of the miscarriage. I was out of the country but called into my family practice doctor's office. The doc on call returned my SOS and told me that I was likely miscarrying. He didn't really tell me what to expect . . . or really tell me what to do . . . except to avoid pain killers. (I guess that was because that could increase the blood flow.) The bleeding stopped, and I tried to get some sleep. I was hopeful.

I woke up a couple of times that night to use the restroom. Each time I wiped away fresh blood. I knew it wasn't a nightmare. I was losing my baby. The next day (Aug 2), I was somewhat in denial. I wasn't in pain, so surely it was just a subchorionic bleed. We got in the van to visit some family, and that's when it all went down hill. I began to cramp severely and contract. I hurt so bad and couldn't grieve. I didn't want to worry my family. I was so uncomfortable I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep going in the car. The bleeding was very heavy. That night I expelled a large fleshy mass that looked placental to me. Since the baby was only the size of a sesame seed, I never found him.

One of the worst things about miscarriage is how uncerimonious it can be. We throw away dirty sanitary napkins. We flush tissue down the toilet. Some of us are able to bury their losses and somewhat move on. Very few people knew I was pregnant. For most of the world, my pregnancy never existed. And no one on earth knew my baby like I did.

My body is healing itself and doing its job. Good for it. I'm still bleeding, and even though my friends are worried, I'm not. In fact, I wonder if I'm not actually menstruating? That's what it feels like today, at least. My skin is a disaster. Hormones are nuts. I still cry sometimes.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this experience. What caused the miscarriage? Were my hormones too imbalanced? When can I try to conceive again? Will this happen again? So much doubt. I was so terrified my entire 1st trimester last time, and I told myself that I wasn't going to do that to myself this time. And how am I supposed to approach pregnancy in the future without fear? Faith? I know. Trust? Sure. Well, not so easy for me.

My soul is a disaster area that has been neglected. I was away this past weekend and able to think. Oh, how hard it is to escape your thoughts when you're left alone with them and only them. How to repair the soul? I dunno.

I'm thankful for this "sticky" thread. I wasn't able to consult this resource when it was happening to me, but I hope that our diverse experiences and interpretations of them will be helpful to others. If you are reading this, know that an entire community of women grieve for you and hope that you find peace and healing in the future.
I am just shy of the six week mark. I knew I was pregnant 2 weeks ago, but 'visually' confirmed it with an e.p.t test early Sunday morning. I was at work when I felt blood passing. I got up and wiped about a teaspoon worth. I went back to my desk and saw that I still had a tampon in my purse. Thank goodness, 3 hours later I came home and felt more wetness, when I sat on the toilet, blood began to drip and my tampon was saturated. In both instances I had wiped away black stringy blood.

I had already announced my pregnancy to my friends and my closest family. I had even video recorded my HPT results and posted it as a bulletin on myspace. I made my CNM (ceritified nurse midwife) appointment yesterday, it was set for the 9th week. My DH bought me an anniversary (which was Monday, 8.20) gift , it was a book for the baby. Pablo had emailed me just this morning that he was excited about 'meeting' gummi bear. I even announced the pregnancy to my supervisor this morning...sigh

It seems as though I was too eager, yet I was remote. I was still in disbelief that I was pregnant. Why? It truly is a miracle to carry another life, it's makes you think, "How am I capable of this?" Perhaps, my subconscious knew all along that gummi bear (baby's nickname) wasn't going to make it. 50% of miscarriages are the result of a chromosomal defect (i.e. Down's symdrome) so in a way, it may be a blessing.

I am not sure how to work through it. Emotionally, I was numb until I spoke to my husband on the phone on his way home. When I hung up, I began to well up. I guess, we'll manage one day at a time.
sarahtar's Avatar sarahtar 03:17 AM 09-04-2007
Well, I guess I feel like writing this out now.

I had a previous miscarriage at 6 weeks, but that pregnancy felt bad from the beginning. This pregnancy felt good, but I was still fairly paranoid. And this paranoia made it easy to ignore when I started feeling that something really was wrong...

August 18 was our first midwife visit, I was 10 weeks, we were going to see if we could hear a heartbeat. We couldn't. Despite knowing that it was still early, my midwife was concerned and I was concerned and we decided to go ahead and go in for an ultrasound. Originally, I had said no ultrasounds, but I caved.

