If you don't EC... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Why not? I'm almost scared to post this, but I am so insanely curious, I just neeeed to know.

I am honestly not trying to start a debate or any kind of war here, I am just curious what reasons you have for not ECing. I have heard these reasons: too time-consuming/difficult (particularly if you have more than one kid), or you tried and it just didn't work for you because of your kid's personality or particular needs, obviously if you didn't hear about it in time...what else?


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#2 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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Too many distractions. I don't have time/energy to focus 100% on the baby. I have 2 other children, one is autistic (and I'm still trying to get him to deign to poop in the potty instead of his underwear. at least he only does so at home when I can easily clean him up.) And Warcraft. I don't want to give it up, although I've seriously cut back from the 5-6 day a week 5-6 hours per day after work raiding schedule. Besides, I can't get my DH (who is the SAHP) to use cloth. He'd die laughing at the idea of EC. And I still have to ensure the meals are made, laundry done, and house picked up and decent.
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#3 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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I don't have the time, energy or desire for it. I'd rather enjoy my baby without constantly watching her for potty cues, and have my family spend time with her and play with her than whisk her away during special moments between she and my son.

I commend those who have the patience and determination for it - it's just not for me.

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#4 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 12:55 PM
 
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I don't have the time or energy for it either. Sure, it's great if you only have the baby to look after, but with more than one (6 for me!), I think it would be very hard to do.

And the thought of pee in the sink, poo on everything is very gross to me. I don't think ECing makes one a better parent, and hate the insinuation that EC'ers are superior for some reason.

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#5 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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The only reason I'm not doing it is because I cannot for the life of me figure out my LO's cues. Hopefully as he gets bigger I'll be able to find a pattern.

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#6 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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I have a few reasons...
1) My own childhood while I now realize the experience I had with "infant potty training" was vastly diffrent from the Ec promoted here I still have horrible memories. I PT pretty early before I was 18 months and I was jsut ready and I grew up where it was common to start sitting itty bitty ones on the potties at very young ages.. However I was also born with an incomptant bladder one that actually required several surguries and such so while I managed to day train well I didn't for sleeping for a LOOOOONNNNG time naps nights didn't matter when my body checked out my connection to my bladder did as well. Yet this was also a time where it was assumed only the stubborn or those that required drastic measures wet past say a year... So I spent years being punished forced to go with out any liquids for obscene amounts of time ridiculed etc for wetting and this countinued till my Jr High years where my body finially caught up. The absoulte feeling of zero controll didn't matter if it was a kinda trying to help me phase or a super punitive one I just didn't have the controll made me despise anything "EC" as an adult.

2) I too had the sensory delayed child once I learned that my parents version of EC and the rest of the world was quite diffrent I did although loosly do Ec with my DD but it was quickly obvious it was jsut ttoally making me on edge that she was making zero connections and it frustrated DH.. Then we were dealing with other medical issues DH loosing his job bankrupucy and honestly life and EC jsut didn't mix anymore.

3) the compromise. I stopped trying to guess my childs patterns I became annoyingly upsessed with it and stopping parenting to dwel over her pee and poo signs So I stopped but we alos became the family that used simple cotton diapers with no covers so we could change right away we also became the parents of a very late trainer and I honestly don't think that would have changed had we stuck with EC I do see where I would have figured I failed her and thats not healthy. Insead we were able to stay calm remember all kids learn at diffrent rates and even use some EC knowlegment to ehlp her become successful when she was ready.
I am comfortable with the choice we made and will approach our next in the same way.


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#7 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think ECing makes one a better parent, and hate the insinuation that EC'ers are superior for some reason.
I don't think I made that insinuation...did I?

Ok, mess factor. Personal aversion. Great reasons, keep 'em coming.

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#8 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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I have never tried it and until I had my second I didn't even know it existed Then DD came along 21 months later and I had too much on my plate and it never really was of interest to me. I have been lucky bith of my dc have pl on there own my there second birthday. I also think a baby is a baby for such a short time why speed it up? I love diapering my babies and am always sad when they self train.

