Cloth and my MIL (Update) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 10:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have got to get this off my chest and dh just shrugs over it, so I figured you ladies would understand.

My 3.5 year old ds is not potty trained fully yet, so I have been keeping him in training pants. You all know what disposable ones cost, and the gerber ones were awful because he does not poop in the potty, so I finally convinced dh to let me get some FB trickle free trainers.

I bought 6 regular ones and 2 overnight ones because he does use the potty sometimes and this was enough for 2-3 days. This was a pretty big investment for us.

Anyway, my ds went to my MIL's to spend the night and I packed 5 of his 8 pairs to go with him just in case. She brings him back the next day WITHOUT them . Instead she brought half a pack of pull-ups.

We just moved and we are living on a very tight budget for a while. We need to get 2 weeks worth of groceries this weekend on $150, and now I have to buy disposables!! This blows our budget and p*sses me off!!!

Anyway, sorry for the vent, I just needed to let that out to people who would get it.
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#2 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 10:58 AM
 
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So where are tbey? What did she do with the trainers??

I am not very good at keeping my mouth shut when I just spent alot of $$ and I would have gone off.
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#3 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 10:59 AM
 
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can she not bring them back to you? Tough situation. You can't really say "those are pretty expensive, I need them back right now" or you get the "well, if you don't have any money how can you justify xx amount on these" blah blah blah. at least that's how it goes w/my MIL
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#4 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 10:59 AM
 
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Wait, so what did she do with them? Just keep them, or throw them away () or what? Is it possible for you to go back to her place and pick them up, or call her and explain the problem and have her drop them off at your place? I personally would be very reluctant to go buy disposables when I just spent all that money on cloth trainers! Maybe she doesn't realize how expensive they are, or it was just a misunderstanding?

I would be royally P.O.'ed, too.
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#5 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:00 AM
 
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couldn't you just go to her house and get them?
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#6 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She is out of town for the next few weeks on business. She dropped him off and left, so we didn't have a chance to get them at all. As far as I know, she just forgot them at home. I really wish we could just go get them...
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#7 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:17 AM
 
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I don't suppose your DH has a key to the house?

That totally sucks, I would be really upset.
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#8 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:51 AM
 
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i would be fuming!!!
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#9 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:56 AM
 
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I'm not sure what I would do but it might be against the law...


If anyone had my cloth though I'd be so upset, i think you should keep the receipts for any disposies you buy and tell her you want reimbursment! Explain that you can hardly afford to buy a bunch of disposable trainers when you just purchased reuasable ones. Since she didn't have the courtesy to return them, then she should be responsible for the expenses you have as a result.

then again I am very protective of my stuff so maybe it is just me!
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#10 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 11:59 AM
 
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do you have a good relationship w/her? do you think it truly was just an oversight - leaving them at home. maybe she didnt use them b/c she was a little itimidated by cloth (granted it's not rocket science - but still). Or you do you think it was sabotage.
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#11 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mthomas
do you have a good relationship w/her? do you think it truly was just an oversight - leaving them at home. maybe she didnt use them b/c she was a little itimidated by cloth (granted it's not rocket science - but still). Or you do you think it was sabotage.
Our relationship is strained at best. The woman is unstable, so I really don't know WHY she did it. She always brings him back with sposies in his diaper bag, so I think she thinks the cloth switch was a whim or done because we are poor (which is a factor). Does that make sense? She has brought him home with no underwear or diaper at all when he was really little, and we never did figure out if she just forgot to put a diaper back on him....

I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt for now, at least until I can talk to her about it.
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#12 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:07 PM
 
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Whew. I'm weird about this kind of thing so I would probably cry and then be FURIOUS. I would never be able to let it go.

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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#13 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ALso wanted to add, the woman has NO CLUE what these things cost nor what they mean to me. I can't seem to get it through to her that I don't want him in disposables at all. I send a good sized wet bag with him and explain to her that she should send them back DIRTY because I have a special wash routine, but she still doesn't understand it. We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.
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#14 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by cat_astrophe
We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.
that might wake her up a little.
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#15 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sheena
Whew. I'm weird about this kind of thing so I would probably cry and then be FURIOUS. I would never be able to let it go.
That's not weird to me, that is pretty much how I have responded. The more I think about it, the more furious I get....
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#16 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by cat_astrophe
We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.
WOW!!!

I would have gone off! And I am evil I would not let my kids go over there for a while. Like until they were teenagers unsupervised. You are the parent not her so if you bring over cloth she needs to use it on him and like it. KWIM???

I hate MILs when they do that crap!

(I am still pissed at my MIL for giving 9 month DD a saltine while she babysat the other day can you tell?)

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#17 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 01:23 PM
 
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I would be so upset. UNLESS she is just flighty. Then I would be extremely bugged. Perhaps your dh should deal with this. She needs to know that you NEED these back asap. I would call, say "sorry to bother you on your trip, but who has a key to your house and can let us in to get these? We can't go without them."

Zia+Lane+Sonora=Mi Vida Loca! :
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#18 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 01:28 PM
 
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it is time you talk to your MIL and tell her that paper is a big giant no no in your family. Before my MIL passed on from this life she was a supporter of cloth. She was always trying to get her daughter to use cloth but of SIL refused. Too much work, bad smell, you know all the dumb excuses. MIL was crunchie and so is my mom. I did not have to worry about them. My SIL's are the ones who think I am crackers.
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#19 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 01:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by yitlan
I would call, say "sorry to bother you on your trip, but who has a key to your house and can let us in to get these? We can't go without them."
That is a great idea.