We were able to get in on Monday August 20. And I knew immediately that the baby was dead. It was just too small. I had looked up 10 week ultrasound photos and I knew what we were supposed to be seeing...and we weren't seeing it. And of course there was no heartbeat. And the baby had probably been dead for about 2 weeks (about the time I started feeling really wrong about the whole thing).

So then we waited. By Wednesday, I was spotting. (Enough that, had we not had the ultrasound, I would have known anyway.) Friday, I felt very, um, hermit-like. I didn't want to leave my cave. Saturday afternoon I started having some cramping, like period cramping, that slowly got worse. Worse than labor, eventually. I found myself in the same labor positions - pacing, then stopping to bend over, going on all fours, etc. At some point, I started really bleeding and soon after that, it seemed pointless to get off the toilet.

Two hours later, I called my mw who said she needed me to lay down, so I did, getting up every hour or so to gush into the toilet. Nice. After about 3 hours, it seemed to slow down, and I went to bed, knowing it wasn't over, but hoping.

Sunday, I started feeling crampy again while getting groceries, so went home immediately and started bleeding again. A lot. And clotting, large clots. It just poured out at times. About 3 hours again. By this time, I couldn't walk anywhere without stopping to lay down on the floor every few steps so I didn't pass out.

It let up, then got heavy again for another hour or two on Sunday night before seeming to stop entirely.

Monday, DH went to work, and I got up and did some light housework (picking up). I sat down to chat with my son and when I got up, noticed I'd left a bloody buttprint on the floor (wood, fortunately), apparently the bleeding had gotten much worse without my noticing and I completely soaked through a pad in a few minutes. Called DH home for another 2-3 hours of very heavy bleeding and clotting. Then I passed a very large clot that hurt - it hurt inside, almost as if it were tearing away from my uterus as it came out. I'm certain that was the baby now, looking back.

At the time, I vaguely wondered, but I had lost sooo much blood at that point, I really was not thinking clearly and I didn't have the stomach or stamina to fish it out and look. I wish I had, though. (I have my last miscarried baby and plan to bury it along with some reminders of this baby out in the yard.)

After that, the bleeding lightened considerably, but was still heavier than even my worst heavy periods, and I used to have some doozies.

By tuesday, i was feeling pretty bad and agreed with my midwife that if the bleeding was not significantly better by that night, I'd go in to the hospital on Wednesday, but I ended up getting much better and did not go in.

Nearly a week later, the bleeding is very light, I'm very anemic, I'm still feeling weak and lightheaded and I need to rest a lot, and I have a very very horrible headache. And some lovely giant zits.
Degas's Avatar Degas 04:57 PM 09-16-2007
I'm only 3 or 4 wks, but 5 HPT said I was pregnant. I've had spotting since Monday - a week ago, but yesterday I started to get period-like cramps and a couple hours after I started to have period-like bleeding. In the middle of the night some clots passed into the toilet - I didn't flush because I was hoping the blod might dissipate and show whether there was tissue. My midwife said I would know if I had miscarried - but I don't. I looked at the clot after and some dissipated - it looked like it could be tissue but I wasn't sure. Before I could go look again in a couple hours someone had flushed it by accident. I've continued to have cramps and period-like bleeding all morning and afternoon today. Is it possible my baby could still be alive after all this? I have prayed and tried to relax, but I can't get any sense of it. My heart is telling me that the baby is still alive, but could that just be my wishes? My brain is telling me that that clot was probably the baby. What do you think? It's Sunday so I can't go see anyone till tomorrow unless I go to the ER.
normajean's Avatar normajean 01:55 AM 09-21-2007
*hugs* Karen, I hope you get some answers soon.

I miscarried a week ago yesterday. It started a few days earlier with spotting. Like red streaked cervical mucous. I thought it was just because we'd had intercourse, broken blood vessels near the cervix type of thing. I was feeling great. With my other 2 m/c's, I had had a feeling of "impending doom" for days or weeks before, so I figured since I didn't, nothing was wrong.

I emailed my mw just in case, saying I wasn't worried, I'd keep her posted. By Monday night, I was bleeding. It didnt' go away by morning. So I called my mw and she said she thought it sounded like a miscarriage. I cried, and was bummed out. Then the bleeding stopped. I still felt great physically through all this. Called the mw, and she agreed to meet me at my brother's house to check for a HB. DH was away on business. MW was unable to find a heart beat. She looked for a really long time. I was 15 weeks along, and she said even my heart beat was too faint for how much blood flow should be in that area. She could not feel my uterus, but 3 weeks earlier she had both felt my uterus, and had found a strong heart beat at 170 bpm. My son, age six was there and refused to believe her. He said the baby hated that heart beat thing and was just hiding. I cried. I called DH who arranged to leave work & fly home.

