Happy Birthday Amanda Leigh - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 02:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Today is my stillborn daughter Amanda Leigh's 8th birthday. It still seems so strange to me.

We lit a candle for her and put together a small memorial. The kids still aske questions, though they were born after her death. My son thinks it 'cool' to have a spirit sister and my daughter is sad because she want's a sister! I guess we all do have our own ways of dealing with death.

I also know a several women who have lost a child. I lit a candle for their spirit children too.

This day always sneeks up on me.

SHE HAS DIED

The day fell silent
the doctor's oriental eyes
could not meet mine

as he said without words
she has died
I heard then his apology

I saw his pain
yet I felt not my own
numbness and calm

in the hallway someone asks
when I am due
she has died

that's when the nightmare began
the horror of death
which has never ended

she has died

PROMISE

The ground is covered
with a fresh blanket of white
just as you were several days ago

Just as the ground you were still
and silent, not a cry
So I cried for you

Soon the snow will melt and fade away
But you, not you
your memory will never fade


A LACK OF DIGNITY

Gently my tears begin
they have become so familiar
they're almost comforting

I cry openly, sometimes in public
hoping it will cleanse me
I no longer have dignity

Dignity would have been you
in the sling at the grocery
"How cute!, What's her name?"

I look forward to midnight
rocking you gently, gently
rocking, gently, gently rocking

pretending you are in my arms
pretending I am comforting you
nursing you, touching your cheek

I hold you close and kiss you
then gently lay you to sleep
goodnight my little dancer
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#2 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 03:08 AM
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Happy Birthday Amanda Leigh. May you watch over your family as you have always done.
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#3 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 04:19 AM
 
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Ms. Mom~

Thank you for sharing Amanda with us. I thought about you and your dd, Amanda quite a bit today. Happy, happy birthday!

Warmly & Sending you Hugs~

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#4 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 04:51 AM
 
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Hi Ms Mom,

Light a candle for Amanda Leigh from me today & give all your other children a kiss. Thankyou for sharing with us.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

edited for bad spelling
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#5 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 11:50 AM
 
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Those were very beautiful poems~I am wiping the tears from my eyes as I type.

Happy Birthday to you~Amanda Leigh
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#6 of 8 Old 12-15-2001, 05:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your kind words. I think it would be nice if we all posted a birthday message on our spirit children's birthday.

You and your children are all in my thoughts and in my heart.
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#7 of 8 Old 12-17-2001, 05:43 AM
 
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Oh....Ms Mom I am so sad....

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#8 of 8 Old 12-20-2001, 10:52 PM
 
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Jacque - Just wanted to send some love your way. I have not been to this forum for several days so I missed Amanda's birthday. Thanks for sharing your beautiful poetry! Peace to you.
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