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#1 of 4 Old 11-21-2001, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, My name is Jessica and I am 26 years old. I am lucky to be able to stay at home with my daughter who was born on Valentine's Day of this year.

While pregnant with my daughter I was very excited to learn that my SIL was also pregnant. We were absolutely thrilled and thought "how perfect!!" we couldn't have possibly been more excited.

A month after Abigail was born we learned that our neice had passed away. She was five days overdue.

My BIL and SIl were very generous in their grieff and allowed us to see and hold her after her birth.....she was incredibly soft and beautiful and you just can't really let go....or forget.

I guess my family has been very fortunate...we have never been through such an experience before it's not something you really think about happening or want to think about happening.

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#2 of 4 Old 11-22-2001, 02:30 AM
 
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Jessica,

I wish I had known you back when Amanda was born still. Your an amazing woman and your bil and sil are so lucky to have you in their life.
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#3 of 4 Old 12-03-2001, 01:19 AM
 
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Thank you for posting about your sil "angel". I, too, know what this feels like as I lost my "twin angels" a year ago. It is a very painful experience and nothing but time and caring friends and family can help you get through it.
I went through this experience pretty much on my own. The father of my twins, whom I call "sperm donor", never participated in my pregnancy or the still birth of my twins (so that's all he really did was donate sperm). I am very lucky to have a wonderful, loving caring family and the same kind of friends because without them, I don't know what I would have done. I did isolate myself for awhile, was very angry with the world and God. It took time, support and counseling to help me deal with it all. I felt totally alone, so when the twins were born, I was there by myself because I felt that I had to be... It was my problem, right? I felt for so long, and still do a little, that I let so many people down, including myself and the twins. I felt for so long that there was just something more I could have done to prevent this, but I now realize that there is nothing more I could have done. I had a very "normal" pregnancy, outside of the stress of dealing with "sperm donor" and I enjoyed everything I went through. My twins were healthy all the way up until I went to the doctor for a check up and to see if I would be admitted for induction. That is when the doctor found no heartbeat, nothing. A lot of people blame the doctor for letting me go too long. I guess I do a little, too. I also felt for a long time that I should have known better, but the doctor's are the ones that are supposed to know better, right?
I saw my beautiful baby girl, Ryleigh Mikaela, and my beautiful baby boy, Chayton Tyler, but I could not bring myself to hold them. I donated their viable organs so I could help another little one have a chance at life that my twins didn't. Who am I to take that away, that gift of life, that someone else can have? I had a memorial service for them then and on what was to have been their first birthday.
I hold my babies in my heart forever, they are in my soul until the end of time. I miss them so much, but I know that they are watching over me every day, making sure that I am alright and shining their bright lights on everyone.
I am very blessed to have had them for nine months, although there are times when I wish they were here with me now. I miss them every day.
I am a healthy woman and will be able to have more children eventually, when I am more physically and emotionally sound. There was nothing wrong with my health to cause the stillbirths and nobody has ever been able to figure out why the twins were stillborn. Instead of one healthy one making the other healthy, the healthy baby took on the sick baby and it was just too much to handle.
Thank you to you all for reading this post. When I talk about my angels, it helps me ease some more of the pain. And thank you to my friends and family who are the best ones a person could ever have. May God Bless you all
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#4 of 4 Old 12-05-2001, 05:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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to be alone during such a time.....I don't know how you managed to get through it....but I am glad you have people who are there for you...

Your story is similar to my SIL's.....one day she didn't feel the baby move..they had a sonogram but the baby was gone...she actually had her on the day she was supposed to be induced....

her loss was due to the umbilical cord.....part of why it really scared me was my c-sectionn was for the same thing....I still wonder what would have happened if I hadn't have drank a bunch of cohash tea to induce myself.....(I didn't want pictocin and I was wwaayyy overdue)...it scares me to think I could have lost my daughter as well....

Not all those who wander are lost 
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