That night cramping started, in the morning I stayed in bed. I had a huge gush, and I thought it was blood (when I miscarried at 12 weeks before, it was all a huge gush of blood & clots, all at once.) I ran to the bathroom, and the pad was soaked with water. I sat on the toilet and passed a lot of stuff. DH came in and held my hand. I looked down and there was something stuck to me, hanging. It was gray. I thought it was the placenta or something. I tried to bounce a little to get it to come off, but it wouldn't. I took some tissue to scrape it off, and realized it was my baby. No sac., just my poor baby's face there looking up at me. It was so upsetting, I told DH, and he looked and we cried together. Then he had to go check on the kids.

While he was gone, I got so dizzy & faint. Nauseated. I needed to lie down, but it still wouldn't come off me, so I couldn't get off the toilet. I was yelling and yelling for DH to come get it off me, because I needed to lie down or I would faint. I was going to black out, the room was spinning. He didn't hear me and it took what seemed like forever for him to come. He helped to get it off, and I vomited in the garbage. I went to bed, and he took care of it all. I couldn't look in the toilet. I will never forget seeing the baby hanging there, gray & still. It was not as big as it should have been for 15 weeks, it was slightly bigger than the 12 week fetal model my mw had shown me at my last check up. My mw had told me it would probably give good closure to see the fetus. I feel though that it upset me. I never saw anything with the other two babies I lost, besides blood & clots.

I went to bed, and DH went back downstairs to check on the kids. My daughter curled up in bed with me. My hands went completely numb & my fingers were curling up. I told her to run for daddy & he came in and elevated my legs and 10 minutes later I was fine. I described this to my MW and she says it was shock.

I bled for 1 day and started spotting, then nothing. Then I started having gushes of blood when I'd sit or lay down. After a day of this, I went to the ER. The ultrasound found a 5 cm blood clot, I was still dilated to 1cm, but it was unable to pass, and was blocking the blood flow as well as irritating the uterine lining. When I'd lay or sit down, the clot would slide over and all the pooled up blood would come out. They did a vaginal ultrasound, a pelvic exam, and a bimanual exam. They prescribed methagine and consecutive tests for blood counts. IF they don't drop significantly by tomorrows blood test, I will have to schedule a D&C. However, with the methagine, I have had 3 instances since where I have passed huge blood clots. One was very thick & heavy, and made aloud plop into the toilet. I feel like, and hope its resolving on its own. I want to move on with my life & enjoy my children, enjoy the autumn and the holidays. I have no idea whether we will try again. I don't think I can do this a fourth time.
zonapellucida's Avatar zonapellucida 09:34 AM 09-21-2007
My very recent experience. There was a pop and rlease of the flid of the amniotic sac. Then a huge amonth of tissue. Following more and more tissue ans my cervix dialated. Over 10 hours I passed a pint of bloody clots and tissue. The remaining placenta hand to be removed from the cervix. It was shriveled and folded in half. Evidence that baby had been dead a while. I drew a few scetches for remeberance, checkd ou the vbery thin embilicus to see there wws no embry still attached and went home to cry.
stacyb's Avatar stacyb 01:36 PM 09-29-2007
i was at 16 weeks and it will be one month tomorrow since we had the miscarriage. i guess this is therapeutic, but just reading everyone's stories and writing my own is still very tough. it's funny, but most of the time i feel okay and then i come upon a thread like this and it gets tough.

anyway, here's our experience. i had a placental abruption and the saddest part was that our little boy was fine until the end, my body was having a problem. it started with some spotting that just got heavier and heavier. when we went to the perinatal center and they did an ultrasound, they said that it was just up to my body whether it would heal the abruption or if it would miscarry.

we hoped until the very end that things would turn out okay, but i think we both knew that i was bleeding so much by the time we got to the hospital the baby would not survive. i was admitted on a saturday afternoon and delivered the baby on sunday morning. it was by far the saddest and most tragic thing i have ever gone through and just writing about it is very difficult. we both got to hold the baby. i didn't have a d and c - i delivered both the baby and the placenta.

i bled a lot that first week and now i have a little spotting.

i just want to say thanks for being a part of this forum. i am not sure how to say this but i will just speak from the heart. i don't think it matters whether you were 7 weeks or 7 months. if you wanted that baby then you have carried it in your heart as much as your body and you have the right to feel whatever is inside you. thanks again for letting me share my story.
Mary's Avatar Mary 03:21 PM 09-30-2007
I miscarried a little more than a year ago and this thread sure helped me through it. I always planned on sharing my experience here and am just getting to it.