Listen Ladies we Daughters-in-Law need to unite against the wicked Mothers-in-Law of the world. We need to take a stand! Are you with me?

Sarah - wife, mom to Riley 7/9/03 and Jacob 7/15/05 and Hannah 1/5/11 a successful vbac.gif
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#20 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 01:43 PM
 
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I am so lucky. My MIL either supports us or keeps her mouth shut. She may, occasionally, voice a concern, but it's always within the "it's your life and your decision" limits. I think the homebirth was received with a slightly raised eyebrow, but they accepted it and didn't make it an issue. Cloth was never an issue. Not having a crib was probably what raised the most concern, but even that was OK to deal with.

Zia+Lane+Sonora=Mi Vida Loca! :
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#21 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 01:46 PM
 
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All of these women have great ideas. This would have p*ssed me off to no end. I mean, are you raiding 2/3 of her in-use underwear? She could go buy Depends, right? ICK! EXACTLY!

I read this stuff, and I realize with all the flaws of our folks, they've never questioned our parenting choices like these. I'm so sorry.
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#22 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It has actuaaly been a couple of weeks, and I have allready tried to think of any possible way to get them back before she gets home in 2 weeks. Unfortunately, she has an alarm system, so we not only need a key, but also a code .

I am going to explain to her once and for all that these diapers are important and expensive. If she can't show some respect, she needs to back off.

I am making a shopping list now, and it p*sses me off everytime I think about it. These things are just disgusting!!! It ried to get him in the gerbers, but they hurt his legs.

Quote:
I mean, are you raiding 2/3 of her in-use underwear? She could go buy Depends, right? ICK! EXACTLY!
: Good idea!! I should go raid her underwear and leave depends!! Only prob is, these trainers cost wayyyyy more than underwear.
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#23 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 02:53 PM
 
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LOL when you go pick them up you should totally take all her undies

bwahahaha

I'm Andrea - I have three boys - 12 year old twins & an 11 year old

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#24 of 65 Old 04-22-2004, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally posted by flminivanmama
LOL when you go pick them up you should totally take all her undies

bwahahaha
And do it right in front of her and look her straight in the face and say "Lets see how you do without these for a few weeks!" Then do a few crazy twitches.

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#25 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just thought I would update you guys. We went to see MIL on saturday. As we were leaving, I asked her nonchalantly where the trainers were, and it turns out that she threw them away!!!!

I had told her NOT to wash them because they have a special wash routine and she shouldn't wash them like normal clothes, but she decided that I didn't really mean that, so she soaked them in bleach, then washed them twice with full detergent and fabric softener. She told me they smelled bad, and she had to do it. I guess they didn't like being soaked in bleach. She says she'll reimburse me. I wanted to yell "$#!@ YEAH! YOU'LL REIMBURSE ME!!"

She has no idea how much we spent on those, and she is going to flip out when I tell her. I am fully prepared for a lecture from her on how we can't afford to be buying extravagant diapers, but I will let her have it if she even goes there!

To top it all off, my ds went all last week with NO diapers at all, and then he spent Saturday night with her. She brought him home in disposable diapers again!!!!! I have to repotty train him!!!!

I can totally understand why dh's brother and his wife have NOTHING to do with this woman.
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#26 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:28 AM
 
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: That's Horrible!!! Tell her how much they were! It's maddening when people think so little of cloth and people's opinions (as in not listening to you in the first place). It wasn't her place to do anything with them in the first place :

I'm so sorry this happened to you!!!
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#27 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:34 AM
 
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The nerve of her!!!!!!!
I'd even up the price a little bit!! :LOL if you're going to get a lecture anyway-might as well get paid for your time!
Sorry you have to deal with that.
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#28 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:34 AM
 
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OMG

She freakin' threw them away!!! That so sucks....like you said now you have to deal w/telling her how much they cost. Even tho they are TOTALLY worth not having your child in icky gel, and not having to change bedsheets, not to mention that they help facilitate potty training, people think stuff like that is not economical unless the dipes are like 1.00 each, kwim? I don't even tell people how much they cost, unless they are considering converting, and even then i am really careful how I phrase things.

I just cant get over it!! she threw them away!! Then she put him back in disposables. You're MIL sounds a lot like mine. She hasnt asked to keep Connor yet and I'm dreading it b/c I don't want him going. It's a fight waiting to happen. But I know as soon as she gets him in her wench-y hands she'll be shoving mashed potatoes down his throat...b/c he's 4 months old and she fed her babies cereal from one week on...yadda yadda. I"m soooooo sorry she pulled this sh#t on you!!
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#29 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:35 AM
 
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OMG!!! That's horrible. She definitely has some control issues.

If my dh shrugged something like that off I would repurchase everything and see if he shrugged at that.

I'm sorry your MIL is such a psycho hose-beast, I would not want anything to do with her either!

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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#30 of 65 Old 05-10-2004, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Trust me, dh is not shrugging it off anymore, he is mad too. It was all he could take when DS came back this time peeing and pooping in his diapers again after all the PT struggle we have had. DS for the longest time would not use the potty on the weekends when Daddy was home, and then we would have to start over every Monday, but Saturday morning he made DH come in the bathroom and tell his poopie goodbye with him when he flushed. DH was so excited to see DS in underwear full time (even at night with no wet sheets!!), and then MIL completely undoes all our hard work in ONE NIGHT.

THen the way she just shrugged at me about the diapes and closed the door in my face while I stood there with my jaw on the floor.... DH agrees that there will be no more overnights with grandmom for a while.
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