You are a wonderful friend. I received a card yesterday from an acquaintance and continue to correspond with people via email about my son. He died in labor on April 3. It really helps to know that people are thinking of me. I have several people in my life, select family and friends, who I can count on to ask how I'm doing. Some people call to check in with us. I really, really like talking about Baker. It's helped me to share my feelings with others, it’s part of the grief work. It’s been especially helpful to talk about the firsts, like first time seeing family, first vacation, first holidays, first time hold a baby since Baker died, etc. Your willingness to talk about your friend’s baby validates her loss. Let her know that YOU miss the baby, too, and were looking forward to getting to know him/her. Part of what makes this path so lonely is that others didn’t get a chance to know the baby like the parents did. I have appreciated any acknowledgement that Baker was a real person who lived and is missed.
And I'm sure this is obvious, please don't forget the yearly anniversary of the baby's birth/death.
Mama to Baker, lost in labor April 2008 at 41 weeks, and Alden, born screaming July 2009, and a new sweet pea due Feb 2012