At 12 weeks, we discovered that I had a blighted ovum. I was spotting slightly, had an u/s and found out that there was no baby. My midwife told me to expect a bad period, gave me a prescription of vicodin and sent me on my way.

I remember going through the next week expecting something to happen at any minute, but it didn't. I didn't go far from home, and totally felt like a woman scorned. I was technically still pregnant- had the hormones, swollen tummy, etc, but knew it was for nothing. It was exactly one week later that I started with the cramps. I knew that was it. Fortunately it was bedtime for the kids, so I called my friend and locked myself in the bathroom. I needed to talk to her and know that if I had to go to the hospital, she could come while the kids slept.

Very soon I started gushing blood. It was unbelievable how much blood came out of me. It hurt every bit as bad at labor. I literally couldn't get up off of the toilet- there was no way a pad would hold it. My husband got me a bunch of tabloid magazines (a guilty pleasure that certainly kept my mind off of what was going on). I was up all night bleeding profusely with lots of big clots. Bad period- whatever!

Anyhow, there was a point that it let up a bit. I put on an overnight pad, crawled into bed with a towel under me and slept for a bit- maybe 2 hours. The next day I continued to bleed, but mabye not quite as bad and the contractions- that is what they were- let up a bit too. By afternoon the next day I felt a different sensation coming out of me. I went to the bathroom and a thing plopped into the toilet. It was the placenta. I examined it and didn't see much of anything in it- just placental tissue. It was like a small short fat banana. Once that was out, it was pretty much over. Very similar to giving birth.

The entire next week I could barely function- I was so weak from the blood loss and had a very bad migraine. I went to a follow up appoinment with the midwife that was so upsetting. She was so cold and callous about it and didn't even realize that I had two kids- she said that wasn't in her records. I felt like a lump of meat with this lady. She didn't even take my iron levels or anything- just sent me out the door. I was in no position to stand up for myself. The truth is, with the amount of blood I lost, I probably should have gone to the hospital. I'm glad that I didn't and lived to tell about it, but it cold have very easily been an even worse situation.

I know it's not logical, but this woman really left me feeling bad about midwives. I had a great one with the birth of my second son, and I know there are amazing midwives out there, but I will certainly be more open minded and selective about my care providers in the future. I feel like I had very little to choose from and by insisting on a midwife, I really limited the quality of my care.
curlynerdgirl's Avatar curlynerdgirl 04:28 PM 10-01-2007
Exactly 1 month ago, I lost my first pregnancy. All the descriptions in the pregnancy books said that a miscarriage would be like a very heavy period. That does not even begin to describe it for a woman who's never had a miscarriage or been pregnant before.

I was about 7 weeks pregnant and hadn't seen an ob/gyn yet. I'd just changed insurance companies and had just made my 10wk. So I had a name, but had never met the doctor.

Late one evening I began spotting light brown blood. I looked though the books I'd gotten from the library and they all said that if there were no pain, not to freak out, but wait until morning and call your Dr.

I woke up VERY exhausted, like I often do when I get my period. I even slept in an extra 2 hours just to try to get my energy up. I was still spotting, but not much. Of course I was panicked. So I tried to relax, but called the Dr.'s office anyway to see what they thought.

I got an appt. right away and drove of to find this office I'd never been to. I ended up being 10 minutes late because I couldn't find the right building and once I got there, the NP who saw me lectured me for 6 minutes on how me being late was ruining the good reputation the office had for keeping appointments on time. Meanwhile I'm in the middle of a panic attack because I'm pregnant and bleeding! So after being reprimanded by this woman, she gives me a very painful and near-violent pelvic exam and says that my cervix looks fine but she wants and ultra-sound. So in her office, I started crying because she's so horrible and I'm so scared and I felt as if no one cared about what happening to me.

So then I went to the ultra-sound and the tech showed me that the heartbeat was strong, and I got to see the baby. It was tiny, but definitely a baby.

So after that I was told to go wait in the waiting room to see if the horrible NP had anything to say. She didn't, but a nurse in the office promised me that I wouldn't have to see her again. So I was sent home with NO INFORMATION about miscarriages or what to do next.

