My therapist thinks cds are a waste of time - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheena

I'm curious to hear what she has to say about it though!
Oh yes you must come back and update us on how it goes.

actually now I'm wonedering if this is maybe an issue that you and your dh should address privately prior to the session.

Would it be comfortable for you to just ask him (in a neutral and accepting way) whether he really wants to discuss cding in your next thereapy session?

He may very well say no, and then you guys together can tell your theripist that you've agreed that you'd prefer to focus on a different topic.
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#32 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:16 PM
 
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She's not your RETAIL therapist is she?? :

Cause trust me, my RETAIL therapist would have some serious talking to do with me about my fluffage.

Any other therapist could just kiss my (dry, pampered, mama-cloth lovin) hiney.

Give her a couple of depends and ask her to get back with you next week
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#33 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:24 PM
 
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You just HAVE TO tell us how the therapy goes. I can't wait to here why exactly CD is such a big issue for you therapist,
considering that most likely if she is over 30 she was CD.
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#34 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:42 PM
 
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Maybe it's not so much an issue with the cloth diapering, as it is with how much time you spend on the cd diapering boards and looking at pretty diapers? I know that sometimes I can get caught up on what's happening on these boards, that I may not spend as much time with my dh as I should. I would ask your dh if that is really bothering him.

I'm not sure if that's the case or not, just sharing what someitmes happens here in my house.
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#35 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:47 PM
 
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Oh man! Therapy to discuss CD's? That woman is insane. I could maybe understand the need to discuss excessive spending (perhaps CD related) or discussing excessive time on the computer (possibly discussing CD's), but plain ol' CDing? Whatever.

Added: I agree with the above poster Beth. We posted at the same time, so I didn't see her post.

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#36 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 04:56 PM
 
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I'd be irritated too!
It seems your dh must've brought it up at one point to the therapist. I like the suggestion of turning to your dh and asking him in front of the therapist if it's an issue with him. Put him on the spot.
Good luck!

Oh, and I'd probably just say "I feel very strongly about cd'ing" and not go into all the reasons. People who don't understand might just argue the points with you. They wouldn't get it even if you explained it.
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#37 of 57 Old 07-09-2004, 05:06 PM
 
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Why does she wear bikini underwear instead of thongs? WTH? How is that any of her business? You choose to put cloth diapers on your child (which involves laundering) instead of disposables (which involves wasted MONEY and extra trips to the store, coupon cutting, searching for sales...). There are environmental and health reasons--that recent study about testicular cancer. That's just plain weird IMO. Now don't tell me you dare to cook a meal every once in a while instead of choosing the clearly more convenient option of McDonald's 24-7. I mean, they serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
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#38 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimberlylibby
She's not your RETAIL therapist is she?? :

Cause trust me, my RETAIL therapist would have some serious talking to do with me about my fluffage.

Any other therapist could just kiss my (dry, pampered, mama-cloth lovin) hiney.

Give her a couple of depends and ask her to get back with you next week
Oh my god, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

No, it's not a time-online problem (I mostly do that at work *yikes*). Dh keeps bringing up the diaper laundry as an issue and I KEEP telling him I don't spend hours doing it - its ALL the laundry I spend hours doing.

I'd talk to him about this on my own but that's why we're seeing a therapist - we fight every time we try to talk about anything even vaguely contentious.

I lied, it's two weeks from now we see her again. BUt I'll definately let you know how it goes.

I you all for all your suggestions and support. Can't get this at the sposie store.
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#39 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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If it were me, I would bring in a sposie, and your *nicest* piece of fluff. Ask her which she would rather wear on her butt. Then tell her it's about your son's health and it's not up for debate and change the subject.

Let us know how it goes!
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#40 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 02:07 AM
 
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I can think of 4000 other reasons dh and I need couple therapy, my using cloth isn't one of them. Since your dh isn't using sposies he must be somewhat supportive right? My dh won't deal with cloth at all, but he isn't a diaper person in general. I would ask the therapist why she even brought this up or I would talk to your dh and tell him you want his honest opinion so you can work through whatever is bugging both of you.
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#41 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 02:14 AM
 
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Ok here is what I think. you tell Dh if he feels you are spending too much time doing laundry, maybe he needs to help out That's what I did with mine.
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#42 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 02:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TOmomma
Dh and I are are seeing a couple therapist and things are going very well, but next week she wants to have a discussion about cds and why I use them (!) since my dh isn't thrilled about them.
Wow. That's something I've never heard before. I'd be seething if that were me. (where's the 'seething' smilie?)