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#9 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 02:51 PM
 
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I didn't EC because I think I would have just given up anyways. After having my dd I was extremely stressed and had PPD and anything that made life even remotely more difficult just wouldn't have lasted. If she had peed/pooped on me, her clothes, the furniture I would have broke down and just put diapers on her. We don't even use cloth diapers, we use disposables. I think EC and cloth diapering are great, and I admire moms who can do it but disposable diapers really saved me. Some days it was all I could do to just get up and nurse my baby.
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#10 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 03:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I also think a baby is a baby for such a short time why speed it up? I love diapering my babies and am always sad when they self train.
As I said, my purpose here is not to debate but I did want to point out that I don't think of it that way at all. To me this is like saying, a baby is a baby for a short time, so why rush them out of their crib and into a regular bed? It makes perfect sense and I totally agree - if you accept that babies sleep in cribs to begin with, yk? When you cosleep, your baby sleeps in a regular bed, but it's not because you're rushing them out of the crib. In the same way, when you EC, your baby is "using the potty" but it's not because you're rushing them "out of diapers." To be honest, I can't really wrap my head around enjoying changing diapers to the point where you're sad when your child self-trains but since you do enjoy them that much, I think that's a valid reason to add to the list.

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I didn't EC because I think I would have just given up anyways. After having my dd I was extremely stressed and had PPD and anything that made life even remotely more difficult just wouldn't have lasted. If she had peed/pooped on me, her clothes, the furniture I would have broke down and just put diapers on her. We don't even use cloth diapers, we use disposables. I think EC and cloth diapering are great, and I admire moms who can do it but disposable diapers really saved me. Some days it was all I could do to just get up and nurse my baby.

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#11 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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I EC very part time and the reason I don't do it more is probably an issue of me being lazy. Not that it's bad not to ec, I really don't think people that do or don't are "superior" in either direction. Tt's actually something I'm interested in doing more ec, but my ds wakes up at about 5am and poops for about a half hour or so, ususally falling back to sleep some, and then we get up at 7am and change him. It doesn't upset him and waking up to potty him during that time would really disrupt me and dh. Maybe there's another way to do it but the part time ec we do works for us. DS also plays a lot on the floor independently and it's nice to be able to sit on the couch and watch him play and not look for cues that aren't very obvious (cause he's very distracted while playing)

By part time ec I mean that we try to offer him a potty-tunity after meals and before naps on the bblp. That doesn't even happen all the time though....

I think this is a really interesting thread so thanks to the OP for starting it!

Charlotte wife to B momma to Q 2/22/09
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#12 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 06:44 PM
 
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I'm too lazy! really.


also, I don't mind diapers (for the most part) so I'm not in a rush to have independently toileting little ones.

Basically, while the concept is interesting to me, I have zero interest in doing it with my own children.

ETA: oh, and cute cloth diapered bums!

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#13 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BarefootScientist View Post
I don't think I made that insinuation...did I?

Ok, mess factor. Personal aversion. Great reasons, keep 'em coming.
Maybe I read the post wrong...?

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Why would I care what the misconceptions are, if I'd never EC anyway??

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#14 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 07:31 PM
 
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My most compelling personal reason is that I have never seen anyone be truly successful with it in our culture (I live in the US). I have seen lots of people get all gung ho with it with a newborn, and then completely fall away from it when the reality of it starts in (i.e a mobile baby, or solids, or life in general). Therefore I have seen no compelling evidence that it makes life better in any way, and have in fact seen it lead to feelings of failure in parents who undertake it and then give up.

I just have way too many things that I enjoy doing that are not EC compatible, nor would any caregivers that I know of participate in EC'ing my child (I'm a SAHM, but I mean babysitters, grandparents, or childcare at my gym etc).

I use cloth diapers and am thrilled with that decision for our family. By letting my DS do his own thing he PL'd in a day with no work on our part and relatively early. That works for me, and was 100% stress free.
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#15 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 09:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe I read the post wrong...?
Um...sorry I'm confused. So are you saying I did insinuate people who EC are better? Which part of my OP?

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#16 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 09:39 PM
 
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I don't because I'm fine with diapers. He's a baby and he'll let me know when he's ready for potty time. I think it would be better too because then he'll understand how to take off his own clothes and understand his body instead of looking at me for cues and me having to teach him his cues.

