Wanting another baby? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 02-21-2005, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi to all,

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I was wondering, how has everyone delt with the feelings of wanting another baby? I feel like I am still waiting for Luke some days. I don't want to pack up the baby room. It doesn't make me sad to go in there it almost comforts me. I do think I want to try again but is this just my mind trying to cope?? Has anyone else got ideas aboout this?

Also, what do all the acronyms mean? I am not sure (when referring to our babies)

Thank you

Sarah
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#2 of 21 Old 02-22-2005, 12:40 AM
 
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My daughter died 6 hours after her full term birth in March 2004.
I wanted to start trying at 6 months....the universe had it that we didn't start trying until this month.
So for us, almost a year....

Now, looking back....I am so glad that I waiting pass 6 months....
However, my loss was full term....I don't think I would of wanted to wait that long if I had had an earlier loss....know what I mean?

Hope that helps!!!

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#3 of 21 Old 02-22-2005, 01:59 PM
 
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Hi Sarah,

I feel the same way you are feeling, a week after Jalen passed I was thinking of trying again,mind you I am fully aware that our bodies needs to heal, However I believe in letting nature take it's course. On February 24th it will be two months that Jalen passed, and I will be trying once again in April.

Always go with your instinct.
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#4 of 21 Old 02-22-2005, 02:24 PM
 
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i have always felt the intense *need* to be pregnant right away, but have always forced myself to wait until my body was ready (physically, mentally and spiritually). after we lost Keena i waited 3 months and this time it will be 6-7 months while i finish up a liver detox and a few other things (and try to lose that last few pounds).
it is always such a hard wait but i try to focus on how much healthier i will be by waitint the few months, and i know for my body i need the time to recuperate

good luck and you will know when you are ready

tara
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#5 of 21 Old 02-22-2005, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the input. I was full term 40 weeks and one day and delivered by c-section. I have been feeling moody these past few days. I hope it passes I don't like to be grouchy. I plan to get in shape before we try again and heal emotional and physical pains. I was thinking about five months, but like you say I will probably let nature take its course.

Take care

Sarah G.
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#6 of 21 Old 02-22-2005, 06:10 PM
 
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Sarah,
I also had a c-section birth with my daughter, almost a year ago.
The trauma to my body, alone, has made it hard to heal 100%.
Therefore, I am so glad that I have waited. It has been so hard....'cause I really want another babe soon.

Glad to hear that you are willing to trust your body and nature in this process.

Love and Hugs to you,
Jackie
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#7 of 21 Old 02-24-2005, 01:24 PM
 
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I too felt that want to have another baby right away. I remember right after Adelaide died I still felt pregnant. I would absent mindedly touch my belly and was just in that pregnancy mode of sort of protecting myself. I remember thinking that my emotional pain would lessen if I was in fact pregnant, but I knew in my mind that wouldn't be the case. And then the aweful empty arms feeling came a few weeks later. I held my 2 year old a lot and my cats got more attention than ever before. The feelings of wanting another baby right away have died down a bit for a few reasons...I want to be physically healthy and try for VBAC and so I know I need to give my body time to heal. The other reason is that I just feel that I need to honor Addie by giving it some time and sort of acknowledging her existance with this time. The urge comes strong some days and I am sure it will be very hard when friends get pregnant but I am hoping to make it about nine months before trying again. It helps to know others have been through this too, some days I feel really alone with these feelings that come and go.

Quoteriginally Posted by aswbarry~A~ Mama to DD 6y, DD , DD 3y and DD 1y
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#8 of 21 Old 02-24-2005, 05:32 PM
 
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One of the first things on my mind was when can i get pregnant again. I just wanted a baby so bad. I think this is a very normal reaction. Why wouldn't you want a baby if you were supposed to already have one in your arms? My midwives told me to wait three normal cycles but i admit that we weren't very careful at all. I told myself that i wanted to have a baby before my 25th birthday so that gave me until March '05 to get pg. I think having a longer timeline helped me relax. I was lucky and I ended up getting pregnant almost exactly 3 months after Julianna's birthday. I think that 5 months and a "let nature do its thing" attitude sounds like a great plan for you. Just make sure you give your body and your mind enough time to heal.
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#9 of 21 Old 02-24-2005, 07:20 PM
 
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Sarah,
I don't think there's anything strange about this. When we lost Charlie I knew right away that I wanted to get pregnant again. I wanted a child. I felt and still feel like a mother without a child. My situation is different than yours. I had a very late D&E because Charlie had shrunk inside of me because my body held onto him for a long time without letting me know that he had died. It was a hard decision I made in a lot of emotional agony. The doctor told me to wait for two periods, and I actually started trying after one, but did not get pregnant. I was that desperate. I have now gotten the go-ahead after having two periods and we are trying again, but it's not like it was before. It's very desperate. There's not much fun in it. I feel like I will not be able to finish healing until I have a living baby in my arms, but I also feel guilty because I don't want to forget Charlie. I think it is a double-edged sword. A subsequent pregnancy will be very very stressful and frightening, but if you want a biological child then there's really no choice.