Later that evening the bleeding increased but still with no pain. I called the office and an OB called back saying not to worry too much since the exam and ultra-sound were good.

A few hours later, I started having cramps. At first, they were subtle and achy, not quite period-level cramps. Then a few hours later, they became worse and I called the office again. Getting a different on-call doctor who said I was having a miscarriage but there was nothing that could be done for me. She said that I had to stay home unless I was hemorraging. The pain then escalated, becoming sever and making me vomit. After the vomiting started, I started going into convulsions, where I couldn't control the shaking of my arms and legs and it was difficult to walk, though I still wasn't bleeding much.

I called the office again to ask for help to ask if there was anything I could do for the horrible pain etc. and the doctor only said "No. Try to get some sleep."

I was hysterical at that point and convinced I was going to die beause I started blacking out. At one point, I passed a piece of tissue that was small and spongy and light pink. I have no idea what part it was.

Once I started alternating between screaming and blacking out, my husband took me to the ER (even though I wasn't bleeding much). Unfortunately, the pain meds and anti-nausea meds they gave me didn't do a thing and I was having horrible contractions. But they did give me an IV for fluids because I'd vomited so much. The very kind attending ER doc did an exam and found that my cervix was only open a tiny bit and there was some tissue just appearing behind it. So I waited and had another ultrasound to see if I needed to have a D&C. I was convulsing so much I felt really bad for the ultra-sound tech since it was hard for her to do it with me shaking so badly.

They determined that I didn't 'need' a D&C, whatever that means, though they never offered me the option of having one. The resident assigned to me came in and did another exam (several hours later) and found that my cervix was opened further, but that the tissue was stuck mid-way, which was why I was in so much pain. So he went in and removed it, which almost instantly ended the bone-crushing, mind-shattering pain. Though through the whole 'removal', I wept because I knew he was removing the last remnants of my pregnancy. Luckily, my husband was by my side, holding my hand and looking into my eyes the whole time, so it seemed to be over quickly. Then, not long after, I passed a quick gush of blood (maybe 4-6 ounces, so not that much I guess) and felt even better.

After that, I was able to rest a bit while we waited for the pathology. It came back as being around 5 weeks, so it had ended 2 weeks earlier. I then had a shot of rogam (sp?) because my blood-type is O-, and was given a potassium drink because my potassium had dropped so much from vomiting all night. We then went home after being in the ER for about 7 hours.

I was furious that the on-call OB just kept telling me to 'relax' and stay home. If I hadn't gone to the ER, it was unlikely that I would have passed the tissue mass without intervention, which could have led to infection etc. My follow up with an OB at the same office was just as disappointing.

I bled for just over two weeks after that and cramping was done after a few days. It took nearly the whole month for my hcg to get back to zero. It was a physically horrible ordeal, and I wish I'd had some information beforehand, however morose that may seem.
hasaunders's Avatar hasaunders 10:13 PM 10-01-2007
Let me just start out by saying that I am soooo glad this thread is here.

We had our 8wk OB appt on 9/21. We had an embryo with a heartbeat but the u/s measured us at ~6wks when we should have been ~8wk6d. At first, my doc said she wanted to do a follow-up u/s in 2 weeks but then she came back in and suggested we check my progesterone, which I agreed to, and do an u/s in a week. I had the blood work done and all that fun stuff.

I saw my acupuncturist on 9/26 and the treatment she did on my did not strengthen my pulses like she wanted and I had a pretty good feeling that all was not well.

I had my follow-up u/s on 9/28. The yolk sac was still there but the embryo had completely disintegrated. I am now in what I have termed "pregnancy purgatory". I'm not pregnant but I'm not not pregnant so I'm in limbo, waiting for a miscarriage. I decided to give it a week but I don't know if I want the intervention if it doesn't happen this week. I have had absolutely no spotting or cramping and I have no idea how long it will take before anything happens for me. I hate the waiting.