I think the concept is interesting, but just not for me.

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#17 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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Brr... I think I dress DD in too many layers to make it work! lol I live in Alaska and don't keep a hot house. When we are out an about especially these days DD is often in a snow suit. I don't think that we would be quick enough at undressing her to get her to a potty.

Plus, I too love our cloth diapers. They are cute and really no trouble at all. On some level I'm interested in EC... maybe more curious but I don't really see it working for us.

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#18 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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I have no desire to, no energy to, and I know it just won't fit into my lifestyle. I know a few women IRL that do EC and while it interests me, seeing them do it just kind of confirms that it's not for our family.

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#19 of 260 Old 11-22-2009, 11:43 PM
 
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My personal theory (and that is all it is) is that EC is a lot like breastfeeding. With accurate information and adequate support, many more parents would do it.
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#20 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 05:34 AM
 
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I love the concept. I know it' basically what MANY moms in "less developed" parts of the world do today. But I think I am too distracted by my older kids and the pace of modern life to do it justice. I plan on reading up a little more on it for this babe(expected in Mar.) But with other demands, not to mention frequent moves, I'm not really optimistic.

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#21 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 10:29 AM
 
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Maybe I read the post wrong...?



Why would I care what the misconceptions are, if I'd never EC anyway??
well, because perhaps if you were informed of the *reality* of EC rather than all the misconceptions, you might change your mind.

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My personal theory (and that is all it is) is that EC is a lot like breastfeeding. With accurate information and adequate support, many more parents would do it.
this is it exactly. how many times have you heard these same exact comments about BF'ing? too hard, too time consuming, can never leave the baby with someone else, it's just not for me, doesn't fit in with my lifestyle, what would i do when i'm out of the house, i have other kids to worry about and don't have time... as Sheryl so eloquently put it, with the right information and support, lots more people would do it.
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#22 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 10:43 AM
 
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I read a ton about it before DD was born but didn't do it because I knew nothing about babies, had never been around children, and figured I'd be totally overwhelmed & didn't want to add to the stress. So, EC got tossed. She did, however, get a lot of free bum time when she was tiny, and still does. The more I think about it though, the more I don't like the idea of training someone to do something one way (use your diaper) and then changing on them a couple of years later. I'm gonna try a little more EC with DD2, hoping DD1 will get into helping & using the potty more. But I'm not gonna stress if we end up diapering more in the end.

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#23 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:06 AM
 
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well, because perhaps if you were informed of the *reality* of EC rather than all the misconceptions, you might change your mind.



this is it exactly. how many times have you heard these same exact comments about BF'ing? too hard, too time consuming, can never leave the baby with someone else, it's just not for me, doesn't fit in with my lifestyle, what would i do when i'm out of the house, i have other kids to worry about and don't have time... as Sheryl so eloquently put it, with the right information and support, lots more people would do it.
I don't think I would. I have the diaper free baby book, and have read it, but I still don't see how it's not messy & time consuming. It's not for everybody, and it doesn't make anyone a better mother for doing it.

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#24 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:09 AM
 
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well, because perhaps if you were informed of the *reality* of EC rather than all the misconceptions, you might change your mind.

this is it exactly. how many times have you heard these same exact comments about BF'ing? too hard, too time consuming, can never leave the baby with someone else, it's just not for me, doesn't fit in with my lifestyle, what would i do when i'm out of the house, i have other kids to worry about and don't have time... as Sheryl so eloquently put it, with the right information and support, lots more people would do it.
I have read about EC but I don't want to do it. I don't feel that EC has huge benefits, unlike breastfeeding. I think it is analogous to BFing in the sense that if a person does not see the point, no amount of information or support is going to alter their decision. But on a personal level, I totally see the point of BFing and therefore do it, but I don't see so many benefits to EC. This is not to say I have a problem with it, I think it's great if others enjoy it , I just don't have any motivation to do it myself. Nothing to do with perceptions that it could be messy or time consuming, I just don't feel the need or see how it could improve family life. And yes, I've read the books! I guess it just doesn't speak to me.
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#25 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:12 AM
 
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I'm a part-time EC'er. I catch as many pees/poos as I can, and let our cloth dipes catch the rest. When I don't catch, it's usually because I'm in the middle of cooking dinner, my 2 yo needs something, etc. I'm very laid back about it, and that is the only way it works for us. I can tell my little guy even feels sort of happy and proud when he's going in the potty, so it's nice to have that connection. So I do it when I can, and when I can't, it's ok. I also WOH 2 mornings a week, so my kids use sposies for the sitter usually.

