How long did people acknowledge your loss or send you mail after your loss? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-11-2008, 09:08 AM - Thread Starter
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I am trying to send a card or something once a month. It is coming up on four months since the moms loss. Is it weird that I still send stuff? and email? etc.....
How long did you need support or acknowledgement?

I can't imagine my child dying. I feel like I could just keep going with cards etc. and chatting with her about what she feels like sharing...
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#2 of 4 Old 07-11-2008, 09:15 AM
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Everything stopped after a week or so and I was pretty upset about it. I would have loved to have a friend acknowledge how large a loss it truly was. 2 months after my babies died, my DDC sent me a huge box and it reduced me to tears. Heck, several of them have followed me through this last pregnancy becoming friends. Unless she specifically asked you to stop, go ahead and let her know you're there for her and you remember.

Mama to Aeden, : my little NICU grad and Conner and Liam () my precious twins. is due mid April!
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#3 of 4 Old 07-11-2008, 11:34 AM
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You are a wonderful friend. I received a card yesterday from an acquaintance and continue to correspond with people via email about my son. He died in labor on April 3. It really helps to know that people are thinking of me. I have several people in my life, select family and friends, who I can count on to ask how I'm doing. Some people call to check in with us. I really, really like talking about Baker. It's helped me to share my feelings with others, it’s part of the grief work. It’s been especially helpful to talk about the firsts, like first time seeing family, first vacation, first holidays, first time hold a baby since Baker died, etc. Your willingness to talk about your friend’s baby validates her loss. Let her know that YOU miss the baby, too, and were looking forward to getting to know him/her. Part of what makes this path so lonely is that others didn’t get a chance to know the baby like the parents did. I have appreciated any acknowledgement that Baker was a real person who lived and is missed.

And I'm sure this is obvious, please don't forget the yearly anniversary of the baby's birth/death.

Mama to brokenheart.gif Baker, lost in labor April 2008 at 41 weeks, and rainbow1284.gifAlden, born screaming July 2009, and a new sweet pea due Feb 2012

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#4 of 4 Old 07-11-2008, 02:02 PM
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Not at all... I am sure your friend will appreciate that you check in with her regularly. Many people taper off after a month or so...
so long as you allow her the space, and do not expect a response, I am sure your gestures are deeply appreciated.
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