The last few days have been really quite nice actually. I had an anger fit on Tuesday and emailed my mother, who talked me through it, so that was good to get out.
But on Monday night we went out to celebrate our friend's 30th birthday at Mexican Village, which was lovely and very therapeutic! I had a nice big strawberry daquieri (is that how you spell it?) made with real strawberries - nice!
So Tuesday was my anger fit day but then Harry came home at lunchtime and I got it out to him as well, so that made me feel better and apparently it didn't bring him down, so that was good. The rest of the day was uneventful and we watched a movie with the kids, which was nice
Wednesday...well that wasn't so bad. I saw my midwife in the evening and we planned for her to come over for a nice meal next week. We had an AWESOME conversation about all sorts of things which I enjoyed greatly. I am healing so well physically that by next week I will be totally back to normal in the uterine area, as far as she is concerned - great news! I also saw my OB in the morning who raised her eyebrows at my shrinkage! She took out this one annoying dissolvable stitch that's been sticking out of the very far left of my incision (not causing infection - just sticking out). So then my body immediately closed itself up totally and I am so much happier without that stupid stitch there! If there are foreign objects in my body, I'd like to keep them hidden, thanks!
So I slept well last night, under the crystals I've hung from our bedroom ceiling - pink and clear quartz, for healing and love. We DTD too! Hehehe...it's really, for me, so healing to do that and to express the love like that, you know? Maybe that makes me a bit masculine, but it's how I feel - it's the most affection I can come up with, you know, and I know it makes Harry feel better as well and it affirms our love for one another in the most intimate terms.
Actually in some ways I'm glad we got back to it so quickly because then reproduction and everything associated with it did not become a fear to either one of us. For me, because of the view of my body after surgery, it might have become a fear issue otherwise - now it's not, it's a joy issue!
Alright here we go, since I'm on a tangent anyway - for some I guess lovemaking and sex become more inconvenient after kids I suppose - more of a "we'll squeeze one in here and there" and a kind of chore. As a younger woman it's suppose to be all exciting and then become boring the older we get and the more our bodies change... For me it's been the opposite - now, sex and making love are so much more powerful than before - there's an enormous connection there that I'd never felt as a younger woman between people. Okay, so I am in a great relationship with a lovely man - my awesome rock - but nevertheless, I really feel that it's all taken on a new meaning now. My midwife said I looked gorgeous last night with my mommy body and I really did feel it last night - I felt like a goddess of life looking at myself in the mirror - really awesome!
I also had a conversation with my ovaries and my eggs as separate little half individuals - feeling then as though I could still talk to my body, like I had when Josie was cuddled up in there. I told them to get ready because we were going on an adventure in a few months and that one of them at least would be getting fertilized. Call me nuts but I thought lovingly about them and as though they were a crowd of beings getting ready to be sparked into life - I stroked my tummy, willing everything to heal as though it had never been cut.
All of the above is, frankly, to me, beautiful
Hope you are all having good days today and if you're not, that your crying can resolve and you'll feel at peace for at least a little while, so that you can do something lovely for even fifteen minutes and keep your beautiful, worthy bodies above the surface of this water.
One day soon, we'll all be able to touch to bottom with our feet...