It can be challenging to take the time to catch those cues and respond to them when the baby needs it. Because most of us moms are alone in our EC'ing endevours, there are moments when it can just be too much with all of the other things we are balancing.

For families who can do it full time, that's cool. Part-time works for us.

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#26 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:16 AM
 
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I have read about EC but I don't want to do it. I don't feel that EC has huge benefits, unlike breastfeeding. I think it is analogous to BFing in the sense that if a person does not see the point, no amount of information or support is going to alter their decision. But on a personal level, I totally see the point of BFing and therefore do it, but I don't see so many benefits to EC. This is not to say I have a problem with it, I think it's great if others enjoy it , I just don't have any motivation to do it myself. Nothing to do with perceptions that it could be messy or time consuming, I just don't feel the need or see how it could improve family life. And yes, I've read the books! I guess it just doesn't speak to me.

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#27 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:20 AM
 
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My personal theory (and that is all it is) is that EC is a lot like breastfeeding. With accurate information and adequate support, many more parents would do it.
I don't see how this is a fair comparision. Breastfeeding has innumerable benefits - is there really any long term benefit to ECing? Does it make baby healthier, smarter? Does it provide a connection to mom?

Maybe I am missing something, but I've never really understood the benefits of ECing. Honestly it seems kinda gimmicky to me... along the lines of "teach your baby to read." So that's why I don't do it - my baby will learn to use the potty soon enough, and I don't really want to bother with it.

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#28 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:22 AM
 
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I use the method in Diaper Free Before Three, which suggests starting at around 6 months when the baby is more able to sit up on the potty. I probably have made my own modifications to it, since I read it three babies ago.

The reasons I have been hesitant to start them off as newborns is 1) I am really very tired after giving birth and 2)I do have some very busy days where I just don't have time to watch diligently enough for their cues. I feel like I would frustrate them if I was only able to follow it on some days and not others.

I do however try to give them naked time to allow them to pee without the diaper on because I know from watching all my newborns that they really prefer it that way.

Right now my 11 month old is going potty every morning when she wakes up and about half of those times she has stayed dry overnight. Throughout the day we try to take her to the potty and give her the opportunity to go so that she learns that is the place to do it.
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#29 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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I don't see how this is a fair comparision. Breastfeeding has innumerable benefits - is there really any long term benefit to ECing? Does it make baby healthier, smarter? Does it provide a connection to mom?

Maybe I am missing something, but I've never really understood the benefits of ECing. Honestly it seems kinda gimmicky to me... along the lines of "teach your baby to read." So that's why I don't do it - my baby will learn to use the potty soon enough, and I don't really want to bother with it.
I so completely agree. The idea that people who don't EC are simply uninformed or uneducated is rather arrogant, IMO. The ability to be educated on options and make different choices DOES exist you know

I don't believe that the long term benefits to Mama and Baby from breast feeding are in any way analogous to EC'ing.
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#30 of 260 Old 11-23-2009, 12:46 PM
 
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Even when I had only one child, I was unable to focus on her enough to read her cues.

I'm grossed out by pee/poop going anywhere other than a diaper or the toilet.

Diapers make dressing them easier, especially in cold weather.

I agree with some of the above posters that while EC and breastfeeding both require a good education, and if you lined up a bunch of 18-year-olds you would not be able to tell whether or not they were EC'd or breastfed as babies--but I still think breastfeeding has clear benefits for the baby's health, and I'm not so sure EC does. I do understand, though, that if EC is working really well for you, you want to share the joy with other people--I feel the same way about cloth diapers and everyone thinks I'm nuts, so I sympathize.

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