That being said, I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. It has given me a lot of support over the weekend while my FIL was here, who is 79 and not real savvy on female issues. My dh was going to tell him but the opportunity never really came up so this thread was the only thing that kept me from feeling completely emotionally stifled. Reading everyone's experiences has helped give me some idea of what to expect. You are all very strong women. Thank you!
mrsdouglas5's Avatar mrsdouglas5 06:14 AM 10-05-2007
Well, I still can not believe I am actually writing this out. My dh and I were very happily expecting our second child. Everything was going along just fine. I had the normal vomiting and nausea that came along with my pg last time. On last Saturday, I woke up not feeling pregnant anymore. It is a very difficult thing to describe. I felt very in tune with my body and felt like I had the flu, but was not actually experiencing pregnancy symptoms. My dh took care of me and our 18 month old daughter so I could rest and on Sunday I began have pain on my left side and vomiting a lot-very violently. Monday, I was fine and looking forward to our OB appt to have our first u/s on Tues. We went in and had the pap, did the pee test, everything was great and then our OB could not find a heartbeat on the baby. I was 9 weeks 6 days along. I knew immediately. As soon as she did the u/s I knew. I just had a sinking feeling in my stomach. But, because I had had absolutely no bleeding or cramping, no spotting, nothing-I was holding out hope and trying to think positively. We went back on Weds for the confirming u/s and decided to have the D*&C on today. It is the most difficult and heart-wrenching thing I have experienced as a parent. I believe the death of a child is something that you never forget. I feel like a part of me has died inside. I am walking around feeling like an empty shell. I know I have to continue=I am still nursing my toddler and hope that did not cause the miscarriage, and getting support from here is helpful. I just am so astonished and at a loss because of not having any bleeding. I am sorry so many of us have had to experience this deep and profound pain.....wishing you all the best.
Sylvia
mommyfied's Avatar mommyfied 06:15 AM 10-13-2007
I had a rather uneventful miscarriage. It's hard to find stories of this happening, so I wanted to be sure to share mine. I'm not sure if it's not shared because there isn't much to tell, if women don't wait long enough for this to happen without medical intervention, or if it is just very rare for the body to do this. :

I had my first OB appointment at 12 weeks. We did not find a heartbeat, and my OB doubted I had my dates right (I was sure) and wanted to schedule an ultrasound. I went in for my ultrasound that following Tuesday and I would have been 12w6d. We found only a gestational sac measuring 9w6d. It was starting to break down.

I was sent home and given the option of D&C or waiting. I was willing to wait as long as it takes. And, thankfully, my OB was okay with that.

The next day I started spotting. It was very light, brownish discharge that was never heavy enough to require a pantyliner. (I also want to note that I had similar discharge when I was 6-7 weeks pregnant. I now think this is when I lost the tiny baby.) The spotting continued for 2 weeks and then stopped. I had mild, intermittent cramps throughout those 2 weeks and twinges in my cervix as if it were dilating. But, the bleeding I was expecting never came.

My OB tested my HCG levels and they were already down to 448. I would have been 15 weeks pregnant by then. We tested again two weeks after that and my levels were down to 131. At that point, I was confident that my body was breaking down and reabsorbing the sac. My OB thought this was the case as well. I decided to monitor my body's progress with HPTs from that point. It took another 3 weeks and I finally got a BFN. I would have been 20w4d pregnant when my hcg levels finally dropped below 20.

Throughout the process, I also charted my basal temperature. It started out at post-ovulation/pregnancy levels and gradually stair-stepped down to pre-ovulation levels as my hcg levels dropped. I am now waiting to either ovulate or for AF to arrive. I'll update this post later with the results.

Edited 12/28/07: Since I posted this, my HCG dropped very slowly, averaging 1 point per week. I tested again at around 30w and it was still at 10. I was lightly spotting dark brown globs/strings for about a week and at 30w6d I passed the embryo all by itself. I was shocked and amazed. It had a head and tail, tiny little arm buds... I knew the second I saw it that it was my tiny embryo. I compared its features and size to embryology sites and was able to determine when my baby died - somewhere around 28-30 days. After that I kept spotting, but it was EWCM-like tinged brown. AF finally arrived today... It's the first red spotting I've had since my last AF and fairly light but did have to break out my AF supplies! I would have been 32w2d. Yesterday I had very intense cramps for about an hour, but I didn't pass anything.

I also want to add that I have been breastfeeding my toddler this whole time, so it may have influenced the process... ???

Edited 1/15/08: Okay, so it wasn't AF. I passed the placenta this morning. It was about 3-4 inches long and an inch wide. Completely normal looking and intact. I am surprised my HCG was at 8 a month ago. Hopefully this is finally over. I had some cramping the night before last, with a full hour of intense pain like my cervix was stretching. The pain stopped and I had minimal bleeding all day yesterday. The placenta must have been blocking it because it's back now. I can't wait for the lochia to end. I've been bleeding for 19 days now.
First ... 5  6  7 8  9  ... Last

Up