Well, if your dh thinks you're spending too much time doing (diaper) laundry, can you take a stopwatch and time how long it takes to toss them in and fold them? Then do the same for the clothes, towels, sheets, etc. Off the top of my head, I'm guessing it takes longer to iron and hang up or put away shirts/pants/dh's crunchy underwear/etc. than fold diapers. At least it does for me (although I don't have a crunchy underwear problem with dh).

I agree with pp; ask your dh point blank in the session why this is even an issue. I also agree that trying to explain it to the therapist probably wouldn't be worth your time/money. Or you could say the only other option is letting your ds go without a diaper; if your dh or therapist wants to chase after your ds with a mop all day every day. But that might not go over well.

Good luck!

Lanna

Wife to an amazing hubby, mother hen to four chicken3.gif 
(If you're curious, 2003, 2006, 2008, 2010, and yes, it's a busy house)
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#43 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 03:16 AM
 
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The other advice was good, but I would add "if you want to know about modern diapering, I would be glad to share the info with you, but not on the clock" or some such. I could be she is curious and using it as an excuse to hear about it.

I would think the thearapist was nuts unless it is the symptom for another core issue....I would have a hard time not laughing.

Mom to 10yo Autistic Wonder Boy and 6yo Inquisitive Fireball Girl . December birthdays.

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#44 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 04:45 AM
 
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I'm going to espouse a very unpopular viewpoint and say that the therapist may be right. Not that a diapering choice has anything to do with the health of a marriage, but that thinking about, talking about, buying, and so on may be becoming too important to you. (Here throughout I use the collective you, not the OP in particular.)

I mean, face it, if you've found this board and post on it even infrequently, diapering has a pretty high priority in your life. Washing may only take 15 minutes a day, but how about reading this board? Posting? Shopping? Thinking or scheming about the stash and how to revamp it to perfection? You can be just as kind to baby skin and just as good to the environment using prefold and proraps and never thinking another thought about it. But it becomes addicting, and if a marriage is in trouble quite often the addictions, even the harmless ones, must be purged.

If your husband was obsessed with golf, say, spent two hours a day talking to golf buddies and played nine holes every weekend, that's a perfectly healthy, even health-full (because of the exercise) habit. But if his marriage is on the rocks, he'd better give up golf and quick.

There is no question in my mind that cloth diapering *in and of itself* should have nothing but a helpful effect on a marriage. But can you give up all the accoutrements? Can you stop reading this or any other board, stop shopping, pare yourself down so that the only time you're spending is really that extra 15 minutes of wash? If you can, and if you then put that same effort into building your marriage (good grief, think about what relationships we'd all have if every minute we spent on this board could be spent with our husbands!), you may find that "giving up cding" (not the practice, just the obsession) really does improve your marriage.

There's also the fact that the therapist has picked up on cloth diapering being an issue. If it WASN'T an issue, it would never even have been brought up. If a couple mentions power tools, a good therapist realizes that it may very well be an issue in their marriage, even though there's nothing inherently wrong with power tools. But most couples would never even think of them, much less talk about them in therapy, so if they come up it's a red flag. And most couples would never mention diapering practices. So I think it's entirely legit for the therapist to try to figure out if it's a stumbling block to the relationship. If it's not, great. But there's three pages, almost sixty posts, of intense emotion showing that most of us wives do indeed hold it extremely dear to our hearts. If it starts to become more dear, in any way, than our marriages, then I HOPE therapists bring it up.
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#45 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 04:53 AM
 
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WOW, Joanna. Thought provoking. I'm going to log off now and go spend time time with my sweetheart.

Married to my high school sweetheart. We have four awesome kids.
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#46 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 05:21 AM
 
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There's also the possibility that cd just represents a whole bunch of other child rearing choices that the dh is concerned about.
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#47 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 08:42 AM
 
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Well said Joanna
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#48 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 09:07 AM
 
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[QUOTE=TOmomma]Dh thinks I spend too much time doing diaper laundy (every three days?!?! is that too much??) and I guess too little time pandering to his every whim and massaging his feet.

QUOTE]

Do you really pander to his every whim and massage his feet, or are you exaggerating? DH doesn't sound like the "put another log on the fire/wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans" type. But he may be missing some of the attention that you now pay to Baby.

Sounds like DH feels a bit neglected but is reluctant to voice his feelings to you. After all, a mother is *supposed* to be totally devoted to her child and a "good" husband totally supports her devotion, right? Address that issue and skip the red herring of cloth diapers' health and environmental benefits.