Things will get better eventually, but it is a long dark road. I know you have to wait a little longer after a c-section. It's just not fair. There's no fairness in any of it. My loss was 2 1/2 months ago and I have found that the urgency has started to pass.

You might also want to visit http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/ for some extra support.
Roxanne
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#10 of 21 Old 02-24-2005, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Roxanne,

Thank you for the information, I have gotten the information packet sent to me by SHARE. Please let me know how it goes.. You are in my thoughts.

Sarah
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#11 of 21 Old 02-24-2005, 08:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support. It comforts me to know that others are successful in getting preg a second time. Please let me know how things are going with you.

Sarah
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#12 of 21 Old 02-25-2005, 05:30 PM
 
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I felt very comforted to know that others went on to have living children after a loss. Part of me is still afraid that i will never have a living child in my arms so I cherish the time i have with this little one all the more while she is inside me.

Just to let you know, I know two women, one IRL and one here at MDC who just had babies this month after losing children to stillbirth in the last year or two. The woman here, WIlkers, just gave birth to her son this morning. She had two really great threads about her grief process and her subsequent pregnancy that you might be interested to check out. One is in the archives here and the other is in the Pregnancy after Loss sub category of this board. Here are links to them if you're interested. I think the one from the archive might be especially good for you right now.

Archived thread re: grief after stillbirth

Subsequent Pregnancy Thread

Hope you are hangin in and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
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#13 of 21 Old 02-25-2005, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. I did see that she had her son Sean and posted a happy birthday for him!! Thanks for guiding me to those threads. I am doing ok. Just got home a couple hours ago from the Onocologist(sp). THey are testing me for a clotting disorder to rule out as a possible cause for Luke's SB. They took 11 viles of blood!! I hope that they can find an answer, but I know that it is unlikely. Still no word on the autopsy.
Take care you
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#14 of 21 Old 02-28-2005, 07:05 PM
 
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11 viles - eeks! I hate anything to do with needles and especially having blood drawn. They didn't test me for anything - i wonder why? I'm glad that you're doing alright.
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#15 of 21 Old 02-28-2005, 09:23 PM
 
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Sarah,
been thinking about you. Hope that all is going as best as it can right now.
now you are in my thoughts and I am sending peaceful vibes your way.

Jackie
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#16 of 21 Old 03-02-2005, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support and encouraging words. TOday was o.k. I talked to some people from work who were encouraging. I ventured out tonight with my sister. She took me to the movies to see Wedding DAte. Cute movie, but I think I am a little beat!! Where my incision was is healed on the outside and looks great but the inside feels like somebody is pulling me apart at times. It has only been about three weeks, I guess I need to be patient and let my body heal all the way. I feel a little better tonight emotionally. I am glad I agreed to go out. I hope you all are doing well.

Sarah
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#17 of 21 Old 03-02-2005, 01:30 AM
 
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Sarah,
I am so glad to hear that you had some time away and doing something enjoying.
Being post c-section is hard. Some days you might feel great and start doing more, than other days it kicks ya in the rear... :
Take it easy mama....plenty of rest and off your feet.
It felt really good to me to apply a heating pad or hot water bottle to the area of my incision....since I couldn't get in the tub for so long...
Are you taking anything for pain and aches?

Love to you mama!!
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#18 of 21 Old 03-02-2005, 01:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Jackie,

I only took the pain medication for the first week and a half due to feeling so out of it. I will try the heating pad. Thanks for the tip!!
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#19 of 21 Old 03-12-2005, 06:13 PM
 
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I know the feeling.

But when we were pregnant with Brian, we were sure that #1, we were done and #2. nothing would go wrong, so my husband got snipped. He's never been tested, and we don't plan to use BC (I know, I know...) but really, I don't thin I'll ever have another now.
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#20 of 21 Old 03-12-2005, 06:29 PM
 
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After my first miscarriage, I was *desperate* to get pregnant again. I wanted to have another baby so badly....but now, that I've just gone through a miscarriage all over again, it's very different. I'm not sure when I'll be ready. I'm so terrified of it happening again. Right now I really don't know what will happen for us, dh and I are still grieving and we're taking things day by day. Hopefully things will be clear for us soon.
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#21 of 21 Old 03-12-2005, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sarah-

I have since found out that I have a blood clotting disorder that may have been the cause for Luke's death, still not 100% sure but am taking precausions. I have been getting shots in the belly, and will have to continue them for 14 days, they are going to do ultrasounds of my legs to check for clots to be safe, since I am 5 weeks post op almost.. and they are suppose to give people with clotting d/o's shots everyday for 6 weeks post op. (blood thinner). Next pregnancy the Dr. said I will be under close watch and will have to take shots everyday. Hopefully to prevent another SB. I would recommend that anyone get tested if there are history of stroke, Heart attacks, and especially blod clotting in the family. Also, my Dr. said that women who MC more than one time are tested in his book.. something to think about. I am so sorry you have had to go through MC more than once. I can't imagine.. take care..

Sarah G.-
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