a 21 week old angel - Mothering Forums
Pregnancy and Birth Loss > a 21 week old angel
hawkfeather's Avatar hawkfeather 03:25 AM 08-10-2006
I just found out a friend's baby has passed away. She was 21 weeks 2 days pregnant. We knew there was complications, but were hoping for a miracle.

I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions about what to gift/offer do for her wonderful momma.

I do not live close to her and i am not sure how to help.

My heart is breaking for this momma right now!

Kidzaplenty's Avatar Kidzaplenty 09:33 AM 08-10-2006
My heart, too, is breaking for the loss of this child. I seem to get very emotional over every loss lately. I can imagine what you friend is going through, having BTDT.

When my son died at 18 weeks I wanted something to remember him by. I had no u/s and no pictures, nothing of him that I could hang onto and remember. But I found this amazing sketch that I just had to buy (very inexpensivly). I don't know if your friend is Christian or not, but I just love this picture and would give it to anyone in the same situation.

Don't know if it would be appropriate, but it is a picture of Jesus and infant.

I hope you find the right gift.
pigpokey's Avatar pigpokey 12:01 PM 08-10-2006
Where is your friend? Maybe another MDC momma can help you get a meal to them.
tatgurl's Avatar tatgurl 10:17 PM 08-10-2006
I know that some people don't find it appropriate, but when I lost my son at 32wks. people sent flowers and it ment a lot to me. cards of sypmathy and support were nice, phone calls, and just being there. Let her talk about it and call the baby by name (if they named it). Any token of support or memorial helped me to know that I was in peoples thoughts. someone even donated some children's books in my son's name to their local library.
tatgurl's Avatar tatgurl 11:37 PM 08-10-2006
another thing that I thought of is to try to remember her on her due date. I had a very rough time when my due date arrived and no one acknowleged it. It would have ment a lot to have someone call and say "we're thinking of you... "
mom2olivia's Avatar mom2olivia 12:11 AM 08-11-2006
Perhaps get the name of a local take out/delivery place and have an order shipped to her home and put it on your charge card. Though I've never done this and I am not sure if places will process this over the phone???? If not maybe you could send a gift certificate for one of the chain places she might like (Chili's, Applebees etc.).
hawkfeather's Avatar hawkfeather 04:28 PM 08-11-2006
thanks so much mommas!.. she will be induced to day to birth her little daughter.. so any love to spare for a momma in need would be helpful.
Thalia's Avatar Thalia 06:00 PM 08-11-2006
My loss was much earlier, at 8 weeks, but I wish someone had sent flowers or some other traditional expression of sympathy for loss: cards, donations to a charity. Anything to acknowledge that the baby was real and missed!
lestouffer's Avatar lestouffer 10:55 AM 08-17-2006
We really appreciated the meal when my first son was stillborn at 22 weeks. I felt OK (I had a D&E and didn't go through labor and delivery), but it was nice to be at home. When I lost my second son at 22 weeks too, I got a letter from a neighbor who had heard through the grapevine that it had happened (who apparently had missed the first time around) sharing her loss experience with me (her water broke at 18 weeks). Even though, I was still alone (who does this twice for gods sake?) it was nice to have someone who thoought enough about me to share.

That being said..... www.nationalshareoffice.com has some good info and does a rememberence walk every year, etc.....maybe a donation or something with a card?
Maderella's Avatar Maderella 11:27 PM 08-18-2006
Hi - I have a 21 week old angel myself I lost her a year ago and I can tell you that when someone acknowledged my loss it meant a lot. I got flowers and cards but really loved a special necklace (I'll try to find the link) and a cross-stitched quilt and someone named a star after my baby - Annie Rae.
Maderella's Avatar Maderella 11:31 PM 08-18-2006
Here is the link to the pregnancy loss jewelry

http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage-infant-loss.html
annettemarie's Avatar annettemarie 11:34 PM 08-18-2006
You're a good friend. Losing a baby is so hard.

A pretty candle is always nice. And information about SHARE is a great resource.

Earth Mama Angel Baby makes a "baby loss kit." Even if you don't purchase from them, maybe it will give you some ideas?
http://earthmamaangelbaby.com/healing_hearts.html
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