It's not unusual for a newborn baby to cause a bit of anxiety and jealousy among spouses. My wife was the center of my universe until Tony was born. Then things changed. I started calling Tony by the pet name I'd previously reserved for Jane, for instance. That made her uncomfortable.
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#49 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 09:30 AM
 
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That is so crazy! Tell the meddlesome wench that it is your business. Tell her that switching to sposies isn't even an issue unless she wants to switch and wear disposable plastic underwear all the time and report back to you how they feel. Then you'll think about it!

Laura
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#50 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 10:18 AM
 
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ITA agree with Joanna. Please don't go into this discussion on the defensive. Obviously it is something your dh has *real* feelings about (or it wouldn't have come up) and no ones feelings should be so quickly dismissed.
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#51 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 10:34 AM
 
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While I'd be tempted to tell her I don't want to spend my therapy $$ talking diapers, I wouldn't approach this like you are under attack. I don't think either one of them are attacking you for something you enjoy (cd) or for having a hobby (shopping for said CD's). I also don't think 'giving up' things you enjoy is going to make ANYone happy. Feeling like he is being heard/understood may make your DH acknowledge that the dipes are not an issue but something he is blaming for an underlying issue.

I say if it helps your relationship, being able to discuss smaller issues, dealing with bigger things will get easier too.

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#52 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 10:36 AM
 
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May I make a suggestion that has absolutely nothing to do with cloth diapering? You said that it takes too much time to get all the laundry done - including the diapers. Do you feel overwhelmed/stressed out by your housework in general? I used to feel that way. I could never get caught up with it all, I was grouchy, dh was grouchy. Dh resented having to come home from work to a messy house - I resented that he didn't help out more. It was hard for me to get housework done with two high-needs little ones (my two are 16 months apart) running around. I was trying to run my own piano studio too. I just felt overwhelmed and it totally affected our marriage. Things that should not have been an issue at all became an issue.

What helped for me and my sanity, and the sake of our marriage was joining www.flylady.net. This group sends out e-mails that helps you get rid of the clutter and chaos in your home and life. Housework is still work, but she helps you get it done in a timely, less stressful, even slightly fun manner. Dh and I also sat down and figured out who was going to do what jobs around the house. We actually wrote it down. There was less resentment almost immediately because He wasn't assuming/expecting that I would do it, and I wasn't hoping that he would. Dh cooks dinner most nights, he likes to cook, I don't, he vacuums, he makes the beds. I still do all the laundry, including diapers, but now I have a system/routine and don't feel so overwhelmed by it all. The little bit of extra laundry that cloth diapers make is not an issue anymore. We are working together to get the work done- we have more time for each other.

I just thought I would bring this up just in case you are having a similar experience that we were. The issue may not even be the cloth diapers and maybe your therapist knows that and wants to get to the root of it all.

Angie
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#53 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 05:58 PM
 
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We have some very wise people here...

and I agree with a lot of the opinions and the very thought provoking ideas presented, (even it they seem to contradict each other) CD is a choice and on the one hand it does seem a silly thing to talk about, but we can all admit it can become an absorbing hobby as well. And I do think its is healthy to be able to be absorbed into an activity, or have hobbies that really engage you. Its always seemed baffling to me to not be able to engage in hobbies.

On the other hand any activity, however benign, can be taken to the extreme. In which case, its not the activity in question but why one feels the need to take it to the extreme. And I am not in any way suggesting that this is what you are doing at all. Just that, well, there may be something else underneath the "CD issue". Others here have said it much better than me, so I won't belabour the point.

I do hope everything goes well for you.
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#54 of 57 Old 07-10-2004, 06:39 PM
 
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I just dont see CDing taking up so much extra time, I mean it's not like you (we) sit there and WATCH the diapers in the washing machine! You throw a load in then off to do something else, throw them in the dryer or on the line and off to do something else. Pull from the dryer or line ahhhhh my fav part!
I mean what's that 20 minutes tops total time, every 3 days???
Stay firm I think if I was told to quit, I'd be upset, it's one of the things I about raising my baby
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#55 of 57 Old 07-29-2004, 11:52 AM
 
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So, what happened at your therapy session?
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#56 of 57 Old 07-29-2004, 03:06 PM
 
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Oh yeah I want to know also!
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#57 of 57 Old 07-29-2004, 03:30 PM
 
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Unless there's some outrageous money issue, I don't see how this is pertinent to a relationship therapist?

I would probably consider changing therapists if it were me, because I wouldn't want to wait around and see what he/she has to say about what type of mama pads I use, or what other underwear items my family has.
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